"It is nothing to die. It is frightful not to live."

― Victor Hugo, 

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A gunshot startled him out of the darkness, and Kim found himself lying on the ground as soon as he came to his senses. He must have fainted. He coughed and blinked several times, looking around feeling disoriented. Even breathing burned his throat and his eyes felt heavy. He tried to assess his surroundings to connect the dots to understand what was happening. Next to him, a child was sobbing. Suddenly, his eyes flew wide and he quickly sat up. Shaking off the dizziness, he looked around to discover that the Italian boss had already died, a headshot, while his child was wailing over his body, asking him to wake up. There was one more man in the room. Moving purely on instinct without hesitation, Kim pulled out his knife and moved toward the child to cover him.

"Khun Kim," the man bowed but didn't move his gun down.

"Who are you?" He asked even though he already had an idea.

"Khun Korn told me to help you if needed," the man informed.

Of course, his father had his man only step in if he was about to die. How generous of him, Kim thought. He had been sure that the only help that would be provided to him in missions like these was to retrieve his dead body in case he was killed.

"And what is Khun Korn's order for you?" Kim asked, addressing his father formally.

Few people knew that Korn had been sending his own son on these kinds of missions because typically mercenaries and assassins - disposable and dispensable - were hired for such matters. No one expected mafia bosses' offspring to be sent to do the deed. But what could Kim say, his father was peculiar and even his spare wasn't spareable. His identity as Theerapanyakun assassin was a well-kept secret. As a result, nobody outside of the compounds was aware of his existence or appearance. Something that had made carrying out such missions uncomplicated as it let him adopt any identity, develop any personality that matched the objective, and mold himself into any shape to fit the bill to manipulate his way in and out. He was good at it. Therefore, despite his best efforts to flee, his father persistently pulled him back whenever needed. And now here he was, complying with Khun Korn's demands again.

"To keep you alive and bring you to him no matter what," the man responded.

"Okay, then drop your gun," Kim told the man.

"The order is also to make sure there is no witness, so please move," the man muttered, aiming the gun at the child who was hidden from his sight.

"Leave the child, he did nothing wrong," Kim told him.

"As I said, Khun Korn said no witness," the man repeated.

"And I said you won't kill the child," he said while glaring.

"Khun Kim," the man warned suddenly.

Initially, Kim believed the man was yelling at him, and because he was concentrating on what was in front of him, he hadn't seen it coming. Suddenly, he experienced a burning sensation on his left side and a hot liquid slipping down his torso. He looked down and saw a little hand attempting to slide a knife between his hip bone and ribs.

That's something he should have predicted. After all, on the day he lost his mother, Kim had attempted to harm the men who had taken her away from him. He had spent years tracking them, and that had been what had revealed the facade his father had kept going on. Thus, he should have anticipated the child's attempt at killing him.

"Khun Kim, move, " the man said, aiming his gun at the child.

"Don't you dare," Kim yelled out, trying to push the child behind him.

"No witness, that's Khun Korn's order," the man reminded.

"I repeat, you aren't going to kill the child," he growled.

Turning his back to the man, Kim tried to cover the child with his body.

"It's okay," he whispered, trying to pull the small hand away from the knife that was stuck just below his ribs.

"Va tutto bene," he tried to console the young boy in one of the languages he and his brothers were forced to learn by their father.

"Tu stavi cercando di uccidere mio padre, lui invece lo ha ucciso, perchè? " The child asked while sobbing.

"La Morte è il rischio che corriamo per il lavoro che facciamo," Kim muttered, and it was right after all, each one of them in mob business knew of the risk of death.

It wasn't unusual for children born into mob families to witness death early in their lives. If they were fortunate, it would be someone else; if not, it would be someone close or relative. Kim himself had witnessed his mother's and now this child had witnessed his father's. But it was also an old unsaid rule, a moral code of most immoral: children were not to be touched, even if now only a few followed that code. The attack on his mother had been brutal but he hadn't been the main focus of the bullets, just collateral damage that his mother had tried to save, taking more and more bullets on her body as she wrapped him with her warmth and left him covered in her blood. And now, after years, Kim found himself doing the same for someone else's child but a child nonetheless.

