Triggering contents ahead:

"Do you have anything to say about it, Captain Araya?"

Arya was once again hyper-aware of her surroundings. Suddenly the ranks on her shoulders and the white decorated uniform seemed too heavy to bear. Nothing was making any sense to her, she clutched on the cap on her right hand even stronger and looked at the man who asked her.

"I already stated my words in the investigation, sir."

"But the court needs to hear it again."

"With due respect sir, first we were not told about the sting operation. And no senior officers were there, I was left alone as an officer in charge of my unit. All I did was what I thought right at that moment."

"You are aware that you caused the death of thirteen people?"

Arya lowered her head and bit the inside of her cheek. Only if she could turn back the time!

"Yes, sir."

"You violated the direct order from your superior. You violated the order of keeping your position and staying put and yet you ordered your squadron to fly up. You accept the charges?"

"Yes, I do." Arya tried to stay calm.

What were they going to do with her? A life sentence? Or worse, capital punishment?
So she'd die this easily?
Arya's head again went up in the cloud. What was life going to do to her? At this point, she just wanted to go back to Korea, see it for one last time, breathe in its air.

She felt no sorrow, no regret, just a dangerous hollowness that was trying to swallow her whole. She had a big black abyss formed inside her chest, she just wasn't feeling anything anymore.

Something was happening in the courtroom, the special court-martial. Everyone was in their flawless best formal uniform. The number of people was minimum. The representative of both the stateside and Arya's side were presenting their cases, logic and counter logic, witnesses, evidence...at this point Arya wasn't even listening to them. She just stared at them blankly. So that's how it ends?

She remembered the last few days.
The day of the sting operations.

Arya wanted to laugh so suddenly. Jin was right, she always wanted to be the hero not even thinking about the consequences. Look where did it bring her now?

Only if, only if she wasn't so eager to save others and keep her head on her duties! Only if!!!

The night was chilly in the hot base camp in South Sudan. They were assigned to the peacekeeping mission under the UN. Things were going great! Regular scouting, occasional competitions within the unit, and team games.

Rumor had another clan conflict was on the way. The fight for the powers between two strong clans in the secluded area of South Sudan, One of the major causes of the political instability of this country.

Informers said that the clans received help from outside, with money and weapons and mercenary. Probably manipulation of international politics to keep the politics of the African countries always in the uproar and unstable. So everyone was alert and ready to jump into action whenever needed.

The harmony between officers and soldiers from different countries and different forces were getting along too. Arya already gained a bunch of obedient followers of her own just like when she was in the academy.

That evening, almost the whole unit went out getting a tip, in a sting operation. They were keeping eyes on some leads for many days for the weapons transport and that day was the D-day. They left some of the medical staff, few soldiers from different forces under Arya's command. The order was to stay put as a backup. The order was not to engage in any way, no matter whatever happens.

But after getting the information of a village being under attack, Arya tried to contact her seniors. 

The informer said the village was being bombarded mercilessly, killing almost half of the population.

But the officers didn't give a damn. They told Arya not to do anything. They told her to stay put and wait. They told her, no matter what happens, she should lay low and wait for the next order in her secured unit.

She couldn't. Only if she could!

She decided to go there. She asked the rest of the soldiers to volunteer. She gathered six of them, flew up in a chopper, and flew north to the village mentioned.

Little did she know, her officers already sent a troop there secretly to catch the culprits red-handed. The villagers knew the plan and agreed to help out the unit. Everything was set as bait for the rebel clans and the whole unit was waiting there.

She was made a fool.

The village was ok. No sign of any catastrophe. The village was surrounded by the troop from the very beginning. The village was secured, it was part of the officer's plan. That's why they forbade Arya to do anything, cause everything was under control, according to their plan.

But she didn't know about the sting operation. When she suddenly appeared there with a chopper, the whole plan was already destroyed which took half a year to sort out as the clans were already alerted.

When she realized, it was too late.

Seeing the base camp defenseless after Arya left with the best soldiers and a chopper, the clans changed their course of plan and attacked the base camp instead of the village.

