My first real love was someone I met right after I graduated from high school and took up a job in the human city a thirty minute drive from my pack. He was not someone I thought I could see myself with, for he was carefree and I was calculated. We met during a rainstorm within a coffeehouse, our conversation carrying on for hours as I felt like I was in a romantic comedy. He was funny, full of life, and everything I thought I never needed to look for in a partner. Yet he was pure blood human, something my pack would scoff at and have me packing my bags. That boy, barely a year older than me, and both of us barely experiencing the true world...he was the one who showed me my demeanor of being calculating and never carefree was something I should let go of from time to meet. 

Our six month love story ended with him going off to college and me being left behind at my pack to carry on with life the way it had to be. My parents were glad to see him leave, for they too were tradition in a sense they never wanted to see their daughter with a human - but now I know it was also because of who I was in my blood. I learned to be happy on my own, not ever meeting someone like Sam, not meeting someone who brought out the excitement and adventure in life. But then I met him. 

I met River and for a moment, just for a moment, I felt as if he was pulling out that carefree side of my life and reminding me of the joy life can bring with letting go of everything which holds you down. River has made me forget logic, for I have allowed us to grow close even though we are pulling farther apart every day. 

I need to hold myself more accountable, for I cannot allow myself to be careless with the very man I am fighting over a crown for. The last time I spoke with River was two weeks ago when we had our short meeting followed by a moment of intimacy. I feel as if he has taken away my dignity - as if my respect for myself has been lost as I allowed myself to sleep with the very man I am going to war with. 

These alphas who surround me, they have agreed to fight for me, to even die for me...yet I betrayed their trust and slept with River and have kept that piece hidden from them except one redhead alpha. These alphas who surround me tonight, who brush elbows with one another, exchange statistics, political agenda, and so much more, I feel as if I have betrayed them as their leader. A Queen does not allow herself to have such moments of weakness, a queen knows what is important to not just her, but her subjects as well. I need to make decisions based on those around me, not whatever my ovaries are screaming. 

"It is as if comparing troop numbers is equal to comparing dick size," Penelope remarks, causing me to choke on the air I breath as she comes up to me. 

We overlook the small party below having gathered in Alpha Yusuf's pack house. Two new alphas join us tonight with their most trusted advisors, greeting their new allies as I know they will come to find me eventually. "Politics can get personal," I comment, glancing towards the auburn alpha as she flicks her hair over her shoulder. 

"You don't need to tell me." 

I know she is referring to River and myself. I need to start acting like a true queen, but I also know I should not be so harsh on myself for what I have done yet. I am no queen yet - for no crown sits on my head - but I need to win back my own respect. 

"Have you met Alpha Mathis yet?" I shake my head no. "Cheeky little thing. Barely in his late twenties and he thinks he runs this show. I would watch out for him."

"And the other Alpha? Alpha Finch?" 

"Sly and cunning. Neither of them have a Luna though. Perhaps they will try and change that tonight." 

"If they have any respect for themselves, they would not throw themselves at me," I argue, shaking my head at the thought of these two alphas becoming prospects for a suitor. 

Penelope chuckles, taking a sip of her chardonnay. "I know who you have your eye on, Leala, ad trust me, you would be better off with someone from this crowd. That family is no the best suited for a crown, much less making decisions." 

"He seems to be turning it around. He runs a respected pack."

"You are just saying that," Penelope debates, "Leala, please, we all saw what he was like when our allegiance still lied with Eternal Shadows. He missed endless meetings he should have attended, he brushed off war business to deal with family drama and romantic drama. He pack is half elf...who do you think is really running the show?" 

Penelope leaves me alone with her last question hanging in the air. Could there be a chance River is not running the show at all? I know his pack is half elf, but he was raised in an elven realm, Keva taking him under his wing from before he could talk. Is there a chance Keva could be running the show and pulling the strings? She did try to convince me to marry him before we even knew one another, telling me to accept his next and last proposal. I should not rule any situations out just yet. Keva does know Asger...but she would not have tried to kill me if she wanted me to marry River so badly and give me hints to be some strong alpha. 

Both Penelope and my grandmother have warned me to trust no one. 

Looking back below to the small gathering, I take in a deep breath and begin my descent as my heels click against the wooden stairs. I do not know what to think of these two new alphas yet, but I will take Penelope's words as a warning. Alpha Mathis replaced Alpha Ryker as Finch replaced Vaughn. Both packs agreed to follow me into battle as they could not start from scratch. 

