London, England

Spring 2016

"You ready?" Natasha asked softly as they approached the doors leading out of the sanctuary to the narthex. Glancing back to Steve where he stood gazing up at Peggy's portrait, Nadine slowly shook her head.

"No," she answered, her voice just as low, "I'm going to stay here."

Natasha's smile was knowing as she stopped next to the intricately glassed doors, turning to face Nadine. "You were never planning on coming on to Vienna, were you." It wasn't a question. Nadine knew her sister had suspected as much before they'd even left the Compound. But neither had said anything. Natasha mercifully hadn't questioned her when she spotted Nadine waiting next to the Quinjet, nor had she pressed when Nadine said she wanted to come along. She hadn't even commented beyond an understanding smile when Nadine's response to her pointing out she was intending stop in London on the way to Vienna had been a simple 'I know.'

Nadine shook her head. "No, lisichka. We both know that would be a terrible idea. I'd no sooner step up to Security then I'd be arrested. Your guest or not." Natasha raised a challenging brow, smirking mischievously.

"We could make your case," she offered lightly, her eyes betraying that she knew it was wishful thinking. "Lots of influential people to make a case for pardon to? Being willing to sign would certainly be a big point in your favour. Not to mention the bonus of having the Avengers as character references." Nadine smiled, reaching out to squeeze her sister's hand. Wishful thinking or not...it was a nice fantasy to indulge in, even if only for a few moments.

"I appreciate the thought," she said fondly. Nadine knew the consequences of the life she'd lived, willing or not. She could bear it. She had long accepted her reality. Natasha's light expression grew grim and entreating.

"I don't want to lose you too," Natasha said softly, "and signing—as a step of good faith, it might—" Nadine sighed heavily, her eyes sliding shut as her hand rose to massage her temple. As nice a thought as it was, they both knew it was an impossible hope.

"Natalia, don't," Nadine cut in sharply. "I know you understand. I know you know better. Just...don't." Natasha's lips thinned but she nodded her agreement.

"Doesn't mean I like it," she said emphatically, almost dismissively. Nadine's lip twitched and she raised a brow at her sister. She was still intending to fight, and that cheered Nadine more than she expected.

Not that it changed anything...

"And you think I do?" she countered softly. Natasha didn't quite manage to hide her wince, her expression growing apologetic. Nadine bit back a sigh. "We've been through this, Natalia," she continued wearily, only barely keeping her own regret to herself, "You know very well that I can't...that the chances of the anyone overlooking... I'm not an Avenger. I'm an assassin. And even if I could? It's too dangerous to sign," she concluded firmly as she looked back up at her sister, "for me and especially for Nina." Natasha sighed, looking to Nadine with a nearly admonishing expression.

"Nadine, you're both Enhanced, you and Nina." Nadine's gut churned uncomfortably at the reminder that her daughter was indeed technically Enhanced and had been since the day she was born thanks to Nadine and Barnes, but she didn't quail beneath her sister's scrutiny. Natasha's tone grew faintly exasperated as she continued, not giving up despite knowing Nadine wasn't about to budge, "whether you like it or not, whether you're an Avenger or not, the Accords still apply to both of you." Natasha but back a sigh, looking sightlessly through the stained glass of the door. "It's just...there has to be a way to make this work. To...to keep what we've got going. I mean," she hesitated, battling to cut herself off even if she ultimately lost, looking back to Nadine with nearly pleading eyes, her frustration with their whole situation painfully clear, "under the Accords? It'd be bringing the Team back to what it was under S.H.I.E.L.D., only this time under the UN. It's not like they would be taking away our autonomy altogether. Steve has to see that." Nadine bit back a dismayed groan.

"What happened with S.H.I.E.LD. burned you all. Badly. Especially Steve. Is it really surprising he's reluctant to risk what happened there again? Especially knowing that the people he'd be answering to have the potential to think like Ross? That one of them will be Ross?" They'd found out the day before that Ross had indeed been appointed to the committee charged with overseeing the Avengers; a troubling development, to be sure, one that even Tony was leery of, even shaken by. She finally did sigh. "There simply might not be a way to make this work, licishka. And...I think that's what Steve sees." Nadine finished simply, sounding far more sad and resigned than she would've liked. "And for me? It's better for everyone if The Ghost just retires and disappears." Natasha studied her thoughtfully before stepping closer, her voice lowering as she reach out to squeeze Nadine's arm.