But his father's man had other ideas because soon another gunshot was heard.

"I said move away, you unprofessional brat ... young blood these days. If you don't move, the next bullet will hit you," the man warned with a growl.

"I said I won't let you kill the child, you better do as I say and walk away," Kim growled at him.

"Fine, have it your way," the man muttered and with the noise of the gunshot, Kim felt the bullet pierce his left arm.

"The next would be for your head," the man warned once again.

Kim closed his eyes, calculating his options. He could turn around and throw a knife at the man, he could defend himself yet the cost of moving was too high. The child would be exposed just long enough for the man to kill him. And therefore, he couldn't move, he shouldn't move, he didn't want to move...

Was this how his mother had felt that day when she died?

Could she have saved herself if she would have been alone? If it wasn't for him?

Was he, after all, the reason why his mother hadn't been able to defend herself?

There were so many questions but at that moment, Kim reminded himself that he had already accepted that he was going to die. If this was the way he could go to his mother, why should he refuse?

Maybe he was supposed to die along with his mother that day. He has already lived so many years as a bonus, and to honor his mother's sacrifice, he had tried his best to not get killed, to live as he could. But if it meant saving the young boy, surely his mother would forgive him for going back to her at the age of twenty-two? Surely fourteen years without his mother were long enough to overlook the way he was giving up on the life his mother died for?

And with that thought, Kim closed his eyes just when another gunshot was heard. The pain he felt was immediate and familiar, anticipated and perhaps even welcomed for once. Soon there was one other gunshot.

Hearing was assumed to be the last sense to go in the dying process...

***

Kinn remembered the day his younger brother was born...

At seven years old, he had little interest in the tiny bundle their mother used to carry around in her arms and hold close to her chest, constantly smiling at whatever was concealed inside. It wasn't love at first sight for him as it was for Tankhun who had been enamored and acted like an overly excited toddler even at ten years old. No, Kinn recalled only noticing it when the little bundle grew quite ill. It wasn't until his mother's smile had vanished and Tankhun had begun to cry every time he was near the pink creature with the thick jet-black hair covering its head that Kinn started to become concerned. It seemed as though Kinn had only then realized how frail and little the creature was that had drawn his cool elder brother's attention away from him and caused his mother to get ill both before and after its birth.

Kinn remembered that day when he had looked down at that small sickly pale-faced baby who had looked at him with those big black eyes and given him a sweet toothless smile. It had been only then that he had felt his heart open up for the little creature. The fondness he had felt that moment had been overwhelming, but soon it had been eclipsed by his fear of losing that small fragile-looking infant who was his younger brother.

Following that, the baby had to endure two excruciatingly long weeks to recover from his illness, escape death, and return to them. After his illness, the baby had blossomed like flowers in their mother's garden during the peak of summer, so she had eventually decided to call him Summer. Ever since then, Kinn has known that he loved his younger brother, even though he stole his favorite toy, even though Kinn had to endure punishment for the broken antique vase that had been Kim's doing. Even after knowing that Kim had his sights set on his beloved guitar, had their mother's endless love, and was her favorite child. Even though Tankhun, who had been driven halfway insane after being kidnapped, would allow Kim to hug him but would scream when Kinn tried. And mostly even if their mother had chosen to sacrifice herself to protect Kim. Even when their father thought, despite all of Kinn's best efforts, Kim was better suited as his successor than him.

Kinn loved his younger brother despite all that, yet his relationship with Kim was so unlike their relationship with their elder brother. Tankhun had the best of them for himself and loved them without making them fight for him. But it wasn't the same for Kinn and Kim...

