Russia

Winter 1996/97

As Nadine lay back on her narrow bed, eyes sliding shut, the aches and pains she'd been ignoring all day returned in full force. It was bad enough that as she forced herself to relax, a pained whimper was startled out of her before she could manage to swallow it back.

Her entire body ached. It had all day. It had taken almost every ounce of concentration she'd had to make it through her dance routines first thing, her leg muscles trembling and cramping, muscle memory virtually the only thing getting her through the complex sequences. Her mind had felt like little more than mush as they'd gone through the day's chosen language tutoring; German today. Even their weekly session on Stealth and Covert Operations and Detection Avoidance Techniques was a struggle, and it played to many of her strengths; it was a good thing today hadn't been the Psychology, Dissembling and Interrogation Methodologies session—one of her weaker areas of study—or she might have been in serious trouble...certainly in more pain.

It had been the same with the training that had taken up the rest of the morning. By the time midday had come around, she'd already felt worked to the bone. Her head had been pounding in time with her racing pulse and that left her feeling dull and hazy, fighting back shivers that threatened to shudder across her skin. And the additional abuse her body had suffered during the daily sparring matches against first the other girls and then the Winter Soldier had only intensified it all. Bruises and abrasions littered her body, patches on her arms and legs quickly turning a deep, vibrant purple-black, their development accelerated by her faster than normal healing. Her cheek itched and ached, a deep scrape painted across her cheekbone from a particularly vicious kick from her remaining group-mate Katerina.

But all of it was nothing compared to the bone-deep ache suffusing her entire body with a brutal persistence. Even her throat still throbbed, the metallic taste still coating her mouth that always followed screaming her throat nearly to shreds.

But the Treatments were no excuse for not performing during their training. During her sharpshooting session early that morning, two of her shots had gone slightly wider than her typical pinpoint accuracy when her hands had spasmed; one of the many lingering after-effects, like her raw vocal chords or cramping muscles. It had earned a disapproving look from the old veteran KGB sniper the Red Room brought in to train the girls in distance sharpshooting. Nadya was his star pupil, even when fighting the after-effects of the Treatment, but that also meant he judged her against a far higher standard for it.

Later that afternoon, Madame B noticed Nadya falling short of her usual standards as well, and subsequently it meant she got to face even more pairings during the sparring that afternoon. She had faced the Winter Soldier alone three times, the last match earning an actual frown from the Training Mistress despite Nadya managing to hold out against him just as long as she usually did—though, in retrospect, perhaps that was precisely why—but it was going to take more than a simple beating to break her.

Regardless, Madame B had not been pleased when she'd called Nadya aside to review her performance report that evening, though she had mercifully ceded that the Treatment had been a higher dosage than was typical; it was as close to letting Nadya off the hook for not living up to her regular standards as she was likely to ever get.

Thankfully, the after-effects would fade quickly enough, likely by morning. But for now, it just left Nadya feeling miserable.

Next to her, Nadya felt the edge of the thin mattress of her narrow bed depress. Without even bothering to open her eyes she shifted, making room for the slight girl settling herself next to her. She didn't even have to look to know who it was. There was only one other girl in the Red Room with a close enough relationship with Nadya to do such a thing.

Her head angling to rest against Nadya's shoulder, Natalia stretched out next to her, linking their arms loosely together. It was nice. It was a few, quiet moments where Nadya could almost pretend they were normal girls, like the ones they saw in movies or read about in the books their instructors had them exposed to in order to prepare them to assimilate and disappear among regular people...if they were able to survive long enough to be set loose on the world, of course.

For a few, quiet moments, she could pretend they really were sisters, that she could keep Natalia safe like a big sister should. That she wasn't alone in the world.

She could almost feel Natalia staring at her in concern. It brought a twitch of a smile to her lips, or at least, it would have if even smiling didn't seem to hurt. "I'm fine, lisichka. You don't have to watch me like I'm about to drop dead." Natalia made an exasperated little noise at the endearment as befitted a young, teenage girl when faced with affection. But she relaxed at Nadya's side nonetheless, even if she didn't look away from her silent study of her older friend.

"You don't look fine. For a few moments there, I thought Madame B was going to have the Winter Soldier—" For all that each girl in the dormitory was a hardened killer or well on the way to it, Natalia had a hard time saying what had flashed through her head earlier that day. Nadya knew exactly what she meant, too.

