The thought of going to the winter formal was pure and utter torture. Even though I'm going with River, I'm still dreading that I'll have to be in a hot and stuffy gym watching people I barely know bump and grind all night.

Honestly, I'd rather watch paint dry.

Letting out a huff into the mirror, I slim out the pink dress that I now am questioning why I bought in the first place. I wasn't self-conscious at the store with Joy, but now as I see the satin material cling to every curve of my body, I'm starting to change my mind. I've never been the kind of girl to wear dresses. I only wear them on special occasions, but right now, I only want to crawl into a pair of sweatpants. This dress is so tight that it's uncomfortable.

River got here ten minutes ago, but I haven't been able to force my legs to walk downstairs. I've been rooted in front of my mirror analyzing every detail about myself.

Why should I be nervous? River has definitely seen every section of my body, so why does it feel like I'm about to throw up?

Ugh, I'm thinking too much into this.

Grabbing my phone off my bed, I text River to come upstairs. I don't want to do the cheesy walk-down-the-staircase ordeal, so I wait patiently until my door creaks open and River steps inside.

He's in a light gray suit with a pink tie to match my dress, carrying a plastic bag in one hand and a corsage in the other. His hair has that gel again, taming all of those curls on top of his head into perfect ringlets. If it weren't for his eyes practically bugging out of his head right now, I probably would have complimented him, but he currently looks like he might pass out.

I'm feeling even more self-conscious than I did a minute ago, so I cross my arms over my chest and stare at the black heels on my feet.

"Well," River says triumphantly, "you really took the pop of color thing I said and ran with it, didn't you?"

My eyes dart up to meet his. "Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"Good," he states. "Very good. You're insanely beautiful."

Walking over to the edge of my bed, he sets the plastic bag down on top of the comforter and takes the corsage out, grabbing my wrist to slide it on for me gently.

"I feel bad," I admit. "I didn't get you the flower thing."

"The flower thing?" he asks, amused.

"Yeah, like, the thing that goes onto your suit jacket. I forgot about it."

"Hazel, it's fine. I'm not concerned about the flower thing. Knowing you'll be on my arm tonight looking like this is enough for me." He waves his hand up and down my body, and my skin practically bursts into flames. "You even curled your hair. Wow."

"Don't get used to it," I tease.

He plops down on my comforter and rests back on his elbows, his long, slender legs hanging off the side. His body looks very inviting, and he can tell I'm checking him out because he rolls his eyes and sends me a knowing smile. "Stop looking at me like that," he says.

"You're literally in a suit," I reply defensively. "What would you like me to do? Ignore you? It looks good on you."

"I don't want you to ignore me..." He sits up and pulls me towards him so that I'm standing between his legs now, and It's funny because, sitting on my comforter, he's almost eye-level with me still from how tall he is. "But we should probably go and take photos now. Tracy and your mom are practically biting at the bits down there. Plus, If you continue staring at me like that, I'll take you right against that wall."

He shifts his focus to my closet, and I can't help but laugh at how outspoken he is. River truly doesn't hold back, and a part of me is almost jealous of his confidence in saying things like that.

"You really like the dress?" I glance down and twirl the edge of it between my pointer finger and thumb.

"I really like the dress," he reiterates. "Although... I like the idea of you in nothing at all a little bit more." And then he cocks his head to the side, almost like he's picturing me naked right here and now. "There's time for that later, though."

He's completely teasing me, and he knows it.

"Shall we go downstairs?" he suggests, the same cocky grin plastered on his face that I've embedded permanently into my brain.

I roll my eyes and grab my phone off the comforter again, reluctantly sighing in defeat as he pulls the door open wider to follow him out.

"Don't seem so excited," he mocks.

I heave out another sigh, sending him an apologetic stare. "I suck. I'm sorry. Once we get there, I promise I'll cheer up. Well, I'll give it my best effort."

Tracy and my mom gasp like their lives flash before their eyes when they see us descend the staircase together. I hate when people get emotional — especially my mom. She's dabbing at her eyes from her recliner with a tissue, and almost as if River can read my mind, he gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Look how handsome!" Tracy squeals and opens up the camera on her phone, telling us to pose by the plain white wall beside the front door. Although River isn't necessarily showing it, I can tell it means a lot that Tracy is making a big fuss about this.

I wonder how many times he's felt unwanted. I wonder how long he's felt lonely. I can't imagine a tiny River being abandoned by so many different families, but I'm grateful for Tracy and Steve. They seem to love River with every ounce of their being.

"You look so gorgeous," Tracy beams at me as she snaps away more photos.

"Doesn't she?" River adds, and then he looks at me, smiling from ear to ear. My cheeks heat up in seconds, and I think I mumble thank you, but I'm so caught off guard that I honestly can't be sure.

"Ugh, my baby is growing up." My mom sobs into her tissue. "It seems like just yesterday you were having your first day of school."

Tracy walks over to pat my mom on the shoulder and says, "Tell me about it. Next month will be a year that River has been staying with us, and just in that short amount of time, I can-"

"You counted?" River's voice cracks just for a moment, but then he recollects himself and clears his throat.

Tracy gives him that look of disbelief that she always does — like she can't believe he's questioning her love for him. "Of course, honey. January tenth was the day you first came to stay with us."

