The day I met him.

I walk out of the library, hoping to be met with someone, anyone that could prevent me from killing myself. But all I'm met with is the excruciating stares of the people I've known all my life. The people that have distanced themselves from me, knowing I'm not alright but not even asking me the simple yet incredibly impactful question of "Are you okay?"

I just need someone to hold onto. Anyone.

I go towards my locker and open it, only to reveal a comment on lined paper saying "kill urself bitch." Classy. Real classy.

I look at it, unfazed. I can't let them see how much their words hurt. Never.

Snide laughter begins to fill up my senses as I begin to realise who was behind all this.

Nora Hameer.

My ex best-friend.

I look to the ground, trying my best to conceal the hurt look displaying itself on my face.

She knows what I've been through. Everything. And she still continues to pull shit like this.

Eventually, my eyes glare at hers. I relive everything she's done to me, every word she's said about me. I realise that she could've saved me. She could've helped. But no, she chose someone else over her own damn best friend.

Someone who hurt me.

My eyes are dead. They were dead ever since I saw my best friend leave me on this wretched earth all alone. They just continued to become darker and darker after every horrible thing I've experienced. Every bullet shot at me, a part of me crumbles. A part of me that I can never get back. A part of me that dies. Lost in the endless cycle that is this earth.

I walk away from Nora and her remorseless face. She should have remorse. She should be remorseful for all that she's done to me, all that she made me become.

But she isn't. And she never will be.

I like to think that deep down, she still cares about me after everything that's happened. I hope so. I really do. But isn't that all it is? Just a hopeful wish, something that may never come true.

I make my way away from the lockers all while feeling Nora and her new friend group's eyes stare me down. Idiots.

Suddenly, I start to wonder what I should do today since I have such a wide variety of options. Option A, sit in the library alone for lunch. Option B, sit on the bench alone for lunch. Or Option C, sit on the stairs alone for lunch.

Option C's the winner, baby.

As I make my way towards the stairs, I notice someone sitting there. As soon as I see him, my eyes widen. l don't know why and I can't really explain it, but, it almost felt like a faint and distant longing. Like somehow, someway, he's familiar in my heart. Like, I've known him or I need to know him.

He reciprocates my entire body language. Almost like, he feels it too. Like he also feels how I feel. But, I don't know what this feeling is.

It's strangely comforting, like wandering on this dark and dusty earth at the crack of dawn, hues of pale blues and pink paint the sky and I'm the last person alive on this barren wasteland. Just me and no one else. Except, he's here with me.

After a while of feeling this melancholic ache in my heart, I immediately turn around. Can't sit there anymore, too much weird feelings, guess I'm going with Option A.

"No, wait," he says, "You can sit here if you like."

Does he really mean it? He wants me to sit next to him? That's new.

I turn around awkwardly and begin contemplating if I should take his offer and sit next to him. After a while I give in to his kindness, what do I have to lose? I'll be dead by the end of this month.

I take a sit on the stairs next to him. He gives me a smile. I feel myself tear up almost instantaneously. Thankfully, I pinch myself fast enough to prevent any tears from escaping my eyes.

His green eyes look delicate and light. Nothing like mine.

"I'm Charlie Waters, and you?" he asks me, eager for a response.

Charlie Waters.

As in bad boy Charlie Waters? As in almost beat someone to death back in freshman year, Charlie Waters?

Oh, damn. So, he's back after spending sometime in juvie. Good on him, I guess. I mean, I don't really know how I feel.

"I'm Melanie Hall," I say bluntly and in a monotonous voice.

He tries shaking my hand but I retaliate in disgust. The moment falls silent for a little while before he picks up the conversation again.

"Oh, you're Nora's friend, right?" He asks me. Oh, sweet child. Sweet, innocent child. That witch of a teenager is not my friend and never will be.

"Uh, ex-friend," I respond to him, emphasising the 'ex.'

We let the moment fall silent again, although this time, it feels natural. Like a natural silence.

We take this opportunity to watch the enticing scenery of our high school. We're sat at a perfect view, the clear blue sky perfectly harmonizing with the cool February setting paired with the rowdiness and noise of typical teenagers.

A perfect contrast. Peace and noise.

"So, Melanie, I was thinking, maybe we could be friends?" He asks me, looking me deeply in my eyes as I respond with boring into his.

"Why?" I immediately start to question him and his intentions. What if he's just another boy?

"Well, because, we're kind of loners. I lost all my friends because I almost, um, killed someone, no one wants to speak to me," he replies.

"I've considered your application for our friendship, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to deny it," I retort sharply.

I get up from the stairs and walk away, leaving him there alone with just his feelings.

Why did I leave him?

He could've been the one to save me, but I just rejected him. I was reaching for help, begging for it, craving it, and when help was right in front of me, I turn it down.

What is wrong with me?

Why am I pushing everyone away?

I deserve everything that happens to me.

I deserve death.

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1081 words
01/12/22