When I got to Lil Skies' place I was immediately pissed.

It wasn't pills he had for me. It was fucking weed! I don't want to smoke plants I wanna pop pills until I can't feel my damn face and until I forget about all the bad shit in my fucked up life.

"Motherfucker you said it was better than fucking-"

"It is better than pills baby, just chill, come on, smoke wit daddy." Sky said, patting his lap as he took a fat hit off of his backwood.

"Your not my dad Sky. My dad's dead, and your still here so jus- just stop saying that." I said, rubbing my head cause I was stressed as fuck.

He handed me his backwood, then wrapped his arms around me.

"Ay I'm sorry, lil ma. I didn't know that-"

"It's fine." I said as I took a hit.

I immediately felt better after I exhaled. I took another hit then passed it back to Sky.

"You know, gorgeous, everybody is talking about us being together, it's getting both of us more publicity, and... and I feel a lot happier." Sky said with that smile as he put down the backwood.

"I'm glad your happy. But, I don't know. I can't see us being together forever. I feel like somethings gonna happen." I said, face palming.

He turned to me, with a frown.

"Nah princess, we gotta good thing going. And I don't want any other girl. I just want you, baby." Sky said as he tried to look in my eyes but I kept my head down.

"Sky can you please just give me some Xanax? I swear I'm a fucking fiend. Can you just hit up your plug? I jus want at least two." I said.

Sky didn't listen to me.

"I'm sorry babe but I'm not gonna give you any. I would feel so bad if-"

"Man fuck the if's Sky! I could die today or tomorrow or even next year! Just give me some fucking drugs!" I bitched.

"Please don't talk like that princess. I just want the best for you."

I pulled out my phone, and just went outside, I'm not gonna deal with this shit. I just want drugs.

I realized that I got a text from this slutty ass chick that I met a while back, and her message made me happy.

That hoe Sam

"For sure girl I
got u. I'm at the
gas station on
Park Ave got a
bag full of xans
wit ur name on it.
$50 bucks tho."

"Fuc yasss ily
so much rn
Be there in 10"
read

Sky tried to make me stay, saying he was worried about me, but I just snapped at him, told him messed up things and to fuck off, then I hastily got into the limo.

I got there in 7 minutes actually, cause I was jonesing.

I saw this blonde bimbo walk up to my black car, I rolled down the window, handed her the $100 dollar bill.

"Oh I said it was only $50." She said, trying to hand the bill back as she handed me the bag full of white pills.

Usually I spent way more for this amount.

"Eh. I only have hundreds. Keep the change." I said.

She looked like she felt guilty.

"O-okay. I'm sorry Saint." She said as she then disappeared.

Why did she sound so guilty? I brushed it off as my driver began taking me home.

I immediately cracked open the bag.

"Slow your roll this time hun, I felt awkward carrying you upstairs last time." The driver said.

MATURE CONTENT AHEAD

I sighed, my intuition told me not to take these pills, probably cause I'm gonna end up taking too many and I'll crash out for a few days but that's what I wanted. I wanted to stop thinking about Joyner, and all the other people I lost. I wanted this depression and stress to go away.

"Just drop me off here, I see something I want." I lied, I just wanted to get out so I can take these pills.

"Fine." The driver said.

He parked in front of a bus station, on a four way street.

"Should I wait?" The driver asked.

"No. But... goodbye." I said hopping out of the car, pocketing the bag.

"Wait. You always say see you later. Why say bye now?"

"Just leave." The driver listened to me, and left me alone on a dark street.

I made my way to the bus station, nobody was around, just a bus waiting for passengers.

So I popped a handful of pills in my mouth.

Something tasted different, something felt different. They weren't like the other xan's I've taken. I sort of regretted taking them when I stumbled onto the bus, I paid my bus fare, then sat in the back.

Before I even sat on my chair I fell down, I felt dizzy, the pills worked faster than ever, I managed to get onto the chair, I took a few more pills, and suddenly, I was shaking, something wasn't right. Then the next thing I know, I couldn't see or feel anything. I was just laying there, like a zombie, eyes closed, and my mouth opened.

•~_~_~_~•

Author's Note: I felt so bad writing this. Not sure if I should even continue 😭😫💙