I play with the ends of my tweed jacket, trying to suppress my nervous habits as I walk into the small sea of people, offering warm lopsided smiles to those who glance and greet me. Yusuf stands by the bar, ordering another whiskey as he chats with his beta. "Lovely to see you again, Alpha Leala," Yusuf greets, his beta going off into the crowd to find his husband as we are left alone. 

"Thank you for hosting." 

We both knew we could not host this gathering at my pack, for the attack which killed Ryker and Vaughn took place within my house where this party could have been held. It would have been disrespectful at the least. 

"Tell me, how many women in your pack are warriors." I raise an eyebrow at his question. "Alpha Mathis and I have a bet going on whose pack has the most women warriors."

"Why should it matter? A warrior is a warrior." 

Alpha Yusuf stares at me, asking for a response as I roll my eyes. "Almost one third of my warriors are women. Why?" 

"My pack is composed of about a little less than that. Mathis' pack has a fifth of their warriors female - same goes for Finch - but Alpha Penelope has only fifteen women warriors. Why would such an Alpha have the least number of female warriors?" 

"Ask her yourself." 

 "Penelope fought against your mother and witches in the last war. She had many female warriors - hell - almost half of them were." 

"Enlighten me as to why this is a bet." 

"Witches are made, not born. Sorceresses are born."

"One could argue both are made and born," I raise to debate, glancing around the sea of people to try and find a way out of this. 

"Those women warriors did not die on the battlefield, Leala. They just disappeared."

"Are you suggesting that the witches ate the werewolves?" I mock, laughing as I try and calm my nerves which have begun to build up. 

"I am suggesting that those women left Penelope's pack and learned witchcraft." 

"Don't drink anymore, Alpha Yusuf, we have guests to attend to," I state, leaving Alpha Yusuf alone at the bar as I leave with my hand holding a large glass of red wine. Pressing the rim of the glass to my red lips, I glance across the faces to find the two alphas who have joined our fight. To think Yusuf believes the women who went missing in Penelope's pack became witches, it makes me laugh. Yet Yusuf raises a good question, for how did that many women from Penelope's pack just disappear? 

Pushing the preposterous thoughts to the back of my head,  I weave around the crowd and meet a pair of icy blue eyes. "Alpha Leala, what a pleasure to finally meet you. I am Alpha Mathis." 

Alpha Mathis stands at average height and has an athletic build, a head of thick blond hair, and pointed nose which reminds me of a witch from a child's book. Greeting the Alpha, I shake his hand and allow him to drag me along for a conversation in the next room. The way he holds himself, walks around people, and seems to talk down to me, I can see why Penelope was not a fan. It makes sense he would take Alpha Ryker's position. "You have a strong set of advisors." 

I thank the alpha, finding his comment strange as we sit across from one another in a small sitting room. "I was hoping our advisors could meet in a more formal setting after tonight, as we will all be working together," I proceed, looking to Alpha Mathis as he does not meet my gaze, but rather allows his eyes to wander. "All our packs will be working closely until this war is over." 

"I would hope someone like you, especially so young, would have a strong set of advisors. I was disappointed to hear about Oliver." 

"Oliver paid for his mistakes," I comment, wanting to shift the conversation away from where I see this going. "Now-"

"As I heard. I would hate to be the person who betrays Leala Maxwell. My parents would not like to see my body separated and head missing when I am burred. Where did that head go?" 

"That has nothing to do with you." 

"Was the head a present to whoever he worked with or is it kept on your desk?" 

"This is not an appropriate conversation."

"I am just wanting to know who I have pledged my loyalty to here, Leala-"

"Alpha Leala," I correct, growling as I do so. I watch Mathis' eyes widen at the magnitude of my growl, his lips pursing together as he holds in his next comment. "As I have said before, I hope for our advisors to meet tomorrow. As for our conversation, I believe it has run its course." 

Getting to my feet, I leave Mathis behind in the dim room as I understand exactly why Penelope did not like him at all. But we need his men and he knows it damn well. Taking in a deep breath, I push my hair behind my ears and ready myself to go back into the party. I can hear laughter from the room, a prominent voice orchestrating the sound from the crowd. 

