chapter 25

Mikaela was right. If I had worn the shorts I had originally planned, I'd be dying.

Even though the bonfire was meant to keep us warm, I wasn't gonna fight over warmth based on the dozens of people surrounding it to the point where someone is bound to fall in the pit.

I kept it light on the makeup tonight, per usual, just over lined my lips a bit with my favorite mauve lipstick, knowing it'd be of good use tonight.

Hopefully, at least.

I looked around, the crowd full of familiar faces surrounding me. People I have classes with, but never associated myself with, knocking back drinks or just socializing near the crowd.

I walk around for a bit, getting hey's and nods here and there as I pass by among others that are enjoying themselves; wandering about, hoping to spot anyone that I can actually hold a conversation with.

I spot Mikaela from a distance but she's surrounded by a small group of other girls in our grade that I'm not entirely fond of.

I felt alone, even surrounded by all of these people.

Majority of the people here I've only spoken to at school. But despite having seen them in multiple social settings, (hell, most of us just got back together from the trip), I don't talk to them in that way.

And if I'm honest, based on getting to know them these past four years of high school, (some even more so based on this past week), I don't want to.

From a mere distance, I spot Jake. My interest perks up in hopes of seeing Harry near him. But, like Mikaela, he's gathered amongst another set of guys from our grade. Some from the wrestling team, others football, even a few of the girls' soccer team is in the circle that seemed to be getting bigger around Jake.

Made me wonder why Jake hung around Harry if he was already so popular himself. Or maybe that's why people are around him to begin with. Wouldn't know. Never really uttered a single word between me and Jake unless it was him being Harry's backup.

Watch it, spaz.

Yeah, watch it. Spaz.

I roll my eyes, shaking my head to myself as I turn away again.

Looking at Mikaela once more, and then looking back at Jake. Both of them in my eyesight as I'm met in the middle of it all.

"Well, isn't this fun?" I turn around once more, finding Harry watch me with content, hands dug into his pockets and dimples in full display.

His choice of wardrobe nearly resembling mine. Tight pants, no surprise there, white v-neck and an unbuttoned shirt thrown over. His hair messy and tousled. How did he look so good, effortlessly every. Damn. Time.

"Out of all the circles gathered here, I figured I should've spotted you in the smallest one."

"Hey," I shove him playfully, to which he laughs. "I would've been in a circle if my friends weren't already in one themselves."

Harry raises a brow, confused look on his face. "First of all, it's friend. Second of all, what?"

"Never mind," I shrug, crossing my arms tighter for extra warmth. "I was gonna go to Mikaela but she's around people I'm not a fan of. And then there's Jake but..."

"Jake's not really the ideal conversationalist?" He asks, clearly amused.

"Not exactly my first choice."

"But your second one," He counters back, "Of all people. Which is odd considering you're pretty well-known around here."

"I guess I have you to thank for that," I try to joke but he doesn't look amused. Because, out of the many times he's accidentally brought up that day, this is the first time I have, and he begins to look uneasy about it. So I reassure him; tensely, but coolly when I say, "Chill... I was joking."

He relaxes, and then takes a look around us, clearly wanting to change the subject, "Wanna walk around?"

"Beats hanging around here," I shrug and he smiles, nodding behind for me to follow.

We walk away from the large crowd, passing by couples who are either making out, groping each other or just talking to each other sitting against tree trunks and enjoying themselves. It was nice. For the most part. Not the groping part, obviously.

"So, why did you wanna come here?" He asks.

"Why didn't you?" I respond.

He shrugs and stays quiet for a moment, "Don't get me wrong, I know this looks like my social scene but... I dunno, I just wasn't feeling up to it."

"That's highly unlike you," I say as I'm climbing over a large stepping stone and nearly falling over when Harry catches me... kind of. When he does, I'm stumbling around while he's trying to balance me back upright but also struggles.

We're a laughing mess as we stand upright and look at each other. A smile on Harry's face, and I feel nostalgic. It's like I was looking at the little boy that was once my best friend, and he was smiling that same goofy grin he had when he was little.

When I fully pull away from his hold, I adjust my shirt when he speaks up.

"Remember the old yard and trying to run through the garden praying we don't fall?"

"Oh my god, yeah, but do you remember that massive fall I had and-"

"Ugh, I practically tore your skin open!" Harry gags dramatically and I laugh.

"We fell every chance we got," I say, smiling at the memories, "Jeez, my mom would get so mad at me when I came home with scraped up knees and whatnot."

