February 5th.

I write the date in cursive lettering on the top of my blank notebook.

I enjoy writing in cursive. Everything just flows together nicely, creating one perfect rhythm.

However, if one letter ends up bad, it messes everything up. I resonate with that, in fact, I think that explains the story of my life.

Everything meshed well and worked together, then all of a sudden, it didn't. One event messes everything up. And that one event creates a domino effect. One by one, things start to go awry, killing a part of me as the traumatising events occur. Leaving me with nothing. No idea of who I am and why I'm alive.

The story of Melanie Hall's life.

Of my life.

I block out the sounds of the faceless people surrounding me, even the teacher.

I start to get lost in a sea of numbness, engulfed in a trance of hues of icy blue as I stare out the window.

I don't feel like I'm in class.

I feel like I'm nowhere. In the midst of nothingness.

I don't even know why I go to school anymore.

I guess it's because I want to hear the bell. I want to hear the bell disrupt my suicidal thoughts, hoping that the next bell I hear will be someone. Someone who disrupts my thoughts permanently. Someone who replaces those thoughts with warmth.

All I want is for all of this to end.

I look around and stare at all the people. My potential lifesavers.

They all look the same. A room full of desperate people. Whether it's wanting to be popular, wanting the best grades or even wanting to be seen in this world, they're all the same to me. Just a couple of people who missed the opportunity to save someone from the grim hands of death. A couple of people who's faces I've blocked from my mind, a couple of nobodies in my life.

They could've been the one to save me. But it'll be too late.

Once I'm dead, the only thing they should be saving is themselves. Saving themselves from immense guilt. They should know that they are part of the reason why I'm dead. They should know that because they couldn't save me, they're murderers.

They killed me by not noticing.

If one of them, just one, had noticed, maybe the outcome would've been different.

Maybe.

Just then the bell rings, forcing me out of my morbid trance.

I take out my timetable and cringe at what I have next.

P.E.

As I make my way over to the sports building, I find myself feeling nauseous.

I absolutely despise P.E. I do everything in my power to avoid it. Whether it's faking sick, skipping or just not going to school that day. You name it, I've done it.

The wretched scent of the changing room sets the scene as I know it'll be 2 awful periods.

With my bags in my hand, I find a small corner to get changed in.

"Hey." A voice says from across the room.

It's Nora.

And she isn't speaking in her normal, obnoxious tone, she actually sounds calm, believe it or not.

"Hey." I respond in a skeptical manner.

I don't know her intentions. As a matter of fact, I don't know anybody's intentions.

"I was jus- I-, you know what, never mind." She awkwardly smiles and goes back to tying her laces. She then leaves the section of the changing room I'm in to find her friends. That's when I hear it, that obnoxious voice. I can tell it's faked. I can tell that it's not truly her.

Thats the first time she's ever spoken to me in a genuine manner since the incident.

Wow. Felt surreal.

I don't think much of it, though. She probably wanted to ask for a tampon or something.

I continue dressing up in my little corner and change into a pair of grey sweatpants and an oversized beige tee-shirt.

I slide my feet into a pair of trainers and messily tie the shoelaces.

I look myself in the mirror and almost laugh at what I see staring back.

Fuck. I'm in sports mode.

In my head, I start imagining I'm a world-renowned athlete.

Nobody should get too close, I have a PhD in sports and I'm not afraid to use it.

Wow, this is nice.

Looking back in retrospect, it feels nice to just be a bit silly for once.

For that split second, I felt it all get lifted off my shoulders. My mind was empty.

That must be how others feel.

I sigh and take my water bottle out of my bag and walk into the sports hall.

"Alright, alright, alright," My P.E teacher, Mrs Damond yells in an attempt to quiet the hall full of rowdy teenage girls down, "We are going to be doing...netball, that's right, girls get the balls out and then we'll talk teams and positions."

I stay where I am and watch as Nora and her three best friends bring out the netballs from the equipment cupboard.

Their giggles sound like nails on a chalkboard. Especially Nora's. Hers is the fakest.

She fakes everything.

It's sad to see.

"A-Okay, let's get started. There are going to be a total of four games going on. Two outside and two inside. Split yourselves into eight groups of seven." Mrs Damond instructs.

I don't really know where to go. Like before, I just stand there, unable to do anything or go to anyone.

"Hey." An unfamiliar voice calls out to me.

I turn to see someone that I haven't seen before.

"Hi?" I say, unsure of why she's speaking to me. Seriously, though, why is everyone speaking to me all of a sudden? Like who am I, The Queen?