In her third fight against the legendary assassin, Nadya had been all but sure she'd been about to die, especially when his metal hand had clamped with crippling force around the back of her neck as he slammed her into the ground. He'd been ordered to finish very few girls in his time testing the Red Room recruits—only two so far—while other past trainers had been responsible for far more kills; but then, their abilities had been more in line with the girls' own, unlike the Winter Soldier who was far and beyond.

But in that last fight, Nadya had been certain that her life had been about to end.

Nadya had known Madame B was growing less and less pleased with her as the days and weeks passed. The blonde recruit was beginning to grow beyond her instructor's influence and her will becoming harder for the Training Mistress to bend as Nadya started to see through the indoctrination and expectations she'd been raised on. The day before, she hadn't so much hesitated when the order to kill another of the older girls was given —Yanna this time—but demonstrated her condemnation of it by not complying immediately. She had ultimately done it anyway, as she knew openly defying the Training Mistress was a foolish thing to do, but she had exhibited that she no longer mindlessly obeyed. She was becoming unpredictable in her convictions—for one, she was beginning to have convictions—and that was something Madame B was wary of.

But Nadya couldn't just simply be killed during the course of her training anymore. Not as she could have been in the past. Not easily. None of the other recruits could beat her anymore, not even Katerina, who had once been the best close-combat fighter the Red Room had. The Treatments had seen to that. It was only the Winter Soldier who could best her anymore. Where Nadya had once been viewed with potential, Madame B was beginning to see her as a liability, and they both knew it.

But getting rid of her was no longer simple. Since the Treatments were working on Nadya as they had on few others, there were great expectations for her now from those above Madame B, and Nadya suspected that things would go poorly for the Training Mistress should she approve the Winter Soldier to finish off their only successful test subject.

Nadya's eyes opened as she turned her head to look over at her almost-sister. She forced a faint smile to her face at the troubled look that greeted her, ignoring the fear hiding in the familiar green eyes.

"I'd have had to do a lot worse than I did today for that to be necessary," Nadya assured the younger girl with affected certainty. While Natalia was the one with the uncanny ability to lie without even the barest hints of doing so, Nadya was no slouch at it herself and Natalia believed her, those sharp green eyes and the keen mind behind them satisfied that they'd picked up no trace of falsehood. But then, Nadya had to wonder if that was thanks to her dissembling skills or Natalia's fervent desire to believe her. But right now, it wasn't important either way.

But then Natalia's eyes narrowed, her gaze oddly considering as she looked to Nadya, one slender eyebrow quirking curiously. Nadya frowned, suddenly intrigued about what had brought about such a look. When the younger girl didn't break her silence, obviously working on organizing whatever it was she wanted to say, Nadya nearly sighed with exasperation, shifting to her side to face the younger girl head on. Natalia's brow furrowed faintly, revealing that whatever she was thinking of was perplexing her.

"It's the Winter Soldier. Earlier—when you were training against him—whenever he was called off, especially the last time, he...well, he..." she trailed off, her frown deepening as she struggled to properly articulate what she wanted to say.

"He..." Nadya prompted, a trace of reprimand in her voice. Nadya was trying hard not to sound too impatient despite her curiosity, her headache threatening to shorten her temper. Natalia pursed her lips before making a small sound of impatience with herself at being unable to find the precise words she wanted.

"He looked—confused. Conflicted, even." she whispered uneasily. That wasn't what Nadya had been expecting. An uncertain little flutter materialized in her belly.

"He—what?" Natalia nodded, her eyes troubled and puzzled. Nadya fought back a thick swallow as the younger girl began to elaborate.

"Whenever he let you up, as he backed away, his face went—I don't know—I'm—I don't know how to put it better than 'conflicted' or 'confused.' Usually he always looks, well—"

"—lost—" Nadya supplied absently, her eyes no longer focused on Natalia even though she was still looking right at her. Natalia nodded in agreement, her own gaze distant.

"—exactly; lost, blank—when he's not fighting or being ordered around he looks lost...but when he was looking at you after being called off? He looked confused, disoriented and—troubled." Nadya was barely listening anymore, her thoughts retreating to the look Natalia had described.

While she hadn't seen it during their fights, she had seen it later.

The Training Mistress had been speaking with the Winter Soldier's primary handler, the solid oak door of her office firmly shut when Nadya had answered Madame B's summons to discuss her performance. Nadya had known better than to knock and so she had stood, still and silent, for her turn to come.

