RACHEL

That evening, I found the hot shithead waiting for me in the library. Dressed in a simple pair of black jeans and a wine red t-shirt, he sat on a blue couch in a corner of the enormous library.

He hadn't seemed to notice me when I walked up to him because he was busy digging through the pile of books on the table before him as if he was searching for something.

Noticing the book was lying on the floor by my feet, I sighed before rolling my eyes. Reluctantly, I picked up the book and dropped it on the table, leading his gaze to instantly shoot up to meet mine.

His dark brown eyes met mine and I took a small step back.

Surprised, he raised his eyebrows before smiling. His eyes wrinkled in an annoyingly cute way making me quickly look away.

Still surprised, he continued to smile. "You actually came."

"Had no other choice. Aunt Bella would've dragged me out of my dorm anyway as irritating as she is," I muttered before I plopped down in the couch, sitting across from him.

"I'm staying an hour and then I'm out," I added, absentmindedly fiddling with my black painted nails.

"But Mrs Wilson said three hours everyday," he argued.

"She convinced me to come. That's all she'll ever convince me of," I snapped.

"But," he begun, his smooth voice the slightest of annoying to my ears.

"No buts or else I'm leaving," I interrupted, irritated by him already.

Elliot shot me a "are you serious?" look before sighing.

"Let's start with history. The American history," he informed, picking up the history book and skimming through the pages to find the right chapter.

"I hate history," I muttered, frustrated.

I used love all the subjects before, but now all my motivation had died in just one blink. Getting up from bed was the hardest thing nowadays.

"What's your name? Shouldn't you start by that or should I continue to call you shithead?" I questioned, grabbing a pen and drawing on my hand with it.

"Elliot Waters," he said before standing up and sitting down next to me.

Not very close, but so close that it definitely made me want to smack him. His presence next to me made me feel the slightest of uncomfortable. Okay, very uncomfortable.

It had been ages since the last time someone sat so close to me. But that time, those people sat close to a princess. Nobody wanted to sit so close to a disgusting and wrecked person like me anymore.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked, harshly.

"Well, I'm your tutor, not your interviewer. I'm here to help you with your studies. Not sit across from you and interview you." He spoke as if I was a baby not able to understand proper English.

"Stop talking to me like that or else I swear I'll slap you on that pretty face of yours," I threatened.

Elliot put on an amusing smile before placing the history book in my lap and taking the pen out of my hand.

"As fascinating as your art on your hands is, this isn't art class. History is our main focus. The American history," he reminded.

I glanced rapidly at him. He said my art was fascinating. Only if he knew the art in my head.

Without thought, I quickly stood up and walk away while confusion clouded Elliot's face.

"Rachel...Adams!" I froze when he mimicked my name the way aunt Bella did to grab my attention.

I didn't know why, but it always grabbed my attention. However, I never expected it to do the same when others said my name like that.

I turned around and shot him a sharp look.

"Did you just say that my face is pretty?" He asked, slightly surprised.

"Fuck. you," I said, loud and clearly before storming off.

I heared Elliot sigh of exasperation before sinking down in the sofa, defeated.

~

That night after having two big glasses of strawberry milkshake and complaining about Elliot the whole time with Vici at the cafe downtown who just smirked and laughed the whole time, I returned to my dorm room, completely exhausted and drained.

After pulling off my blue coat and boots, I changed into a t-shirt and pink shorts before dropping my body on the bed.

Just when I was about to drift off to sleep, the gunshots returned and my whole body reacted by cringing violently. Not forever though, because nothing in my life was forever.
Every breath I took was a battle in my head, every thought swirling in my mind was a war. And I was losing this war, slowly, but definitely losing. And it wasn't long before my body, mind, heart and soul accepted their defeat. My defeat.

Just like that, I staggered towards the wall where I sunk down on my knees, lying on the cold floor as my inner demons created a another war in my head and the gunshots continue to echo like a violent vibration through me. They always returned. They always did. Ready to hunt me down and destroy my mind and my thoughts. That was only if my mind and thoughts didn't destroy me first.

~

The next day, before the teacher had arrived, I sat in the back of the classroom, drawing on my hands with my same old blue pen.

I liked to draw the sun, the moon and the stars. Three beauties which you could make your own symbolization of. They didn't symbolize one thing. They could symbolize anything you wanted them to symbolize.

I didn't like to look at them one by one. I enjoyed looking at them at the same time. That's why, having all three symbols on my hands was my solution to be amazed by them.

While I was drawing a star on the pale skin of my finger, my gaze coincidentally stopped on him sitting a few seats away with a few friends.

Reluctantly, I silently gazed at him. The same dazzling sky blue eyes completely identical to the real sky. The same cute freckles on his nose, which I kissed everyday and his constant pink cheeks, turned even more pink, almost red.
His dark brown hair I loved running my hands through and sent a fuzzy feeling tingling through me. The way he called me "princess" just to kiss my flaming red cheeks and hear my shy giggle. The way my heart melted as his rosy lips peppered my face with kisses. And last but not least, how pure happiness made me giggle when our lips were against each other.

Every touch, every thought, every word around him felt and sounded like a beautiful echo. A soothing echo.

He was my prince and I was his princess. We lived in a fairytale. Our love was a fairytale.

However, his betrayal taught me that love in real life isn't a fairytale.

In reality, the people who loved you and who you loved, betrayed you when you least expected it. When you wanted them to love you the most, they just ripped your trust apart and threw it away.

