Micha


I wake up feeling good. The sun is shining through the window and my mind is calm and relaxed. I know it was a dirty move to get back at her, but it wasn’t like it was a punishment for her either. I just left her wide awake, hot and bothered, a feeling I’m becoming very familiar with.


I sit up, rub my eyes, and realize Ella and Lila are missing from the room.


“Well, good morning, princess,” Ethan says from the table. He’s eating a doughnut and has an energy drink in his hand. “Did you have a good night’s rest?”


“Where is everyone?” I climb out of bed and slip on a black T-shirt.


He stuffs the rest of the doughnut into his mouth and dusts the crumbs off his hands on the front of his jeans. “The alarm didn’t go off so they ran out of here about ten minutes ago, freaking out about not having enough time to get their hair done. Or at least that’s what Lila was saying… Ella seemed a little distracted.”


I eye him over as I search through my bag for my watch. “Are you insinuating something? Because you have this stupid look on your face and it’s getting on my nerves.”


He sips his drink and pushes up from the chair. “Only that the next time you two fool around in the dark with other people in the room, you might want to try being a little bit quieter.”


“Do me a favor,” I say, “don’t say anything to Ella. You’re gonna make things weird.”


“Weirder than you two already made them?” He crushes the can and shoots it into the trashcan in the corner. “Because those noises from last night are going to haunt my nightmares for a long time.”


I change the subject, clipping my watch onto my wrist. “What the heck are we supposed to wear to a wedding?”


“How the hell should I know?” He glances down at his long-sleeve black shirt pulled over a gray T-shirt and his dark jeans. “I was going to go like this.”


Grabbing a black pinstriped shirt and a pair of my nicest jeans, I head off to the bathroom.


“Has she admitted she was lying?” Ethan flips on the television and flops down on one of the beds, crossing his feet.


I halt in the doorway and glance over my shoulder at him. “No… As usual, she’s being stubborn.”


“Here’s a thought.” He drops the remote on the nightstand. “You could always tell her you know and save yourself all the drama.”


“It’s not that simple,” I explain. “I don’t like to push her into doing things… because…” I trail off, knowing I can’t tell him about the bridge or how she looked on that bathroom floor when she told me.


When she’s ready, she’ll tell… at least I hope. But what if she doesn’t? What if I’ve spent my life chasing a ghost?


“Okay, so I’m severely disappointed in the bridesmaid lineup,” Ethan comments, eyeballing the bridesmaids standing just outside the canopy entrance.


We are sitting in the back row waiting for this little shindig to start while people scurry back and forth through the tent. The front of the area is decorated with purple flowers and the main aisle is lined with black and purple ribbons.
“I think they’re all married,” I tell him, resting my foot up on my knee. “And about ten years older than you.”


He sighs and leans back into the fold-up chair. “What am I supposed to do then? This thing doesn’t start for another hour and I’m getting bored.”


“I’m sure you’ll survive…” My attention drifts to Ella as she walks beneath the canopy and up to Caroline, who’s talking to a short guy in a gray suit, waving her hands animatedly. Ella has on a short, black velvet dress that shows of her long legs and bare shoulders. There’s a red ribbon around the middle and a red flower in her hair.


She’s fucking beautiful. That’s all there is to it.


“Dude, wipe the drool off your chin.” Ethan slaps the back of my head.


I shove him and he pushes me back. Letting out a deep breath, my eyes reconnect to Ella. She says something to Caroline and hands the glass of champagne to her. Caroline downs it and gives the glass back to Ella before rushing away, holding the front of her dress.


Ella sets the glass on a chair and presses her fingers to the bridge of her nose as her gaze finds me. Her eyes silently plead for me to follow her as she ducks out of the tent.


“I’ll be right back,” I say, rising to my feet. “And try not to get into any trouble while I’m gone.”


I weave through the aisles and duck outside into the sunshine and cool air. A forest encloses the house and Ella strolls down the grassy hill until she vanishes into the trees crisped with autumn.


