song inspo:

moral of the story - ashe

before you go - lewis capaldi

high school sweethearts - melanie martinez

what if i told that i love you - ali gatie

stuck with u - ariana grande & justin bieber

alone together - fall out boy

chapter 30

"And the fact that Adams is letting her get away with missing class? Like, what's with that?" I point out in frustration.

"Mm," Jake mumbles before answering, "That day she ran out of class, she was actually heading to guidance. And then I think she went home. Counselor must've excused her since she was being harassed and whatnot. However, Ray didn't wanna name names, that's why she's not taking extreme action."

It had been nearly a week since me and Ray last spoke. Nearly a week since she closed the door on me, both physically and metaphorically. But I tried not to worry so much. With graduation coming up around the corner, I was bound to see her. In fact, it was in just a few days.

It was difficult for the most part. The more effort I put into trying to contact her, the more effort she put into shutting me out, blocking me out in every possible way she could find. I don't blame her, at all. But I feel like shit. I hated this feeling. I couldn't fight it.

"I just don't know why I cared so much, I was careless knowing she hated me, then. Now? Like, fuck," I grunt, walking back and forth across the wooden floors of Jake's room, eating our takeout McDonald's, or at least he was, as he sat back listening to my tyrant. "I have the courage to drive to her house and wait. I had the guts to throw my own reputation out the window which doesn't phase me a single bit; yet the second I see her, I clam up? What the hell is that? What's with me?"

"Maybe-"

"Maybe she's better off without me. Like you said, I put her through this before. Granted, she became a whole new person but..." I huff, crossing my arms as I look down at my feet. "I just don't know why this bothers me so much."

I look at Jake who's watching me with a raised brow. "Don't know what to tell you, man. You guys clearly got close during that trip. Something must've made you feel... guilty? And perhaps your closeness with Ray triggered something in Mikaela to come up with that, erm... lie about you and Ray at the bonfire?"

Um...

Okay, so maybe I still didn't tell Jake what went on during the trip. And it's not that I didn't want to. But, I don't know. I guess at the time I was ashamed of people knowing that I was hooking up with someone I threw under the bus. Or how people would look at her a certain way if they found out. That... and I also think I didn't want anyone to know and try to replace me.

What?

No, what the hell is wrong with me?

I shake my thoughts away and look at Jake who's looking at me with expectant eyes.

"Um... technically speaking, I, uh..." I can't even look Jake in the eye as I try to confess to him. It's hard, especially with that cold, hard stare he has on me, "So, Mikaela wasn't lying. Ray and I were... you know, we were kinda in the heat of the moment. You know, before she walked in on us. Not that she was walking in anything, I mean, we were literally dead smack in the middle of the forest or whatever. In fact, me and Ray hooked up a couple times... back on the trip..."

It's quiet, way too quiet. And for some reason, I'm in agony wanting to but desperately trying to avoid his gaze.

The fact that he's not saying anything frustrates me. Like, just judge me already! I know he's dying to. I talked so poorly of Ray, I trashed her constantly. Made her life hell and yet... he's quiet?

When I look up at Jake, he's watching me with bored eyes. I furrow my eyebrows at him in confusion. Why does he look... unsurprised? Uninterested?

"Uh... Jake-"

"Dude, if you expected me to be surprised, you're an idiot," He shakes his head at me.

"But-"

"I knew about you and Ray," He says casually with a lazy shrug. I don't say anything. In fact, he continues knowing I was more surprised of his knowledge of it than he was of my telling him, "No one had to tell me. Not even you. And she didn't tell me, either. Before you even try and ask." Jake takes a bite of his burger before going on, "I found out on my own. In fact, I found out within the first few days."

"But... how?" There's no way he knew. I don't believe it for shit. He's gotta be fucking with me right now.

"Dude," He muffles with a mouthful before hogging down some of his fries, "If I'm being a thousand percent honest, you and Ray? Not very good at hiding things. Especially something like that." And before I could ask, given the look of horror I most likely had on my face, he opens his mouth again, "Look, if it makes you feel any better, I've seen some things I don't feel comfortable bringing up."

I stare at him for a moment, making sure he's not serious, "...how the fuck would that make me feel better?"

