✧ Chapter 45 ✧
[ All I Wanna Do Is Hide Away ]
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[ Shuichi's PoV ]

"No.."

"No no no no.." Please. No. Anything but this..

Maybe if I repeated these words over and over again, the reality in front of me.. won't be true.

I hit my palm against the glass, over and over till my hand turned red. The other boy stared at me, his cheeks had the faint track marks of old tears. His purple eyes now free of all the pain he had held before. I tried to say his name, to call for him but the words just couldn't form..

I had woken up from my restless sleep to be greeted by my worst nightmare. Kokichi eyes were fixed on mine, the chain around his neck removed and a Monokuma mark as a replacement. He didn't say a word as he regarded me with those dull purple eyes.

"..." I shook my head, refusing to believe what I was seeing. This was worse than Rantaro's betrayal. Worse than Kaede's death. Worse than Kaito's absence.

"Ohhhhh Ouma!" the overly cheerful voice of Monokuma called out. Despite the sheet of glass, I could hear him very clearly. "Looks like you're free to go!"

Ouma slowly stood up from where he was kneeling in front of me. I was frozen to the core, too shocked to process what was going on. It was painful. Mind numbing pain which rendered me immobile. He didn't say a word as he turned to leave the room. Why was he so emotionless? Why didn't he say anything?

I watched him turn slightly, and my breath caught. I froze, waiting for him to smile, or wink at me. To do anything that indicated he was joking and pretending. Surely the serum didn't work on him. Then I recalled that it had been enhanced.. so the chances were next to none.

My hope vanished as soon as Kokichi gave me a simple look of confusion and exit the room with Monokuma; without another word.

He didn't even say goodbye.

Surely he could remember.
Deep down within himself.
He promised he wouldn't forget me.
He promised everything to me.
Was he faking it?
No. No. He couldn't be faking it.

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[ Kokichi's PoV ]

I didn't know why I woke up on the floor. All I could remember was swirling white mist, the feeling of hanging in empty space and muffled sounds of a voice speaking to me. My head had stopped throbbing with pain, but I felt like something within me was missing. And why was my forearm was hurting slightly?

But at least, the first thing I felt in my dream was someone pressing a hand to my neck. Then a voice telling me to wake up. And I did wake, eventually.

I didn't know why the boy in front of me was crying. He had dark navy blue hair, warm golden eyes which had tears forming in them. I didn't know who he was, or why he was crying. But he seemed.. familiar.

"Kokichi!" I could hear him repeat my name over and over again as he continued hitting the glass. I was surprised that the material hadn't broken so far..

I stared at my hands, surprised to find that my fingertips were covered with blood. "..." What happened to me? Why was I in this strange place? Did I do something wrong? I pushed up my sleeve, wondering why was it stinging with dull pain. A thin line of blood had formed there.. weird.

"Ohhhhh Ouma!"

I flinched slightly, turning to see a bear standing by the doorway. A bear? His name resurfaced in my mind. Monokuma. That's right.. he was my principal, at Hope's Peak Academy. "Looks like you're free to go!"

I looked back at the blue haired boy, who looked terribly panicked. I felt slightly worried, since he looked like he was about to have a heart attack. Was this why there was this glass partition? To keep this weird lunatic away from me?

Monokuma gestured for me to leave the room, and I obeyed, wanting to get away as soon as possible. I stared at my hands, still wondering about the blood. My neck felt so sore, so I rubbed it, feeling a line of scars. What's going on? I remember something about that scary girl Maki who was about to kill me over something... important?

"I betcha confused, aren't you, Ouma?" Monokuma asked as he led the way towards a elevator. The hallways were empty, with an occasional window to illuminate the place. Outside, I could see the ground, way far below amongst swirling white clouds.

"Nah," I smiled at the bear, wincing slightly when my mouth hurt while doing so. Ouch. When was the last time I smiled? "I'm perfectly fine!"

I found myself lying about little things, slowly getting used to everything again. That's right.. I am Kokichi Ouma, after all. Ultimate Supreme Leader and liar! People should fear me!

With each step away from that dreaded hospital room I was in, I found myself gaining confidence. I didn't care about that strange boy on the other side.. because..

Why should I?

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[ Shuichi's PoV ]

I lay on the cold tiled floor, with Monosuke staring down at me with a frown. "Get up you lazy butt!" he kicked my leg over and over again, but I was too tired. Too tired of crying.

In the room across from mine, was the empty bed of Ouma's. The silver metallic chain that had been around his neck was hanging limply at the foot of his bed. His room was empty. And now it was just me.

"Erase me," I heard myself mutter. "Go ahead, that's what you want, right?" I propped myself with my hand on the floor, and pushed to sit up. I thrusted out my forearm, right where the needle of a syringe should go.

Monosuke regraded me with his bared teeth, "Man, you've gone bonkers!" he shook his head, "But unfortunately, I cant give you the serum yet. We're out of it." I watched as he twiddled his thumbs.

"Out of it?!" I asked weakly, my voice growing softer as the yellow bear suddenly burst out laughing, "Nah, just kidding! I lied!"

Those two words tore at my heart, remembering Ouma saying that. "Just give me the serum." I pleaded, holding out my arm. "Please. Just erase my memories of Ouma."