She came back in a destroyed unit.

Not only her eagerness blundered the whole sting operation, but also destroyed her unit.

Everything was on fire. The tents were destroyed, the medical shades were nowhere to be seen. The temporary hanger was turned to ashes.
The bombs that the damn informer mentioned was used here instead of that village.

She stood there, in the middle of the chaos. She was in a daze in the middle of fire and ashes, the pain and death scream of the people she left behind, the burnt bodies, charred limbs, death, the siren of the red cross ambulances, the volunteers, the stretchers, the ashes, the fumes...

"Captain Araya?"

"Yes, sir." Arya again regained her senses.

"Do you deny the charges brought against you?"

"I object, sir." The lawyer on Arya's side again objected, "My candidate doesn't consent on the charge brought against her regarding manslaughter."

Arya just blankly looked at them.

With blank eyes, she again saw the two prosecutors fight, bringing their evidence along.

At some point, the state called Jin on the stand.

Arya silently saw him walk up to the stand and take the oath.

Nice! Arya almost scoffed. This boy never approved her. If anybody truly hated her or disapproved of her methods was this boy. Though he was from a different unit, he came to her with his disapproval of her winning method in the dogfight competition of her unit. They even almost fought that time. What new he could say?

"Captain Seokjin, tell us about your relation with captain Araya."

"We were coursemates, sir. And we shared additional special courses as a team."

"And what do you know about her? About her professionalism."

For the first time in three days he attended the tiresome court-martial, he looked at Arya's eyes.

"She is a very competent and diligent officer of the force, sir. One of the bests among our peers."

Arya was a bit stunned. Was it Jin? Or someone else?

"How would you define her sense of duty and liability?"

"It's unparalleled, sir."

This time the lawyer of the States side was a bit swayed too. Jin was supposed to say words in favor of the States. But he was doing the opposite giving the statements of Arya's lawyer credibility of his claims.

"Care to explain?"
This time Arya's lawyer didn't miss the opportunity to budge in.

"She is good at her work. And it is her sense of responsibility and liability that made her go to that village and check the claims."

"But she could have been in an ambush herself in this. She had to check out the validity of it before making the rash decision of leaving the base. She could have led her wingmen into danger!" The prosecutor disagreed instantly.

Jin again looked into Arya's eyes. As if those eyes were saying that "I told you. didn't I?"

"It was a rash decision, but I refused to believe that her intention was wrong. She just wanted to help them."

"By sacrificing her own people?"

This time Jin looked back at the prosecutors and stated, "At least she was better than most of the officers who dismissed the possibilities of the people being under attack and was ready to swipe it under the rug and let the villagers die without even not verifying it. At least that's what would I thought if I were in her shoes without knowing the context." Jin was clean in his answer.

"She was supposed to obey the orders, if she was said to stay put, she had to do that, do you disagree, Captain Seokjin?"

"Or when she was so desperate to help and go, the officers could have just told her that everything was under control and they were going to look after it. I know sting operations are meant to keep secret, but they could have just assured her that they will have a look there without disclosing the operation to her. That alone could have prevented her from going."

The courtroom fell silent with the audacity of the junior officer.

"Yes, she was wrong. She could have been smarter. But what she had back then I bet none of the officers in charge had - a little bit of humanity to at least worry for general people's safety and wanting of helping them. That is alone a praisable intention, unlike others."

"Watch what you imply, Captain Seokjin," One of the judges gave a little warning, "your words can also be used against you."

"I am sorry, sir. But what is happening here is just a joke."

The courtroom again fell into pin-drop silence.

"And why is that?" The second judge asked quietly.

"The state is trying to wrap her up in a manslaughter charge where she didn't even kill anybody. Condolences to those who were victims, but it was as much of the faults of the whole system which sent the whole unit in one place leaving the rest on a junior officer like herself.
She being in dark about the sting operation was not her fault, neither was her concern to help the village under attack. Her only fault was not obeying the direct order of the senior. And that fault doesn't need a court-martial, a suspension or pay cut is enough for that. If everyone can get justice, why not her?"

