and he looked at her
like she was his earth
and he her revolving planet
he yearned for every glance
savoring each
growing drunk off the taste
of her smile.

August 19, 2013

My stomach is cramped from laughter. I honestly can't remember the last time I laughed so deeply. It's late in the afternoon and we've finished a long day of hiking; we're only two days from the end of the trip, and by now, my feet are blistered and my back sore, but my heart is full. Joy is like a fountain of heat inside of me, pressing against my chest and escaping only in laughter.

We've just thrown our backpacks down and are procrastinating on setting up camp. We've propped ourselves against rocks near by and we rest in the sun and in our hard work. We've hiked ten or fifteen miles today; based on what my body's telling me, I'm guessing it's closer to the latter. 

Jessie's voice calls me to attention, "Before we make dinner and set up camp, does anyone feel like taking a dip in the swimming hole?"

Tyler lets out a whoop of agreement and rips off his shirt, running towards the swimming hole with gusto. Josh and Nate follow suit and jump into the water enthusiastically, sending splashes of water soaring in the air.

Meredith and I shed our t-shirts, revealing our brightly colored but sweat-stained sports bras, and clamber into the water after them. After such a long day of hiking, it feels good to let our muscles relax and our bodies cool in the frigid water. Josh, Tyler, and Nate have already started racing each other in the butterfly, and I don't have the heart to tell them that they've  got nothing on Michael Phelps. 

I lean backwards and float on my back, legs and arms still. Meredith treads water next to me, her thick black hair in five or six French braids, matching mine.

"My mom made me sign up for this trip," she says randomly.

I swim upright and look at her, her eyes gazing at the tops of the trees above us.

"My dad...well, she wanted to get me out of the house as soon as possible. Over the summer, I lived with a friend and worked at a warehouse just to get away from him. I didn't even know I was going on this trip until the day before." Her eyes are glossy and distant.

"Do you regret coming?"

She turns to me with a half-smile on her face, "Nope. I don't believe in regrets."

All I have is regrets. My regrets are why I came on this trip, to leave home and high school behind me. To be brave for once in my life. To stop cowhering in shadows and letting others speak for me. 

"I'm gonna relax on that rock for a while," I tell Mer, motioning to a nearby boulder that's bathed in sunlight.

I climb onto it, feeling the sun dispelling the cold of the water from my skin. I rub my sore legs and arch my toes, letting my entire body relax. Leaning backwards against the rock and curling my knees under me, my eyes fall shut. Did you ever expect to be this happy? At the beginning of everything? No. I had expected to hate these two weeks. I had expected to make a fool of myself. Are you ready to leave here? No. Every time I think about the upcoming semester and going back to real life, I'm filled with that familiar burning anxiety. No, I'm definitely not ready.

I must have dozed off because when I hear Josh's voice, I sit up in a rush and bang my elbow against the rock.

"Hey, sleepyhead."

He's sitting next beside me, watching me with that ever-present smirk on his face.

"Oww," I grumble, rubbing my jarred funny bone and turning to him with my knees pulled to my chest.

"What are you doing up here?" I ask him, twisting my head sideways.

"You looked like you could use some company," his smile is soft, a dimple forming in one cheek.

I scowl, "I was taking a nap."

"No, you were up here thinking."

I cock my head and look at him, surprised. When did he get to know me so well?

"How could you tell?"

"You had that look in your eyes, like you're thinking about something far away," he says, his voice almost dream-like. "Plus, you wrinkle your nose."

I don't say anything and we fall silent for a while before he speaks up again. This time, his gaze isn't on me but on the trees in the distance. His eyes darken as he thinks, the electric blue deepens to azure and his eyebrows furrow.

"So? What are you thinking about?" Josh asks, his captivating  gaze turning to me.

 I'm stunned silent for a moment by both his gaze and his question, "I-I'm thinking about going back to Regent."

"But we still have a few more days here," he says, gesturing to our gorgeous scenery.

He's right--I should stop thinking about the future and just relax. Live in the moment. That's not me, however. I always think ahead and try to plan my life out to the second. Josh and I are so different.

"What are you worried about?" He asks, leaning beside me so our bare shoulders are touching. "Classes?"

I snort, "No, classes are the least of my concern."

I've already done a year of college while in high school through the local community college. What I lack in social graces I make up for in intelligence and drive.  Basically, I fit the stereotype of a nerd, minus the obsession with Star Trek.

He rolled his eyes, "Some of us aren't so confident. So what is it, then? What's bothering you?"

"I worry that when we go back, all of this will change," I gesture to the group of us. "We're different people--really different. What if we go back and we aren't...we don't stay like this?"

Josh turns his head lazily towards me, strands of dark hair dancing across his forehead in the breeze, "You don't have to worry about that, Rach. You can't get rid of me that easily."

My heart warms at his words and I smile back at him. Where has my reserve gone? The way I carefully monitor every look and touch to make sure my guard stays up? His hand brushes mine and I feel the tingle that snakes up my arm at his touch.

"You seem so at home here," I observe. 

He does--I can tell how much he loves every part of this trip. He is the first one awake in the morning and the last one to bed at night. He hides in the woods where he thinks no one can see him to think. He sets up the tents every night. He offers to carry Meredith's and my packs when we're tired. 

He smiles softly at me, "If I could do this for the rest of my life, I would."

"Aren't you majoring in Outdoor Rec? This could be your job--getting blisters and using leaves as toilet paper."

Josh laughs again, but I can see the longing in his eyes. This is all he wants. Maybe he thinks about the future sometimes too.

"C'mon. Stop thinking about the future for a few minutes, Rach. Just have fun."

His hand grabs mine and he pulls me to my feet, squeezing my hand in his larger one. He pulls me forward and leaps into the pool below us. I jump too, laughing, as we catapult into the water below.

It's a lot easier to live in the moment when Josh is beside me.

~~~~~

*Sigh*. I really like this chapter. The whole exchange at the end was probably my favorite part to write up to this point. My favorite thing is that Josh and Rachel have more than just physical chemistry--there's something else there. 

So...what do you think will happen next? Do you think Josh likes Rachel as much as she likes him? Is it friendship? Is it more?

What do you think of Josh so far? He and Rachel are pretty different, but do you think it's a bad kind of different? 

Let me know what you think, and please comment (and vote) to tell me! :)