“What is she doing?” I mutter as I follow her.


When I step into the forest, she’s leaning against a tree and the thick forest obscures every aspect of the wedding, except for the muffled noise of voices. It’s like we’re in our own private little world.


I walk slowly toward her. “What are you doing out here?”


Her hands are tucked behind her back and she’s chewing on her bottom lip anxiously. “I didn’t cheat on you. I lied about it.”


I reduce the gap between us so we’re within reaching distance. “I know you didn’t.”


Her eyebrows dip together. “How did you know?”


“Lila told Ethan.” I inch closer to her, and my gaze skims down to the cleavage popping out of the dress. “And Ethan told me.”


Her shoulders slump as she exhales, relieved. “Why didn’t you say anything?”


“Because I figure you had some reason why you weren’t telling me.” My fingers itch to touch her, long to run along her body and feel inside her.


“I’m sorry. It was the only thing I could think of that would make you let me go. You deserve better than what I can give you.”


“I don’t understand why you don’t think you’re good enough for me.”


“Because I’m not.” She shrugs nonchalantly. “Because eventually you’ll hate me… It’s inevitable.”


“I could never hate you.” I tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear and let my fingers stroke the side of her neck before I pull away. “I couldn’t even hate you when I thought you cheated. Yeah, I was furious, but I still loved you.”


“That day I said that—those days I couldn’t get out of bed, I was having a nervous breakdown. My therapist put me on some stuff for anxiety and depression.” Her eyes turn watery like she might cry. “Micha, you don’t want this, trust me. I watched my mother’s problems eat away at my dad… I’ll drag you into that dark hole with me. You just need to go. Walk away. Please walk away.”


With the pad of my thumb, I wipe a tear that escapes her eye. “I hate to say this Ella, but your father is fucking weak. He can’t blame what he does on anyone but himself. And I’m not him and you’re not your mom. Just because their story ended badly doesn’t mean our will.”


She turns her head away to avoid my gaze. “I don’t want this for you.”


I hook my finger under her chin and force her to look at me as I brace a hand on the tree beside her. “I’m sorry, pretty girl, but you really don’t get to choose what I want, what I do, or who I get to be with. So unless you want me to leave you because you don’t love me anymore, I’m not going anywhere.”


When she doesn’t say anything, I crash my lips into hers and she gasps as her fingers knot into my hair. Crushing my body against hers, my hand wanders down her side, along the curve of her breast, each rib, and to the bottom of her dress. I reach up it, grab hold of her panties, and slide them down her legs. When they’re to her knees, she draws back slightly and kicks them off, and then she flips the button of my jeans open. I lift her up and press her against into the tree as I thrust inside her.


When I reunite my mouth with hers, she bites down on my lip. It drives me crazy as she gently pulls my lip ring into her mouth while running her tongue along it. Holding her by the hip, my other hand travels up her body to the top of her dress, and I yank it down to cup her breast.


Her eyes glaze over as she her head falls back. “Micha, I do love you but I…”


I kiss her fervently, drawing away only for a second to say, “I love you too.”


Ella


I don’t know how it’s possible for it to feel this good, just because he’s inside me, but it does. God, it does. My intentions weren’t meant to lead to sex when I went out into the forest. I just wanted to tell him the truth away from everyone—he deserved the truth.


I think Lila was right, though. Micha’s love owns me and I’ll probably always end up giving into him as long as he keeps trying. But I still fear I’ll break him, and that boy is too damn sweet and beautiful to ruin.


He’s thrusting inside me as he pins my arms above my head and the bark of the tree scrapes my back. But it’s worth the pain as I scream out in bliss and my worries fleetingly vanish.


His movements begin to slow, and then he pushes deep inside me one last time, before stilling. We pant, fervently clinging onto to each other, our skin damp, our hearts racing.


“I really love that dress,” he whispers in my ear and the heat of his breath makes me shiver. “You look beautiful in it.”


A smile touches my lips and I slant back to look him in the eyes. “You tell me that too much. It’s making me cocky.”