"Just think about it, please?" Nadine met her sister's eye, taking in the silent plea that echoed her spoken appeal. Mutely, she nodded, even though they both knew her mind wasn't likely to change.

Inhaling deeply before letting out a low, controlled breath, Natasha smiled wanly as she reached for the doors and let them both out of the sanctuary into the landing at the top of the wide, shallow stairs that lead down to the narthex.

The narthex was far less crowded than it had been, the gathering of mourners finally beginning to move off to make the journey over to the hotel hall where the reception was scheduled to take place. Natasha looked to Nadine as she slipped through the open door the redhead held, her hand still on the brass handle before looking back to Steve.

He still hadn't moved. Natasha nodded toward him.

"You're going to stay with him, then?" Natasha asked, her voice carefully pitched to keep from carrying even as she let the door shut with a soft click behind them. Nadine's eyes narrowed as she picked up on a particular thread to her little sister's tone.

"Yes," she said simply, careful to moderate her volume just as her sister had. Natasha quirked a questioning eyebrow at her, her lip curling slightly. Nadine restrained the urge to roll her eyes.

"Steve's in no shape emotionally to go House Hunting," she continued instead, ignoring her sister's bemused expression...an expression that had little to do with the term they'd started using several months ago now to refer to their safehouse searches, "besides, this one's a long shot, anyway. Sam and I will check it out and clear it." She paused, sobering as she looked back to Steve again despite the panels of coloured glass partially obscuring her view. Picking up on the change in Nadine, the impish glint in Natasha's eye faded slightly. Nadine spared her sister a faint, wan look.

"Steve needs today," Nadine continued sedately once she'd gathered her thoughts, "he needs to say goodbye properly with—" she faltered for a split-second as her eye fell on Sharon Carter down in the narthex proper, greeting people as she made her way through the crowd toward the door where the family and closest friends were gathering to head off for the private interment service, "—people who knew her." Anyone else would've missed it, but Nat picked up on her pause instantly, easily picking out the source among the crowd. A knowing glint lit in her little sister's eye. Nadine kept her face carefully neutral despite the sting in her chest. Nat levelled her with a carefully searching look.

"She's nice," Natasha said mildly, a knowing smile curving her lips, "and they were circling each other for a little while...but I don't think she's who he's looking for anymore." Nadine inhaled deeply, letting her gaze fall back on the younger blonde as she slipped out the main door of the church with the rest of her family. What was the point in denying it anymore...it was getting harder and harder to deny it to herself, after all. Perhaps it was time to be open with her sister on this...

"It's nice to think so, lisichka," Nadine said softly, sparing her sister a small, resigned smile, "but it's a hollow dream. There's too much...history." She could tell the instant Natasha understood what Nadine had left unsaid, a nearly painful sympathy taking over her features. Yet her eyes still glinted determinedly, regardless.

"Nadya," Natasha objected fondly, her voice nevertheless firm even as her grin grew faintly sly, "we both know there's something there...and it's not history."

Nadine didn't respond. What could she say? She'd said it all and she knew her sister understood for all that she was being stubborn about it. But she also knew her sister. On this? Pragmatic as she usually was, Natasha was a romantic at heart and she was besotted with her idea of Steve and Nadine together. But eventually she would come to see reason.

Or so Nadine had to hope...

Her sister's obvious approval was making denying her own feelings on the matter harder still than it already was...

And that wasn't even mentioning Natasha's slowly renewing veiled hints and innuendos. Or the fact that Nina was still in on Natasha's matchmaking mission. She had to hope it would eventually lose its shine, and Nat and Nina both would realize it was little more than wishful thinking.

But if they didn't? The little part of her that cared far more for Steve than she should would eventually win out over her rational side that knew it was inappropriate and foolish to want anything more than friendship.

She was not the girl she had once been, losing her head as her body reacted to another's appeal. Sure, in the years since the Red Room, she had felt her fair share of attraction to other men—and even indulged once in a while—she was a grown woman with needs, after all. But it was always on her own terms. She had learned to control her urges. She could even all but turn them off, now, she'd learned so well. Will them away if they were inconvenient or ill-timed.

But that level of control was starting to prove more and more deficient around Steve as time passed.

Around him, it was like no matter how her mind and will strove to exert its control, her body—and what a tiny, ridiculous, romantic part of her insisted was her soul—was drawn to him as far more than just a friend.