Just like her, he had been waiting beside the door. The Winter Soldier had stood as stock still as she had, hands loosely fisted at his sides, shoulders not quite squared and stance relaxed but ready. His head had been tilted forward slightly, his long hair hiding most of his face save for a narrow strip not quite covered by the tousled dark strands. His one visible eye had been just as blank and virtually uncomprehending as she had come to expect during his time among them, staring with no real focus down toward the floor. She'd unabashedly allowed herself to watch him; to stare, really. She'd had little opportunity to do so properly outside training and she hadn't been able to deny that she'd been wanting to.

Right from that first day she'd known there was a measure of attraction on her end toward him, physically speaking. Her subconscious had demonstrated that amply, the silent soldier making his way into her dreams, even. It was hard to ignore and hard not to see why. His body was athletic, imposing and a prime specimen of maleness that Nadya found fascinating and immensely appealing, and the powerful yet agile way he moved didn't help matters any. Remembering the feel of those broad, hard muscles had been hard to forget, even when the memory of them came from fighting him. His long, dark hair and stubble did nothing to detract from the strength of his features, adding a rugged appeal to his already handsome face.

And his eyes...she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to see something, anything, in those eyes, to see them come to life. The flicker of consciousness in them that had come out of his rage and shock as they'd focused on her the day she and Natalia had brought him down had been electrifying. Like the pure physicality of him, she still hadn't been able to stop thinking about it.

Even standing before Madame B's office she hadn't been able to help but play over the memory as she examined him, eyes tracing his long legs, the broad shoulders and solid chest clad in dark tactical gear, or the appealingly muscled arm that managed to measure up to the impressive metal arm that mirrored it. She hadn't even dared to admit to herself that she had been all but devouring him with her eyes, hungrily taking him in.

Not even when heat prickled across her skin as she noticed the single steel-blue eye visible through that dark curtain of hair staring right back at her.

Her breath had frozen in her chest as his gaze focused on her, a flicker of concentration and confusion struggling against the obedient emptiness that was programmed into him. Her own eyes wide, she hadn't been able to move as silent, halting steps had brought him closer, his face blank and unreadable despite the struggling traces of awareness in his eyes.

But then the faintest of creases had appeared between his brows. Abruptly he'd looked unsettled, the expression barely—just barely—surfacing on his features amid the blankness, joining the confused shadow in his eyes.

Conflicted, Natalia had said. Nadya hadn't thought to label it so at the time, but it was a far better way to describe the expression she had seen as he'd looked down at her than what she'd come up with outside Madame B's office; not that her mind had been working particularly well just then, anyway. And the look had only deepened as he had reached up to ghost his fingertips over her skin, tracing the already healing scrape across her cheekbone.

A shiver had skittered through her at the touch, her skin warming in a way that hadn't been altogether unpleasant. Looking back on it, Nadya couldn't help but wonder if the concern she was sure she'd seen had actually been there or if she'd only imagined it.

But then the oak door had opened and his hand had dropped from where it had been brushing lightly against the fine strands of her pale hair that had been framing her face.

"Nadya?" Natalia's soft, questioning voice jerked her thoughts back to where they belonged, on the younger girl looking questioningly up at Nadya, "what do you think it meant?" Nadya had to fight to keep from clearing her throat nervously, her cheeks beginning to warm traitorously. Natalia's eyes narrowed, seeing far more than Nadya would have liked. "It meant something. Or—did something happen?" She was suddenly a bundle of curious energy, her eyes brightening as they focused intently on Nadya. "Tell me," she hissed excitedly. Nadya gave her a disparaging look. Its effectiveness was debatable, as it didn't deter the redhead in the slightest.

"It probably meant nothing," Nadya finally whispered back, ignoring the last question altogether. "There's no telling what goes through his head when he's not following his handler's orders, if he's able to think any of his own thoughts at all." She couldn't help how sad she sounded articulating the idea. "Still, it's probably nothing." While agreeing in part, unlike before Natalia wasn't the least bit satisfied with the answer she got, a faint, wicked smile curling her full lips.

"Tell me everything," she insisted again, "what happened?" An exasperated sigh escaped Nadya, but so did a grudging grin. It wasn't like they hadn't whispered conspiratorially about the Winter Soldier before. Just about all the girls in the dorm had at one point or another and it wasn't hard to figure out why; they didn't get very many attractive men in the Red Room, and they were still teenaged girls despite their training to become the world's deadliest killers.

"He looked at me," she whispered, the words spilling hesitantly out, "and I think he actually saw me."

And she told Natalia everything.

A/N: Thanks for reading!

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