He shakes his head, trying to swallow down his food as he hastily tries to brush up whatever it is he meant.

"It's not like I saw her or anything," He narrows his eyes at me, "I was just walking to your cabin to hang one night and.. as I'm passing by a window, all I see is a pasty butt, which in no way would be hers, so I just walked away."

"Shut up," I throw a pillow at him to which he shouts, Dude, my fries!

"Look, all jokes aside, I'm not surprised it happened. I'm surprised I saw more than what I bargained for in this friendship but.." He shrugs again, "I'm not surprised."

I give a him a look before shifting my gaze down to my feet. I don't say a thing. If anything, I'm the surprised one.

"I think you've had feelings for Ray since the getgo," He says casually and I shoot my eyes up at him instantly. What? "To this day, you still do."

"Are you fucking mental-"

"You're gonna sit here and tell me you're not in love with her?" He says seriously, his tone a little harsh. And I look at him in bewilderment which makes him correct himself, "Okay, maybe you're not in love with her, but you know for a fucking fact you have feelings for her."

I stammer for a moment. Me? Having feelings for Ray? No. No way. How, why or even what would make him think that?

"Okay, it's one thing to say I..." I stammer again, "No, I don't have any feelings for her. You're crazy. You're out of your mind. All we did was hookup. It's- No, fuck that. You're insane."

Jake shrugs, yet again. "You're in denial. I get that."

"No, I'm not in anything because I don't have feelings for her, Jake," I growl, standing up and eyeing him. But he remains unbothered, nothing phasing him at all.

He just looks at me, the same bored eyes pouring into my angry ones. He stands by what he says. He's not gonna drop it, and I suddenly begin to feel foolish for getting so worked up over his assumption.

Do I...? Do I have feelings for Ray? No. I can't. I mean... No, no. What am I saying? If I had feelings for her, I wouldn't have treated her the way I did. I wouldn't have done any of the things that hurt her.

But at the same time... if I didn't have feelings for her, then why am I feeling like this? Why do I feel... empty?

"It was obvious," He shakes his head, reaching for his fries once more, breaking eye contact. "It's in the way you look at her. The way you talk about her. You might talk to her a certain way, but behind closed doors, you change in an instant whenever she's brought up."

What?

"And you know what made it all the more obvious?" Jake asks but I don't say a word, "During the entire trip, whether you noticed it or not, all you wanted to talk about was her."

I sit back down, sinking in my seat. I mean, I enjoyed making fun of her and knowing I was able to get under her skin in an instant.

I loved the way she fired back in anger, not holding back. How she held her ground and never took shit from me. Her eyes never ogling me like I had gotten used to from others. They usually had a fiery blaze in them. The way her nostrils flare up when she takes a sharp breath in annoyance. The little crinkles that form around her eyes when she scowled. How full her lips look when she purses them in thought. I adored the way her brown eyes looked like honey when the sunlight hits them at just the right angle. Like the day at the canoe. Despite how distracting her chest may have been that day, I was mesmerized by those beautiful big brown eyes.

I was weirdly into the way she would flick her hair off her shoulder with such grace and poise. Not in that gross stuck-up way. I suddenly start to remember back in sophomore and junior year, how every few months, she'd come with new color streaks in her hair. My favorite was when she had purple streaks with silver ends. The color suited her so well. She hardly wore makeup, not that she needed to. And then, her attitude was what really drove me. No matter how harsh she was. I loved picking fights with her. Because as angry as she got, I loved every moment-

Wait. What?

Christ, why am I thinking like this? And about Reagan? I look to Jake, who already has an obvious smirk plastered across his lips.

"I- But how did you..."

"I knew you liked her," Jake says softly. "You always have. Otherwise, you would've never given Tommy Schneider that swirly after the way he was talking about her."

》

I take off almost immediately, running out of Jake's house before speeding off for what feels like the millionth time to Reagan's house.

I can't believe it. I laugh to myself in stupidity. I have feeling for her. This whole time, I have had possibly the biggest crush on her. I mean, I can't say it was obvious but I feel like it should've been. I mean, of course it was.

Don't get me wrong, Reagan, I don't entirely hate the fact that you're my partner.

