(the sunset hill, alone day before. Feb 28th)
'Dear Lea,
It's tomorrow I'm leaving. 26 hours left. I'm looking at the colours bursting out of the horizon and bringing me peace with every bloom of a new colour. It's tomorrow, I want to fade away for real and I will. I'm leaving you with these letters and the places I've been and some songs for each place. I'm at the sunset hill, it's nice. It's the start of my second to last day. I'm crying, I don't even know why. I didn't sleep last night at all, I couldn't. I didn't want to bother anyone either so I created some things for you to follow, a song map marked from 1 to 15. Backwards, the last one is this one. I know how your mind works Lee.

Here are the songs;
Rebirthing - skillet
Gone, Gone, Gone - Phillip Phillips

Father & son - Cat Stevens (it's just beautiful, it will help you through this. I have to go, how can I explain that I need you to listen. It's not your fault, or anyone else's. It's my demons faults, I am a figure one among many others like me. The lost souls, and I couldn't hold on any longer. Thank you for being my friend I know it was hard. But I need you to be strong and carry on in my place. Take the others with you and read these letters. Write some back if it helps.)

I want you to live if it hurts to remember forget. It's better to live in peace than holding futile regrets in your heart. I should know. You are always beautiful, no matter if you are Leo, Lea or Lee. I don't care as you are there. Stay alive sweetie, and stay you. Darkness can't win if you are happy. Don't let it get you too. My beautiful friends, stay together. And support each other like support beams do a building. You are all amazing and I know I have to go. It's sad, but I'm at peace now. I'm in the sky smiling down at all of you. Safe from all of the worries of life. And I am happy, don't blame yourselves. I am at peace.

Goodbye, Pandora
xx'

We head to the sunset hill and I look at the sky it's midday. And the sky is clear a deep blue and it's almost like nothing has changed. Just for a moment. I grab a pen and write a note.

'Dear Pandora,
We are following your last steps back to the beginning. I hope you are at peace, this is our way of saying farewell. Our Viking burial, to you. My Phoenix. My best friend who left us far too soon. I hope your soul, is up with the other Angels now and I hope you rest well. This was where we met in year 6, you had pigtails and I was fully female. It was 4 years before I changed. My operation changed my body image. You held my hand when I questioned my whole world, and I never returned that favour. I miss you.
From Leo. x'

Dodge gets out a match and says we should burn it like a Viking burial, we all agree and I watch both letters go up in Flames. I add them into a jar, and I say "We should stop for a little while, the next one is nearby anyway." Oliver looks at the sky and lets out a tear, I am not the only one who is hurting. But I know I'll heal over time we all will...

Josie is placing Pandora's flower by the Savannah tree, we called it that because it looked like it should have been part of the Savannah because of its odd shape. Dodge looks at the floor and scuffs his sneakers against some chalk. I get an idea from this and I grab one of the bigger pieces and write, "in the memory of Pandora Barns, our best friend and the brightest star in the sky. You will be missed. Rest in peace." Dodge nods and draws a Lily. We all stand holding hands for a moment and say our goodbyes to Pandora. But that's how this trip began, at the end.

We all head back to mine for lunch and we all eat even though none of had feel like it. We do so anyway. Dodge sits down on my bed while I ask my mum about him staying for the week, she says it's okay as long as he sleeps in my brother's old bed. And he is allowed to borrow stuff from my brother's wardrobe, which is rare. No one ever goes in there since... Nevermind it doesn't matter. I look at my mum in shock and she just smiles and says "we all have to move on someday buttercup." I nod. I go in and tell Dodge, he is happy and I show him to my brother's room. After a while, he emerges in jeans and a skillet t-shirt from the concert we went to 3 summers ago. "You look nice Max, mum says we will consider you moving in soon if you behave. We need to get the papers signed first though." Dodge looks happy, he is looking out of the window and smiling. "Thank you for all you've done for me, Leo, I hope I can repay you someday," Dodge says with a little twinkle of hope in his eyes. I nod, "You've done enough for me, you were the first to call me Leo. That's enough for me."

We go down and have lunch with mum and the others. We are sitting around the oak dining table in the kitchen. The cupboards are fresh, glass panels revealing neat rows of mugs, stacked plates. Organised to perfection, mum always makes sure. The chairs are ash with one arch for a back and brown cushions. Dodge is eating a ham sandwich, with a smile on his face. "So where are you off to next? You will have time for 1 more trip today before you all part ways. Not you Max dear but the others." Mum says her pale lips forming the words slowly. Her hair is nearly white in the sun, it's grey in most light. Her eyes are deep brown and caring. "We'll be going to the park next. We shouldn't be too long, then we'll be back before tea. Thanks, mum for lunch it was lovely as always." I smile. I see the others finish and I start filling the dishwasher. My mum helps while the others get ready to go, "Thanks for letting max stay with us, it means a lot." She nods back at me, "Anything for my only child, Leo life may be complicated but that's half of the ride. It always has been. If you ever need to talk I'm here. Pandora was a bright girl, but this world was too harsh on her. She is at peace now. She would want you to settle down and live. I know that look anywhere, you like someone." her voice is like honey, she winks at the end and I blush.

I walk out after we finish and we get walking to the park. Dodge is twiddling his thumbs as he asks the question on everyone's mind, "what was in that last message?" I take a deep breath and show them. It's there in pink, our chat colours.

'Panda
Leo I'm leaving, if you want to stop me you have 10 minutes from now. If not I'll see you in the afterlife my best friend. Never stop living, live for me no matter what happens. Keep an eye on the others for me. And follow my map if it helps. I'll miss you. I love you like the sister I never had. Goodbye Leo. x'

"It's not your fault, Leo. It never was." Dodge rubs my shoulder and I shake my head. I could have done something but I didn't and that burns like fire in my chest. Guilt is burning through my skin and I can't breathe. It's like a cycle, an annoying cycle you know but you don't know. Uncertainty gnaws every shard of your being until there is nothing left but the shell of the human you used to be. Before I know it Dodge is hugging me and I am crying hard. By this point, we are at the park. And I can't breathe or stand. Dodge is holding me up. And I look forward at the swings thinking of all the times we came here as a group a grand total of twice. I don't want to feel anymore, but the numbness itself burns bitterly in my skin. It takes a while for me to calm down and once I do, Dodge makes sure I can stand and walk. Why Pandora? Why us? I look at the sky and wonder if this is the same sky as the last time I saw Pandora here before school on Friday. It has to be. But it seems dull and I'm doubtful that it is.