"Thirteen people died, Captain Seokjin, in case you don't know."

"I am fully aware, sir. But can you guarantee that if she was there in the unit at that time, the attack wouldn't happen either? Why did the officers go to operations without leaving a senior officer for risk management and backup?"

His sentences were so confident and clear that Arya couldn't even believe that he was standing by her side.

"So what is your verdict?"

"Sir, we all are sorry that we had to go through this situation. But targeting one person for the whole incident is not wise and somewhat unjust."

Arya was sitting in front of Jin now.

"Do you know Jeremy?"

Arya's eyes changed instantly at the mention of the name.

"You know him, right?" Jin's eyes were sharp.

"Yes." Agreed Arya.

"In MOSSAD?"

"Yes."

"Tell me, what did he do to you?"

"Nothing."

"Interesting." Jin looked into her eyes,
"He said some things about you."
Seeing Arya visibly gulped he added,
"Before he died."

"He...he is dead?" Arya's eyes were radiating disbelief.

"Yes."

Jin saw Arya's eyes displayed whole loads of emotions in them...relief, anger, hesitation...fear?"

"You killed him?"

Jin nodded in agreement.

"Why? If MOSSAD knows that NIS killed their agent, the diplomatic relationship will crumble down into pieces between two countries!"

"They won't know."

"What did he do to you?"

"I have my reasons," Jin looked at Arya, "now back to my question..."

"I won't answer any of your questions," Arya's calm voice made him stop in the middle of his sentence.

Jin just stared at her with questions in his eyes.

"You hid a lot of things for me, Kim Seokjin. I am giving you a chance to say something to convince me that you care. Otherwise, I am not gonna tell you anything!" Arya crossed her arms on her chest.

Jin kept quiet for a whole long minute and finally opened his mouth, "What do you want to know?"

"The questions I asked before I left your house."
Arya didn't expect him to agree to give her some insights. But as he agreed so easily, she was already in a daze at what she had to ask so she went with the question that came to her mind first though she already knew the answer. Namjoon already told her.

"Alright." Jin leaned back on his chair and spoke in his usual clear and composed tone, "I didn't look for you and I knew you were dead cause seven years back, you were killed in a mission in front of me. Our agency even arranged a funeral for you after they brought you back."

"They or you?"

"Us. Me, Yoongi, and Hoseok."

Arya felt a little down sensing Jin wasn't revealing the hardest part he had done to bring her dead body back. How many times he would be this humble? It makes her feel like a bragging shit.

"Then?"

"Then I started to look for Jeremy."

Arya frowned a little. Now that's new. Namjoon didn't tell her anything about it.

"Why?"

"Jeremy was the one who killed you. So I just wanted to get back to him."

"So he killed me back then...or at least you thought, then he in MOSSAD..." Arya stopped suddenly, "Did he have any grudge against me or something?"

"Yeah."

"What? Who is he?"

"He was a member of the US Marine corps. He was with me in my unit in the Peacekeeping mission in South Sudan. I was assigned as his trainer, fencing especially."

"Whom did he lose?" Arya's voice was calm.

Jin looked at her with a slight surprise in his eyes.

"Among the thirteen people who died there, there must be someone he cared about in them, wasn't it?" Her voice was a lot bitter this time.

And seeing the look on Jin's face she sighed, "yes, I remember the incident, I know about it. Jeremy, South Sudan...his wrath against me...it can't be coincident, can it?"

"His fiance." Jin nodded mildly, "she was a medical officer in your unit. She died on spot that day."

"How come he was there in our mission that he managed to kill me? Was it in America?"

"No. China. It was a joint operation, me, you, Jeremy, and another American agent was there. He backstabbed us, killed you, and vanished. You asked if it was just because of you, right? No Arya. Because of that mission, few of my fellow agents died. I needed to avenge them. I came to know that he joined MOSSAD afterward and they gave him protection."