I mean, I mostly took pieces off Jake's tray but seeing you leave didn't really give me a chance to have my own food.

I didn't come after you, I went after you.

But if you're going... I guess it won't be as dull.

Ray, please. Hear me out. I came here to talk to you. And as stubborn as you are, I wouldn't be here if I didn't care.

There have been moments among others where I openly admit how much I showed interest in her to her face. I can't imagine how many times her name came out of my mouth when I was talking to Jake.

Speaking of, I can't believe it took my own best friend to make me realize I had feelings for her. And he's telling me this now. I wonder when he even realized this, or why he kept it from me for so long.

Was I in love with her? I couldn't tell, given how I'd never actually felt this way, nor am I even familiar with the feeling. But I know how I felt about her, and I can remember the last time hearing a girls name made me feel the way I did when I heard or even said Ray's names.

I knew I kinda liked her as preteens, I think. Maybe. I can't really tell at this point. But now?

I shake the thought away when I approach her house, nearly colliding with another car with an Uber sticker on it as the driver took a sharp turn. I glanced at the license plate before rolling my eyes and muttering, "Asshole."

Two cars were parked up front, one noticeably hers. The other presumably her parents. Hopefully. Either way, she's not alone. Great. But whatever, it shouldn't matter. The point is, I need to talk to her.

I shake the nerves away as I make it to the door and knock, hoping and praying she's the one that answers. But of course, as expected, I'm startled when I see Mrs. Diaz, an older version of literally Ray, standing before me.

And at first, when she sees me, she's a little confused. But after a couple seconds, she immediately has her mouth gaping open, looking me up and down before speaking.

"Harry!? Is that you?" She remarks cheerfully. "Oh my- What? Look at you, you're all grown up!"

"Hi, Mrs. Diaz," I greet uncomfortably. Trying to look past her in hopes of seeing Ray walk by or something.

"Wow, come in! Come in!" She pulls me in hastily, and I'm surprised but do so, anyway. "I haven't seen you in ages, how are you? Do you want something to drink?"

"No thank you," I decline politely. Still no Ray. She's most likely upstairs. I could only hope her mom says my name loud enough for her to hear my arrival. "Uh, I actually came to see-"

"Is that who I think it is?" A deeper, gruff voice startles me. And when I turn, it's none other than Ray's dad who's already approaching me with open arms.

God, this is just getting more and more awkward.

"What brings you here? We haven't seen you since you were, what?" He questions, looking at his wife for an answer, "Since you and Reagan were about 14 or something?"

"Yeah, that's actually why I-"

"What happened to you two, anyway?" Her mother cuts in again. I forgot this is where Ray got her interruption habit from.

"Yeah, we weren't sure what happened to you," Mr. Diaz recalls, "When you and your family moved, I assumed we'd never see you again. However, given how we still talk to your parents now and then, clearly you hadn't."

"We should give them a call," Her mom chimes in, nudging at Mr. Diaz. "We should set up a dinner date with them soon!"

Suddenly, I'm annoyed. If I knew my presence was gonna cause some sort of Brady Bunch reunion bullshit, I'd have just snuck up her bedroom instead of running into her parents. As nice as they are, I really just wanted to see Ray.

"Definitely, I'm sure they'd love to see Reagan," Her dad points out. And at this point, I've had enough, "They probably haven't seen her, either-"

"That's actually why I'm here!" I shout, earning a look from both of them. They're a little taken back by my small outburst, but I had to get their attention somehow. "I actually came for Ray. I was wondering if I could see her. It's kinda of urgent. And as much as I love this catchup with you both, I really need to talk to her."

It's silent, and all they do is glance at each other in confusion. Then suddenly I'm confused. Um...

"Is... is that all right?" I ask, suddenly feeling uneasy by my request.

"Uh," Ray's dad scratches his head, looking at me with sympathetic eyes. What the hell is going on? What, did she suddenly die and they don't wanna tell me? "She's actually not here."

What the fuck? I was kidding.

"But.. her car is outside?" I point out, "Where did she go?"

Her mother gives me a half smile before responding. "She just left to the airport, Harry."

What?

"The airport? Uh, for what?"

