ELLIOT

"Here's the phone? You can go talk to your mom in your dorm and deliver it back here once you're done," Mrs. Wilson said, giving a cell phone to me with a smile on her face.

In between all the classes and studying, I had finally found the time to call mom. I had been restless all day by wondering how she was doing. I hoped she and Elizabeth spent the evenings together. I really hated thinking about the fact that mom sat by herself in the apartment.

"Thank you so much," I said, taking the phone in my hand and hurrying towards the door to her office.

"Elliot?"

I turned around to meet Mrs Wilson's gaze. She sat behind her desk with her hands folded together.

"I want you and Rachel to start studying in your dorm instead of the library," she informed.

Confused, I furrowed my brows.

"I walked passed the library once where you two were studying on the first floor. Many students were talking and whispering about you. I don't want Rachel to feel uncomfortable while studying with you," she explained.

"But don't you think the others students will react more if she comes to my dorm...?" I questioned, carefully.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of that," she assured, softly.

Still feeling the slightest of weirded out, I gently nodded.

"Thank you. Elliot," she said while I exited the room and headed to my dorm.

On my way, a sudden thought hit me.
Rachel's scars on her wrists showed up in my mind, leading shivers to run down my spine.

Lack of motivation. Suicidal thoughts. Self-harm. Study in the evenings. Have her in my room.

"No way," I whispered, running my both hands through my hair of unexpected realization.

My heart pounded of shock and my palms felt sweaty of sudden anxiousness. As my next words left my mouth, I was left breathless.

"I'm on suicide watch."

After dialing mom's number, I held the phone to my ear while lying in my bed.

"Hello?"

My heart stopped by hearing a familiar soft voice over the speaker. A voice so soft and soothing, it made all my problems vanish into thin air the minute it reached to me.

"Mom?" I whispered.

I heard her let out a short gasp, both of surprise and relief.

"Elliot! Elliot, is that you?" She asked, almost as if she didn't believe it was her one and only son she was talking to.

I smiled. " Yes, it's me, mom. It's me."

"God, I've missed you so much. You have no idea," I confessed.

"I've missed you too. It's been a whole week. How are you, dear?" She asked, her voice like soft wind gently blowing past me.

"I'm okay. And you? Your health, the nightmares and your job? Are you eating properly?" The questioned pour out of my mouth, uncontrollably.

I heard a short laugh over the speaker. Mom's cute and humble laugh.

"I'm okay, dear. I really am," she assured, softly.

My pounding heart calmed down and my tensed muscles relaxed. I exhaled deeply and every negative thought faded, putting my mind to ease.

Mom's voice was like a cure. It mentally healed me. That was just how it was.

"What about you? How's the boarding school? Do you like it there?" She questioned, curiously.

"Yeah, the teachers and the students are amazing. The food is good and the dorms are nice and comfortable. I've made a few friends as well. The rules are pretty strict here though," I informed, gazing up at the ceiling.

"That's amazing. I'm glad you like it there," she said, her soft smile clouding my mind.

"As for the strict rules, as long as you don't pick fights with the other boys, you'll be okay," she added.

My smile instantly faded.

"Yeah, about that," I said, carefully.

"Elliot. No, you didn't," she warned. I imagined her smile fading as well.

"Who was it and why?" She asked, the slightest of disappointed.

"She punched a guy and," I began, but mom quickly interrupted.

"She?!" She sounded shocked. She was shocked.

"You had a fight with a girl? Elliot, please don't tell me you hurt her." Now her voice was filled with warning.

"I didn't. Just let me explain," I told her.

Mom sighed. "I'm listening."

"It happened on my first day here. She was picking a fight with another guy who I later found out was her ex boyfriend. She punched him and before she could do it once more, I pulled her away from him. The two of us started bickering and I ended up pushing her on the floor. I was just trying to stop her from hurting him again. I promise, mom," I explained.

Mom sighed once more. "Okay, I guess that's not that bad."

"Well, it wasn't just that bad for the principal here, which is by the way her aunt. My punishment is to tutor her the rest of the school year, because she's failing in every subject."

"Oh, but it can't be that bad. I mean you're so good at studying. I'm sure you're a great teacher," she assured. 

"But mom she hates me. She's got bad anger issues. I don't think I've ever seen her not in an angry mood. My friends told me she's also depressed," I informed.

"Oh no," mom whispered while I imagined a frown forming on her face.

I exhaled a deep breath. "Yeah."

"Ever since the first day, she's always been angry. Yesterday, I gave her too much homework so she started yelling at me. She said that she was indeed depressed," I whispered, tightly.

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head to push the sight of her damaged wrists away.

"She said she gets angry and then tired and it feels like she's running on an everlasting road," I added.

For a brief moment, mom remained silent.

"What do I do?" I questioned, hoping for one of those helpful mom advices of hers. I was in desperate need of them.

