you can love someone
but a love that's not meant to last
rather,
this love is
a love that's only meant
to be a shooting star
a brief glimpse
or dream
of bliss

meant to be experienced
not preserved

not a forever love
but a moment kind of love.

August 13, 2013

My dad's strong arms envelope me for a moment, crushing me against his chest, and I hold on for dear life. Don't leave.

"You'll be okay, peanut," he smiles, but I know that his smile isn't real.

Mom stands behind him, a pencil in her fingers poised over her alphabetized list, "Are you sure you packed sunscreen? Extra socks? A roll of toilet paper?"

Her eyes spastically jump from the paper to me, and I wonder who needs more reassurance, me or her.

"Yes, Mom. We triple checked before we loaded the car. Dad even stopped to buy me more trail mix at the gas station," I smile as much to dispel my own concern as hers.

"I think I stopped because you had to pee," Dad corrects with a half attempt at humor.

Mom touches my arm gingerly, "I'm proud of you, sweetie."

"I know," I laugh, but unwanted tears still form in my eyes as she hugs me.

Her hug is almost violent in its sincerity. It tells me, it's going to be okay, Rach. You'll be fine.

I signed up for this trip four months ago on a whim. I had been accepted to attend Regent University when a flier I received in the mail caught my attention. "Wilderness Program." The letters were bold and blue and accompanied by soaring panoramic pictures of mountains and forests with an isolated hiker or two thrown in for good measure.

My dad caught me looking at the flier and exclaimed, "A backpacking trip! You should do it, Rach. You love hiking!"

I do love hiking, though Dad loves it more. Dad, Gramps, and I hiked the Appalachian Trail by our house regularly. This program, however, was a two week backpacking trip at the beginning of my freshman year. The trip promised team-building, outdoor-exploring, and friend-making.

I had a rare moment of brazen courage and signed up. That brought me here, standing in Regent University's gymnasium in gym shorts and a ratty t-shirt with a backpack that weighed about half as much as me leaning against my legs.

I see student leaders in matching red t-shirts holding signs with our names on them. The leaders area bouncing all over the place, their exuberance so darkly contrasting my stark fear.

"You ready to go in there?"

Nope.

Mom and Dad are standing outside the gym with other parents as equally reluctant to surrender their children as they are. Right now, all I really want to do is desert my backpack and run back to my dorm room to hide for a few weeks before classes start.

Dad senses my reluctance and wraps an arm around me again, "You'll be fine, Rach. What's the worst thing that can happen?"

Don't get me started. My over-active imagination has already explored quite a few worst-case scenarios, including but not limited to being eaten by a grizzly bear, being left tied to a canoe in the middle of the ocean, and being burnt alive in a forest fire I accidentally started that also kills an adorable family of opossums. Smokey the Bear will be so disappointed in me.

"Go get 'em, hun!" My mom finally adds with an encouraging shove.

I topple forward and my backpack falls to the floor of the gym, a loud bang echoing when my caribiner connects with the floor. My face heats and I shoulder my backpack, staggering under the weight, and set off to find my team.

Everyone seems so loud--chattering and squealing and emitting frightening levels of ebullience. I scan the signs that the student leaders in their blaring red t-shirts are waving and finally catch sight of my name. I sigh and pull my backpack higher onto my shoulders, feeling it dwarf me and cast a shadow over my face.

I walk over and stand awkwardly outside the circle of students surrounding the two leaders. The other freshmen don't look nearly as terrified as I am. One of the leaders notices me, a tall, gangly guy with a crop of auburn hair held back by a red bandana.

He throws an arm around my shoulders and shakes me in what I think is supposed to be an enthusiastic side hug. His voice is incredibly loud in my ear.

"Welcome to the team! I'm David Beck, but you can call me Davy. You must be Rachel!"

My eyes widen and I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat, "That's me."

The other leader, a girl with blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, jumps in with a soft, low voice, "I'm Jessie, welcome! Davy and I are the leaders."

I nod in acquiescence and offer a thin smile.  Jessie's returning smile is a comfort--she seems to understand my uneasiness. She is also speaking at volumes that are natural to the human ear, so I like her already.

"Most of the crew is here already," she says, motioning to the other three freshmen standing in preparation, their backpacks propped against them on the floor. "Let's trade introductions."

The first one offers me a handshake and a sideways grin. He's a tall black guy with a chiseled jawline and a confident smile, "I'm Tyler. Nice to meet you, Rachel."

The other guy standing next to him is cute with curly brown hair and a dimpled smile, "Hey! I'm Nate."

I offer a smile that may have come across more of a grimace. The girl standing next to me looks much less intimidating and I step closer to her. She's a short, curvy Hispanic girl in a pair of Vans who looks every bit as unprepared as I feel.

"I'm Meredith," she says, offering me a cheeky grin.

I huddle next to her and laugh awkwardly, "Are you as nervous as I am?"

"I should be nervous," Meredith laughs, "But I've already decided I'm going to be the weakest link in this gang."

I grin, "Glad to know I'm not alone."

Jessie jumps in, "We're waiting for one more guy and then we'll head up to our camping spot for the night."

I nod and pull my backpack from my shoulders, staggering a little as it lands on the floor with a clunk. I bend over to find a hairband to pull my shoulder length curls into a ponytail when another voice sounds behind me.

"Hey, y'all!"

The voice is low but warm, and I turn to see the final member of our group offering a friendly grin to our group.

Davy, the male leader, throws a hand in his face, "You must be Josh! Now the gang's all here."

The new guy, Josh, stands next to me. He's average height but broad-shouldered and well built. He turns towards me and Meredith and sends us a friendly, attractive smile. Though the smile was meant to be disarming, I am paralyzed  for a moment as his eyes, blue and icy, crinkle in a smile and meet mine.

I've always had a weakness for blue eyes.

~~~~~

Sigh. I am LOVING writing this book, and this first chapter was so much fun.

So, what'd you think of the first chapter? What was your first impression of Rachel? Of Josh? Did any of the other characters stick out to you? Do you like blue eyes as much as she does? ;)

Would you ever go on a wilderness trip with a bunch of strangers?

Thank you SO MUCH for reading! Please comment to let me know what you think and if you enjoyed it, please vote! More to come soon.

Shoutout to vivienneroth for the fan art - you rock! :)