Note -

I may sound rude, but understand that it is for you to become  better as a writer.

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Author - Meheksmagicworld

Book - Vishkanya: Dark Secrets [Part One]

Reviewer - polymath_land

Review

Title -

The title is good. It's apt to the plot. After reading chapter 1, I was convinced with the title.

The title should be short and apt to the plot. It attracts the reader more.

Cover-

The cover is the first thing that the reader would consider before proceeding further to read a story. It must be apt to the title and should be intriguing.

Your cover is not good, and not quite attractive. The title of the story is not visible(because of the fonts style and it's colour), the cover is not clear enough. The background is too demanding.

Even though the 'vishkanya' and the 'couple' on the cover are apt to the title (slightly), it's not at all attractive and intriguing.
You can make a better and intriguing cover with better pictures and background( I hope 'gloss creation' helps you, just a suggestion).

A Cover should look like ' Yeah, it must be an original picture '.
No one should able to find out that the cover is an edited one, it should look professional.

Adding author name on the cover is completely your wish. I'm not commenting on it.

Blurb-

Where is the blurb?

"It's a story about two twin girls"-is not at all called as a blurb. You really have to work on the blurb.

After the title and cover, the reader looks up for the blurb. Your book has no blurb.
Even if your cover will be intriguing, the reader may not want to read further looking at 'no blurb'.

The blurb should give a 'peek-a-boo' of your book to the reader without revealing much. It should make the readers hook up with the storyline of queries like 'what, how and why'.

Ex - 'Mahir, a pilot, was found dead a few days ago. How did it happen?', 'Who killed him?' etc, if it is the story about the murder of Mahir, it should be added in the blurb after the little intriguing scenes from the story.

Your book has none of this!

If you want to add something about yourself (personal blurb) regarding the book, write it down after the blurb as 'author's note'/ 'personal blurb'.

Plot -

You have given the character sketch, that was okay, but you could have made it in a sequence like after Akanksha, you could have written about her mother and father, and later on her friends. Since you have not written any blurb, it may confuse the readers.

All I understood is, it is the story about teenagers and there was absolutely nothing related about vishkanya at first. You said two characters are to be introduced later, that was okay but you could have at least written about the attributes of characters.

Character sketch too did not give me any hint of 'dark secrets' and did not make me curious to read further as well.

' Imaginary place ' - something you have written about the place. All I can ask is " What is the need to write it? "

Your book is already a fictional book, everything in the book is just imaginary (fiction). There was no need to write that two words unless you want a reader to get distracted.

Write 'Author's note' at the end/start but not in between the narration of story or character sketch/blurb. It will distract the readers.

I can simply conclude that it is all about teenagers story if it is not for the title.

You have written the story in Hindi, provide translation in English as well, I suggest.

Everyone may not know all the languages. English is the primary language to communicate with readers.

Okay , but After chapter 1, I found the story interesting.

Akanksha and Shreya are best friends,  while Rasika is also a friend/classmate for both of them, but something happened in Hameerpur due to which Akanksha and Shreya lost Rasika, while Akanksha blaming herself for the incident happened in Hameerpur. It made me curious, of course.

But, during the trip, Akanksha and Siddharth becoming friends to the extent they have exchanged their numbers are quite unrealistic even though it's a fictional story. They became friends in less than an hour, you have rushed here. No one gives their phone numbers to their 'half-an-hour' friend. As they were attracted (not love) at first sight adding to the teenage hormones, I agree with the quick friendship but you could have given more explanation about the emotions of Akanksha and Siddharth.

In between, the flashback of their childhood is good, but again here, you made a little mistake, a little 7-year-old guy/girl cannot find the opposite sex attractive or cute. They are just innocent children, and cannot decide who's what. As a child, they will be confused/scared/insecure.

But after that, fighting between them is usually realistic and acceptable.

Sumedh and Siddharth are going to say something sneaking into their room, I'm waiting for that.

- Where is Akanksha's twin sister? I hope the mystery will unfold in upcoming chapters.

You are quite good at putting a scene under cliff hanger.

The secret about Rasika and Pratap may reveal later in hameerpur, I expect.

After 7 chapters, I can conclude that the title is apt to the plot.

Character development-

The Story is just started and I cannot judge character development based on these 7 chapters except,

- The friendship between Siddharth and Akanksha, it is good but you have to express their emotions more. You can make 14 chapters of this story part which you have completed in 7 Chapters.

- The cat-dog fight between Sumedh and Shreya, it's a fun factor to readers.

- The relationship between Shreya and her parents can be expressed more in emotion terms,  same in the case of Shreya.

Narration-

The story narration is very poor.

A writer needs to choose either 'writer's pov' or 'characters pov' and you have used both in different chapters.

I suggest you, stick with one. It will not confuse readers.

As I said earlier, you have to translate it in English, otherwise, it is a little better one.

I cannot identify who's talking to whom with the same font style being used, unless I scroll up and down the screen to understand the same, adding to it, there was no line space in conversations.

Grammatical errors-

You are not good at framing sentence, which cannot attract readers.

As you have used less English, I don't want to talk about punctuation.

Ellipsis is the omission of a word or more in a sentence. Simply, it's something you use according to the situation, and a particular emotion. I've found too many unnecessary ellipsis even though you have used less English.

'Article' and 'Tenses' are used in the wrong way.

There are typos, concentrate on that.
The sentence is typed down twice in one chapter. And there are some errors like that.

Please do proofread it.

-Chapters are too short, it will irritate the reader while reading. The reader may lose interest if your chapters are too short or too long. 'Interest or no interest' can take a break but the reader's eyes is a sensitive part of the body, remember it. Limit the words between 2000-4500 per chapter.

Positive points-

1) Plot.

2) Title (except Vishkanya as I'm not sure of the further story)

Negative points-

1) Cover.

2) Blurb.

3) Narration.

4) Grammatical errors.

5) Poor sentence formation.

6)Expressing emotions.

I can't judge characters as the story is just started and you are poor in expressing emotions in a better way to judge their characters until now, but humour factor is the plus point here.

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Note-

As I said earlier, please don't mind if you found me rude/harsh. It is for your betterment. Hope this review helps you, I'll be glad if it does.

All the best for your future works.

P.S.

Waiting for Rasika and Pratap entry.

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