Act 1: Scene 5:

(Mr. Greene is on his date with Gloria, the two are seated at their table in the restaurant).

Mr. Greene - "The fish sticks here are to die for."

Gloria - "I will never die for fish sticks. I don't care how delectable they are. Plus jackass, I wouldn't be able to enjoy them if I had to die in order to have them...Since I would be dead before they handed me some. I thought you were smart being a teacher and all."

Mr. Greene - "It was only an expression."

Gloria (crosses her arms and scoffs) - "A dumb one."

Waitress - "How are you all doing today? My name is Tamara and I will be your server. Can I get you started on some drinks? Maybe a cocktail?"

Gloria - "I would love a cocktail, minus the tail." (winks at Mr. Greene)

Mr. Greene (begins to sweat and pulls at his collar due to his uneasiness) - "I will just take some ice water."

Gloria (says under her breath) - "Pussy..." (rolls her eyes)

Mr. Greene (sensing Gloria's annoyance, changes his order) - "Actually Tamara, I will have a beer."

(Bach and Claire pop out from underneath the table parallel from Mr. Greene's and Gloria's table.)

Mr. Greene & Gloria (scream in shock) - "AHHH!"

Bach (extremely enthusiastic) - "Why have a beer when you could have a Bud-A-Rita! It is Bud Light's delicious margarita...In a can!"

Claire (just as enthusiastic) - "We carry three flavors and you can't go wrong with any. They are all to die for!"

(Gloria rolls her eyes.)

Mr. Greene (observes the flavors on the drink menu) - "They all look delicious, I am having a tough time deciding. Which one would you recommend?" (looks at Claire)

Gloria - "Why are you asking for her opinion? You should be asking me. Oh my gosh! I can't believe it. You are trying to fuck her! Our first date and you already have red flags."

Mr. Greene (frantic) - "That's not true! I have yellow flags." (Pulls out yellow flags from his pockets.) "And I'm not trying to fuck her! I only want to fuck you!"

Gloria (arms crossed, extremely displeased) - "So this is why you are wining and dining me?...You don't actually want to get to know me and date me, no, you just want to fuck me."

Mr. Greene (desperately pleading) - "No! That's not it. Gloria please."

Gloria - "Fuck you I'm leaving. You know, I thought you were different. I thought you were cultured. I thought you were a good, nice, intelligent guy, but no, you are just a douchebag like the rest of them." (Grabs her purse and jacket, and flips him off as she storms out. Her high heels clacking and hips swaying with copious amounts of sass)

Mr. Greene (crying out) - "Gloria! Wait, please!" (Puts his hands to his eyes in disappointment.)

(Tamara, Bach and Claire are still awkwardly standing by.)

Bach - "Soooo can we offer you some Bud-A-Ritas? It will cheer you up and make you forget all about this."

Mr. Greene - "Sure...."

Claire - "Try Grape-Ahh-Rita, it's my personal favorite." (Smiles with sympathy and hands him the can.)

Mr. Greene (returns a smile and takes a sip) - "Wow...this is delicious!" (An elated, and a joyful expression now replaces his previous melancholic expression)

Claire - "Try them all if you'd like."

Mr. Greene - "I will!"

(Hours later Mr. Greene is throwing up in the toilet with empty cans of Bud-a-Rita surrounding him.)

Scene ends.