Cry_Cat ( a Cry_wolf fan-fiction) by: Chairwoman232
Requested by: Chairwoman232

So, where do I begin with this review? I guess the first thing that I got to say is that I have never heard of Cry_wolf before so of course I went into this story not knowing who the characters are and what their backgrounds were.

First thing that I have noticed is that especially in the second chapter is that you have dashes in between paragraphs, I guess as a way to separate them but in all honesty that's not necessary. You don't need dashes to separate paragraphs, having space between each paragraph would be enough to tell readers that it's a new one instead of the dash.

Plus with some of your sentences I noticed that some of them in terms of structure, was a bit choppy because you either had words that could have made the sentences better or fixed grammar errors such as the word 'awake' in the beginning of chapter 1 because you should have used woken up rather than awake because it would make more sense in that instance. I would totally recommend fixing your sentences and seeing if they make sense or not and using a dictionary if you're having trouble finding words to use within your sentences.

Another I noticed as well is that you don't describe anything whatsoever and that can make hard for readers like me who haven't heard of Cry wolf before,  not get a good idea of the setting or to what's going on if you don't describe things. It's more tell and not show which is a common problem for writers who don't like world building or who like it but have trouble doing that. I would recommend world building a bit and introducing your characters as time goes on but of course I know there's the cast chapter but some people don't always read it because they want to read the story and learn about the characters rather than read about them in some chapter before the story starts and forget like half of what is told to them because they can't process all of that information about several different people in the span of like 10 pages. Because to be honest that's a lot to take in before reading the book.

Overall, this story needs a lot of work to be a better story and would totally recommend going back and editing a lot of your story and taking the time to really world build and slow the plot down a bit so it's much better.

Thanks for letting me review your book.

-Traveler_lilly