The pain of losing him was too much. It tore at my heart, sending me deeper into despair. He doesn't remember me, so would it be better if I gave up now, and forget him too?

"Ehhh? I thought you love him?" Monosuke sounded confused as he took out a needle filled with light pink liquid, "I'm sure he loved you too, you bastard," the bear waved his paws absentmindedly, "Look at what he left for you!"

I followed the direction of where the bespectacled bear was pointing, and realised something.

Near the bottom of the glass, directly where Ouma had previously slept, were words I knew so well..

"I love you."

Ouma..

What were you thinking while you wrote that? Were you scared? Were you determined to fight? Or were you ready to give up.. and leave me all alone?

I felt tears trail down my cheeks once more, and fall onto my hands. Once again, someone so precious to me.. was taken away.

What was Ouma thinking before he left me? Why didn't he wake me? Why couldn't he just hit the glass as soon as he realised that his memories were fading?

Why couldn't he just tell me anything?

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[ One hour ago // Kokichi's PoV ]

What was his name? C'mon Ouma.. just remember. I bit my thumbnail out of habit, straining my memories to try and remember the blue haired boy's name. He was familiar. And his name was just at the tip of my tongue. But annoyingly, I just couldn't recall.

It was like trying to recall a song that has been at the back of your mind. Annoying. I scowled to myself, staring at the sleeping boy. I could've woke him up, but I didn't want to disturb him from his sleep. Yeah, I know, I've got good morales. My foster parents taught me soooo well. That was a lie. They didn't teach me anything.

I propped my head up with my arm, sitting crossed legged on the cold floor. The boy was gorgeous, honestly. With his long eyelashes and pale skin, he reminded me of a girl. How did I only notice that now? Anyway, even when he was sleeping, he seemed troubled by something.

Shuichi Saihara.

The name came back to me, along with some faint memories of our time together. The games. Our friends. Our kiss. It felt like someone just flipped a switch in my brain and opened a door. Weird. Was the hospital messing with me?

Somehow, using my gut feeling and calculations— total lie, by the way, I hate calculating things. But of course, that was a lie as well —I knew my time was probably up. Apparently I took a good two hours of sitting here and trying to recall my beloved Saihara's name.

How could I forget his name? Whatever it is.. I had to do something. Plan ahead Ouma. Plan ahead. If I kept repeating that mantra, maybe I could focus, instead of the pain in my heart. That is, if I even had a heart...

I got up from the floor, using the glass as a support. If this was truly the end of my memories.. the least I could do was to prove my love for Shuichi. Looking around for a piece of paper, I hatched a plan. On the bed, was a metallic black bangle, counting down the time with neon red numbers. When I first woke up and discovered it, I had removed it from around my wrist. After all, why should I have a timer to count down the days till I lose my memories?

Now the watch displayed in red numbers: [ 9:49 ]

Nine more minutes till the serum takes full effect.. I had to hurry. Roaming around the room, I tried to find something to write with. I wasn't going to wake Shuichi. I didn't want him to see the pain I was in.

Sure, if I could, I would kiss him like it was the end of the world. Since he's my Saihara-chan after all! But of course, it wasn't a goodbye, since I was determined.. that.. this wasn't a goodbye. I had to believe I would remember him eventually. Even if I had to sacrifice everything.

[ 7:19 ]

I searched the room throughly, but I didn't find a single scrap of paper; not even a simple pencil. Seriously, what kind of hospital doesn't provide paper? I wanna draw.

I stood at the bed, clutching the railing and staring at a tray of sharp silver surgical- that can work. Without thinking much, I walked over to the array of metal tools. But in this case, these were more like writing material.

I grabbed the sharpened scalpel, and without thinking much, I walked back to the glass. I stared at Shuichi, my thoughts jumbled in my mind as I watched him sleep. He was so kind.. so confident. I felt shallow in his light. After all, my act was just.. well, an act.

[ 5:47 ]

I didn't want to do this, but I squeezed my eyes shut and ran the sharp end of the scalpel across my forearm. I clenched my first and saw the first droplets of blood form. Quickly, I wrote a word on the glass, so Shuichi could read them clearly.

With each letter, I dipped my fingers in my own blood and continued writing. I could've written him everything I wanted to say. But I just didn't have enough time. There were still so many things I wanted to say to him.

I could feel myself starting to fall asleep, my arms getting weaker and my thoughts fading. I wasn't done being in love. I didn't want to forget him. As my last resort, I hit my palm against the glass, wanting to wake Shuichi up.

I was scared of losing him.

[ 0:36 ]

In front of me, the glass cracked slightly, but the other boy didn't stir from his sleep. I felt breathless.. he was so close, yet so far from my reach. I wanted to hold him in my arms. What was he going to do once he woke up to find me devoid of memories?

Maybe I ought to be grateful that he didn't react. Since I didn't want to let him see me this way.

...

"Shuichi Saihara.." I whispered under my breath as I kneeled in front of the slightly broken glass. I wasn't done being in love.
I wanted to stay with him.
I cant give up like this..

I exhaled slowly, turning to see Shuichi's peaceful, beautiful, sleeping expression one more time.

[ 0:05 ]

I love you.. Saihara-chan.

♥ End of Chapter Forty-Five ♥