Even if it was possible to erase the mistake I had made, the red marks on my neck leading down my chest are there to remind me what went down, they stick out on pale skin screaming and replaying how high and and in lust I was with my best friend's older brother.

They say people take drugs not to feel that drugs help them forget everything wrong going on in their lives, and there's something I've always wondered about; why take drugs Why take drugs if they are only going make you feel good for a few hours? When you're no longer high your problems are still going to be there, just sitting, waiting for you.

Now, I understand why they took it when I was high on Kaden—his fingers in me, him palming my breast, everything had my head in the clouds. That feeling of euphoria, nothing mattered to me, I didn't think about my problems, not even my promise, nothing, my head was empty. All that mattered then was my release but when I was off—when his drug left my head, The realization hit hard.

When I was finally off the cloud, I could barely look him in his eyes because what repeated in my head was Kate's voice, the disappointment in her eyes, the hurt on her face, the anger I had for myself and him and him for influencing me.

He seemed to have felt the same way, because after everything he simply told me to leave in a low threatening tone and I did.

Brown eyes stare back at me in the mirror, then they wander down my chest—red hair sticks on my skin and I brush them away sighing softly at the memory of his lips on my collarbone.

I shake my hair a bit, the sound of rain falling softly reaches my ears—the storm has subsided while we were in our world.

Once again, I look at the hickies on my skin and lean up the cabinet, since I'm so short, standing at the height of 5'5–I have to hold the sink and lift one leg before I can succeed in bringing out a tube.

I press it on my finger and stare at my reflection again, flushed cheeks, tired eyes, ruffled hair, "Oh, God." I frown as I press the tube and the white content comes on my finger.

A tiny voice in my head asks if I'm that stupid to think a cream can erase the mistake I had made, if a bruise cream can clean away the hickies on my skin.

"I'm so sorry, Kate." I cry.

My eyes shut, I run my fingers over my neck—where I can still feel his hand, feel his lips against my collar bone. Everything is burnt in my head-and keeps replaying over and over again like a broken record.

I squeeze my shirt as I press my lips together in shame.

Just leave.

I might not have seen his face when he said, and I'm grateful I didn't because I don't think I'll be able to live with my face if he stared at me with disappointment and disgust—the tone in his voice when he sent me away is driving me mad.

Was I that bad?

Did I do something wrong?

Or does he also feel guilty for betraying his sister?

"Ugh!" I lay on my side, the cold tiles manage to penetrate through my white shirt.

That wasn't the plan, it was just supposed to be a simple kiss and not go that far.

How could I have let that happen? I promised Kate I wouldn't do anything, that I wouldn't even form a bond with him—in an attempt to forget about someone I shouldn't even have been thinking about in the first place—I did something far worse.

I breathe in deeply, there's nothing I can do anymore about what happened, it just made everything even more complicated than it already is.

"Lord help me." I look up to the ceiling before I turn the faucet on, "What am I going to do?"

We live under the same roof, like everything isn't awkward already. I'm not like this;

I don't tell lies.

I don't betray.

I don't feel something for someone I'm not supposed to.

I shouldn't feel something for him.

The worst thing I have ever done was have a crush on my neighbor's kid, and it flew away the second week after he got a girlfriend... Okay, maybe not the worst, perhaps the second worst thing.

Worst thing would be when I let him kiss me eve after knowing he has a girlfriend!

God, why did he have to be him, why did it have to be Kaden—stormy grey eyes—Rossi?

I climb my bed after washing up and putting on new pajamas, I hug my cover close to my chest as the rain pours.

I can't ignore the pounding in my heart as I wonder if Kaden is fine, he might regret what we did—what I allowed him to do, hell he might even hate me. But I can't ignore that he has a phobia for pouring rains however little they are and it makes me really concerned.

Did I distract him enough? I hope I did, at least for a while-hopefully he is fine.

Back to my problem with my best friend, the best thing to do is just tell her and promise to never have anything to do with her brother ever again.

With brown eyes following the trail of rain rolling down my window, a tiny beat in my heart, and a person I shouldn't be thinking about-I slowly fall asleep hoping for a better day when I awake.

••

Three days have passed by and nothing has gotten better—for three days I have tried to think of a way to tell my best friend everything, and for those three days, her brother has been ignoring and avoiding me.

Like now, I make my way down the stairs trying to at least address what happened between us and make it clear to him that it wouldn't happen again.

"He—" he walks out of the house without sparing a single glance, this is how it's been going for three days.

It's like he can't bear to stay in the same room with me for just a second, as my voice irritates him, the mere sight of me annoys him.

It hurts, I didn't even think someone—no, a person with tattoos ignoring my presence would hurt so much.

On the fourth day, I decided to tell Kate the truth on our way to school.

As I drum my fingers against the steering wheel while in traffic I throw subtle glances at my friend before speaking.

"Theoretically speaking, if I accidentally have something to do with your brother. What would happen?"

Her finger hovers above her phone and a look crosses her face before she drops her phone to her lap and gives me her full attention.