"What was she like before she became depressed?" Mom asked, gently.

My thoughts drifted back to what Skylar, Madelaine and Will told me.

"Well, my friends said she used to be the school's princess. Everyone loved her. Now everyone fears her," I replied.

"Well, maybe sometimes the girl who used to be there for everyone, needs someone to once be there for her."

Someone? Was that someone supposed to me?

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I mumbled.

"But mom, I'm basically on suicide watch," I argued.

"Well, that's not a bad thing. Show her how to live life. Maybe that's what the principal really wants you to do," she said.

"Maybe you can be her Augustus Waters," she added, softly.

I sighed. "Mom, I don't think I can stop her from suicide. She's a complete mess. I can't stop the war in her head," I told her, swallowing hard.

"I know this is a scary road, but sometimes you just have to do it even though how scary it is. And anyway, my Elliot Waters is a winner," she assured, probably grinning. Definitely grinning.

I let out a long sigh. "Fine, I'll give it a try."

I imagined mom smiling. "What's her name?"

"The redhead snake," I mumbled, grinning.

"Elliot!" She scolded, rapidly.

"Sorry mom, but she really is just a redhead snake," I admitted, grinning widely.

"Now you're annoying me on purpose," she muttered, annoyingly.

Amused, I tipped my head back, laughing.

"I love you, mom. I love you so much," I confessed from the bottom of my heart.

"You are such an..." she begun.

"Awesome son?" I grinned widely.

"Nope," she replied, flatly.

"I know you love me, mom," I said, my grin widening.

"Maybe," she murmured.

"You sure? Super sure?" I teased while laughing.

"Okay, yes! I love you," she admitted , finally.

I couldn't seem to resist burst out laughing once more.

"See, I win again," I told her, not able to stop grinning.

Willingly, she sighed. "Don't you always?"

"Yep," I admitted, amusingly.

"I love you so much, dear and I miss you so much," she stated, wholeheartedly.

Genuine happiness bloomed within me. "Me too, mom. Me too."

Maybe mom was right. Maybe I could do this. Being on suicide watch was something I never expected or planned on doing. But one thing I had learned about life was that life was filled with slippery roads. And I guess this was my slippery road. I needed to walk on it. I had to.

I wasn't not sure if I would be able to stop the war in Rachel's head. However, I surely wanted to boost her motivation, both in studies and in life.

~

Since it was the weekend, there were no classes today. After big difficulties with saying goodbye to mom, I found Skylar and Madelaine sitting on a blue couch while talking intimately and giggling as I walked over to them in the third floor of the library.

"Can I sit or am I interrupting something?" I asked, inquiringly.

Both of them looked at me and their cheeks turned pink. Something I expected to happen. They pulled an inch away from each other and cleared their throat.

"Hi, Elliot," Madelaine said, smiling brightly.

"What do you guys think about being on suicide watch?" I questioned, sitting down across from them.

Both of their smiles vanished in a blink.

"Suicide watch? Who are you going to be on suicide watch...," Madelaine trailed off, realization clear in her hazel eyes.

"Rachel," she whispered, her gaze darkening and fist tightening.

Skylar frowned and wrapped a comforting arm around her girlfriend's shoulders.

"I'm sorry Mads, I didn't mean to," I began, frowning.

However, I was interrupted by Madelaine shaking her head and pressing out a reassuring smile.

"It's ok. Really. To be honest, I'm glad you're tutoring and watching her. It means you can keep me updated about how she's doing. She may not care about me and what we shared anymore, but I still care about her. A lot," she confessed, honesty igniting in her eyes.

My lips twisted into a soft smile and I nodded.

"How's it going, anyway? To tutor her?" Skylar asked, curiously.

"Bad. Very bad. She really hates me. Yesterday she got so angry because," I paused.

Letting my gaze transfer to Madelaine who looked at me worriedly, I decided to not pick up the topic of suicidal thoughts and pretty much everything else that happened yesterday evening.

"She got angry because I accidentally called her redhead snake," I lied, leaning back into the couch.

"You what?" They both exclaimed with gaping jaws.

"Even though that's what you think of her, you can't just call her that face to face," Madelaine scolded.

"It was," I began my self defense speech, but the ladies before me didn't let me continue.

"Giving women such horrible names is wrong. Even though they deserve it," Skylar said, sternly.

"Hey that's my best friend you are talking about," Madelaine complained.

Despite the fact that Rachel hated her, Madelaine still loved her so much. I wondered if Rachel knew she hadn't given up on their friendship yet.

"I know. I'm sorry, honey," Skylar said with an apologetic smile.

Madelaine smiled before leaning towards Skylar and kissing her gently on her lips. For some weird reason, my cheeks turned pink.

"Honey? Okay, you two are being way too gay for me right now, so I'm just gonna go find Will," I mumbled.