"Oh." Arya remained silent. A frustration was welling up in her chest slowly.

"Do you think it's fair, Jin?" Suddenly Arya chuckled.

"What?"

"Being the villain?"

"You are no villain, Arya," Jin answered calmly.

"Oh yeah?" Arya's voice flashed a hint of frustration and pent-up emotions that turned into anger, "you think that? You have never been on the bad list of people. Did you? How would you know how it does feel when you get nothing but a suspension even after people died because of you and everyone looks at you like you have killed them all? Like you have robbed them of their justice? Did anyone ever look at you like you don't deserve to live a day longer?"

"Arya..."

"Did people look at you in your back and whisper that because of you your whole unit got killed? Do you know the feeling of trying to cheer up and ignore the words and concentrate on your work even though you can hear everyone talking about you?  Do you know how it felt seeing the people acting friendly in front of you but distancing themselves from you, you discovering yourself as an isolated island surrounded by hate and fears suddenly one day? Do you know how does it feel to be lonely and suffocated in the life you are living?"

"Yes."

The sudden word of Jin made Arya stop for a second but she continued again, "you were always right, weren't you? You asked me if I had that in me to face the people if my rash decisions turned south. You asked me to be more rational, not play hero, not play GOD." Arya's voice was cracking in anger and frustration and her eyes welled up.

"The model soldier, the exemplary icon for the officers, the most disciplined one, the perfect human Seokjin, you never know how these feel like. To be a villain, to be hated, to be the culprit of a crime you didn't mean to commit. I was so naive to know that I was just as foolish as others, not smart or well-tempered like you. I am not perfect as you. I once thought of you as my perfect match, someone compatible with me. Turned out I was just a pathetic little shit who knew nothing about the world except having a bragging mouth and careless mind. I was such a narcissist who thought she knew best and can't do wrong. I was best in my eyes you know...until I wasn't anymore."

Jin hesitantly reached for Arya's eyes but Arya slapped his hand away and furiously wiped her eyes, "I don't need your sympathy. You always showed me pity. Why did you even bother to step out for me in that trial that day? Why didn't you leave me just like everyone did thinking I am the monster all the way? You know, I went and kow-towed to every family, everyone called me a monster, everyone begged me to bring their child back, they slapped me, they hit me, they called me names. It's unfair you know?"

"I know."

"I thought remembering everything would ease me down, but I take it back now. It hurts so much."

"Arya?"

"I hate them. I hate them all. But I hate myself even more. I want to hate you too. But why you had to do that? Why are you being this good to me, Jin? Am I not allowed to feel wronged? Am I not allowed to hate you? Am I not?"

"Hate me if that's what you want." Jin's voice was again, calm, "But..."
Jin held on to Arya's hand and suddenly she flinched.

She looked at Jin's face immediately after she flinched with a little concern and Jin frowned.

Arya tried to pull her hand out of his grip but Jin's fingers got stronger against her wrist and with the other hand, he pulled up her sleeve.

His eyes lingered on the cut marks. Few faded, old. But few were new. Long, throbbing, red.

Jin looked back in her eyes with utter surprise and Arya pulled her hand back from his grip and got up from the chair. Her face displaying anger, frustration, grief, and shock like a deer caught in headlights and ran out without looking back.

Jin got up but his phone rang at the same time.

"Yes?"

"Hyung?" Taehyung's voice came through the phone.

"What happened?"

"Do you happen to know where Arya Noona is?"

"Why?" Jin frowned.

"She...umm...she..." Taehyung hesitated for a moment.

"Stop fumbling. Just say it."

"She broke into our interface hacking into the security mainframe. Downloaded some classified files."

She did what? No! She didn't!

"Are you sure?"

"She covered it very skillfully. But hyung, you know me. I may not be as good as she is, but I found out eventually. And..."

"And?"

"You know the drill. It's my duty. I had to report it."

Jin was quiet.

"Hyung?"

"It's ok, Tae. Good job. You did your job well!"