What, did I cause her to flee the fucking country? What is going on?

"She's going to Valencia, California. She's staying with her cousin, Sam. You remember her, don't you, Harry?" Her dad asks. Oh, but I do. That was like Ray's best friend until she up and left.

But Ray left? Just like that? I know that I hurt her, but to the point where she decided to take off and and leave? I never thought she'd do something like this. And when I look at her parents, I'm suddenly confused.

"You guys didn't take her?"

"Well, we were going to. But she didn't want us to. Not sure why. All she said was that she needed to clear her mind. You know how hard headed she is," Mrs. Diaz shrugs sadly, "She left just moments before you arrived."

Wait.

"She took an Uber?" Her parents nod and I'm suddenly in panic mode again. "What airport and what airline? Please, I really need to talk to her!"

》

After being given everything I needed to know before her take off, once again, I'm speeding off to find Ray.

It killed me knowing I pushed her to the point where she felt the need to leave. It killed me knowing it had really come down to this. And now all I could think of is the idea of never seeing her again. I couldn't let her leave. Not without her knowing what she meant to me. And this time, I couldn't hold back. Not again. Even if she left, I needed her to know that I tried.

Upon arrival to the airport, it's obviously full of cars but thankfully it isn't as packed as it normally would be. Ray picked a good day for a flight. And that worried me.

I'm searching for her airline on the signs and nearly pass it when something catches my eye. Not just the symbol for the airline drop off gate, but the same license plate I had my eye on earlier had just pulled off.

Hold on. Does that mean...?

When I look towards the door, I see a familiar figure that I just knew had to be her already walking in with a luggage in hand.

Ray.

Fuck! I grunt in frustration. I'm here, now how the fuck do I get in there? I look around, a lot of cops and various security guards are signaling for cars to move now that the drop off area was getting a little crowded. My car being among the heavily grown crowd. But instead, I pull up to the spot where the Uber previously stayed. And though I know I was going to be in deep shit for this, I couldn't give a fuck less as I jump out, watching Ray through the large windows heading towards baggage claim.

I'm already filled with excitement as I try to run up to her, but I'm immediately stopped when a large portly man stops in front of me.

"Excuse me," He says, getting in my face to grab my attention. "Are you aware you parked your car in a no parking zone? This is drop off, meaning drop off and get out."

"Please, sir. I just really need to talk to someone-"

"Tough luck, buddy," He pats my back, pushing me towards my car and ignoring my claims, "Had plenty of time to say goodbye before. Now get in your pretty little car and leave."

"I just really need to-"

"I need you to leave, sir," The man demands, a smug look on his face I just really wanted to get rid of.

"Can you just give me a chance to-"

He shakes his head, "You had plenty of chances to-"

"But can you just-"

"There's nothing I can do," The man is clearly getting annoyed but I'm way past that.

"I just-"

"Start pulling out of the lot, please."

"Sir-"

"Have a good day-" He shoves, and at that point, I just snapped.

"Hey!" I shout, startling him and several ongoers, "Give me a ticket. I couldn't care less! But I have to do something, and I'm not letting someone like you stand in my way! I respect your job and you doing what needs to be done... but right now, I just really need you to kindly fuck off."

The man glares at me, to which I ignore and take off. Not caring about his hollering and calling after me. I didn't care. I needed to talk to Ray. I just hoped this guy wouldn't get me arrested.

I run in, seeing Ray from a distant and that she had only just left the kiosk, holding onto a bunch of slips before walking towards a large line. And at that moment, all I could think was, this was it. It was now or never. She's a couple feet away and here I am. Ready and more scared than ever as I begin to sprint towards her.

"Ray!" I call out, seeing her shoulders bunch up as she turn; her eyes immediately finding mine and widening at my sudden appearance. She looks around in bewilderment, clearly not believing what she's seeing. And as I approach her, the annoyance on her face is evident. "Reagan-"

"What the hell are you doing here?" She snarls, her breathing heavy. She was clearly pissed.