And that draw was fast starting to feel stronger than her control. Or at the very least more persistent.

And she didn't know what scared her more about the idea of that draw eventually winning out; the possibility of rejection...or that Steve might actually care for her too.

But she pushed all thought of it aside. Especially at the equally sympathetic yet mischievous look currently dancing in her sister's eyes.

After a moment, Natasha looked away, surveying the thinning collection of mourners.

"I should get going," she said briskly, glancing to Nadine once more, all trace of her nearly impish demeanor of a moment before gone. "Tell Steve—" she hesitated for a moment before sighing. "Tell Steve that I'll be testing the water." Nadine could only nod. And with a small smile and a brush of her hand on Nadine's arm, Natasha was descending down to the narthex, pausing only to speak softly to Sam.

Nadine fought back the urge to frown thoughtfully, and not because of how close her sister and Sam were standing or the way his hand was brushing the small of Natasha's back in a rather familiar and unconscious manner.

Testing the water... that could mean so many things. She knew where her mind wanted to go with it, considering what she and Natasha had been arguing about, but since it was a message meant for Steve? She was less certain, though she had a few ideas.

That was beside the point just now, though. With the mourners moving off to the reception, she and Sam would be slipping away to check the potential defunct safehouse she'd pinpointed just outside London while Steve took his time and mourned alongside everyone else who'd known Peggy Carter.

But first, she needed to check in with Steve. And on him, if she was being honest with herself. It was affecting her far more than she had anticipated to see him hurting so much. It was almost a physical ache, not unlike the pain she felt seeing Nina hurt or Natasha. An ache that came with caring for him far more than she knew she should.

Brushing the thought forcefully aside, as she watched Natasha take her leave out the main doors of the church, Nadine let herself quietly back into the sanctuary.

Steve was still up near the altar, leaning against the end of the front pew opposite the side of the church where Peggy's portrait still sat. It was a beautiful church. Peaceful, really, the lighting subdued and natural as it streamed in through the exquisitely crafted stained glass to paint subtle mosaics across the pews. It was a peace Nadine almost feared to break. But quiet as Nadine tried to be to keep from disturbing him, he still heard her, his head tilting faintly in her direction.

"Natasha's off?" Steve asked quietly without even looking over as Nadine walked up. Unconsciously she nodded.

"Off to Vienna to 'test the waters,' as she said," Nadine confirmed. Steve's brow twitched, a frown nearly appearing before it cleared and the gravity of his mood returned. A gravity that, judging by the thoughtful, conflicted emotions flickering within his shadowed expression, wasn't just born of grief. It was about more than just losing Peggy, Nadine realized.

The Accords and the future of the Avengers was wearing on him too.

"Maybe you should sign," Nadine said softly. Steve turned to her, brow creased with confusion. "Nat does have a point, Steve. If you're part of the Accords, you'll still have influence. If you don't you'll be shut out altogether. The Accords aren't intended to dictate your actions the way we're fearing—there's no certainty that would ever happen—just to demand justification and oversight when the Avengers do take the field." A faint, wry smile tugged at her lips. "Besides who's to say they won't all be bending the rules anyway. I mean, Stark? It's his greatest talent, twisting the rules to suit him or disregarding them altogether and talking his way out of it once he's done. A few months with the Accords and he'll be back wreaking havoc by doing his own thing like his old self, I'm sure." Steve mostly returned her amused grin, nearly chuckling at the assessment of his semi-retired teammate even as Nadine laid a hand against his bicep. It was nice, the contact, and she felt something in her chest loosen at the feel of some of the tension in his arm easing beneath her palm.

Finally he sighed, glancing searchingly at her. She cocked her head slightly, eyes sharpening in anticipation of his question. "Does that mean you're reconsidering your decision not to sign?"

Nadine let out a slow, heavy breath, withdrawing her hand to brush a strand of her pale hair out of her face before crossing her arms loosely before her. A flicker of irritation re-emerged at the question, her lingering annoyance with her sister over bringing up that very issue again very nearly causing her to scowl. But almost at once the feeling faded. Steve was probably the only person who hadn't asked her about her decision yet. He'd been dealing with his own issues, so how was he to know that everyone else had been all but pestering her over her decision. And bizarrely, she found she didn't really mind him asking. She knew for all that he was obviously gauging her, he still meant well.