Entering into the room, I watch as one male with chestnut brown hair guides the audience through a captivating story. Glancing towards Brie and Cedric, I look to see their eyes glued to the man with chestnut hair, smiles across their faces as they laugh with the crowd. I look back to the man in control of the situation, his dark blue eyes - almost mirroring the depths of the ocean - glancing across the crowd and landing on me with a certain fixation. 

The story comes to an end, laughter spreading across the room in waves as the joke and story are complete and the man steps down from his position. Standing by the edge of the room near the exit, I take another glass of wine from a waiter going around with a tray full of them. As I press the glass to my lower lip and gently raise the glass to drink the sweet white wine, the ocean blue eyes seem to glide across the room and come closer to me. I feel as if I am the prey and my predator is nearing me as I do not dare budge. Perhaps it is because I do not want to move, for his eyes cause me to stand still, or perhaps I feel like meeting this man could cause me to earn back that dignity I had lost. 

"Alpha Leala, I was wondering when I would have the fortune to meet such a beautiful ally." 

"Alpha Finch," I greet, taking a guess as I watch the man acknowledge my guess to my correct. "I was waiting to meet you." 

The new alpha stands a foot from me, eyes meeting mine as his strong build seems to swallow me whole. "I must ask, Alpha Leala, how does someone as beautiful as you have no suitor yet? No mate? Potential King?"

"Let me guess, you want to toss your hat into the running?" I ask, my voice a tad sarcastic as I fear this alpha may very well want to try and leverage some power by getting close to me. 

"I would rather win the respect of the woman I want to see as my queen. Respect comes with higher reward."

"And what reward would that be?" I ask, watching as a smirk appears across Finch's face. 

"You will have to find out then, won't you." Clinking his glass against mine, the two of us take a sip of our wine. "Can I offer you a dance?" 

"There is no dance floor."

"We can make our own." 

"I have two left feet."

"I have two right feet. We suit one another very well," Alpha Finch argues, trying to get me to say yes. "There are always a million reasons to not do something. Just think of the one reason worth doing it."

"I would make a complete fool of myself."

"We would both be fools unless we embrace the moment. Others will follow in our steps, just let me show you." 

Sighing, I roll my eyes and agree to Alpha Finch. Smiling, the Alpha takes my glass and places it down on a table beside us. My hand in his, Finch places his other hand at the small of my back and mine of his shoulder as he pulls me effortlessly to the floor. Swaying to the beat of the music, I can feel eyes on us as a small circle opens up for us. "See, you know how to dance."

"I know how to find the rhythm of the song," I correct, looking around to see a few others beginning to join in. 

"As long as it makes you happy, is that not what matters?" 

"That is a dangerous mindset."

"Just live in the moment for tonight, Alpha Leala. I swear you will glow by the end of it." 

Another song comes on and I watch Brie as she takes Alpha Yusuf's hand. Finch and I fade away in a small crowd of others dancing, laughter erupting as a once serious party has turned into one of joy within a matter of minutes. 

Glancing up to the alpha who holds me close to him, I roll my head back to get a good look at the tall alpha, his jawline sharp, strong nose, thick eyebrows, and curly chestnut hair combed back. Alpha Finch is someone who has pulled me in, shown me the fun which can be found in a boring night, and makes me question if he would be so bad to work with. Could he help me forget about River? 

Penelope told me he seemed cunning. Penelope has told me to trust no one. I do not need to trust Finch to not have a good time though. 

With the closing of my eyes, one moment I am dancing to upbeat classical music with a Latin twist, and the next I am swinging my leg off and falling onto my bed with sheets tanged around my waist. Breathing heavily, I look up to the ceiling of the guest bedroom Alpha Yusuf gave me, my skin glimmering with sweat as I glance to the side. 

"I really needed to let loose," I comment as a way of thanking him. Turning my head back up to the ceiling, I arch my back and stretch out, my body finally feeling ready for some sleep as a heavy arm reaches around and grabs onto my side, pulling me into a strong chest. Lips brush across my ear as his hair falls onto the side of my face, legs becoming tangled together as I allow my eyes to softly close. "You don't have to stay." 

"I would like to if you do not mind." 

"And if you leave my room in the morning and someone notices? I do not want gossip circulating." 

"Play off of the drama," he comments, propping himself up on his elbow as he looks down to me. "Everyone knows that someone who wants the crown, they are more supported when they have a partner picked out. In case of, well...death and all." 

"I am not wanting to pick a partner," I state, my voice firm. "I should not be rushed by those who support me either." 