Growing up, everyone in their immediate vicinity made sure that they were in an unspoken rivalry with one another. And that had forced Kinn to notice things, starting with how Kim had picked up chess more quickly than he had. Kim had spent more time with their mother and learned piano playing, gardening, and music from her. When it came time to train, Kim at seven had been better at it than he had been at fourteen. When Tankhun had been relieved from the heir duties, Kim had been there by his side and had spent more time with him. Kim hadn't cried in front of others no matter how hurt he had been, nor had he hesitated to hurt others. He hadn't almost drowned when thrown in cold water, nor had he vomited his lungs out after his first kill.

Kinn had heard throughout his adolescence that he needed to put in more effort because his brothers were superior to him. Tankhun was a better shooter than he was; Kinn had to be constantly reminded of this until he became proficient enough to hit every target with accuracy. And then along came Kim, who seemed to be better than him in every way at fighting. Just a few years after Kim's training had started, Kinn had heard rumors that his younger brother was more skilled than he was in hand-to-hand fighting, to the point that he didn't even need a weapon. No matter how hard he had tried, Kinn knew he would never be able to get past that standard.

It wasn't jealousy or insecurity that drew a line between him and Kim, it was silence. Kim was quiet even as a child but wasn't shy, his bluntness whenever he talked proved that. He just had never been interested. As a child, Kim's world revolved around their mother who had understood him without words and maybe that's why he never learned how to communicate out loud. When their mother was taken away from them, Kim became mute, which further contributed to his lack of communication skills.

It had been and still was so difficult to talk with him. Every time Kinn had tried to bond with him it was like pulling words out of his mouth. Music had been the only connection between them that had made Kinn feel close to his younger brother. Whenever Kim had trouble falling asleep after training, he used to come to Kinn with his guitar in his hand and they used to play some melodies together. Mostly the ones their mother taught them. As years went by, Kinn had gotten busy with his studies, and his preparation to succeed their father as heir. Later his relationship with Tawn also consumed all of his time, the fact that Kim had voicelessly disapproved of their relationship had worsened the matter. Therefore Kinn hadn't realized when had those nights ended. it was too late, too embarrassing, and practically impossible to ask Kim to resume their conversations on music and their mother where they had left it.

Then one fine day Kim had packed his guitars and light bag of clothes and left their home to go live on his own, killing the hope that Kinn had harbored in his heart and all his wait that one day his younger brother would once again come to him with his guitar in his hand was in vain.

From then on, the distance had only increased. Overburdened and worn out from his other commitments, Kinn had considered the possibility of never getting his baby brother back for the best. Balance was important after all. Kim was autonomous while Tankhun was reliant on him. Tankhun was clingy and Kim never needed him. Before Porsche had come, there were so many days Kinn had wished he had someone to talk to, and countless times he had wished that to be Kim as asking for something like that from Tankhun had been too much. But contrary to his name, Kim to him was a cold night of winter that left him shivering and lonely.

Maybe that's what Kim was to everyone who knew him. It was ironic that their mother had named him after her colorful summer garden.

After years of silence as the distance between them only grew, Kinn had forgotten that regardless of how skilled a fighter Kim was, he was a human being, capable of hurting. He had never once been afraid of losing his younger brother in all the years. He had never considered losing Kim a possibility because he was supposed to be safe, away from home and their family business. And now, out of the blue, Kinn was being told that Kim had been working behind his back for their father and that he wasn't as free as they had been led to believe.

And now, suddenly Kinn was told that there was a very good chance his younger brother had passed away without his knowledge.

How was it even possible that he was gone without them even knowing?

"You said that the Italian boss died, that means Kim killed him," Kinn said, desperately looking for loopholes in Vegas's theory.

"Yes, there was a funeral last week, it's confirmed," his cousin muttered.

"So, that means Kim is alive," Tankhun said before he could.

"May I remind you both that Kim has been missing for more than a week and hasn't reported to your father after his missions? The Theerapanyakun have informers and spies, one of them could have done the deed even if Kim hadn't," Vegas reminded.

"You would like that, wouldn't you? For my Kimmy to be gone," Tankhun accused with a scream, rage in his eyes as tears slipped down.

"He is the only tolerable cousin of mine, why would I wish death on him?" Vegas scoffed.