“No, I’m the cocky one.” His smile is almost blinding.


My face turns serious as I lightly brush my swollen lips to his. “We still need to talk—”


“Ella!” Lila’s voice echoes through the forest. “Caroline needs you!”


I jump out of Micha’s arms and adjust my dress back over my breasts as I search the ground. “Where’s my underwear?”


Micha laughs as he watches me search through an area of tall grass. “I guess you’re going to have to make it through the day without them.”


I put my hands on my hips. “You want me to stand up in front of a bunch of people, at a wedding, without anything on underneath my dress?”


He shrugs, doing up the button of his jeans. “It’d be kind of nice. You could have a cool breeze and if you bent over just right—”


“Ella!” Lila’s voice is getting closer. “Where the heck are you? I know you came out here! I saw you!”


“Micha, please, if you know where they are, just tell me.” I peek behind the tree and when I turn around, he has a smile on his face and my black thong is dangling off his finger.


I snatch them away and slip them back on, smoothing out my dress. Then I hurry back through the trees, pulling bits of leaves and twigs out of my hair with Micha at my heels, chuckling under his breath.


Lila is waiting at the border of the forest and her eyebrows arc when she sees Micha is with me. “Umm… Caroline needs you to get ready.” Laughter hints her voice.


“Okay.” I hurry up the hill, leaving the two of them to walk back to the canopy together.


I don’t know what to do. I still believe that I’m not good for him, even though he insists the opposite, but I can’t seem to stay away from him.


Around the corner of the canopy, there is a line of bridesmaids dressed in the same black velvet dresses and the groomsmen wearing matching tuxes. Caroline is at the front next to her father, an older man with salt-and-pepper hair. Her wedding dress is beautiful, not quite white but close, with a black ribbon tied around the center and the bottom flowing out at the waist.


Caroline’s expression relaxes as she presses her hand against her heart, crushing some of the flowers in her bouquet. “Thank God, Ella.” She bunches her dress up and rushes toward me. “Why do you have leaves in your hair?”


My hand shoots up to my hair and bits and piece of twigs fall out. “I went for a walk in the woods.”


“Hurry up and get in line.” She gives me a small bouquet and shoos me toward the back of the line. “It’s about to start.”


I hurry beside the groomsman, who’s shorter than me with black hair that curls up at his ears. He’s probably my age and I feel his eyes on me, checking me out, but my attention remains ahead at the front of the line. Inside, Dean is standing next to the minister in his tux and his brown hair is styled to the side. He looks happy and I envy him with every ounce of my heart.


I’ve never thought about marriage like most girls do. When I was younger, I didn’t play dress up and make the boy next door be my groom. I never looked that far forward into the future, because I feared what lay ahead.


But watching Dean about to get married, I wonder if marriage is in my future. I struggle to breathe as panic strangles me, wanting to see it, but all there is is a black hole with no images.


The music starts and my thoughts snap back to reality. The line moves forward gradually and the groomsman links arms with me.


“My name is Luke, by the way,” he whispers in my ear.


I jolt away from him. “Mine’s Ella.”


He smiles at me as we enter into the canopy where purple and black ribbons hang from the ceiling, lights sparkle along the walls, and rows and rows of violets decorate the front area. Everyone is staring and I grow more anxious, but I breathe through it. When we reach the end of the aisle, I happily release Luke’s arm and walk to the back of the row of bridesmaids.
Clutching onto the bouquet, I focus on Caroline and Dean, but there is a heightened sense of awareness that Micha is watching me from the back row.


The minister starts his speech and my mind automatically drifts to my future again. I want to see it desperately. I want to know how my life goes.


Adrenaline consumes my body and I fidget with the petals on the violet flowers, mentally telling myself to stay calm as Dean and Caroline read their vows. Listening to their words of love and commitment, my body stills. I want this. So much. I want someone to be mine forever—I want Micha.


But I need to become a person we can both love; otherwise we’ll never make it.