lorenzo charles berkshire

Another long nap. Another dreadful, long, tiring nap. I tossed and turn on my four-post as aggression started to surface from the pit of my stomach.

Just sleep again, Lorenzo.

Get up, you have classes to attend.

No, those classes can wait.

You're going to fail. You don't want to fail.

You're already a bloody failure. You can try harder next year. 

Get up, Lorenzo Charles. Your father isn't paying for your schooling for nonsense. Stop taking naps. Get up. Do your work.

No, you already fucked up. You missed 2 days already. You're done for. You're done for.

"Shut up!" I said to myself. 

I shot up from my bed and paced the dorm frantically. My throat tightened as my heart palpitate aggressively. All the school work that I haven't done. All the notes I missed. The classes I haven't attended. I'm fucking screwed. I've dug myself a grave and I can't seem to climb back out. I jolt back to my bed and grab my notebook from underneath my four-post.

~

Dear Diary,

I haven't attended my classes for 2 days. I don't know how long I can keep up with this until people start to worry. Fuck, I can just imagine all the work that has piled up over time. Over 2 days. I'm going to fail. I'm going to fail and it's going to be all my faul-

~

My writing was rudely interrupted when a banging from the door emitted. Immediately, I slipped my diary underneath my bed and grabbed a pair of pajama pants. I slipped them on all while bolting to the door. Fucking idiot, I tripped. While on the floor, I completely put my pants on and got up.

I opened the door to see Lucille Granger in the flesh. Her green silk ribbon was utilized as a headband that pushed back her dark brown locks. Not only did the silk ribbon sit perfectly on her head, but it brought out her deep emerald eyes. For a moment, it felt as if all my worries melted away. 

"Hi," Lucille spoke softly, "You didn't show up to Transfigurations. Is everything alright?"

It was expected to Lucille to be worried. She cared a lot. It almost felt as if she cared too much. But to say the least, I care a bit too much, too. 

"Yes," I responded monotoned. "I've been napping."

Lucille stared into my eyes in hopes that I cracked and told her the truth, but it wouldn't work. It wouldn't work. Nope. Nope.

Shit, don't tear up, you pussy. 

Lucille pulled me by the shirt and wrapped her frail arms around my body. Her head pressed against my chest as the sweet notes of lavender and honey wafted up to my nose. 

Reluctantly, I hugged back.

We stood by my door in each other's arms for a few seconds until she lifted her head to look up at me. "It's okay if you aren't okay, Enzo."

She placed her head against my chest again, hugging me tighter than before. I found it difficult to curate a response. I felt entitled to give her an explanation for everything, but I knew I wasn't obligated to do so. 

But the thought of it ran through my head a million times. What would happen if I told someone I could trust? What's the worst that could happen?

Ah, shit. Never mind. It's all too soon. Too fresh. She'd judge me.

No, she wouldn't. It's Lucille Granger. She cares about you more than you know.

Show no weakness.

Crying doesn't make you weak.

Of course, it does. If you cry in front of Lucille, you're a dumb piece of shi-.

"Your heart is beating fast," Lucille commented as she pulled away from our embrace, "I'm here for you, Enzo. It's all going to, um-. It's going to be okay."

A sarcastic, low chuckle arose from my chest. I reached for the nape of my neck and looked down. "Everything's good, Luce," I assured her, "So, would you like to come in?"

I stepped aside and gestured that she walks in. "Am I interrupting anything, though?"

I shook my head no. Lucille walked inside the dorm as I closed the door behind her. She looked around like she always does before turning around and facing me. Lucille's eyes traveled to my feet, creeping their way back to my face.

"Nice pajama pants," Lucille smiled, "But when was the last time you changed?"

My throat tightened. I immediately raised my arm and smelled my underarms. "Do I smell bad?"

Lucille softly chuckled. "No, you don't."

