"I seem to myself, as in a dream/ An accidental guest in this dreadful body"(Anna Akhmatova)

NOUR'S POV

I woke up surprisingly late the next morning. It was almost noon and I couldn't help to feel a bit guilty when I realised I had overslept. When I was a teen, my dad would never let Amine and I sleep after 8am on week-ends. He used to barge into our rooms, opening the curtains and saying shit about early birds catching the fucking worm. I don't feel like I've ever catch any worms in my life but now, as a result, I can't fully enjoy sleeping in. Thanks, dad.

I distinctly hear some noises in the kitchen and recognise Rémy's voice as he says goodbye to my brother and leaves the house. How weird. He usually leaves around nine, as he spends most of his time at the Library of his university, working on his thesis. Maybe he stayed up late last night.

Crap! Last night! How could I forgot about last night? Does he regret what happened? But nothing happened, right? He just wanted to... erm, give me a hand, as he said. I hope he isn't in trouble with his clingy boyfriend now, but surely he is clever enough to keep our weird encounter for himself? More importantly, did he see the scars on my thighs and belly? I really hope not. Then again, I had my back to him the whole time, and as soon as it was over, he handed me a towel and left the bathroom. 

So, I am good. Yes. I'm so so good. He doesn't know. He doesn't even have an idea about it. He -

An unexpected ding from my phone interrupts my feeble attempt at comforting myself. 

Hey stranger, wanna hang out?  :)

Becca! I immediately text back, feeling a bit guilty for not getting in touch for so long. 

Hey, what's up Beccie? Ofc, I 'd love to! When? 

I smile when I get another text a few seconds later:

Great, I was beginning to think you were avoiding me, lmao. Tonight, at 8, The Handmaid's Tale pub? 

My smile instantly vanishes as I shake my head in disappointment. A pub! What is it that people find to these cranky, crowded places? 

Idk. What about a film instead? I'd love to watch Peter Farrelly's new film Green Book. 

I hope she agrees. It would be so much better if we could go to the cinema. I haven't seen her in a while, so I'm not sure how well the conversation will go. At least, in the cinema, you're not supposed to handle a conversation and when the film is over, we can always talk about it. 

Maybe another time? I have tons of things to tell u tbh, so the pub would be a more appropriate place to catch up :)

I  let out a sigh. I tried. 

No prob Becca, The Handmaid's tale it is, then! See u in a bit. 

Thanks, Nour. Looking forward to it ;)

Me too x

Okay, maybe it won't be so bad? Last time we talked for quite a while. I really really don't want to go to a pub, but how could I say no without looking a bit weird? Plus, I don't want to anger my only friend. Beggars can't be choosers. 

A sudden stomach cramp makes me look down instinctively at my bedside table, to find the bottle empty. Shit! I need to ask Matthias what's the name of these pills, so I can get new ones. He said I had to take them for seven weeks, just to make sure that this failed pregnancy didn't have any long-lasting effects on my system. 

To think that I could have been a dad. Wow. Poor kid.  

No. Let's not think about that. I won't start giving that kid a name or shit like that, much less thinking about who the father might be. I'm pretty sure Matthias fell onto his head before giving me his diagnosis. Whatever, I need to find him now. His pills makes wonder for my stomach aches. 

My brother gives me a huge smile when I enter the kitchen, and I have to admit, it makes me feel a bit warm on the inside. 

"Well, look who finally woke up!" he teases and I give him the finger, although I can feel the corners of my lips twitch. 

"Shut up. I needed my beauty sleep"

"You sure did" he nods gravely. "Actually, now that can I see your face, are you sure you don't want to sleep a bit longer? It looks like it didn't really work out". 

"Haha, very funny, Mimine"

"Hey, I told you to stop calling me that" he pouts. 

Yeah, he pouted. The guy is 27 and he still fucking pouts. 

"Dad would have a stroke if he knew you woke up at lunch time" he starts laughing and I join him. 

"He definitely would."

Amine nods, looking at me fondly before focusing back on the frying pan. He's making poached eggs, unsurprisingly. My brother isn't that much of a cook, so eggs are the basis of his alimentation. 

We sit in a comfortable silence until I hear my brother fidgeting on his chair. I look up to find him eyeing me warily. 