"Reagan, I really need to talk to you," I try to urge her, but she only rolls her eyes with a head shake. "Reagan, please. It'll only take a minute. I really need you to-"

"Need me to what!?" She snaps, trying to lower her voice as people eye us conspicuously. "To what? To listen to you sputter out nonsense? You could hardly formed a single sentence when you tried to give me that half assed apology. I already told you, if you didn't know what you were sorry for, then why even bother?"

"But Ray-"

"No. Harry, just go," She says sternly, desperate to not make a scene in the middle of the airport. And as I fall silent, she swiftly turns. Not bothering to look back as she heads to the bag check line.

No. I can't let her leave. Not like this.

"Reagan, wait!" I shout in the middle of the crowd rushing past me, earning multiple stares.

She turns around slowly, looking around in embarrassment before her eyes set on me. Scowling, but waiting expectantly for what I had to say. I can't let her think I'm wasting her time by being a blubbering mess like last time. If I wanted her to see how sorry I truly feel, I'm gonna have to be honest. About everything. And with the way her brown eyes linger on me, impatient but hopeful, I feel it's all I could do right now.

Well.

Here goes everything.

"I... am the worst person in the world," I tell her, my voice already beginning to crack. My eyes getting that heavy feeling I was unfamiliar with. "And I didn't know that until I saw the way you looked at me that night at the bonfire. I hurt you, in a way nobody should ever hurt someone. Especially someone like you, okay? I hurt my best friend that I really loved at some point. I lost your friendship... but I'll be damned if I lost you for good, Ray. Because, as much as it scares me to admit it, I can't lose someone I feel I'm falling in love with for the first time in my life."

Ray noticeably sucks in a breath, she's clearly taken back. It was obvious she never expected these words to fall from my lips. I mean, neither did I. I can't remember the last time I ever told a girl I was into her. I can't remember even feeling like I was. But right now, I am.

A circle was beginning to form around us, nosy ongoers surrounding us to see what was going on. But I don't let it bother nor stop me.

"I'm sorry that it took me this long to come to my senses," I huff, trying to control my pathetic tears, "But I came to realize that, at the end of day, you were the girl I wanted to be with. You're the only girl I want to fight with, and complain to. You're the only one I want to hear run her mouth and pick stupid fights with. And I can't believe it took me this long to find out that the reason you were the only girl I never ended a fight with without continuing... is because you're the only one I wanted to do it with."

She watches me with watered eyes, lips tucked in as she's clearly trying to hold herself back from bursting out in sobs.

"Reagan, believe me when I say that the thought of losing you for good, it kills me. Especially now that I've realized how I feel about you," I breathe out, still not processing that I just revealed all of this to her.

Ray remains silent, tucking her lips in as she refrains from letting herself cry in front of everyone.

"And... and I know that goes against what we agreed on," I nod, another shameful tear rolling down my cheeks as my voice officially begins to give out, "And I'm not expecting you to feel the same. I don't deserve it. Not even in the slightest. In fact, I didn't even expect to, let alone, wanted to fall for you. But I did."

Amidst the silence, all I can see are that her eyes are sad. But I couldn't tell why or for what reason. Pity? Possibly. But she doesn't do or even say anything. Was this even worth it? Of course it was. It's not like I expected her to forgive me at the snap of a finger. I didn't deserve it. And as much as I yearned for her to say she did anyway, I knew it was a long shot from the way her eyes broke contact and shifted towards her feet again.

Well, as long as she knew.

"I'm so sorry, Ray," I merely whisper, but I know she heard me. I knew just based on the way her eyes fluttered and she sucked in another breath as I begin to turn away from her to leave.

"What's wrong with liking me?" She asks, surprising me as I turn to find her crossing her arms, her curious eyes awaiting an honest answer. Her bottom lip tucked between her teeth and I let out a breath of relief.

"That's it," I sigh, making my way towards her, "That's the problem. I didn't want to." She looks crushed until I continue, standing before her with a hand gently placed against her cheek. Her skin soft to the touch. A feeling I was already grown used to, "But I do, Ray. I have for a long time. And I'm sorry it took me this long to realize it."

I look down at her hands, reaching mine out as I interlock my fingers with hers. I'm surprised and relieved to see that she has yet to pull away.

Ray looks perplexed, but not frightened. However, she definitely looks uneasy. At first she's hesitant, but after a minute or two and a frequent glance at her feet, she looks up at me.

