chapter 21

[ H A R R Y ]

"Hey, so... I'm gonna take off." My sudden urges quickly vanishing as I begin gathering my stuff, pretending to look around as if I'm leaving anything behind before I go.

"Okay," She simply sighs, with a fake polite smile and small nod.

A small part of me wanted her to ask me to stay, another part wanted me to just stay and talk to her, meanwhile a bigger part was ready to ditch and go home.

I started walking towards her door, my head starting to hurt a bit.

"Harry?" She called softly, and I turned around all too quickly to look at her. Nerves unraveling meanwhile I'm internally screaming Okay, I was totally kidding about wanting to stay and talk.

The reality of that happening would end up with me in soiled pants.

"Your shoes," She simply says, and I'm left confused for a moment until I look down.

Of course I forgot to put my shoes back on.

"Right," I huff with a nod, putting them on & leaving the same way I came in without giving her the chance to get up and walk me out or even speak to me, for that matter.

I didn't expect her to. I didn't even want her to.

》

October 18, 2012 / Thursday afternoon

I know it was wrong. From the second those words left my lips like a puff of smoke, guilt tugged at my heart all the while my ego was boosted by all the high fives, praises, and coos.

Did I think much of it? For a moment. yes.

Did I regret it? For a second there, perhaps I did.

Was I enjoying the attention? Entirely.

Did I think of Reagan's feelings when I did so? Not even for a second.

That was the mistake I made.

For months, since high school began, the social scale, popularity, acceptance and being idolized was intriguing.

The idea of having everyone kiss at your feet meant nothing to me. At least until I witnessed the perks of it all. Soon enough it became a want and felt like a need. An addiction waiting to happen.

I was desperate to find my way, see what it was that made these people feel so superior and renowned by everyone.

I was curious. Always looking on and gawking at them like gods.

It took a while until, finally, I was met at their scale.

The only problem was, who knew a little white lie would end a friendship I thought meant the world to me.

Despite almost in the process of already losing her, never did I think I'd risk completely ending a friendship over something as small as the words that left my mouth that day and caused the whole school to turn their heads and turn against someone who once considered me a friend.

The day it happened... the day it all happened, I knew it was over. Especially after seeing the pain in her eyes as she cried and yelled at me begging me to fix it and tell them, especially her, that it was all a lie.

And it was.

But only she and I knew that. And something deep inside me, which soon overcame me, didn't want anyone else to know.

My heart ached, but the words that would form an apology were not spoken. At least not from me. And I wanted to. I did.

Or at least I made myself believe I did.

The sight of Reagan walking away truly pained me. I didn't flinch nor react to the way she continuously punched and cried at my chest.

I brought this upon myself. I should have known better. I did know better.

But this is what I wanted. And, as much as it pained me to admit it, even now, I didn't regret it.

》

The next day, I felt dead. Completely dead on the inside, but that was nothing new. But physically dead. My body felt numb and my eyes felt heavy.

I was yawning in every class until lunch when I actually got food in my system. Sure, it wasn't good food but it was something. I had to skip breakfast from waking up so damn early which made my exhaustion even worse for me today.

I won't lie, I did show up to school with the intentions of avoiding Ray. I didn't want to be stuck in an awkward moment with her after I suddenly ran out on her. It put me in a tough spot and I didn't wanna be caught in it.

But my plans failed miserably after I ran into her the second I got to school. Only, she didn't seem phased at all. Instead, she hardly glanced at me, said sorry and kept walking with her phone in hand. Almost like she didn't even notice me.

And then again, after first period, I ran into her again and this time she looked right at me.

"Excuse me, Harry," She said, like it was any other day. Her face didn't read annoyance, discomfort or anything. Either she really doesn't care about last night or she just has a really good poker face.

I sat back picking at the last bit of food on my tray as Jake went on and on about whatever he was talking about.

I look over at Ray who's sitting by herself at one of the round tables, a fry in one hand while the other holding up some blue book with a hard-to-describe graphic design and the word Wonder in large bold letters.

Her jeans were a washed out blue with black converse and a solid black shirt that hung off her shoulder on one side. Her hair was pulled back in a low loose ponytail with a few strands hanging in front of her face. Her lips were pouted and looked fuller than ever.

She sat up straight, placing the book flat down as she continued reading with her chin resting in one hand.

I couldn't help staring at the way her leg was crossed over the other. Her shirt slightly lifted exposing her soft skin, her stomach sticking out a little bit.

Reagan's body was pure art. Her imperfection just made her all the more... perfect.

I hear my name being called. I assume it was Jake trying to get my attention but I'm too focused on Ray to even glance at him.

I thought about one of the nights back at the cabin where just a single brush against her skin sent goosebumps up her arms, the small light hairs sticking up.

Her lips would part and eyes flutter closed at every word I spoke, every filthy nothing whispered into her ear would release a hitched breath and low moan.

The thoughts of it cause me to squirm in my seat, adjusting the front of my pants as she began to bite her nails, continuing to look down at her book laying next to her untouched, surely cold food.

I'm interrupted of my thoughts when someone walks up to me, blocking my view of Ray and suddenly speaking as I look up.

"Hey, we need to talk."

+

hope you enjoyed it. this book is hopefully bound to be finished in the next 10 or less chapters. hopefully less.

I love y'all sooooo much!

- ky