NOUR'S POV

There was something wrong with him. He needed to tell his older brother about it. amine

 would know what to do. Or maybe he could tell his mum. Yes, that would be a better idea. She had more experience, plus she kept telling him that he could always confide in her, as she wasn't one to judge. 

But how could he explain to her what was happening to him, when he didn't have a clue? He knew that teenagers were supposedly stronger than children and that your body changed once you hit puberty. He was twelve already, so it wasn't such a big surprise than he had been feeling different lately. However, there was no valid explanation for his quickly increasing strenght and physical skills. He was now able to catch rabbits without even trying, and he could see perfectly without his glasses. He was also pretty sure that he could defeat most grown-ups in a hand-to-hand combat. 

- Mum, he said, I think there's something wrong with me.

She finished folding the napkins then gave a warm smile to her youngest son. 

- There's nothing wrong with you sweetheart. 

- There is, he insisted. I am different from the other children and I'm afraid they will notice at some point. 

Her expression turned serious as she sat down on a chair and took his hand in her's . 

- Tell me what you think is wrong. 

- Promise you won't tell dad. 

- I promise.

__

He was now on a beach, one year later. A huge tsunami was coming their way but his parents were bickering and his feet wouldn't move. His mother and father were once again talking about him. His dad thought he should be kept on a leash at night, until he learned how to control his shifting. 

"We're lucky that his animal mostly lives during the night, his father said with an angry tone. If he had been a dog or a horse, our lives would have been even more complicated. Even though my son is a beast, at least he is a noctural one. Yay, lucky us! And don't look at me like that, honey, I'm only trying to protect him. Nour is different from his brother, it's time you accept it ."

"My son isn't a beast" her mum shrieked. "And I won't keep him in a cage like a goddamn hamster. What's the next step? Do you want to buy him a muzzle?"

"It's for his own good! Can't you see? If someone finds out, we could all be killed!"

"Mum", Nour said weakly. "We need to run. The wave is coming"

She turned and tried to tell him something but suddenly the wave was above them, in suspension in the air. He saw a woman with red hair and green eyebrows sitting on top of the wave. She looked at him with a bored expression and he saw her sharp teeth when she  hissed : "I know what I said. Did you really think I would keep my promise? You're so stupid, Nour, to believe in promises at your age. You're not in a fairy tale anymore. Welcome in adulthood, and good luck finding your brother." She started laughing and Nour suddenly realised with horror that her teeth were all red. He screamed. Amine.

Oh, God. What was that dream? It felt weird to see her again. When she died, I was happy to see her in my dreams, even though I always woke up crying. Now, I'm not so sure about it. Sometimes, I spend a whole day without thinking about my mother and I would prefer to keep it this way. It doesn't make me happy anymore to dream about her, just sad. I wish I could go back to the time when she was alive and I could just barge in Amine's bedroom and talk to him about anything for ages. The time without closed doors and resentments.

Crap. It's 7PM already. I shoudn't take naps in the afternoon, I always feel dizzy when I wake up. I am only meeting Rémy at 8:45PM, but I need to go out now. I'll become crazy if I stay indoors any longer. Maybe I can have a drink at the pub beforehand, I definitely need some liquor courage. But first, a shower. 

I sigh in relief as hot water falls on my back and shoulders. Between the nightmare and the meeting with Rémy, I have been stressing all day. He sent me a text - I suppose he asked Amine for my number - saying that he absolutely needed to give me something. It must be something important, as he has never sent me a single message since I've known him. 

I quickly dress up and brush my hair, avoiding to look at myself in the mirror. My muscular body doesn't look sexy because of all the scars on it. They are located mostly on my thighs and belly. I've never cut my wrists, because I don't want people to find about them and I prefer to wear short-sleeves tee-shirts during summer. The few people who saw the scars thought I was crazy - they didn't say it aloud, but I could read it in their eyes. 

As I head towards the Paramount, the pub where I'm supposed to meet Rémy in less than half an hour, I hear muffled cries coming from a shabby alley. I hesitate for a few seconds, thinking about Axel and Ethan, the perverted brothers, but as I don't recognise their voices, I decide it's safe to go and see if someone needs my help. 

They are three. Three bulky assholes reeking of beer against a tall young woman who is being held against a wall. Although she is crying and her cheeks bleed a little, she is still furiously fighting and trying to kick the guy closest to her between the legs. I can't help but admire her.

"Leave her alone, you asswipes!"

Okay, I didn't choose the classy approach, but it doesn't matter, as I am sure these idiots's reply won't be much more clever. 

"Who did you call asswipes, you fag?"

"If being a fag means not raping women and respecting other people, then I'm glad to be fag."

"Are you blind, dumby? We are three against one. You're dead!"

He lets go of the woman, who falls on the ground, like she no longer has any strengh left in her legs. Two of them jump on me. How much more stereotypical than this can it gets?

Knocking them out cold didn't take me more efforts than stretching my legs. I probably should have take it easier, but I can't stand bloody rapists who think they are better than anyone else because they have dicks and big mouths. Anyway, they had what they deserved. They'll live.

"You're alright, love?"

"Don't call me love" she retorts, before smiling and taking my hand shakily. "Thanks, bud. I'm Becca."

"No worries. You must be terrified. Should we go to the police?"

"No" she immediately yells, before realising how excessive her reaction is and giving me a contrite smile. "I can't. Don't ask me why. Don't ask me questions and I won't tell you lies."