"Then why do you keep insisting?" Kinn snapped, not far away from throwing hands at him.

"Use your brain for once, would you? If it's the body you are waiting for, it won't come. It's Theerapanyakun rule to destroy evidence that could be traced back to them," Vegas said with a frown. "Someone must have gone along with him, find out who it is, and ask them what happened," he spelled out when others continued to look at him as if he was making no sense.

"That's the problem, who to ask? I don't know anything about Kim. The cynic that he is, it's impossible to think that he could have let anyone go with him. He hates family responsibilities and our father let him go... he wasn't supposed to be working behind our back, so why ?" Kinn roared out, tears of frustration finally slipping from his eyes.

He detested it. He loathed ignorance. He hated how Kim and their father had made a mockery of him. He abhorred that Kim was forced to do something he had expressed of not wanting to, ever. Yet he was. Many things were done behind his back even though he was the head of the family now. Countless times he had felt Korn's puppet. Numerous people had told him he was just a dummy, put on display just for the show. Damn it, he had worked so hard to be a competent heir, yet again and again time proved that he was just dancing to his father's tune and blinded by the trust he had put in the man whose legacy he was supposed to carry. 

After everything he had done, Kinn still was the unwanted heir. So be it. But he wasn't an incompetent one, he wasn't unworthy of trust. Or so, he had thought. His father's secrets and lies were infinite and he was tired, so tired of trusting him just to be proven wrong.

What was he supposed to do now?

"If your father forced Kim to do something, why didn't he come to his big brothers? Surely he must know that he could come to Kinn and Tankhun would move the haven and sky for him," Porsche said, as always puzzled at the dynamic between the brothers.

"Kim doesn't trust me," Kinn huffed out at the same time Tankhun responded: "Kim doesn't know how to ask for help." Both the brothers looked irritated and heartbroken.

But when he thought about it, Kinn was reminded of an odd conversation he had with Kim on the day he had seen his younger brother last time.

"I am just trying to tell you to consolidate your power and when the time comes, eliminate hurdles in your path, even if it means you have to kill me and our father."

"Let someone else do the act for you, but don't trust just anyone with it. Don't ever let our father know your plans."

Back then Kinn had stupidly thought that Kim was once again being his paranoid self and accusing him of wanting to kill his brothers for power.

"Listen to me, Kinn, for once."

Kim had whispered, acting so out of character yet Kinn had not.

"When the time comes, when everything is stable enough, and when you have more loyalties, take him down. Quickly and without hesitations."

That day Kim's advice had made him see red, but today Kinn only wished he had paid more attention to what he wasn't saying than what he was...

"What I have done," Kinn muttered to himself, pulling his hair out with both hands as regret and guilt clouded his eyes.

"Kinn," a voice yelled, snapping him out of his thoughts only when he felt someone pulling him in their arms, only when the strong warm arms warped around him that he realize he had been crying.

"I can't lose him. Porsche, He is my baby brother. He was supposed to be safe," Kinn whispered in his shoulders.

"Shh, we will find him, Kinn," Porsche promised in his ears.

'But what if he wasn't there to be found?' A dark thought disturbed him continuously but dared not to speak out loud for fear of it becoming reality.

Losing the people he loved had always been a fear ever since his mother had died, but he rarely had been afraid of losing Kim. Not because he loved him any less, but because Kim was supposed to be the hidden one, he was supposed to be self-sufficient, he was supposed to be away from the misery, he was supposed to be safe, away from their hellish world.

And mostly because Kim was good at defending himself, he wasn't weak or in need of saving, he was supposed to be almost impossible to defeat...

So much so that it had made Kinn forget that Kim was a human after all, that he was the same small fragile baby that once had been on the brink of death. 

Kinn had forgotten that his heart was still capable of trembling at the idea of losing his younger brother in the same way it had been when he was seven.

Kinn had forgotten that despite everything, Kim was still his baby brother...