"No," she finally said softly, leaning against the end of the pew across from him with a small smile. "Avenging isn't my life. The world doesn't need me running around pretending to be a hero...not when they have you."

"And if I like having you watching my back?" Nadine's eyes widened, her breath catching at the soft, almost imploring tone of Steve's confession.

"Steve, I—" it was barely more than a whisper, the rest catching in her throat before a single, unexpected word blurted out: "Why?"

He didn't answer, though he inhaled as though he wanted to. He just watched her, his features oddly unreadable. She swallowed thickly but pasted a half-hearted grin on her face despite the way her heart seemed to be stuttering and her stomach fluttering like a host of butterflies had taken up residence.

"I—I'm not planning on going anywhere," she finally said, unable to quite meet his eye, especially considering how unsteady her voice suddenly sounded. She inhaled deeply, steadying herself and forcing her voice and her demeanor back under control. "But...I meant it when I said the Ghost has to retire for good this time. I'll still help with training or support or whatever it is you need me to do back at the Compound—off the books if need be—but even if I wanted to," she paused, her gaze falling to focus sightlessly an inch to the right of her sensible nude heels. After a moment she looked back up to him, a small, resigned smile tugging at her lips, "I can't sign. Consulting under the table is one thing. That I can do. Same with continuing my search for Barnes. But...but field work? As much as I might like to—I can't. Not without violating the Accords and risking the Team to do it. And if I were to try and sign so I could, my place at the Compound, with the Team? It would end, Steve. There's no guarantee they won't come to arrest me the instant I did," she pointed out dryly, her grin growing strained. "My crimes aren't as easy to ignore as the rest of the Team's...mostly because mine are genuine crimes. I won't spend the rest of my life in a box." Steve shifted, glancing back toward Peggy's portrait with a wince, and she knew he'd only just realized he'd forgotten just how she was different from the Avengers. She sighed, straightening to cross the aisle to lean against the pew next to him.

"I...I don't want to run anymore," she admitted wearily. "I don't want that be my life anymore. And if I were to sign...everything would come crashing down. For me...and for Nina. I can't take the risk. I can't risk my daughter like that. Nina and I won't sign." Silently he nodded, understanding and sympathy clear on his face as he grew thoughtful again, his gaze falling to his shoes much as hers had moments before.

And somehow she got the feeling like he'd heard everything she hadn't said, or had very nearly said. How part of her did want to sign, especially if it meant she might be able to stay. How she very much wanted to continue on working with the Team...with him.

How nothing had felt quite so right as all but hearing him admit that he wanted her—her—watching his back.

That, now that Nina was off at school, he was as much a reason for her to stay as Natasha or her mission...

And strangely enough, she hoped she wasn't imagining the feeling. That he really had somehow understood everything she hadn't said...and everything she simply couldn't allow herself to say.

Finally he shifted, looking up as his arms crossed loosely across his chest.

"As much as I want to believe you and Nat are right..." he said before pausing, a heavy sigh escaping him, "as much as I want to believe that the Avengers can still do what we need to do within the bounds of the Accords, that they will work the way they are meant to? I just...I can't."

Nadine couldn't help herself, and raised a wry brow at him. "Since when did you become so cynical, Steve Rogers." The hint of a chuckle huffed out of his chest as the corner of his mouth twitched.

"Since the organization I thought I could devote my life to serving so I could help make the world better turned out to be a front for the organization I was willing to give my life defeating?" He countered sedately, causing her grin to fail. "Since I learned my best friend had been tortured, brainwashed and dehumanized, his very being stripped and stolen away?" He turned a shadowed, weary gaze to Nadine. "Since I learned the horrific things my friends endured all for the sake of evil men looking to find the perfect agent?" He sighed heavily, looking away. "It's been building for a long time, Nadine." She could understand that. He shifted again.

"You are right," he said after a long moment. "If I were to sign, we probably could keep on doing what we need to do, to make the Accords work for us. To amend them when needed and bend the rules when we had to. And I did consider it. Really, I did. I thought about it a lot on the way here. Vision? Tony? Nat? They're all right in that the Accords are not an option to be dismissed lightly. And I'm not refusing lightly. But...but even though they're the easy way out? A compromise?" He looked to Nadine, conviction lighting in his eyes. "Sometimes compromising...sometimes it can be the wrong course just as giving up would be." Once more Nadine felt her lip quirk of its own volition.