"And then your dumbass would always pick at the scabs," He shakes his head.

"Hey, it's not like you didn't do the same!" I point out to which he only smiles and shrugs in response.

It's quiet again, but it's nice. It felt weird reminiscing  with Harry. But it wasn't a bad weird. It was just something we never knew we'd be able to do, given how we stopped being friends.

And if I'm honest, I never thought me and Harry would ever be friends again. That's if we're even friends. We're getting along.

But it felt nice, all in all.

"This is nice," I admit.

Harry makes a face, still amused. "What is?"

"This," I shrug. "Tonight, in general. I dunno, but tonight I feel more relaxed than usual."

"Why wouldn't you be?" He asks curiously as we keep walking.

"I dunno," I shrug once more, looking ahead as we step over broken branches. "I just feel like there's always something weighing me down. But tonight, I feel weightless, if that makes sense? Like, I have nothing to worry about. And I usually don't but tonight, it's weird, it's like I can actually feel it."

"You know," Harry says, and I glance at him, awaiting his response. "Weirdly enough, I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same. Not just tonight but the past few days it's just been very... tranquil?"

I stop and raise a brow.

"It's the only word I can think of," Harry rolls his eyes.

"Hey, I'm not judging," I raise my hands up in surrender, "I'm just surprised you know the definition, let alone the word itself."

He laughs out before muttering back shut up.

We keep walking until we eventually stop. The bonfire a long distance away from us but still faint from both view and earshot.

"So..." I say, leaning back against the largest trunk around us.

"So," He smirks, slowly walking towards me.

"I'm starting to think this walk wasn't just a casual stroll," I wiggle my eyebrows at him.

Harry laughs out yet again, "Well, it actually was. But I mean... if you have other plans..."

His eyes linger on me, a sparkle in them as he gives me a small smile. He comes in closer, making the space between us decrease smaller in size. His hands rest at my sides, barely touching me as he leans in, lips gently pressed against mine.

The kiss is soft and gentle, just like the last time.

With one hand still at my side, his other is on my hip, the kiss becoming a little more aggressive. But I'm not complaining.

My hands are gripping at his shoulders until one is suddenly in his hair, pulling at the root.

He's already pulling my flannel off, the straps to my tank top already slipping off as one hand cups my breast, the other gripping at my hip even harder as he presses himself against me; feeling him harden.

Our lips are all over each other. I'm placing kisses all over his mouth, his jaw, his neck. I feel one of his hands reach behind my leg and pull it. His hard member pressing against the area I needed him most.

We both moan against each other's mouths as I pull his hair back, exposing his neck to me.

I kiss at his collarbones which makes him groan. Both his hands rest at my hips and slowly make their way up my waist, stopping just below my chest. I drag my tongue up his neck till I reach his ear and nip gently at the lobe.

With one leg still wrapped around him, he wraps his hand around it once more, grinding himself against me, desperate for some kind of friction and I'm moaning into his ear.

His lips placing gentle kisses at my shoulder until I reach between us and place my hand on him, the part of him he so desperately wanted to be touched. He releases a low groan, before his lips are hungrily attacking my neck.

It felt so good, all of it. It felt like absolute bliss, like no one was watching and it was just us two without a single care in the world. I realize it's always like that with Harry. Every moment we have together, I seem to forget about the world.

In that moment, I kind of wish I hadn't.

The sound of a gasp makes us stop and look to the direction it's coming from.

There, in the moonlight, just a streak of light across her face, is Mikaela standing there with a taken back look.

We're frozen in place.

I don't think much of it at first. I just figured she would walk away and pretend she hadn't seen a thing.

But, clearly, I was way off.

"Mikaela," Harry breathes, caution held in his voice as he slowly pulls away from me and she aggressively throws her drink to the ground directed towards us, storming back to the bonfire. "Mikaela, wait!"

Harry takes off after her, and I'm left there, confused as ever.

What the fuck is going on?

"Mikaela!" Harry calls out again and I'm stumbling running behind them as I fix the straps of my tank and try to desperately pull my flannel closed as the cold air grows stronger around me.

I'm clueless. I feel completely lost based on what just happened. Why was Mikaela so furious? Why was Harry so concerned for her catching us in the act? Why did he run after her?

I have no clue what's going on, but I'll be damned if I don't try and find out.

And when I catch up to them, it's then when I came in right on time as they reach the bonfire; still a small distance from everything and everyone, but there they were... arguing.