"I understand. It is just a way to play off the gossip which could circulate." 

"Or I could say say that I wanted some sex and should not be judged for something everyone else does." 

Finch nods, understanding what I mean as we both know no one has the right to judge me for my sexual adventures. "Sexuality is a complex subject and it is not up for anyone to assume things about me or what I like. I do not want those types of people support me and I believe I have the right people backing me." 

"I agree. Alpha Penelope is a strong ally. River should envy your alliance." 

He does, for I saw the way he reacted when Penelope stated her allegiance to me and not him. 

Getting up, I push the sheets off and head for the closet, grabbing the pajamas I have hung up. Pulling the silky material over my head and buttoning up my oversized shirt, I glance over to Finch who has the sheets pooled around his waist. As I exit the closet, I grab his clothes on the way over, tossing him his shirt and pants as he seems shocked. "I could use the night to myself now." 

"I respect that," he comments, pulling on his clothes as I sit at the foot of my bed and braid my hair. "Should you change your mind...my door is five doors down." 

Alpha Finch offers me a warm smile as he leaves the room, shutting the door quietly behind him as I fall back onto the bed and grab a handful of my sheets, stressed with the situation I have just put myself in.

Finch reminds me of my first love, of the man who was carefree and showed me a different side of life. I was happy to feel that again tonight, to be carried off into a night of dancing and laughter as I forgot about everything else. I allowed myself to fall back into a carefree life and be whisked away by a charming man all over again. But as the night comes to a close, I remember why I could never have worked out with my first love, why I never could become so carefree...for he would leave me screaming in agony and annoyance at the thought of what I had just allowed myself to do. I hate myself when I throw away the rules and allow myself to be carried away as my pride and high expectations of myself are thrown out the window. 

River did not leave me like this when he left. River did not make me regret what I had just done or make me feel as if I had to throw away parts of who I was just to enjoy his company. But River is out of reach now and I have to accept that. 

<><>

"We attack from the eastern boarder, where there is a smaller force of warriors." 

"It would give Edward a chance to circle around us. The eastern boarder is full of steep terrain." 

"So then we have another set of troops approach from the North, right where Edward keeps his troops congested. Have the attack on the east lure warriors out and we attack those remaining in the North." 

"Edward would expect some kind of distraction," Yusuf argues with the others, everyone circling the conference room  table as I sit at the head, a headache splitting my skull apart from these past hours contained in one room. Our conversation went from simply introductions, to pack statistics, to war strategies of who to attack first and how. At first they argued Alpha Emmitt's pack would be best, but then decided on Edward due to his long distance from River and Emmitt's packs. 

"Edward would expect many things. We should put all of our efforts towards his pack and taking it as our own. We need to attack with brute force and claim our-"

"Brute force means our men will also perish. Can we really sacrifice that many?" Finch raises to question, looking around to all the other alphas in the room, his eyes settling on me last as the memories of last night are brought back to my mind. "Alpha Leala?" 

I was once part of Evercrest Ridge and the thought of attacking the pack I grew up in and the people I grew up with, it all makes me feel wrong. I feel like I am doing a disservice to the people who helped mold my childhood, but this is war and I knew that Edward and I on opposed sides means someone will attack the other. The people I went to school with fight for Edward now and though they may have been my friends, I will be calling an attack which could end their lives. 

"Evercrest Ridge has a weakness on the Northern boarder," I announce, pulling the attention towards myself as I rise to my feet and look down to the map we have placed across the conference table. "There is a river past the tree line behind the pack house. This river is wide and deep, filled with sharp rocks and currents. Past the river lies a cliff of at least twenty feet. We should not attack the pack house from the North, for we could find ourselves pushed into the river or off a cliff." 

Grabbing a small crimson rectangle from the side of the map, I place it before the pack house. "If we are able to fight our way on the eastern front and draw out warriors then attack the pack house, those warriors would immediately return to the pack house to surround us." 

"So we need to attack the pack house rather than the surrounding land? To attack at the stronghold and push them into the river and off the cliff?" Mathis clarifies. 

"I know attacking a stronghold is not favorable, but it is a way to keep us from being surrounded."

"What of the warriors not located in the pack house?" Penelope asks. "They will come to fight us."

"We will have a second troop - smaller, but still strong - and they will come in after to clear out the warriors. Another troop should be just past pack territory to wait for anyone running from Evercrest. The second troop which comes in should then separate and go to the sides of the north to ensure the warriors do not run off."

