On the first days of my treatment, I spent them cooped up in the house. I gave full control of the casino to Stephan and Ridge. As for the rest of my business, it has long taken over my board of directors.

I missed Reva, and it was hard to accept the sentiments I was fucking feeling. My mind made realities with her, but unfortunately, I didn't get to live it in time. I believe that my love for Reva belongs unfairly to the past.

At first, I broke everything I found in front of me. The mirror, the glassware, the plates, and the glasses. I destroyed everything around me because I couldn't do it inside me.

I was unable to root out the fucking feeling of loss, and the despair was finding ground to do its tricks inside me.

You're mad at Reva because she spat on you. But you'll forget it with another hug, Dorian. Besides, that's what you always did.

Fucking voice!

You want love, but you hide because you've learned to fuck everything you find in front of you. You tried to find Reva or something like that by meeting other women. You saw that can't be done, and you smashed your face.

Fucking voice! I throw the empty bottle of booze on the wall, and it goes into a thousand pieces.

Fucking damn me! Yeah, I've made a lot of mistakes. Life did not come to me with instructions for use. But I'd rather live a life of making mistakes than a life I'd be afraid to live.

But you hurt others.

Shut up!

What did you accomplish?

Shut the fuck up! I press with my palms my ears.

All you've been able to do is make acquaintances that have made you feel more alone than before.

Stop, you fucking voice, shut up already. You're right, ok? You're fucking right. It's my fault.

These fucking thoughts tormented me for a month until my treatment ended, and I got rid of the shit that was stuck in my penis.

I crumpled badly until I caught that fucking meaning that life was obliged to teach me.

What we get as men when we meet a woman is this following shit: We are possessed by a sense of cowardice. Women call that 'selfishness'. We are afraid to fall headlong into love, for fear of being hurt.

When the woman of your life passes before your eyes, you get back again because you're afraid, and you let her go, thinking that she too will be something fake. You don't think anyone can truly love you. And if you find someone to do it, you just can't believe true love visited you, and you let her go. You're hurting her.

When you realize you screwed up, you run to find her and bring her back. But the damage that has been done is irreparable.

Dude, that woman's probably gone. You must have lost her. When a woman loves you, she wants you to understand it at that exact moment. If you're an asshole, and you're afraid it might be a lie, you've lost her. Don't look for her and bring her back as if nothing ever happened.

If you get out of a woman's mind, you've lost the game. It's all about that she's thinking of you. In the morning she wakes up, during the day, and before falling asleep. If you manage to be such an asshole as to get out of her head, you can be sure you don't get back in easily. You've screwed up, and that's the end of it.

Building up is harder than tearing down, isn't it?

Don't worry; I say it so I can hear it, too.

When you decide to have a relationship, you need to know that you will both be present. If 'EGO' prevails, then your 'EGO' stays. You will raise your head to look at the person you had next to you, but you will find that she is no longer there.

You can't clap with one hand; you need them both.

When you ask the other to give you her time, her attention, her love, her life itself, be prepared that all this you will not get unless you are willing to give the same.

And if you get upset, don't think you've been betrayed by the other person, no. You were betrayed by yourself, and what hurts you is your selfishness that deserved rejection.

Take a lesson from experience and throw new dice in life. Just be careful when the 'good card' comes, so to bet your whole being.

If you are not satisfied with what you have in life and constantly ask and desire what you do not have, then you are experiencing your moments wrong.

In my opinion, what they call 'love' is not a feeling. Love is a deed.

Self-awareness and self-criticism. Two keywords. Make it work for you. Ask yourself a question, man.

Do you prefer to always be right or be happy?