"I thought you said it was over," Mikaela shoves at Harry.

"Mikaela, stop-" Harry stumbles back but immediately catches his balance as he nears her once more.

"Why?"

"Because, I- We just-" Harry stammers for a second, both of them still unaware I was just a few feet away and listening.

Mikaela doesn't wait for his answer, though. As she starts storming towards the crowd again and I watch as Harry grabs her wrist, pulling her back.

"You can't do this!" He shouts and her eyes widen in bewilderment.

"What?" she says through gritted teeth.

"Don't do this, please. You can't. Please, Mikaela."

Mikaela's nostrils flare. She's furious, "Why are you protecting her!?"

"I'm not!" His voice begins to crack as he speaks, "Just don't do this, please. You can't."

I'm so confused...

"Harry," I finally speak up, and they both look at me. Harry's eyes fearful, but Mikaela gives me an icy glare as a petty smirk is plastered across her face. "What's going on?"

It's silent for a minute, but Harry ignores me as Mikaela pulls her wrist harshly from his grip before responding to me.

"You're just about to find out."

"Mikaela, stop it! Don't!"

"Don't what?" I ask, my breaths starting to pick up as I try not to panic.

But I'm full on panic mode as the next words that leave Mikaela's lips makes my heart stop for just a moment.

"Well, well, well," Mikaela hollers, catching the attention of many of our classmates as she's suddenly standing on top of one of the tables full with red cups and she aggressively kicks them off. "Looks like the rumor of all rumors continues to be true."

"Mikaela! Stop-"

"Because looky here!" She shouts louder, making sure the attention was fully on her as she points towards me and Harry's direction. "Look what I found! Getting all hot and heavy in the middle of the woods. Reagan and Harry?" Mikaela pulls on a shocked look with an obvious evil grin. "Guess those rumors weren't just rumors... Huh, Reagan?"

I'm frozen in place. My heart feels heavy and my emotions hitting me like a tidal wave as many grins and disgusted looks are on me.

"Don't believe me?" She asks the crowd rhetorically, "Come on now. Just look at them," She says, disgust clear in her voice.

And sure enough, the evidence is on Harry's face when I can finally see him in the light and his lips are a puffy red with a bit of my lipstick stained around them.

I can't imagine how I look but the look on everyone's faces tells me I look just as bad and guilty.

I get looks of disapproval and I feel like my cheeks are flaring up from embarrassment.

"What can I say?" Mikaela jumps down, walking towards me. That wicked grin painted on her lips has me boiling when she says lowly but loud enough for everyone to hear, "Guess you really are as desperate and skanky as Harry said."

That was it.

That was the last thing she said before screeching when I shove her and she falls backward, so close to the fire. Damn.

I'm held back when Mikaela tries to charge towards me but is yanked back by others and there's a circle beginning to form around us by a nosy crowd, waiting to see who's next move is what.

"You stupid bitch!" She yells, trying to fight her way out of the hold. I'm doing the same but just desperate to be released so I can get the hell out of here. "You weren't supposed to sleep with him!"

"Then why were you practically begging me to!? You pushed and pushed for me to go for it and then when I did you got fucking butt hurt about it!"

"Because I knew you wouldn't! At least I thought you wouldn't, you thirsty slut!" She screams, releasing herself and charging at me once more but barely given a chance when Harry lets go of me, (I hadn't even realized he was one of the people holding me back) and steps in, grabbing her back by her shoulders and holding her still. "I should've known you'd open your legs the second I gave you the dumb idea!"

"What the hell is your problem!" I yell back, being held back harder for whatever reason when I wasn't even trying to get at her. "Why is it such an issue that I did something you told me to-"

"Because I fucked him first!"

And there it is.

Harry's shoulders drop, his eyes soften when he looks at me, they close in disappointment as he pulls away from Mikaela.

Everyone's eyes widen and multiple gasps are heard. All eyes are on me as they wait for me to say something, let alone do something.

"What?" Is all I could say in almost a faint whisper.

Mikaela shoves away and is loosened from everyone's grip, taking a step towards me, eyes narrowed and now dark.

"He was mine first," She growled, "We hooked up, we were crazy about each other-"

"Wait, that's not-" Harry starts but is cut off.

"But you just had to swoop in and sleep with him."

I look at Harry who's looking at me with sad eyes and shaking his head in denial.

"But that doesn't change the fact that you pushed me to do it-"

"Because I didn't think you would," She says, yet again, then looks at Harry, "And I didn't think you would want to."

