Moment 16: "May I Pray With You?" (October 8, 2019)

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I had just come home from a productive day at work and was going to make myself some tea to relax when I heard a knock at my door.

Upon opening it, it revealed my dear friend Loki standing on the doorstep.

"Loki, what a pleasant and unexpected surprise," I said, showing him inside then giving him a warm hug, "would you like some tea?"

"A cup of tea would be nice, thank you," Loki replied, releasing the hug a bit, looking at me with a smile, "Beverlee, I need to talk to you about something."

"Of course," I smiled back.

Loki followed me into the kitchen. As I prepared our tea, he helped to get our mugs from the cupboard, and a plate where I arranged an assortment of biscuits.

"So, what is this all about, Loki?"

"What can you tell me about Yom Kippur?"

"You got twenty-five hours?" I responded with levity.

"For you, my clever girl," Loki touched my upper arm and said with an alluring smile, "I have all the time in the world."

"It's a... Jewish High Holiday, known as the Day of Atonement," I explained, "what about it?"

"Doctor Lowenstein booked a couple days off for it, and I know you share the same heritage... so I did some research on the subject."

"And..?"

"If you're up for it," Loki said slowly, "I'd like to participate in the rituals with you... And I'm very keen to hear the blowing of that shofar."

"But... you're not Jewish, you don't have to..."

"Beverlee, I want to. You've taught me so much about your culture and heritage. I enjoyed celebrating Passover and reading the Story of Esther. I'd like to learn about this as well."

"But Loki, as you know, I'm not exactly orthodox..."

Loki reached up and briefly touched my face, "and I'm not asking you to be. But as I was reading up on this holiday, I felt compelled to..." Loki paused, then gave me a wry look, "would it not be within the 'Friendship Agreement' to make sure you are inscribed in the Book of Life?"

"Well, if you are to partake in these services, I would hope you would also be inscribed."

"I would simply appreciate approval to be with you... and to not be smited," Loki said in a deadpan tone.

"Oh, Loki," I giggled, "they wouldn't smite you. Not now."

"Then... may I pray with you?"

"Well, I don't belong to a synagogue anymore..."

"That's okay," Loki said, "there was a post on the bulletin board at the auxiliary SHIELD facility. Agents Greenberg and Levinson are going to host an event in Room Thirty-Six. All we need to do is make a donation to one of the charities they are supporting. I know this will be a long two days so... you can stay for the night in my quarters."

"Really?" I looked into Loki's eyes, "you put a lot of thought into this. How could I say no?" I took a deep breath, "but, Loki, if you did your homework, you must know... this ritual isn't going to be the most pleasant. I mean, fasting for twenty-five hours..."

"As you know, for me, I have endured many an unpleasant experience..."

"Loki, I'm sorry, I -"

"No, you misunderstand me," Loki said, giving me a sympathetic smile, "by feeling pain one can feel how others feel when they are in pain. It's a connection that makes us able to empathize and understand one another. After doing this with you..."

"We will understand each other... more."

"Yes."

We looked at each other for a moment longer - then embraced.

"Don't worry, my clever girl," Loki whispered, "I'll keep you focused."

"I know you will," I whispered back, now feeling such elation I never ever felt about observing this holiday, "but make me a promise, dear friend."

"Anything..."

"After we do this, you introduce me to more of your Asgardian culture."

"Deal," Loki said, holding me closer, "but I hope you like mead. During our traditions, it's imbibed as often as your Manischewitz. Maybe more."

"Sounds sweet to me."

****
****

It was the day of the eve of Yom Kippur. I had booked today and tomorrow off from work so I could properly prepare.

I also set my alarm a bit later than usual, as I knew I would need all my strength to endure this upcoming ritual.

After a shower and some breakfast, it was time to get ready.

Since I was going to stay in Loki's quarters, I didn't need to pack much. All I really needed was what I would wear for the service and some pajamas.

I can't believe I'm really doing this... and with him no less!

Recalling my past experiences with this high holiday, the memories were not all pleasant. When I attended parochial school and learned why we did this it made me enthusiastic. But over the years my enthusiasm waned along with certain things that happened to jade my view of it. In addition, young adults have other priorities on their minds - and fasting for twenty-five hours is definitely not one of them!

My parents, who were Conservative and not exactly Orthodox, didn't make it any easier either for my brother and me. To them, it was just something you did every year. Asides from the basics, there were never any discussions among us to evaluate and connect to the ritual itself. Therefore, it was simply ingrained in me that this holiest day in my religion had to be observed because it was one of the most important mitzvot/religious duties.

Every year I would do it without question, but I'd be on auto-pilot, so to speak, as I did so. When I got a job and was able to move out, I still couldn't afford to take time off to observe. So I would still fast - grateful for the fact I had the constitution to be able to do so and still be productive.

But now my life had changed - and for the better. And through Loki, I was slowly reconnecting with my beliefs and practices of my religion. It was something unexpected and never thought possible.

Of all the people to bring me around...

I smiled to myself, now even more looking forward to the possibilities!
****

Arriving at the facility, Loki met me in the foyer of the lobby. Taking my hand, we walked to his quarters.