I try and represent my strategy visually, the first and largest crimson shape placed before the pack house, two smaller pieces behind and flanking right and left, and then a third to show extra troops just behind pack lines. "It is a way to circle the warriors and either force them to waive their white flag or to fall to their fate." 

Penelope picks up one of the spare crimson pieces, examining the shape as she glances over to me. "What happens when we win? Do we designate troops to Edward's pack?" 

"Edward has sworn his allegiance to River. He will not go down without a fight and  I expect him to fall on his sword before we can have a talk with him. We should designate men to attend to Evercrest Ridge to keep order and fly our flag." 

I never would have expected myself a year ago to be attacking my old pack, nor thinking the alpha I spent so much of my childhood praising would be someone I could be killing. 

"I can send one hundred men into battle," Finch announces. "I would be proud to fly Crimson Lock's flag into battle."

"It is not just my flag," I argue, thinking back to the flag which was sewn and completed almost a week ago. Each of these alphas have that flag flying on their pack land and I feel proud to see the crimson and silver flag bearing the crest of my father's ancestors when they first created Crimson Lock. "We all fly it. It is not just mine." 

"I can offer fifty men," Yusuf pitches in, others following as we know we will need more men for this battle as we are attacking a stronghold - the pack house. Terrance was the Gamma of Evercrest Ridge, my own adoptive father showing me the ropes of his job, the strength and weaknesses of his pack. I doubt Terrance ever expected his daughter to use that knowledge to attack Evercrest. 

With our troops gathered and plan set, Penelope asks the one dreaded question of when to attack. "It should be sooner than later. Every minute we stand waiting they could be marching over." 

"When could all of our men get to Crimson Lock and prepare?" 

Everyone states their estimated date as my heartbeat races and my fingers feel tingly. I never expected that the end of the week would bring about the first real battle of this prolonged war. Taking in a deep breath, I acknowledge the plan. "Then we shall attack at dusk this coming Saturday." 

<><>

My fingers hover over the glowing keyboard, eyes looking to the previous conversation which came to a halt the last time we spoke. I was used to an exchange of words every few days, but now all I get is radio silence. Every morning I wake up tempted to call, to text, or to just hope he perhaps messaged me by accident - yet I know we cannot continue any form of communication like this. 

River acknowledged that as well, for when he drove off and left me alone on the cold marble of the throne, I saw his last message telling me we needed to stop this chemistry between us. He told me what we were doing was too dangerous and would have great consequences ahead. I agreed, but I did not reply back. I told him that day we could possibly kill one another on that battlefield where the war could come to an end for one of us. We both know we cannot continue talking to one another no matter how much I long to hear his voice or see those golden eyes. 

"How are you feeling?" 

"Stressed," I reply, Cedric taking a seat beside me as I put my phone away. "I have never been in battle. I have never organized a battle." 

We both look ahead to the troops beginning to settle and make camp outside the pack house. Men and women pitch their tents, some eat their dinner, and some practice combat as they either shift into their wolves or are in human form. Seeing everyone here, it makes my throat dry and my head spin. 

"You have a great deal of support behind you. Do not be so harsh on yourself." 

"I never expected myself to do such a thing," I mutter, glancing to his green eyes. "I never thought I could be leading troops into battle." 

"Well, you will be an onlooker. No one expects you to go in and fight," Cedric tries to calm me down, "no one expects alphas to do such a thing." 

"Penelope and Mathis will be going in with the first wave to the stronghold. Finch will be going in with the second. Yusuf and I will just be back watching the attack. How can I just sit from afar and watch these men die for me without me risking my own life for this cause like they are?" 

Cedric understands my concerns, looking away from me and back out to the warriors. "If you want to fight, no one will stop you, but you have to understand you do not have traditional training unlike everyone else. Penelope, Mathis, and Finch all had training so they are fighting." 

"I am trying to do the best that I can, but I feel as if it will never be enough," I whisper, running a hand through my hair. 

"Everyone feels that way. If we are never enough for ourselves, then how can we appreciate and respect ourselves?" Cedric raises to question. "I am afraid I must be off, Leala, I have some business to attend to." 

Cedric leaves me alone once more in the silence of my thoughts as I think back to his words. He is right in that if I feel like I am never enough, then I will never respect myself. I need to respect myself to become a strong queen and respecting myself means forgetting about River.