"We'd stop being friends—I'm not trying to threaten you or anything. Just, I wouldn't be able to handle you being in a relationship with my brother after promising you wouldn't." Kate speaks calmly without batting her eyelashes and I swallow. "Did...did anything happen between you two?"

"What? What? Are you crazy Kate? Your brother? No, no. Ew, no." I turn away from her and tuck my hair behind my ear as I start the car when the traffic starts moving.

Yeah, ew.

I see her nod from my side view. "Thank God, because my brother ruins everything he touches. One time, I had this really close friend and I mean really close. She fell in love with him, they had sex, he didn't call her the next day—and that was the end of our friendship she said she couldn't be friends with someone whose brother used her!" She throws her hands up in the air and disbelief along with guilt creeps in. "Can you believe her? And more importantly can you believe Kaden?"

"Some girls are just so stupid." I whisper, she touches my shoulder and intensely gives her half attention.

"I'm so glad you hate him." A grimace smile forms on my lips and I park the car and then watch her leave while I continue my journey to the cafe.

When the world feels like it's crumbling on my shoulders, my pink drink is there to reassure me it isn't.

I make my way to the counter to order my drink, my attention solely on my phone—only for someone to dump their coffee all over my top, the warm liquid has me jumping and trying to stop my top from gumming to my skin.

I snap my head up and the guy backs away with his palm over his gaped mouth, "Shit! Shit—oh, God, I am so sorry!" He picks some tissues and proceeds to wipe the spot clean but I hold his hand. "Right! It's over your boobs, God, I shouldn't have said that, I am so sorry. Fuck—"

"It's okay," it's really not okay, I don't have an extra top and I definitely have to attend my classes today—I mean test week begins next week and with the week I have been having, this just makes me want to go home and bawl my eyes out.

"No, it's not. I'm sorry, I have an extra shirt in my car—that's if you want, but I advise you to take it really." He pleads with his brown eyes, I almost laugh at his persuasion before agreeing to follow him out. "By the way, I'm Joseph." He says, "I know it must be weird to collect clothes from strangers but–"

"Ellie, and it's okay," I say, following him to his car to collect the blue shirt from him—thank God it's blue, and they say wearing pink doesn't have its perks. "I'll return this to you, I promise."

Maybe it's stupid to collect a shirt from a stranger, but it's been established how stupid I, Ellie Crow am.

Joseph smiles as he pushes his hands in his jeans pockets, "How about you return to me over dinner? I know it's totally inappropriate—"

"I'll think about it, I'll let you know." I give him my phone to put in his numbers and he does.

A fancy way to say I'm not thinking or ever letting him know, if I'm anything I would only call him to give him his shirt.

"Cool, awesome. Bye Ellie." He waves as I walk away to my car to change into the top.

After a long and exhausting day, I finally arrived at home with one thing in my mind; my bed.

That sweet, soft, fluffy, wonderful bed with my fours pillows–mmhm! The thoughts alone have me smiling as I enter the house with my eyes half shut.

Kaden comes out of the kitchen, in a black shirt and sweatshirt—his hair is messy as if he has been running his fingers through them and his eyes have bags under them like he hasn't been sleeping well, a tiny sigh leaves my lips as I expect him to walk back where he came from or just leave the house once again ignoring me.

"Who owns that shirt ?" That's a surprise, his wrinkled nose gets a raised eyebrow from me as I shut the door behind me.

"So it speaks." I say.

He crosses his arms, "Who?"

"If you must know; the owner of the top poured coffee on me and offered his top—" before I can finish my sentence Kaden is pulling off his top already and is offering it to me.

"Get rid of that shit and wear this."

I force a smile at his tone, "No. it's not your business whose top I'm wearing."

Anger builds in his grey eyes, "It is, if we're living under the same roof, I don't want you giving my sister whatever germs are on that shirt!"

"That doesn't make any sense, Kaden."

"Yes, it does! Now wear this!" He orders pushing the shirt to my face, I smack his hand away—getting irritated with his antics.

He ignores me for days, now he is telling me what to wear and not to wear.

"No, Kaden. I'm wearing whatever the hell I want, if you don't like it—get the hell out!"

"It's my house! You should get out!" He barks at me.

"Screw you!" I make my way to the stairs and he yells back.

"You almost did!"

Seriously? That's the best he can come up with? He doesn't seem impressed with his anger but doesn't waver from our angry stare down.

"Why do you even care? And don't you dare me it's because you want to play big brother to Kate!"

He lets out a laugh that is free of humor, "I don't give two shits about what you do, Ellie."

"Great! Then I'll continue wearing this shit." Not my intention to call the top shit, but the expression on his face is so worth it.

"Fine, do whatever the hell you want!" Kaden yells, his fist balled up in anger—his eyes dark with rage and his jaw clenched in annoyance.

It's divine, and it makes me dial Joseph's number with Kaden's eyes on mine.

"Hi, Joseph. About that date..."