"What?" I ask. 

"Nothing. Why are you asking?" he replies innocently. 

"Come on" I sigh. "I know you. Something is bothering you. Just spill the beans"

"Okay, I - do you know where Matthias is?" he suddenly blurts out. 

"I don't. Why would I? You should ask Rémy, not me"

He nods hesitantly, not looking at me before replying:

"You know how Rémy easily freaks out. I don't want to worry him too soon. I thought maybe you could..." 

"Yeah?"

"You could try to find him. I mean, since you're a shifter and all." 

My brother looks so insecure right now. Does he really think I wouldn't try to help Matthias, especially after he took care of me for days? Does everyone in this house have such a low opinion of me? Then again, I suppose that you reap what you sow. I have been a complete jerk to my brother for years. 

"Okay, I'll try and find him. Don't worry too much, I'm sure he's okay" I lie, as I have a bad feeling about the whole situation.

"You - you'll try to find him?" my brother exclaims, looking quite surprised. 

"Yeah, yeah, that's what I've said" I reply, feeling my annoyance growing. "Now, where and when was the last time you saw him?"

OLIVER'S POV

I smile when Rémy eventually spots me, at the farthest table on the right corner of my favorite coffee shop, called "Chapter One". It's usually very crowded on Saturdays afternoons, making it the perfect place to have private conversations. 

I greet him, then without further ado, I immediately ask: 

"Is Nour joining us this time?"

He shakes his head and I sigh in disappointment. "Why am I not surprised?"

"He will come around eventually" Rémy says with a decisive tone. 

"Why, because he loves you so much?" I retort with a sarcastic tone, although I feel a bit guilty when he looks at me with an offended expression. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I'm just worried about the whole thing, that's all. I don't know how we can protect him if he keeps avoiding us"

Rémy gives me a small smile, his way to reassure me that he isn't mad. I smile back. I don't really know him that well, but he's a good guy, as far I can see. We have the same animals, so I feel naturally more inclined to trust him, even though he is more powerful than I am. 

He orders a coco chai tea, and I'm weak so I ask for a huge part of carrot cake, with jasmin tea. 

 We talk about Nour for a while, as Rémy expresses his concerns about him, although I have the feeling that there's something he isn't telling me. Did something recently happened with Nour? God, we really have to find a way to get closer to him soon! I haven't even met the guy yet, I only briefly saw him from afar at the Meeting!

"Do you know what's his animal?" I ask abruptly. 

"No", he recognizes, before adding: "I might have an idea, though. I think he is a mamamal and "

"Sssh, I immediately interrupt him and he looks at me with wide eyes, before whispering: "What, Oliver?"

"Someone is listening."

"What? Who?"

"There's a guy who's been watching us the whole time. I think he's a mere human, though, so he shouldn't be able to hear us."

As soon as I've said that, Rémy turns around and I want to curse him for his lack of discretion but when he faces me, he gives me a small, reassuring smile.

"That's okay. I know him."

"Do you? Who is he?"

"My boyfriend" he sighs, looking slightly mad before gesturing for his boyfriend to join us. 

I narrow my eyes at the small dude who at least has the decency to blush, before he possessively puts his hands on Rémy's shoulder. Great. A nosy AND clingly boyfriend. Poor Rémy. 

"I'm Oliver." I eventually says, after looking at the guy squirm for a minute. "What's your name, stalker?"

Something flickers in his eyes, but it's not here long enough for me to analyse it. He straightens up and looks at me with an almost defiant expression, before smirking: 

"I'm Renan. Nice to meet you, sexy"

I scoff, and I know my distaste must be evident on my face. Rémy, on the other hand, looks like he doesn't give a flying fuck about his boyfriend already flirting with me. I don't get it. Aren't they supposed to be in love? 

Goddess, please, something to get me out of here. Anything. 

And that's when Rémy's phone suddenly rings. 

A/N: Hey! I'm finally back with a new chapter. Sorry for the wait, I hope you like it! Also, I know I've already told you so, but if there's anything that you would like to happen in the story, never hesitate to tell me! (new developments, bigger focus on a specific character or even the unholy sMuT). Anyway, don't be shy to tell your mind and stay tuned for chapter 16!

Love and rainbows xx

#hasnoshame