That was the real definition of love. Betrayal. Just betrayal. Will Harris taught me that. And that was a lesson I would never forget.

My heart ached and I tightened my fists so hard, I felt them turn immensely pale.

However, what could I do? Along with being depressed, I was also a heartbroken girl. And heartbreak hurt. It hurt like hell.

Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by a book dropping itself on my desk. Startled, my gaze jerked up and I met Elliot's dark brown eyes.

Suddenly, my heart stopped aching.

"Since you left after ten minutes yesterday, you are reading this chapter before we start studying this evening," he commanded, sternly.

However, his strict expression, softened when he noticed a tiny little tear rolling down my cheek.

"Rachel," he begun, but I quickly wiped the tear away.

"You okay?" He asked, softly.

Feeling my temper rise, I threw the book down on the floor with a quick, yet violent movement.

Not expecting that, Elliot was startled and furrowed his brows. Everybody's attention in the classroom was rapidly transferred to us.

When everyone fell into silence, I took a big step closer to him and pointed a warning finger towards him.

"Don't you dare ever ask me that question again," I threatened, sharply.

"Rachel," he begun, gently. There was lack of amusement and no goofy grin on his face.

He was worried. Pure worried.

"Shut up!" I exclaimed, my voice cutting through the silence.

Suddenly, Will's sky blue eyes met mine and he frowned of worry and regret that he should've thought about a long time ago. It was too late for that regret and guilt now. Those two emotions on his face made me sick. So sick.

I pushed Elliot aside to get out of this hell that sometimes felt worse than the hell in my mind.

However, when Elliot grabbed my wrist, I flinched so violently that I knocked down a chair.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed at him, immense rage boiling inside of me.

Elliot stood frozen, his gaze fixed on mine, both horrified and frightened by my sudden reaction.

Feeling my wrist ache of pain, I stormed out of the classroom while Will's frown bored into my back. I fought the urge to slap him. Slap him so hard that he started crying the way I cried when he...When he betrayed me just like that as if it was the simplest thing in the world to him. To betray me. His princess.

~

"What do you mean you're not apologizing?"

I was currently sitting in the cafe and just told Vici what happened at school today. I expected a lot of things from her reaction, but commanding me to apologize to Elliot was definitely not one of them.

"Why the hell should I apologize to him?" I snapped, frustrated.

"In case you forgot, you cried and he asked if your were okay. He was concerned for you," she reminded, sternly.

"I didn't cry," I mumbled, throwing the cherry in the trash can by my feet and briefly licking some of the whipped cream on top of my milkshake.

"I just had something in my eye," I took a big sip of the milkshake, letting the sweet strawberry taste melt in my mouth.

"Yes, you did have something in your eye. And it's called a tear." She looked at me with a strict expression.

Annoyed, I sighed before rolling my eyes.

"Why do you even care? You didn't care when I punched Will in the face, almost breaking his nose," I muttered.

"I don't know, the way you talk about Elliot, he kind of sounds different. Not any ordinary hot dude who's an asshole," she admitted, stirring her mint tea in a mug with a spoon.

She was clearly pointing to Will. Speaking of that asshole, when I told Vici my story, I also told her what Madelaine and Will did to me as well. She didn't say anything, but a few shitty words uttered out of her mouth, directed to none other than Will Harris.

"If you haven't noticed, you were down and he didn't betray you like Will Harrison did. Elliot Waters asked if you were okay. Did Will Harris do that?" She questioned, studying my face to look for an answer.

Not wanting to think about that jerk, I quickly shook my head. And then I sighed in surrender.

"Okay, fine! You're right. I'll apologize to that hot shithead tomorrow," I mumbled.

"Promise?" She asked, smiling amusingly.

Sighing, I groaned of defeat and slapped my palm on my forehead before slowly dragging it down my face. Vici chuckled, amusement screaming in her laughter.

"I promise. Happy?" I questioned with a fake smile.

"You know Victoria Roman will never be happy, right?" She raised her eyebrows at me, clearly knowing my reply.

"Neither will I." My voice was flat and clear, as always.

Vici smiled. Just smiled. And I was perfectly okay with that.

I drank up the milkshake with one big sip, the sweetness and coldness spreading out altogether down my throat and my stomach.

"You got a pen?" I questioned when she grabbed my empty glass for a refill.

After picking up a pen next to the cash register, Vici shot me a warning look.

"You know this art of yours is bad for the skin or something, right?"

"You really think I care?"

"Nope, you don't," she replied, flatly before tossing the pen in my direction.

I skillfully grabbed it before throwing her a sly grin. Vici grinned back while leaning her weight on the counter and sipping her tea.

Meanwhile, I continued to draw my all times favorite symbols on my hands, the sun, the moon and the stars.

Vici and I had been through real pain. However, she and I weren't on the same boat. Vici and I had two completely different stories. I did a horrible and extremely absurd thing. Vici had no fault in why her parents left her like that.

However, we did share the same pain. Pain of betrayal. Real pain and real betrayal.

I guess that's why even though we weren't on the same boat, our boats often passed by each other. And I really liked that. A thing I really appreciated in this fucked up life of mine.

One major thing she and I had in common was that neither was Victoria Roman or Rachel Adams waiting for a happy ending. Neither were we expecting one. Because in this crucially absurd world, she and I only wanted an ending. Just an ending.

*****

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