After school I waited in my car until Logan joined me. I didn't say anything, I just started the car and began to drive us home.

 I probably should have said something to him, but I couldn't think of how to say what I was thinking. All I wanted to know was if he's doing okay, if his day went well, or if anything happened. Though I decided I didn't want to be too overbearing, so I kept quiet.

 I turned on the radio, but no more than I second went by before Logan shut it off. Apparently his head was still hurting too much. “I never said thanks.” He said out of the blue as he stared out the window. 

 “What?” I asked him in complete shock.

 “Liam, Anthony and Joie all drove home together last night, only they were wasted and ended up getting in a car crash.” He told he quietly. How could I have not heard about this? I must have been in my own little world all day because I didn't even realize what everyone had to have been talking about. “There all going to be fine, but it could have been really bad. I guess there just not likely enough to have a sister like you." There was a long pause, I didn't even know what to say. "I mean, for some odd reason you cared about me enough to take me home from the party. You continuously helped and covered for me even though I was being a complete bitch to you.” He refused to make eye contact with me, but I knew that was only because he was truly sorry. “So ya, thanks, and ya, um, I'm sorry.” He mumbled.

 “You'll be forgiven after you do all my chores for a month.” I say jokingly. Kinda."

 I saw all the color drained out of his face for a second, but when he realized I was joking he just rolls his eyes and said “Ya, right.”

 He gave me a small smile as our eyes meet for a split second. He then turned the radio back on and the rest of the car ride was silent.

 When I got home that day, I sat in my room and pulled out my journal and guitar. I flip to an empty page and write at the top. “September 2nd, 2019.” I started writing down what happened, the whole party, and Gray. Oh Gray, he's just so perfect. I took up three whole pages witch was mostly of me describing Gray in every little detail. His dirty blond hair, his bright green guys, the little dimples by his eyes that he gets when he smiles too big, and how his laugh fills your whole body with butterflies.

 I picked up my guitar and started strumming as I hummed.

 “If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song…"

 Me and Logan used to take guitar lessons together, we both stopped the lessons but we still play, though we haven't played together in forever.

 Just as I was thinking about him, my bedroom door opened and in came by brother. I stopped playing and looked up at him. "Hey."

 "Don't stop playing on my behalf." He came and sat by me and I started playing again, though I didn't sing. "And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger.." He started singing and it shocked me so much that I almost forgot the cords to the song. It's been forever since I heard Logan sing, I forgot how much I love it. "I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by..." Then he stopped and looked at me. "Come on, I know you know the words." He nudged me a little and I sighed.

 "I don't sing." I don't him, at least I don't sing in front of people.

 "I just heard you, now come on. Please?" Curse his stupid puppy dog eyes.

 "Fine." I huffed and started playing again.

  "A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'..." We both sung, and let me just tell you we sounded really good.

 I missed this, I missed us.

 "The sharp knife of a short life,
Well I've had just enough time
So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls."

 After the song was over I wrapped my arms around my brother and squeezed him as hard as I could. "I don't know what I would do without you." I muttered to him.

 "Ya, me neither."

 Friday morning I woke up, and I had this feeling in my gut. Excitement, maybe. Terror, maybe. There is a fine line between the two, and I couldn't quite pinpoint what I was feeling.

 I put one of the cutest outfits I could find. I tight pink blouse and a pair of short ripped jean shorts. I did my makeup more than the usual mascara and chapstick. For the first time since last year's semi, I put on foundation and eyeshadow, lipstick and blush. I actually liked how I looked when I looked in the mirror. I didn't have time to eat dinner last night so my stomach was a little smaller than usual. I put on a pair of sandals with a small wedge and spun in my mirror. There was a loud bannging on my door followed by my brother. “River come on! We're going to be late if you don't hurry up!”

 “Coming!” I yelled back. I grabbed my phone and looked at the time. “Shit.” I mumble when I realized I should have left five minutes ago. I shoved all my things into my backpack and hurried down the stairs. “Hi mom! Bye mom!” I yelled as I ran past her in the kicken as she cleaned up breakfast. I met my brother who was in the driver’s seat of our car, blasting Back In Black. “Sorry.” I mumbled as I hopped in the seat. He immediately pulled out of the driveway, though he couldn't keep his eyes off me. “What?” I asked, wiping my face in case i had toothpaste or something on it.

 “Nothing.” He shook his head. “You just look, um, different.”

 “Is that a good thing?” I looked down at myself to see if something was wrong.

 “No, you don't look bad, you just look, I dunno, you don't look like yourself.” He told me, still eyeing me down.

 “So your saying I look good?” I asked hoping to God the answer was yes.

 “I mean if want to look like Rina, Olivia, Anna and all them.”

 “You mean the popular girls?” I smiled.

 “I mean the thots that all dress and act the same. You don't really want to be like them, do you?” There was a hint of disgust in his voice, but why wouldn't I want to be like the girls everyone loved?

 “Well, I mean their all so pretty, and all have boyfriends who are on the football team. Why wouldn't I want to be like them?” It was a genuine question. Because according to Logan, the whole school hated me.

 “Riv, their fake. All of them! There just clones of eachother, honestly there is nothing special about the so called ‘popular girls’. Your so much better off just being yourself.” I couldn't tell if he was telling the truth or not. I mean if no one likes the popular girls, then why were they so popular? I just stayed quiet as we approcked our school.

“Is this about I said the other night?” He asked quietly.

 “You remember that?” I asked shocked, I was sure what he was too drunk to remember any that night.

 “Ya, I remember all of it. Everything I said to you. And Riv it's not true, okay? Nothing i said that whole night was true. No one talks about you, and to be honest no one really cares about you.” He told me as he parked the car in the school parking lot. He was trying to make the situation better, but he just made me feel a lot worse.

 “Well maybe I want to be noticed. Maybe I want to get a smile when I go down the hallway, or get asked to the prom, or not have people i've been going to school with since kindergarten ask me what my name is. I know you wouldn't understand because your a big football star, but it sucks to be invisible!” I stormed out of the car, slamming the door shut.

 We were a little late so no one was in the parking lot, but when I entered the commons, all eyes were on me. I couldn't think of why everybody was staring at me, until I realized I actually looked good for once. I wasn't drop dead gorgeous, but it was enough to get me noticed for once. I then heard the most incredible voice call my name. “River! Hey River wait up!” I turned around to see Gray Anderson behind me. 

 “Hey!” I practically choked.

 “damn, I didn't even recognize you.” He smiled and looked me up and down.

 “Thanks, I think.” I blushed. “All I did was put on a little makeup.” I laughed.

 “Well, you look beautiful.” He told me. “Hey, do you maybe want to wear my jersey tonight?”

 “Don't you have to wear that?” I laughed.

 “Ya, my home one, but you can wear my away jersey if you want.” he rubbed the back of his neck and I could tell he was nervous, which was the cutest thing in the whole world. 

 “I would love to.” I smiled. I realized even more eyes were on me now as I stood in the middle of the commons, talking to one of the coolest and hottest guys in our school.

“Awesome.” He pulled his white jersey out of his bag and handed it to me. I held it up and the largest smile grew across my face. The bell rang and everyone headed to their lockers. “Can I walk you to your locker?” He asked.

 “Of course.” He grabbed my hand and we walked down the school hallways, all eyes on us and even a few whistles.

This is exactly what I wanted, so why didn't I love it like I thought i would?

Mabye all the looks were just in my head, but what if they weren't?...