"So, I'm Alexa, but you can just call me Lexi. I'm new here and I don't really have anyone to be with, so I was wondering if I could just stay with you for a bit. I mean, if that's okay. Is it okay?" She rambles.

"You talk a lot," I respond, dodging her question.

She smiles sadly and it pains my heart.

I give her a reassuring smile as a way to tell her she can stay with me.

I'm not quite sure if she gets the message.

Out of the blue, she gives me a hug.

Never mind, I think she gets it.

Right from the get go, Lexi takes initiative and drags me by my hand to join a team.

As we join, I can tell that the other team members aren't happy I'm on their team. I have quite a bad reputation to be fair.

"Okey-dokey folks, now amongst yourselves, decide who's playing what positions and then grab the bibs from the bench." Our teacher says cheerfully.

"I'll play Wing Defence," I say. I pick a position that doesn't really do anything.

"I'll play Centre," Lexi says, she's nothing like me. She's okay with being out there, she's not afraid.

"I'll play Goal Defence, Anna, you should play Wing Attack, Bentley, you can play Goal Keeper, Georgia, you be Goal Shooter and Lia, you can play Goal Attack." Brianna, our team captain instructs.

"Okay, since all the teams are decided, let's get started! Brianna go against Nora's team and Sherry go against Gina's. You guys will be playing inside. Come on, chop chop, get into positions, girls." Mrs Damond blows the whistle, which gives us the signal to begin playing.

As soon as the whistle blows, I leave this world.

I enter my dream world and the whistle plays in the back of my mind.

A blurry image encapsulates my mind and second by second, the image gets clearer.

The whistle slowly turns into the sound of a flatline and tears begin to well up within my eyes as I notice where my mind transported me to.

My warm tears beautifully contrast with the cold hands of my dead friend lying on the hospital bed.

Her pallid face, an image I've desperately been trying to block out of my mind for years, makes something shift within me.

"Layla, don't leave me," I whisper quietly in her ears through a stream of tears.

"She's gone, darling, I'm sorry," the nurse says as she tries comforting me.

I was twelve, she was eleven.

Her death constantly haunts me.

The reason for this is because she was alone.

She left this world alone.

No one was there.

Her parents weren't there, none of her family were there. She died lonely.

That fact will never fail to break my heart.

She was found alone on the street, with an empty bottle of pills clutched in her hand.

She died of an overdose.

"Melanie, Melanie!"

I hear a voice saying which paired along with the sound of the flatline create a macabre foreshadowing of my life.

One day, that'll happen.

Someone will be shouting my name while the sound of the flatline echoes within their head, scarring them for life.

I open my eyes and find myself lying on the bench. I look up and see Nora's face staring directly at mine.

I flinch back in horror and land face flat on the sticky gym floors.

"Ugh," I groan.

"Are you okay?" Nora asks.

"Mhm, great," I say, giving her a thumbs up for reassurance.

"Sure you are," she responds.

She rolls me on my back and pulls me back up on the bench.

"Thanks," I express my gratitude.

"You're welcome," she replies.

"Ow, why does everything hurt?" I ask.

"You blacked out," she says.

"Huh, I blacked out?" I exclaim.

"Yeah, you were staring into space for a hot minute and I accidentally hit you in the face with the ball. Sorry," she looks down at the floor as if she feels bad for what she did.

"Really, are you sure it was an accident or did you do it intentionally?" I ask, rolling my eyes.

"No, I swear it was an accident," she defends herself.

"Oh, okay," I say. I guess I actually believe her.

"Hey, can I just ask, are you okay?" Nora says, staring into my eyes with her deep green eyes. I stare back into hers.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" I respond.

"It's just, back when we were friends you told me about how you zone out sometimes, as if you were entering another world?" she says.

I chuckle lightly. She actually remembers.

"No, that was stupid, I'm fine, I promise," I give her a friendly smile as I lie through my teeth.

"Oh, okay, great, I should probably get back to playing," she says awkwardly as she begins to walk back into the game.

I reply by giving her a smile.

She stops in her tracks and turns around.

"Hey, can I trust you with something?" she asks.

"Of course," I say, a confused face displaying itself on my face.

"You know Jake?" she continues, a depressing tone taking over her natural voice.

A sharp pain hits my heart and I desperately try to blink tears away.

"Mhm," I say quietly.

"You know what, never mind," she smiles briefly and walks away.

Jake Saunders.

I wish I didn't know him.
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1888 words
11/02/23