I sat in my shower, fully clothed, the water hotter than I could stand.

Dick Grayson was dead.

My best friend.

Gone.

It felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest, like I couldn't breathe. The water stung my skin in a way that barely registered on my radar.

But at least it was something.

Something other than this overwhelming grief. Dick's death replayed itself ruthlessly in my mind, the sickening sound of metal pulling out of his chest was almost too much to bear.

This is what happens when you're disobedient

it was a dreaded whisper that'd invaded every waking moment I had. It was my fault- that he was dead. My father's cruel words stayed with me, even as I begged Dick to stay.

Wintergreen had betrayed me. Which meant that he had known all along, that he stood there, cooking dinner, while Father did what he wanted.

And he was the one to run the blade through my best friend's heart.

He was as much to blame as Father.

That certainly hurt as much as anything else.

Everything shifted, the tile melting away to concrete.

Dick curled up on the floor, blood leaking from his mouth. He was mumbling something, his hands clutching his gaping wound, but he was alive and breathing, that's all that mattered to me. I couldn't help the pure relief that swelled in my chest, I rushed to his side.

"Dick!"

"All your fault." He mumbled. "All your fault."

"I don't understand." My stomach dropped as I pressed on his bloody chest, anything to stop the bleeding.

There was so much of it and it was everywhere.

"I'm dead because of you."

No no no no.

Please.

o[]xxxx[]:::::::::::::>  •    <::::::::::::[]xxxx[]o

I startled awake, frightened by the darkness that surrounded me. It was too unfamiliar and I panicked.

"Eren" The whispered word helped to calm me down. I knew that voice. He was familiar.

I sat up, nearly knocking heads with Jason.

"Eren, it's okay. You're safe, in my Metropolis safe house. I heard you and I came in to check on you." He soothed, I could barely see the silhouette of his hands raised in surrender. "I'm not gonna hurt you."

We sat in silence and it was strangely comforting to hear him breathing, it was grounding.

"You okay?" He whispered.

"No." I pulled a pillow to my chest, it smelled like Jason. Everything did. It helped, the smell of leather and cigarettes and books.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really" I muttered.

"Okay. Do you want me to leave?" He began to get up, only for my shaking hand to grab at his wrist. "Okay." He whispered softly, sitting back down.

"Sorry" I was grateful for the darkness, it hid the heat blooming on my face. "I don't know where that came from." I tried to pull my hand back but all Jason did was find it again.

"You're okay." He assured. "Everyone has nightmares."

"Even you?"

"Every night." His free admittance was a little bit of a shock, but after our talk last night, it seemed like something he'd do.

I scooted further back, a silent invitation hanging in the space between us. Jason adjusted to lay down, never once letting go of my hand.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

It was kind of nice, Jason seemed to be drawing as much comfort from the physical touch as I was. I threaded our fingers together. "That's okay."

And it was.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"What changed?" I'd been wondering about it since that night outside the ring.

Jason sighed. "When Dick disappeared and Tim came into the picture, suddenly the role of the big brother fell to me, and then Damian showed up with all his angst and trauma and I had to figure out how to fix it too. I never felt like I was enough for them, you know. Not in the way Dick could be. I had to pick up the pieces, especially when Bruce was being an emotionally stunted asshole." He ran a hand over his face. "And then you came along and it was so easy to be mad at you, to blame you for his absence, but when you told us your story, I realized that maybe you needed Dick more than I did. So I let my anger around you and him go. It wasn't fair to you and it wasn't fair to Dick. He made his choices, I did too."

Damn.

Had I really stolen Dick away? He was so focused on me, he missed out on his actual family.

I knew he visited to keep up the pretense that I didn't exist, but for Jason to feel this way? To take on the burden of the eldest.

"You're a good big brother Jason." I wanted to reassure him. "Damian and Tim adore you, I know they do."

"They don't. Damian hates me half the time."

"They do, I've watched you guys interact. Even someone without my superpower could see it."

"Do you know how creepy you sound when you say that?" He joked, though his voice cracked suspiciously.

"Hey! I didn't pick how my superpower works, it just happens." I shoved his shoulder playfully.

"Whatever, I'm just saying, people watching isn't a superpower."

"Ah, but the extent of which I can read body language is, therefore I am a super." I grinned, even if he couldn't see it.

"I hate to break it to you Princess." He turned on his side, facing me. "I can read body language too. So can all the Bats. It's like, training one-o-one."

"That why you suck at it?"

"I never did finish that training." Jason had gotten closer without my notice, I could feel his breath fanning my face.

"Sounds like excuses to me." I whispered.

That odd fluttering sensation in my stomach was back.

Jason's lips brushed mine and my breath got caught in my chest, his other hand settled against the side of my neck, thumb gently stroking my jaw. "This okay?"

"Yeah." I gripped his forearm, my other hand still holding his between us.

He leaned in again, a hair's breadth away.

"Is Eren okay?" Tim called through Jason's door.

Jason sighed, grudgingly sitting up. "I was this close to getting her back to sleep."

"Oh, sorry, I'll go."

"Liar." I teased and turned the lamp on, ready to jump up so I could talk to Tim. I hadn't seen him since we'd all gone to bed. Before I went, I gave Jason a peck on the lips, running away so I couldn't see his reaction.