"Maybe I have, too," She nods, biting back an embarrassed smile, "Maybe."

"I can work with that," I say truthfully.

She hesitates again.

"But look, Harry, don't take this the wrong way. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you," She watches me carefully and I nod for her to continue, "But, say I give... whatever this is, a chance? You're gonna have to respect the fact that I want to take this one step at a time. Not just with what you're feeling, but with everything to do with you in general. It's gonna take time for me to fully forgive you. And I know I'm probably a complete idiot for giving you yet another chance. But as strange as it sounds, the thought of losing you...."

I don't even bother letting her finish, knowing full well what she was going to say. Of course. Oddly enough, I felt the same. Something about not having her in my life, it felt odd.

"Ray, I don't expect you to forgive me right off the bat, let alone reciprocate the feelings I have for you," I respond meekly, my gaze fixed on my feet in embarrassment knowing I actually admitted how I felt to her. And though I don't regret it, I did feel a little embarrassed by it. "But I'll wait. I'll wait as long as it takes."

Ray only nods, "With your feelings... we'll see where it goes from there. Just give me a time. Whatever this is, I'd like to take it slow."

At first, I understand. But then, after a moment of awkward silence, I look at her oddly before making a failed attempt of a joke, "Ray, we literally had sex a thousand times-"

"I mean, we'd still be doing that," She says with a dead pan tone. But then she smiles, realizing she tried to joke back. And I let out a relieved chuckle before she continues, "No, but in all seriousness, I just really want my best friend back. Before we jump into anything else, I wanna get to know you. All over again."

"Of course," I nod in response. The quietness taking over again, and it wasn't until I started grinning at her in amusement. "You missed me?" I tease, poking at her tummy.

"I missed a lot of things," She smirks, looking down then back up at me, before going serious again, "But I missed you most."

I pull her in by her neck into a deep kiss, one she immediately melts into as her small hands are up and softly placed against my cheeks, holding me onto this kiss. And it's clear she tries to pull away, but I don't let her.

"Harry," She mumbles against me, which only makes me shake my head in response and earning a giggle from her, "No really, Harry, I'm gonna miss my flight."

I pull away in confusion, "You're... You're still going?"

"Well, yeah," She shrugs softly, averting her eyes away from mine, "Harry, I didn't just spend money on plane tickets for shits and giggles."

"But..." I start to panic, "But what if I never see you again? Ray, I-"

"Never see me again?" She looks at me in amusement, a confused look on her face. "Harry, I'm literally coming back in a month. Maybe less."

"I- But... Aren't you moving to Valencia for college?"

Ray snorts, crinkling her nose as she lets out a laugh, eyeing me obscurely, "Moving? To Valencia? For college? Harry, I'm not moving anywhere. I'm going to community college right here at home."

"You are?" I grin at her excitedly. "Wha-"

"See," She says, cutting me off as she begins to wrap her arms around me, looking up at me with those big brown eyes I easily fawn over as she speaks, "This is exactly why we need to get to know each other all over again."

I smile down at her, my insides melting at the sight of her. I could get used to this.

"I'm sure it'll be worth it," I say softly, pressing a kiss to her lips yet again. My eyes lingering over her features, taking it all in before speaking once more. "Is there anyway we can find a closet before your flight?"

This earns a melodic laugh from her; a sound I couldn't wait to get used to from here on out.

+

I hope this was worth it. It scares me knowing this might actually suck as an ending. But I really hope it was a good enough. It wasn't a happily ever after, in fact, I tried my absolute hardest to make it as realistic as possible. Because not even I would have forgiven Harry so easily.

So that's that. I'm actually crying that after five years, I finally finished this book. The Cabin will always have a special place in my heart. It was the first story I had ever written back on tumblr as a 12 chapter "one shot" back in late 2012. This story means more to me than any of you will ever know. So I hope it was good enough. I'm personally proud of it.

Yes, there will be an epilogue. It will not be as long as this, but it will hopefully clarify some things.

I love you all from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you.

- Ky

ps: again I'm sorry if it sucked. I feel I kinda rushed it at some points. don't hate me. I just didn't wanna drag it on. 🥺