"Duly noted. I won't pressure you into going to the police or telling me what's going on." 

She should really go to the police and file a report, so that she can feel better and rightfully send these assholes in prison . However, who am I to judge? It would be pretty hypocritical of me to give her lessons, especially when we're strangers.

"So, what's your name oh-my-saviour?"

"Nour"

"Thank you Nour, for your brave and generous soul. Can I offer you a drink as a modest form of thank you?"

"Are you sure you want to go to a pub right now?Cause it's fine if you don't, don't force yourself, I understand. I'm meeting with erm - a friend soon, so I won't be on my own anyway."

"I'm sure. I really need a drink right now and I could use some good company."

We enter the crowdy pub, where none is paying attention to us. We sat down at a table, after ordering our drinks. As she excuses herself and goes to the bathroom, I take my phone out of my pocket. I click on my brother's name without knowing why. The last message he sent me dates back to 23 August - 5 months ago. 

"I don't know who this man is, but you should call him. You've been starring at the message he sent you for a while"

Becca. She is been looking at my phone behind my shoulder and I didn't even notice. 

"Nah", I eventually reply, choosing the polite answer instead of telling her to fuck off. New Year, new resolutions. "I'm not going to call him. He was the one who wanted me gone."

Why am I even telling her this?

"Is he your lover?"

This time, I laugh. "He is my brother. Now you can see that Indeed, my good looks are genetic"

"Oh. You're a bit big-headed, aren't you?" she laughs, too. "Alright, then". She pauses, giving me a sympathetic smile "I'm sorry you don't get along with your brother."

I dismiss her comment with a flick of the hand.

"Doesn't matter, Becca. I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy."

"Quoting Queen already? I'm telling you, we're gonna be great friends. The flaming lesbian and the sassy gay boy. Talk about a cliché. Have you seen Bohemian Rhapsody?"

"I'm not a sassy - wait. Are you - ?

" If you're not able to say you want dicks, you ain't gonna get any, babe."

"I don't want dicks! That's disgusting"

"Wow, take it easy. I know you just saved me, but I would rather not befriend an homophobic person. Don't tell me you're just like the ones who attacked me."

"I'm not saying I don't like dicks in particular, I'm saying I don't like sex in general."  

Wait, why on earth am I telling this to an almost complete stranger? Guess I have been left in my own company for too long. Usually, I find it hard to share anything personal with people. It's not that I think I'm mysterious or dark, but I don't understand how people can just talk so easily about their lives. Are they not afraid that the others are bored out of their mind and are just listening because they're being polite?

"Sorry Nour, I am still a bit shaken by what almost happened and I don't know what I'm saying. I went too far, your sexuality is none of my business."

"That's fine. So, erm, the others attacked you because of your sexual preferences?"

"That's right. They saw me kissing a girl and asked if they could rent us both for the night. I got mad and they didn't like my witty retort."

"Omg. Tell me, what did you tell them?"

After that, we start talking about lighter stuff. I forgot how enjoyable it is to have a nice conversation with someone. I don't know why, but I feel at ease with this girl and even though I can't help but display some of my great charm and sense of humor from time to time, I'm still able to be myself.  I listen to her and reply to most of her questions with raw honesty. Usually, people think I'm funny but also shallow. They enjoy talking to me in class, but they don't see me as a potential friend. 

"Erm, sorry. Are we interruption something?"

Crap. I didn't check the time and believe me or not, I forgot I was supposed to meet... Rémy. He is standing in front of us, smiling politely at Becca, who looks a bit confused. He's wearing a leather jacket on a plain blue tee-shirt and a black pair of trouser. Momentally blinded by his beauty, I almost don't notice the guy behind him. 

"Rémy! And... Killian, what a good surprise!"

"It's Renan", the twink replies, still smiling. "Rémy's boyfriend. It's nice to meet you."

What the hell? What is he doing here? I thought Rémy wanted to talk to me in private?

"Okay, I better leave now guys. Nour, thank you again for saving me. I'll text you and we can see each other again soon." Becca promises before getting up. 

I feel my heart flutter as my new friend kisses me on the cheek, before giving a short nod to Rémy and Yoann. Unfortunately, I am guessing the conversation I am about to have now is going to be much less pleasant.

"Wow", Yoann comments once she left. "You seem to be a real clown, man!  We saw you both talking, she wouldn't stop laughing at everything you said." Yes, I mentally comment. Too bad I'm not into girls and she's a lesbian. 

"Nour is a clown", Rémy agrees quietly. "But a sad one". 

Before I have time to ask him what he meant by that, he adds:

"Renan, love, can you go to the counter and ask for two beers?"

His boyfriend gone, he looks at me in silence, then eventually clears his throat and asks in all seriousness:

"How are you doing, Nour?"

It's just a simple question really, so why do I feel like he just threatened the whole edifice? Why do I feel so small, like I'm about to break down?  I  probably shouldn't be on the verge of crying, when I am strong enough to kick anybody's ass. It makes no sense.

"I'm doing great", I eventually reply, giving him my brightest smile. "Why did you want to see me?"

Dear readers, 

Please feel free to comment & vote, and don't hesitate to tell me if anything is unclear, incoherent, or if there's any grammatical mistakes - I'm sure there are! If you liked it, you can also say so haha, it always brings a smile to my face.

Enjoy your Sunday, and I will be back with a new chapter  next week. <3 

Until then,

xxx

#hasnoshame