***

As the head of the Main and Minor families, Kinn and Porsche should have had little trouble finding out information about the people who worked for them, but they were unable to track down any information that would have revealed Kim's fate. Presumably a retired head, Korn was nonetheless in charge of most things. Although Kinn had never been greedy or power-hungry, it was evident now that his ire was growing with every dead end they encountered. Beyond the connections that Vegas had created, pursuing Kim was akin to chasing a shadow in the dark.

After the whole day of nothing but disappointment and dead ends, the next day once again they were in Kinn's office, getting more agitated minute by minute.

"That's it," Kinn muttered before cussing and marching out of the room.

Confused as to what was going on, the rest of them followed him in a hurried pace to catch up with Kinn, only to find themselves outside of Korn's office.

"What have you done?" Kinn demanded his father as soon as he pushed the door of his office open with a bang.

"Kinn," Korn acknowledged his heir, raising his eyebrows as he took in the army he had brought with him as they filled the office one after the other.

"Vegas, I take you have been healing well," he said with a nod as he took in his nephews.

"Don't try to change the topic, father," Kinn growled as he glared down at the man.

"What are you talking about, Anakinn?" Korn calmly asked, ignoring how irritating he was finding his heir.

"About this... What is this?" Tankhun asked as he slammed Kim's letter to the table.

"Oh, that boy never ceases to amaze me," Korn muttered to himself with an amused smile that distorted his face. "What did he give you?" He asked his eldest son, curious.

"That's not what we are asking you. What have you done? Where did you send him and why? You promised me that you were letting him go and would not involve him in anything he didn't want to be part of. SO WHY?" Kinn yelled out.

"And I didn't break my promise. He wasn't involved in something he didn't want to be part of," Korn said in a bored manner.

"WHERE IS HE ?" Kinn demanded with a growl while kicking the table between them.

"Control yourself, Anakinn, " Korn warned as he looked up with a glare, finally having enough of the tantrums.

"I am not going to control myself when I don't even know where my younger brother is," Kinn yelled.

"Pa, Kim can't die. He is the baby of our family, he can't die first," Tankhun yelled, crying his eyes out.

"Don't be dramatic, you both. He is alive," Korn informed them. Noticing the sighs of relief others let out, how each of them now seemed to be breathing properly, closing their eyes and nodding heads at each other.

'What a bunch of emotional idiots,' Korn couldn't help but frown at the sight before him. Were they supposed to lead his and his family's legacy? Day by day, he was getting afraid that the empire he had built would fall as soon as he died.

"It seems like he underestimated himself and me. Do you think I will let my best weapon go wasted?" Korn asked with a glare, too annoyed to want to hide behind his usual mask.

"He is your son, Pa, not a weapon," Tankhun shrieked, kicking his feet on the table, just to yell out in pain and hopping around, regretting his choice to vent on the wrong subject. Kinn had made it seem so easy but it hurt ...

"Where is he?" Kinn asked with a frown, calming at the news of Kim being alive.

"He is on his way here, we will talk about whatever you want in the morning. Now it's my evening tea time," Korn said and dismissed everyone with a wave of hand.

"But father," Kinn muttered in protest.

"Get out, Anakinn. NOW, " Korn said with finality in his voice.

Tankhun moved first, and with an annoyed huff, he turned around and stomped out of the office. The rest followed, with Kinn being the last one who didn't leave before subjecting his father to one of his most scorching glares.

'Bunch of immature idiots,' Korn thought with a sigh.

* * * 

Translation of the sentences written in Italian

* Va tutto bene = everything is alright

* Tu stavi cercando di uccidere mio padre, lui invece lo ha ucciso, perchè? = You were trying to kill my father, while he succeeded in killing him, why?

* La Morte è il rischio che corriamo per il lavoro che facciamo = Death is the risk we take because of the work we do.

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A/N: Anyone wondering about Kim in the last two chapters, here is your answer... ;D

I hope you liked the update, please comment to let me know your thoughts on the chapter and if you have any predictions for the past and future...

Thank you for reading and commenting... :)

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