Since I have been pretty chill for a while and haven't had anything to rant on I decided to make this book about me ranting AND my life, which I swear belongs to a sitcom script writer. No joke, the things that happen to me can only be described as 'You can't make this sh*t up man'.

So, many of my life stories can be classified under a few categories. Namely,

Work
My Grandma
When I was a wee child
School *dun dun duuuuuunnn*

and many more. For today, I'll open with one of my personal favorites, a work story I like to call "Why I need Glasses"

So my day started like any other. Wake up at 6 a.m. to get ready for work. I was working a morning shift that day and I'm not a morning person so I was already grumpy. Now, as many of you may not know, I wear glasses. Thing is, I don't need them all the time just for far away stuff.

Anyways, I get up, get dressed, get to work and punch in. About an hour into my shift my manager walks up to me and asks me to take out the garbage. Me being a good employee grumbled and said yes. So now here's the fun part. It had just been raining so it was damp and cold outside and our garbage corral was a fair distance away from the back door of the building. Not to mention you had to cross RIGHT THROUGH THE PARKING LOT WHERE CARS DRIVE!

 But it was slow that morning so I wasn't really in any danger (and I wasn't wearing my glasses yet). I grab the garbage wheelie thing and wheel it out to the corral. Once back there I start throwing it into the big compactor. Now in the corral we have a kind roof-thing that if it's raining you can stand under it while you wait for the compacter to do its thing. So as I was throwing in bags I look up at the roof and on one of the beams I notice this big gray fuzzy thing that kinda looked like a possum. I immediately freeze and stare at it in fear, completely unsure of what to do.

"Should I move? Will it attack it? What the f*ck is it?" all raced through my head. I decided to get to the other side of the compacter that led the entrance of the corral, all while never taking my eyes off the thing. I closed the compacter and then stupid me decided to start inching towards the unknown thing on the beam because, 1. I'm a curious idiot and 2. It hadn't moved at all so I thought my chances of survival were pretty ok.

So I get closer to the thing and squint at it (cause I wasn't wearing my glasses) and I finally see what it is.

A F*CKING SPOTLIGHT!

There was a a big spotlight on the beam and I guess you use it when it's dark out so you can see the compacter, I don't know, the fact is I was terrified of a light fixture which my blind ass thought was a possum ready to kill me.

Long story short I never took out the garbage again. Also, it didn't teach me a lesson about wearing my glasses.... I still don't wear them half the time...

Yep, my first life story. Let me know if you guys want more, I got tons.