"Chef Barber sent me a message," Loki said. "We've been invited to a pre-fast meal he's arranged in the cafeteria for those attending services. But he also suggested when you arrived we have a substantial lunch."

"How kind of him to do that," I said. "Will you... be alright eating with these agents? Have you met any of them before?"

"A few of them," Loki replied. "But I suspect when they see you with me, they will be more at ease."

I chuckled, "well, let's hope so. What kind of lunch do you think we should have?"

"I hope you don't mind, but I ordered for us ahead of time. It's a chicken platter, which comes with soup and potatoes. We just need to swing by the cafeteria to pick it up before we go to my quarters."

"That's a great choice," I said, smiling up at him. "Very traditional."

"Well, with everything that is going to happen tonight... the things we are about to experience... I thought we could benefit from something traditional."
****

Loki was right, the traditional meal he ordered was delicious. In his quarters, sitting at the table in the dining area, we feasted on hearty vegetable soup, breaded chicken, roasted potatoes and slices of honey cake.

It was no mistake for us to consume this 'substantial lunch' earlier in the day since the pre-fast meal would be lighter fare. According to Chef Barber, when Loki ordered our lunch, he informed him that doing this would ease digestion and keep us going for the next twenty-five hours.

Talk about learning something new! During my years of participating in this ritual, never had I known or even considered the notion about this aspect to prepare for the fast. But it now explained why I never felt very good when the fasts would end!

But there were other things I had not been aware of. Things I learned the day before when Loki had made his request. Since I hadn't attended Yom Kippur services in a synagogue for several years, I thought I would brush up on this high holiday.

During our meal, we discussed these aspects.

"It's quite the list of restrictions," I began to explain. "No eating, drinking, no washing, no wearing leather-soled shoes..."

"What a pity..." Loki interjected.

I smiled, amused at his remark then continued, "but asides from all this, there's something else I learned recently. The Day of Atonement is about praying and repenting, but... it's also about making a better connection... with the Almighty."

"For you, that shouldn't be too hard. As for me..." Loki shrugged with resignation.

"You misunderstand," I said, putting my hand on his arm. "This occasion isn't about fixing things in two nights. It's about knowing what you've done, coming to terms with it and making a plan on how to do better - for the Almighty, yourself and others."

"But asides from this Almighty, essentially I've... done that..." Loki stated, looking somewhat confused.

"Yes, you have," I nodded, giving him an encouraging smile. "But even so - and no disrespect - you aren't much different from us Midgardians when it comes to making mistakes... and sinning."

Loki smirked, patting my hand on his arm,"none taken. But know this... For nearly every living thing, choice breeds shame and uncertainty and regret. There's a fork in every road, yet the wrong path always taken."

"And this is why Yom Kippur is such an important event," I said. "Every year we get a chance to get back on track or put things right." I took a sip of tea, "other religions and cultures have their practices in doing this as well."

"If I may ask," Loki spoke quietly. "What originally made you diverge in such a manner from your religion? From what I know of you, I can hazard a guess. But... I'd like to hear it from you."

I sighed with shrug, "and your guess would most likely be correct."

"Your parents."

"Give that man another slice of honey cake," I chuckled. "Yes, my parents. The defining moment? I was in my teens and got a job. It was delivering newspapers to areas in my neighbourhood. But when I saw what areas they wanted me to deliver, initially I was going to need some help. But my first week coincided with Yom Kippur. My parents flat out refused to help me as the holiday was more important to them. Luckily I was able to get a friend, one who wasn't Jewish, to help me out that night. It was then I became jaded about my religion... my parents even more so."

"I'm so sorry..." Loki said, taking my hand.

"Services haven't started yet," I smirked, my free hand reached up to touch his cheek. "Loki, tell me something... you mentioned about living things taking the wrong path. Who do you think was on the wrong path when we met?"

"Perhaps... we both were?"

"How about that..." I thought out loud. "Two wrongs can make it right."
****

It would be hours before we had to attend the pre-fast meal, known as seudah hamafseket.

After lunch, Loki and I relaxed on the couch and watched some TV. We found a couple of entertaining sitcoms, then caught the last half hour of a popular movie we had previously watched together at my place, but after that, we got bored and decided to take a walk.

We left the facility and headed over to a nearby park. It was the one we visited a while back, after Loki had his first physical exam with Dr. Lowenstein. The park was lush and the leaves on the trees had started changing colours for the season. It was dotted with benches and featured a pathway that looped around the area - which we were now walking.

I could never get enough of seeing blue skies and fluffy white clouds. The weather outside was a bit breezy but warm enough with what we were wearing.

"How are things going with the Initiative?" I asked.

"Good," Loki replied. "When I told them I was doing this with you, they were all supportive. And Thor made me laugh - he said Volstagg would have fainted to learn of such a ritual."

I chuckled along with Loki.

"How's work?" he asked.

"Pretty much the same, but that's okay right now," I replied. "I'm glad to get away from it and do this with you. And finally do this right."

"I must tell you that this will be a new experience for me as well, since fasting has never been something of my own choice..."

I took his hand, "I'm so sorry."

"Services haven't started yet," