"Mom isn't gonna like that."

I stared at my test, holding it up to the sky to get more light on it. The sun shone through, lighting up all the little sketches along the margins. A cat, a lollipop, a happy guy...

But my sister was pointing at the red Xs my teacher had drawn over the problems. "You didn't even answer most of the questions."

I brought the paper down, glancing around me as we continued to walk home from the bus stop. It was perfect out, sunny, with the sky covered in clouds. Well, perfect if I didn't look at the big red four-slash-one-hundred written on my test. I shoved it in my pocket.

"It's math, Gwen." I shrunk into my jacket as she glared at me with her sharp, grey eyes. My own fell to watch my shoes on the sidewalk. One two, one two... each step closer to our house. "I'm not smart like you. Subtraction is hard."

"It's just backwards, Dustin." She sighed, slapping a hand on her face. "If you had five apples, and you gave me two, you'd have three apples left. It's just like if you had three apples, and I gave you two, then you'd have five. It's just the other way around. Easy."

An uncomfortable feeling was starting to wiggle in my chest as she kept explaining. I was trying to listen to her, but... I snickered. "If I had five apples, I wouldn't give you any. I'd just eat them."

She tipped her head back at that, groaning to the sky. "Gosh! You just never pay attention. This is why mom says you're going to fail school and live outside one day. You don't do anything right."

I looked back at my shoes, kicking at a rock and watching it bounce a couple steps before I kicked it again. "I know."

We were home now, the tall, white building only having one car in front of it today.

Oh right. Daddy left far away for work.

I didn't know where he went exactly. This time the trip was farther. In West Carolina maybe? A state with other doctors; I knew that much.

"You know when Daddy is coming back?" I asked Gwen, watching her fix her hair before looking for the key I knew was hidden under the doormat. It hadn't looked that bad: long, blond, and much more straight than mine, but Gwen was perfect. She was supposed to look like that. I just hoped rubbing my hands through my own was good enough for Mom.

"He'll be home in a week," she said, holding open the door for me. The lights were off, but she flicked them on a second later.

"Aw..." I pouted a bit. "I wanted to show him what I drew at school." He always lit up when I showed him pictures. I could still remember his blue eyes twinkling as I showed him my drawing of a guy named Caleb. He had a sword, and he was really cool and brave, like from a story.

"I think you'll make a great artist someday, Dustin. You know, when I was your age, I loved making comics. Why don't we go through them later and I'll read them to you?"

He hadn't done that yet because he was busy, but maybe next week I could show him what I made, and he'd remember again. I hoped so.

"Yeah, well first you need to show Mom the actual important part of the test," Gwen reminded me, her voice snippy. "You know, failing?"

"...Right."

Maybe she won't be too mad, I thought as I headed up the stairs to look for her. Sometimes Mom got angry at me, but it wasn't too bad, and Daddy would tell her to calm down anyway. I'd just be grounded. Again.

The door wasn't too far now, the lights off with flashes of green escaping under the bottom. "Mom?"

I turned the handle, peeking my head inside. Sure enough, she was there, sitting in front of her computer and playing a game. She didn't answer, but her headphones were on, so I crept on tippy toes trying to avoid a few cups around her chair. She was close now, and I crouched down, a smile on my face.

"Boo!" I shouted, jumping up to pounce on her lap. Her jeans met my face, and I threw my arms around her. Then I lifted my head to smile up at her, even as her grey eyes continued to watch the screen. "Did I scare you?"

"Dustin. Get off me. Now."

She had that low tone to her voice, and I froze, immediately letting her go. I walked backwards, putting my hands deep into my pockets. "... okay. Sorry."

She continued to watch the screen, hands jumping along a keyboard to play the same game she always did. The one she never let me have a turn on. "What do you want?"

"Umm, Gwen said to show you my test, but... can I get a snack first?" I asked, tilting my head to try and get her to look at me again. She didn't. "I'm hungry."

"What did you get on your test?" Her voice was serious, the feeling in my chest getting worse.

"...can I have a snack? Pretty please? I'll show you after, I promise."

"Dustin!"

I flinched as she yelled, "Show me the damn test already!"

"... okay." I fished it out of my pocket, holding it up. I'd folded it up to be very, very small, but a sideways look from her meant to open it. So I did, staring at the floor.

Her eyes flicked to it, only for a second, but that was as long as it took for them to scrunch up angrily. "What is that?"

"... a four."

"Out of what?"

"... a hundred."

"And you think you deserve a snack?" Her voice got tight, and I took another step back.

"I was just hungry from school."

"Dustin!" she shouted again, and then she was up and out of her chair, grabbing at my hair. My head felt hot, and I tried to keep up with her tall legs as she dragged me to the door. "This is the kinda shit you want to interrupt me with? Another bad grade?"

"I- I'm sorry mom!" I tried to tell her, tears starting to fill my eyes. "I tried to get the answers right!"
But she just continued to pull me down the hall, closer to my room. "Don't lie to me. You don't try at anything, which is why you–"

I tried not to scream as she raised her hand, lifting me by my hair to look at her. "– are going to end up on the side of the road one day while your sister actually gets into college and does something with her life."

I shook as she glared down at me, choosing instead to look down the hallway. Gwen was standing at the end of it, holding a bag of pretzels. She didn't move though, just watching me with that blank look on her face. I knew what it meant.

I failed. Again.

And now I was being sent to my room, shoved onto my bed. My chest was shaking now, and I couldn't stop crying.

Why didn't I just pass the math test? Why am I so stupid?

Then Mom let go of my hair, and I grabbed at the stuffed fish on my bed, trying to squeeze him.

"Oh no you don't."

The fish was yanked out of my hands, and I looked up to see Mom, long brown hair frazzled and eyes looking scary. "You don't get to be rewarded for being a fuckup."

I felt the slap before I saw it, my face fine, then stinging. A lot. A sob choked out of me, but she just pressed another hand over it, making me quiet while her other hand squeezed my shoulder really hard.

"Shut up," she whispered, holding me even tighter, and her long nails starting to push into my skin. "That was for failing. And this–" She lifted me up by my arm, twisting it a little until I was down on the bed and she could hit my back until it smarted, her mouth right by my ear. "-Is for interrupting me. I was winning, and now I have to deal with you. Why can't you be more like your sister?"

"I'm sorry! I'm gonna be better!" I screamed. I wanted it to stop. It hurt so much, and I couldn't stop crying. "I'll be different I promise!"

She let go, and I scrambled further on my bed. My chest fell up and down quickly as she walked over to the door, continuing to hold my fish. Her face was completely twisted up, angry. "You better, and you're not coming out until you do. No snacks, no nothing, until you learn to be good enough for this family."

The door slammed, and I jumped up from my bed, running over to yank at the handle. Something was holding it closed from the other side though, and no matter how much I kept tugging and calling and yelling, it stayed shut.

It was dark when I finally slid against the door. My eyes hurt, my face hurt, my throat was thirsty, my stomach hurt. It growled again, and I stopped crying to hiccup, curling up into a ball.

"I miss Daddy."

Last time I was grounded, he'd come in after a few minutes and talked about how to be better. He didn't let Mom spank me, and I was just yelled at and sent to my room. But he wasn't here now, and Mom locked the door.

I pulled my head out of my knees to stare at my hands, tears coming back. My stomach growled again. It was mad, and I was mad too. I grabbed my own hair, pulling at it until it burned. "Why couldn't you just be better? Why couldn't you be smart, like... like..."

I glanced around my room, finally finding my mirror. A tiny kid stared back, face hidden in his hood. I pulled it back, putting my hands on my hips to stare back at me. For some reason, I remembered the guy I drew with a long cape and a sword. "Like Caleb!"

My hand reached for the lucky stick I had hidden behind my bed, waving it around like a weapon. "Caleb wouldn't fail a test. He doesn't fail at anything!"

I pointed the sword at the mirror, a confident smile on my face. "Caleb would pass the test, and be too cool to brag about it, not like Gwen!" I pushed the image of her face– staring at me blankly down the hall– out of my head. "Caleb would fight bad guys and have lots of friends and be quiet in class and save the world!" My eyes caught the mirror again. It still had a little kid on it, but I stood up straighter.

"He's better than Dustin."

I fell asleep at some point, and when I opened my eyes again, I was on the floor, and it was morning. My stomach and throat still hurt, so I pushed myself up with a yawn, reaching for the door.

It was locked.

"Mom!" I tried to yell, squishing my face in the door. "Mom, it's morning. Can I come out now?"

There was no answer.

"Gwen! Can you let me out? I'll be better now!" I shouted, but she didn't come either.

"I bet no one would ignore Caleb," I muttered, kicking a single toe into the doorway. That didn't make me any less hungry though, and bored, I walked over to the bookshelf in my room, pulling off one of the stories Daddy would read to me. That was always my favorite part of the day, but he wasn't here right now, and when I opened it, it was just words with very few pictures.

Caleb would be able to read, all by himself. I did at least look at the pictures though, of a knight standing all quietly, sneaking down a long rope into a dungeon to get treasure. It was a cool picture. I wanted to be just like him.

My stomach growled again.

I glanced up at the door, but it was locked. Then again, that wouldn't stop Caleb. So I hopped up off the floor, looking for another way out. There was a window, but my house was very tall, and there was no way I could make it to the ground from here. At least... not by jumping.

"Hmmm..." I pouted slightly, looking around. My room didn't have any rope like the knight... or a ladder, or a broom. Not that one would fly for me. I wasn't a Witch, as cool as that would be.

Finally, I saw the sheets lying on my bed, very long, kinda like rope if someone tied them together. A smile pulled across my face as I reached for them.

"All right, Caleb. We're gonna get some treasure."

☆

"What are you doing out of your room?"

I flinched, entering the kitchen to find Gwen staring at me with an angry look. "Mom said you're grounded."

"Caleb and I are gonna get treasure!" I told her, looking at the pantry. There were several opened pretzels bags in front of it, and an applesauce leaking onto the floor.

"...who's Caleb?" she asked, trying to fish a spoon out of the sink. I think it was the dirty side, but maybe the drawer was empty. I didn't know. I wasn't tall enough to reach the sink, and only Daddy did the dishes.

"He's like me, but better." I nodded, opening up the pantry. "He never fails tests, or gets grounded... he's even better than you."

"No one cares about your imaginary friend, Dustin." She rolled her eyes, barely looking at me as she reached past to grab the last package of applesauce in the panty. "Go back to your room."

"But I didn't get to eat anything last night, or breakfast. I'll take it back to my room, if you want."

"No. You're grounded. Go back before I get Mom," she warned, peeling open the lid of her snack. I stared at it, hoping she would give me a bite.

I dug the toe of my shoe into the floor. "Can I have some please? Or a juice box. My throat hurts a lot. Then I'll go back, I promise."

"No. You didn't earn it," she said, scooping the spoon into the applesauce. It was dirty. I could see black spots on it. "Mom said I passed so I can have whatever I want out of the kitchen whenever I want. You don't get out until she says so because you were bad."

My face felt tight again, and I sniffed as my nose started to run. I was tired, and I just wanted to come out, and I didn't know when I was done being punished. Or when Daddy was coming home. I wanted to show him the picture I drew. "When is Mom going to let me out?"

"When she's done with her game probably, but you got out, so I bet you'll be in there for even longer now." She took another bite of applesauce, moving to the table. "Now go away."

"Okay." I was about to leave, when I saw a half-eaten bag of chips on the floor, and, watching Gwen carefully, I went to sneakily pick it up, inching my way out of the room.

"Dustin!" she screamed, making me jump. "Mom! Dustin got out and he's getting food!"

Immediately, I went running down the hall to my room, but I wasn't fast enough. The back of my jacket was grabbed, and the front pushed at my throat until I finally turned to see Mom's angry grey eyes again. She wrapped the hood around her wrist, making it tighter around my throat. I tried to breathe around it, but it was hard. "What are you doing out?"

My vision blurred. "... I just wanted to get a snack. When are you making dinner? I wanna come out."

"You're not coming out until I say so. I thought I made that vehemently clear!" she screeched, dragging me by my jacket until I was in front of my door again. The fabric was still pushing on my neck, but I managed to twist my head enough to see how she'd closed my room: a lot of string wrapped around the door handle, trying it to another knob across the hall. "How the fuck did you even get out?"

I didn't answer, only blankly watching her hastily untie the string to get inside the room. I was so tired, everything hurt, and my mind was fuzzy. When was I done being punished for my math test?

"Dustin, answer the question, or is that one too hard for you too?"

"I..." The words were hard, my throat all scratchy and pushing through the tightness. "I— window."

I don't know why I had to tell her, because by the time she got the door open, anyone could see the sheets I'd tied together from my bed, hanging down like a long rope out the window for me to slide down. It wasn't perfect, and the last one had untied with me on it. My knees and face still had dirt on them, smarting from hitting the ground. But, I'd gotten out, and used the key under the mat to get to the kitchen. I just wished Gwen let me get something to eat. I wanted breakfast. Or dinner, or applesauce, even if it was on a dirty spoon.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

She dropped my hood, and I fell to the floor, watching her with mostly closed eyes as she yanked away at the blankets, shut the window, and bundled up my sheets, throwing them outside of the door. She barely looked at me the entire time, just using the swear words Daddy had told her not to say and tossing things around. Eventually she moved to the door, giving me one last look as she grabbed for the string, preparing to tie it again.

"You're going to be in here a long, long time, until you learn to do as you're told. I hope you know this is your fault." She shook her head. "God, I never should've had twins."

Then the door shut, and I was alone in the room.

A weird little sound came out of my throat, but once I started, it didn't stop. The tears came back, and I just laid there, shaking and crying. It was like that for a long time. The sky got dark again, but the door was still shut. My head hurt now, still all fuzzy. It wasn't going away.

I tried to roll onto my back, but that was hard. I was so tired, almost too much to hold up my hands and stare at them.

I'm so hungry. I just wanted to have a snack.

Caleb wouldn't be hungry. I bet he earns all the food, and his friends share chips with him.

If I was Caleb, I wouldn't be tired, or thirsty, or my neck...

It suddenly became hard to think, but it was the only thing I could do. Just imagine a cool guy, like a teenager, standing against bad guys and people who hurt others. Quiet, but still nice. He was perfect. Everyone would love him.

He's not like me. If I was him, this wouldn't happen to me. Not me. I'd be better than that.

My vision got blurry again, and the room felt far away, my fingers numb. Then I was far away, and the only thing I could see was a kid on the floor, lying there in a purple jacket, staring at the ceiling.

That was me. I knew that. Or maybe it wasn't me. Maybe I was a ghost watching my body, because my body was on the floor, so far away. I felt less hungry now as I continued to watch the boy lay there.

Maybe the boy was Caleb. All I knew was that he wasn't Dustin. I was floating now, or maybe I wasn't real. Who was Dustin? He seemed like a strange name, like a character in a story. Someone else had been a story once, but I couldn't remember anymore. I couldn't remember anything. I was a ghost.

I wasn't real.

☆

I opened my eyes to see a strange room, filled with books, toys, a bed with no sheets... Confusion filled me, and I sat up even as my arms felt weak.

"What?" I asked to no one in particular. "Why am I here?"

Why was I in a child's room with glow-in-the-dark stars along the ceiling? That didn't seem right. Something told me I wasn't supposed to be here, but where I was supposed to be, I didn't know. All I knew was that I felt hungry and thirsty in an unfamiliar place.

Frowning, I stood, walking over to the door, but as much as the handle turned, I couldn't open it.

"Hello?" I called out, pressing my face close to the crack. "Is anyone there?"

No one answered, so I started hitting the door over and over, hard. "Hello! I'm stuck here. Can somebody help me?"

I don't remember how long I waited there, knocking, but eventually lights turned on, and I saw two little shadows like feet stop underneath the door. "What do you want?"

The voice sounded like a girl, maybe my age? Maybe. I didn't know how old I was. Maybe seven? Eight? I certainly felt older, but my hands looked tiny. I glanced at the mirror in the room again, a weird face looking back at me. It didn't seem like mine, so young, with blond hair, grey eyes. I felt like I wasn't supposed to have those, but I didn't have any other answer for it, so I focused on the door again.

"Hey. Could you let me out? I think I got stuck in here by accident." I laughed to myself, because that would be silly. I felt like I was supposed to be smarter than that. "I'd really appreciate it."

There was a long silence on the other end of the door; then she spoke again. "Why are you talking weird? Whatever game you made up isn't going to get you out of trouble, Dustin."

Dustin? My brows scrunched up in confusion. "Oh. Sorry, I think you got me confused for somebody else. Name's Caleb."

"Oh my gosh, Dustin." The girl sounded very exasperated for some reason. "What did I say about your imaginary friend? This is why nobody at school likes you. You just make stuff up."

Blinking, I took a step back. Now I felt more confused. I couldn't remember ever going to school, but here this girl was, acting like she knew me somehow. "Uh... I really don't know a Dustin, I swear. I just wanted to come out and get something to drink. Or eat. I think it's been awhile."

"Well Mom said I can have whatever I want out of the pantry. Not you, because you're punished."

"Mom? Wait, are we related?" Terror started to creep through me, seizing at my shoulders, crawling at my back. But I didn't know the girl... or a Mom. I didn't... I couldn't...

I can't remember anything.

I thought I was Caleb. That at least made sense, but nothing else did. The world started to pull back for a second, seeming far away, the girl getting harder to hear. Was I... real? What did being real mean?

"... This is a stupid game. I'm going to bed now. Stop talking in a weird voice, and stop hitting the door."

I bit my lip, hands shaking as I slid them down the door. "O-okay. Good night."

She didn't answer me, and with that, I was alone.

How did I get here? I wondered, looking around the room again. And how am I supposed to get out? The girl said I was punished, but why? For what? Was that why my stomach hurt so much, growling and yelling and so... empty?

I clutched at it, trying my best to walk across the room, to the bed shoved in the corner. It didn't have any sheets on it for some reason, but the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. Maybe I'd feel better when I woke up. Maybe this was a weird dream. I didn't think dreams were supposed to be felt, with my throat burning and stomach heaving, where the only things I could think about were water and snacks.

Instantly, the picture of a peanut butter sandwich filled my head, to the point I could almost taste it. I really wanted it. I wished I could go out and make one for myself, but the door was locked, and I was punished for something I didn't remember.

My eyelids drooped. This is such a weird nightmare.

☆

Days passed in there. I don't know how many. They all went by the same: waking up, yelling through the door with no one coming, laying on the floor, trying to remember, wanting to eat, then sleeping. I didn't even sleep at night, only when I was tired. Sometimes I could only be awake for a few minutes, then I passed out again. For a dream, this was certainly a long one, and deep down, something was telling me I wasn't going to wake up. That from now on, my life was four walls, a mysterious girl that only visited me at night to be rude, claiming to be my sister, and hunger.

I reached for the strings of my jacket, putting them in my mouth again. I'd chewed off the ends a long time ago, the plastic already swallowed, but there was still string. Maybe if I put more string in my mouth, the clawing pain tearing at my abdomen would go away. Or maybe I needed something bigger. My eyes landed on a bag of marbles on the floor. Maybe those would make it stop. I hoped so. I was exhausted.

I went to reach for them, my fingers feeling at the glass. It was so silly, how small they were, and yet how hard it was to pick them up. It was so silly, because I knew they weren't food, but I needed to put something in my mouth. I needed to fill the emptiness eating away at me from the inside. I could barely see at this point, and in moments, a smooth, bitter flavor hit my tongue. All I had to do was swallow, and it would go away.

The heavy, rumbling sound of a car pulling into a driveway hit my ears, and I paused. It sounded close actually, like it came from right outside my window. It was dizzying, trying to stand like this, but I finally managed to push myself off the floor, hobbling over to look. There was a brown car outside. A man in a matching coat came out, carrying a suitcase with him. He kind of looked like the boy in the mirror– or was that me? All I knew was they both had pale blond hair, and this man looked kind.