Relief lifted from my shoulders as I walked towards my bed. I sat at the end of my bed as Lucille followed. She looked around and rubbed her hand against the Egyptian cotton sheets. 

"This feels nice," she spoke softly. "Where did you get these sheets?"

I looked at her dumbfounded. "You want to know where I got my bedsheets, Lucille?"

Lucille grunted. "I want to know what's wrong. You're not you. You know you can trust me, right?"

I refuse to tell her my thoughts. I refuse to tell her what happened. I can't bring myself up to even speak about it. Normally, I tell myself that it didn't happen and that it was just a horrid dream.

But I can feel the fingerpads pressed against my shoulders like it was yesterday. I can feel the hot breath graze my skin. I can feel the rough mattress pressing patterns on the bottom of my thighs. 

It did happen. Not only did it happen, but it happened to me. Tell me how I'm supposed to forget, Lucille?

"School is just getting harder," I lied. I sure knew how to play this off. "The workload is insane. I feel that I might fail and lose my ability to attend here."

Lucille's hand found its way behind my back. I tried not to freak out, but I realized that Lucille would never hurt me. She would never. As she rubbed my back to comfort me, I felt tears well up in my eyes. 

I blinked and rubbed my eyes to rid the tears before she saw them. 

"I'm sorry to hear that, Enzo. If there's anything—and anything I can do, please let me know. I'll gladly help you with your schoolwork," she assured. 

"Thank you, Lucille." 

Lucille eventually pulled me into another hug as the air in my lungs found its way out. Inhaling her sweet scent made me feel like there was nothing in the world that could ever hurt me if I just stayed here. Right in Lucille's arms. 

Am I yearning for touch? A woman's touch? Am I going insane?

I closed my eyes and held her tighter. Her small body was no match for my broad one, but I made sure I wasn't hurting her. 

I could never hurt her. Not Lucille.

Pulling away from our embrace, she smiles a comforting smile. "Thank you for opening up, Lorenzo. I'm glad you have that trust in me." She stood up from the bed and huffed. "I have a lot of chores to do before the weekend ends. You're more than welcome to join me, but I assume it's not something you want to linger around."

I don't mind, Lucille. I can watch you do anything for all of eternity.

"I'll leave you to it," I replied. "I'm going to catch up on some schoolwork. I think it's best I get on top of that."

"Of course," she responded. "Will I be seeing you later?"

"Where?"

"With the boys, of course. I'm sure they have something up their sleeves for tonight. They always do. And we always find ourselves tagging along."

"If Onny didn't want to, would you?"

She shook her head. "I'd rather be in my room."

"Why don't we do homework together, then? After you complete your chores?"

Merlin's Beard. I'm smooth.

She pondered for a small moment. "Are you sure? You don't think I'm a nuisance, do you?"

I shook my head immediately. "No."

Lucille softly chuckled. "Okay, don't break your neck in the process." She walked towards the door. Before leaving, she turned around. "I'll be back in a few hours. Don't go anywhere, alright?"

I nodded. "I won't."

With that, Lucille walked right out the door. The room immediately felt dull and empty. Lifeless with no color. Lucille slipped out of my grasp. To relive the rush, I grabbed my journal from underneath my bed and flipped to the page I was on before she came.

~

Forget what I was saying. I will be working on my schoolwork with Lucille in just a few hours. She came to visit and check up on me. Maybe I should get started on my school work. I can't just sit in my room and expect my work to do itself. I also can't just sit in my room and expect to heal from what had happened so fast. I need to get out of these walls and back into the world. 

If not for me, then for Draco as well. I don't know how he's holding up. I must be with him. We need each other, believe it or not. 

Diary, you can keep a secret, right?

I'm starting to fancy the dark-haired Granger. 

That's enough secrets. I'll write to you after my study date with Lucille Granger.

Love,

Lorenzo Charles Berkshire

***

D I S C U S S I ON 

It's been TOO long since I've updated TDOLB.