They both cracked an amused laugh while I grinned slightly before leaving.

That evening after hanging out with Will and a few other guys, I waited for Rachel in my dorm.

She wouldn't show up. I knew so. But she did forgive me for being a
failure as a teacher. I was kind of glad I failed, now I needed to learn from that stupid mistake of mine.

I couldn't treat Rachel as an ordinary student. She needed extra help and a different type of tutoring. A different type of understanding.

Suddenly, I heard a knock on the door and my hear did a quick backflip.

Within seconds, I was standing in front of my closed door.

"Is it her?" Could it be her?" I whispered to myself.

The next few seconds, I ended up just standing still, but when the knocking got louder, I quickly swung the door open.

The sight of a grumpy Rachel, dressed in pink shorts, showing off her skinny, yet pale legs and a white sweater, stood in front of me, her apple red curls resting down to her chest.

Her hazel eyes, which had a greenish color with a hint of brown in the center, stares back at me with clear disliking.

"Are you deaf or something?" She muttered, folding her arms across her chest as she boringly walk past me and into my room.

Without permission.

"Yes, you are allowed to come in." I plastered a sarcastic smile on my face when she glanced behind her shoulder.

With an emotionless expression, she raised a brow in my direction. "Were you gonna say no if I asked?"

When I didn't reply, Rachel looked at me knowingly. "Exactly."

I sighed and closed the door before we sat down on my bed legs crossed.

Rachel looked extremely pissed off. To be honest, I expected her hatred towards me to lessen just a tiny little bit after that little moment we shared yesterday.

I hugged her and she let me. She opened up and I listened.

However, looking at her attitude, it seemed as if nothing happened yesterday. But it did. It definitely did.

"You look angrier than usual," I mumbled while opening the history book to the right page.

"The whole school thinks we're hooking up," she said.

My head jerked up. "What?"

"All eyes were on me when I walked through the hallway to the boys dorm and stopped at your door," she murmured, sighing.

I should've probably be annoyed by the stupid thoughts the students here had, but I decided not to.

"Don't worry, Mrs Wilson said she'll take care of it," I assured.

"Of course she will," she snorted, ironically.

"You shouldn't hate your aunt that much. I mean, she's just trying to do what's best for you. Don't need to be so cold towards her," I told her while opening the history book.

However, that was a mistake. A bad one, because Rachel froze for a brief moment before throwing her pencil and note book aside and jumping off the bed.

Unexpectedly, she marched towards the door with heavy and angry steps.

"Hey, wait," I began as I sprinted towards her and grabbed her arm before she could reach the doorknob.

Second mistake. God, how many mistakes was I going to make.

Out of the blue, Rachel pushed  me against the wall, brief pain soaring through me, leading me to hiss through gritted teeth.

When my back was pressed up against the wall and she glared at me with rage glowing like fire in her eyes, my heart pounded faster than ever.

"You act like you know me, but you never will," she snapped in harsh whisper.

"You don't understand what I," she begun, but I quickly cut her off.

"Then tell me," I said, bluntly.

Rachel's raged expression vanished in a blink. "What?"

"If you think I don't understand then explain to me. Word for word tell me what's your depression like," I told her, trying to conceal the shakiness in my voice.

"Or just write it down and give the paper to me. Just...explain." I sounded desperate. Maybe I was desperate.

Rachel's expression angered again. However I saw a broken little piece of fracture in her hazel eyes just like the one mom had in hers. After she was...

I quickly pushed those thoughts away and focused on the fracture in Rachel's eyes.

"If I tell you or let you read word for word what's going on in my mind, you would be in tears. Not of agony, but of horrification," she growled.

"I don't care. I've witnessed and heard a lot of things in my life which are beyond horrific. I can handle your depressed mind, Rachel...Adams," I snapped, my voice dead serious.

Rachel tilted her head slightly to one side while her anger once again faded. This was something I had learned about Rachel. Her anger vanished as fast as it formed.

"You have no idea what kind of path you're choosing to walk on right now," she said, loosening the grip around my shoulders.

"I chose this path the day I stopped you from breaking your ex-boyfriend's nose on my first day here. There's no backing down now." I sounded confident, but I wasn't.

For a moment that felt forever, Rachel stood still with an unreadable expression. She looked...insecure. An insecurity I wanted to take away.

Just when I felt like she was going to open up, she leaned closer, her soft breath sending shivers down my spine. The scent of strawberries entered my nostrils. A sweet, yet rare scent of strawberries.

"I'm not telling you a shit about me," she hissed, quietly.

"Then what do you want me to do?" I asked.

"Hate me. That's what a fucking disgusting piece of crap like me deserves. Hate. Just hate," she whispered, coldly.

I swallowed hard, my both fists tightening as I closed my eyes and gave up.

*****

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