When I glance up at him, he looks like a little kid all over again. I can tell he's waited to have this love for a long time, but he doesn't know how to accept it. His eyes are glued to Tracy, repeatedly blinking before he stares down at the floor.

"Make sure she's home by ten," my warns me to interrupt the silence. "No later."

"Mom," I hiss.

River places his hand on the small of my back and sends her a warm smile. "Not a minute later. Are you ready to go, Hazel?"

Yes. God yes.

"Have fun!" They both call out in unison as we walk out the door towards Tracy's car, which she let River borrow for tonight, but suddenly he spins to face me when we're alone, his eyes shining with nothing but mischief.

"What?" I ask cautiously.

"Oh, nothing..." He sighs dramatically and raises the plastic bag in his fingertips. "Just thought I'd let you know that we're not going to the dance."

This immediately gets my attention. "Really?"

"Yep. Unless you want to go still. In that case, I'll drive us and-"

"I hate dances. You know this. Of course, I want to bail."

Reaching his right pants pocket, he pulls out his keys and passes the plastic bag to me. "I was hoping you'd say that," he says, "because there's a change of clothes in there for you. Oh, and I snagged your air forces on the way out."

***

We've been driving for an hour, and although I keep wanting to ask where we're going, I know River well enough by now to know that he'd never tell me. Out the passenger window, hundreds of trees and different colored rocks cloud my vision, and a familiar sign comes into view.

I've never been speechless, but I'm gaping at the sign as we drive past it. River glances at me quickly, attempting to study my reaction.

"You cool with this?" he asks.

Am I cool with this?

Did he seriously ask me that?

I don't deserve him. I don't. I'm not a good person, despite what he may think. There's so much wrong with me that he seems to keep forgetting.

"This is the last good day you remember, right?"

The bright green sign that reads Raven Rock State Park whizzes by us as we get closer to the parking lot, but I'm still unable to find words. How could I ever begin to thank him for this?

"If it's too much, then we can just head back," he says like the saint he is, leaning over to fumble with the AC controls nervously. "I'll understand if it's emotional for you. I know you hate emotions."

"Would you shut up?" I laugh in disbelief and sink back into the passenger seat, crossing my arms over my chest. "This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, River. I mean... I didn't even think you were listening to me that night at the diner. I was rambling, and I was venting...but you listened. To every single word, didn't you?"

He nods absently and pulls into a parking space as if it isn't a big deal. "I wanted to make sure you had fun tonight, and I knew a dance wouldn't do it. We only have about..." He glances at his watch. "Two hours before the park closes. Is that enough time to show me the spot you couldn't stop talking about?"

I nod, completely dumbfounded still, as he passes me the plastic bag with the change of clothes, grabbing a separate one from the back seat. Then, without hesitation, he strips himself of his shirt, and I find my eyes glued to his chest. Even though he's not built, he's still fit, and his skin is like the silky caramel color of sand dunes in Egypt, and hell, I know that's very specific, but he's magnificent in every way. There's no other possible explanation for him.

"You want me to look away?" he questions. "After I've already seen you naked?"

"Oh. Uh, no." I clear my throat, almost grateful that he didn't catch me checking him out, and as he changes into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, I tug on another pair of his sweatpants and a hoodie. The articles of clothing swarm my body from his height, and when I step outside to put on my air forces, the hoodie practically hangs to my knees.

He snickers when he sees me, kneeling on the ground to lace up his pair of Adidas.

"What?" I ask, and then his eyes pop up to meet mine.

He smiles softly. "Nothing. You just look cute as hell in my clothes."

Damn, it looks like the Conservatory of Butterflies is open for business again.

When we're ready to go, he tosses my dress, heels, and his suit stuff into the trunk and passes me over a water bottle.

"Do you remember the way?" He extends a hand out for me to go in front of him, and I shake my head, trucking ahead in search of a map. It's been years since I've been here, and the last thing I want is for us to get lost after the park is closed.

I finally find one at the start of the trail, and when it looks the same as I remembered it to be, I veer us off to the left trail, glancing behind me to say, "You're going to freak when you see this. It's paradise."

"Hopefully," he mutters, swatting his arm while muttering a cuss word. "I should have brought bug spray. These damn mosquitos are biting the hell out of me already."

"I'm assuming you don't like hiking?" I taunt.

We carefully watch our step as a bunch of vines gets in our way, the leaves crunching beneath our feet. "I'm not a big nature fanatic. I hate spiders, snakes, and anything you find in the woods."

"Remind me never to bring you hiking in the morning, then. All the cobwebs are still up on the trails from the spiders the night prior."

"You're shitting me. And you've hiked through that?"

"It's not that big of a deal, River. That's why you bring a stick."

"A stick?" He glances up toward the trees like he'll find a tarantula dangling right above his head. "Jesus."

It's funny seeing River be so nervous when he seems calm and collected about basically anything thrown his way. I'm strangely attracted to him now more than ever, though, because he just admitted he hates hiking, so he came to Raven Rock solely for me. He knew I loved it, and he wanted to experience that, too.

Leaning over to grab his hand, I squeeze it tightly. "I'll protect you from all the spiders," I vow. "Now come on, paradise isn't too far away."

A/N/

"You counted?" MY HEART SHATTERED WHEN I WROTE IT. RIVER IS EVERYTHING.

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