She glances back at me. Everyone is watching this whole thing come apart.

"Ray, I swear-"

"Harry was right," She starts again, "He was right from the get-go. You really are a desperate slut."

Everyone's looking at me, some trying hard not to as muttered agreements are thrown around.

"Now you're just a desperate man-stealing slut-"

"Hey!" Harry calls out to get her attention, "Mikaela, enough!"

Tears brim my eyes as people look at me with disgust and disapproval. I watch as many of the girls around me either grip their boyfriends' hands or pull them away from me with a nasty look on their faces.

This is ninth grade all over again. All of it. My heart feels heavy and starts hurting.

Without a second thought, I take off, running back through the same direction I came in to find my car, jump in, and just go straight home.

But I'm heaving as my cries become louder and heavier as I come to a full stop.

I'm full on sobbing. The flashbacks of the name calling and harassment. I had to put up with it for a over a year. The teachers not doing a damn thing, the stupid little saying boys will boys, haunting me until people began to finally forget.

Yeah, boys will be boys. No big deal. Just getting followed into the girls bathroom, locker room, and cat called multiple times by others in different grades while walking home from school until I was finally able to get my license and my parents surprised me with a car.

A shitty beat up little car, but a car, nonetheless. I was in full tears of joy. My parents thought I would hate it. But they didn't know just how much a car practically saved my life.

I stayed in the shadows for majority of my junior year, finally deciding to come out of my shell by the end of it before senior year started so I could at least have one year in high school that wasn't filled with shitty memories.

But then this happened and now I'm thrown back into my freshmen year of high school. Only this time, it was made much worse because of my now ex-best friend.

Mikaela.

Mikaela and Harry.

Hooking up.

I try to piece together how I didn't figure this out sooner. How they kept this from me. Granted, it wasn't any of my business, like good for them or whatever, but why do I feel like the fucking idiot in all of this?

How did I not catch this? How did I not know?

And suddenly, it all starts to make so much sense to me.

Tell me, how many girls are on your agenda for this week?

You just reminded me. Hey, is Mikaela available?

Like she'd ever give you a chance, let alone the time of day.

Why's that?

Because she hates you.

False, pretty sure the only one that hates me is you.

Wow.

I had sex with Harry.

Are- Are you joking?

I wish I were.

How did I not notice any of it?

You're not actually pinning your mistake on me, are you?

My mistake? Because I took your advice, me going by it makes it a mistake?

I didn't think you'd do it.

I can't believe it. All of it.

But of all people, Harry? I think I'd be less mad if it were Jake.

What do you have to be mad about? It was your advice. What, do you like Harry or something?

Why on earth would I consider liking someone as awful as Harry? The only reason I hated him was for your benefit!

It was all in front of me. I just didn't pay close enough attention.

"Ray?"

With my vision blurry, I glance up and get a clear view of Harry standing in front of me. Holding me by my shoulders as I shake my head.

"I-" I hiccup and stammer, "I need to get out of here. I- I can't. I have to go. I have to go home."

"Okay," He nods, "Okay, let's go. I'll take you home, I-"

"No," I shake my head. "Not with you."

"Ray, please, I swear to you. Mikaela, she's-"

"I don't care," I cry out, and he tries to cut me off but I stop him. "No, listen. I don't care whether or not you two were together. It's not important. I just- I can't do this," I'm sobbing again, "I can't- I can't go through this again."

"Ray, please. I'm sorry. I fucked up. I was a stupid kid, I made it up; all of it," He admits, "I'm so sorry. It wasn't even true."

"Yeah," I nod, before looking up at him once more, "But now it is."

My cries are heavy and coming down hard. His eyes are glossy as he looks me over, lips parted, as if unsure what to say next.

But I don't wait.

Instead, I pull away and take off yet again; knowing full well he wasn't going to follow.

+

please note that ray is not & will not be anything like carter in BBF when she was going through it. Ray just doesn't care about Harry & Mikaela bc her biggest concern is herself.

I forgot to mention that chapter 23 would be the last actual smut chapter. I am sooo sorry :( that's why I made it a little long. shits gonna hit the fan from here on out, as we speak.

I love y'all, I'm sorry!

- ky

ps: also !!!!!! this book is going to end in 5 chapters & a possible epilogue so even tho I won't take as long as I used to, please remember that in order for this book to succeed, I have to make every moment count just like I did with BBF.

thank you as always & I love y'all so so so much. this is for you.