"Grow roots like a tree and say 'no, you move'?" she asked with a fond, wry grin. The ghost of a chuckle escaped him.

"Yeah, something like that," he said. She smiled up him, reaching out to lay her hand on his shoulder without thinking. Nor did she give it a second thought as he absently leaned into the touch, causing her hand to slide across his back until she was very nearly embracing him.

And for once the irritatingly rational part of her didn't rear up with warning.

He was just looking for comfort, she rationalized, and she was a friend who could provide it. That was all. It was a gesture of comfort between one friend and another.

It had nothing to do with just how right it felt.

They lapsed into silence, Steve's gaze once more drawn to Peggy's portrait, Nadine's following, sightless, as she contemplated what he'd revealed instead of on what he'd done.

He'd been thinking of signing. That perhaps Natasha's arguments and Stark's and the others' had merit. That maybe he should give a bit. But hearing Peggy's words? Being reminded of her conviction and her devotion to doing the right thing? Of the values that he himself held dear?

It had bolstered his resolve to do what he felt was right.

And though she wasn't entirely sure how she felt about what that decision would mean, she couldn't help the way her chest felt like it was about to swell with admiration and even a measure of pride. It was a very conflicting feeling.

After another few moments, he inhaled deeply, straightening and standing from his stance leaning against the pew, pulling away from her with what seemed uncannily like reluctance. Nadine's hand fell back to her side. She refused to acknowledge the disappointed twinge in her chest. Turning, Steve looked to Nadine with a small, resolved smile.

"You and Sam should probably get going," he said, holding a hand out to her. Before she could think about it, she took it, letting him pull her up from her similar pose leaned against the pew next to his. She gave him a considering look.

"We hadn't mentioned that idea to you yet," she pointed out. The corner of his mouth quirked with a silent chuckle as he raised a brow of his own at her.

"It wasn't hard to figure that you were probably going to suggest it," he said wryly before sobering, his expression turning grateful. "And it...it means a lot to me. Thank you." She smiled, looking down to their hands; he hadn't let hers go, just as she hadn't his. She raised her other hand to cover his, enclosing his as much as her smaller hands could even as his other hand rose too, tenderly curling over hers. Her breath hitched as she met his eye.

"You're welcome," was all she could say softly in response.

The very air between them seemed to grow tense then, like an energy, a draw was intensifying. Something stronger than the feeling of right of mere moments before. Her heart beat just a touch faster as his eyes, so laden with sadness as they had been since he'd found out about Peggy, grew warm and considering as he looked down at her, beginning to lean closer. His thumb grazed absently over her knuckles, her skin tingling at the touch.

But then she blinked, and her long-ingrained instincts to be rational surging to life again, squashing back her longing to give into the feelings that she couldn't deny were growing between them any longer.

Breaking eye contact, she subtly cleared her throat as she subtly leaned away. She ignored the sense of loss as she gently pulled her hands from his.

"You should probably think about heading over to the reception," she pointed out, the waver in her voice betraying how unsettled she was. She refused to admit she was disappointed as she stopped herself from nervously adjusting the sleeves of her dark navy blazer or brushing non-existent lint from her slate grey skirt. As she looked back up to Steve he seemed...thoughtful, and a little bit...disappointed too? She almost faltered. He couldn't possibly... "The...the family should be heading over soon too. You should probably be there." She nearly shook her head at the traitorous thoughts that tried to form at her observations. He wasn't disappointed. He couldn't be. It had to be from her reminder...the reminder of why he was here in London in the first place. She forced a reassuring smile to her face.

Clearing his throat much as she had, he nodded, matching her smile even if his was slightly more strained, his features once more strangely difficult to read.

"Yeah, you're probably right, but..." his jaw tightened minutely. "But I feel like I should be coming with you and Sam." Nadine shook her head gently, her smile growing sympathetic.

"You need to be here," she insisted gently, laying a hand on his arm and ignoring the way she wanted to pull him close instead. "Take your time. Reminisce about Peggy. Sam and I will look into the Real Estate." Sedately he nodded, his faint grin returning at the code term Sam had started regularly using the way they'd all started referring to their search as 'House Hunting.'

With a final look to Peggy's portrait, Steve turned and, Nadine falling into step beside him, they departed the sanctuary.

A/N: Thanks for reading!

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