Eventually, he went out of view, entering the house. Maybe he would come say hi to me. I hoped so. I didn't like the girl very much, but she was the only one that came.

A few minutes passed after that, and I felt spacy again. My chin started to dip towards my chest, and I let the tiredness come, hoping it would take the gnawing, biting pain away, or the sting in my throat. Maybe I could sleep forever and not wake up. That would be nice.

I'd almost passed out again, when there was a shout. I jumped, freezing in place. The man was yelling, but there was another woman this time, one I didn't recognize. I was almost too tired to pull myself over to the door, but once I did, I slumped against it.

"Letting her scavenge for food herself isn't parenting! Did you even do anything while I was gone?"

"She still had something to eat, right? I don't see why I had to be the one to make it. Why, because I'm the woman of the household or something?"

"No. I'm done. I'm not having this conversation. Where's Dustin?"

I stared off blankly into the other end of the room, thinking about the answer. Where was Dustin, and who was Dustin? That was what the girl called me, but that seemed wrong. I didn't know. Nothing seemed real anymore. The world was always so far away, like it was hard to stay here, where my body was. My fingers grew numb again, and I dug my nails into my palms, focusing on the pain in my stomach. It pushed the fogginess away a bit, at least for now. Because I didn't want to go. Not yet. I wanted to meet the man.

"He's in his room. He failed another test, so I punished him."

"In his- Did he go to school? What– what the hell is all this?" His voice was closer now, and I could hear a sound outside the door, like string being untied.

"He kept getting out. What was I supposed to do? Let him get away with everything? I don't see why you want me to reward him for being a screw up. At least one turned out okay."

"You didn't even watch her!" He was shouting now, far too loud. I flinched, trying to pull away from the door. Maybe I didn't want to meet the man. Maybe I should have let the nothingness come so I wouldn't be here, body weak, mouth panting, too slow to move out of the door and fight whatever was going to be behind it.

It was flung open, showing a woman with long, messy brown hair, with a blue shirt and jeans. She didn't seem angry, her face completely blank, empty. Only her crossed arms meant anything, but the man seemed furious, teeth grit and blue eyes wild, and they only got more angry as they landed on me. I backed up, trying to scoot away, but I barely made it a couple inches.

Then he moved forward. I flinched as he grabbed me, but his hands were actually soft. Warm. He pulled me in close, lifting my tiny body into his shoulder.

"Oh god. Dustin. I'm so sorry."

Dustin. There was that name again. Was that who he wanted? Who he loved? But I was Caleb, and Dustin didn't exist, I didn't think.

The numbness came back, and I stared over his shoulder to find a young girl limp over to the woman. She had long blond hair too, and looked exactly like me, or Dustin, or the boy in the mirror. Whoever that was. They all had the same sunken eyes, the same skinny body, staggering walk...

Maybe I did have a sister. Dustin's sister. I wish she had been nice to me, or we could've gotten along. Or that she'd given me food when I asked. I was starving.

"Get out of my house."

I trembled at the man's words, but they weren't directed at me, his arms wrapping around me tighter. "Get out of my house, and don't you dare come back."

I think the woman moved away from the door, but I couldn't tell. Everything was so fuzzy. I just wanted to sleep, and even here, in the man's arms, was good enough. Maybe the dream was ending now. I hoped so.

The arms pressed in one final time, and I could hear the tears in the man's voice. "I'm sorry Dustin. I never should've left you. I love you and I'm sorry. I wish I'd known."

He was shaking now, rocking me with him, but I could barely feel it. So that was who he was looking for then. A boy named Dustin, that he loved very much. He thought I was him, so he was being nice to me, but he was wrong. I was just lying, and none of it was real.

I'm sorry Dustin, whoever you are, I remember thinking as the nothing closed in, taking away my sight, my hearing, everything becoming out of reach, out of my body. I don't think it's right of me to take this from you but... this is nice. I closed my eyes, pushing my head further into the man's quaking shoulder. I think I'm going to borrow it for a while, until you come back, okay?

Whenever you come back.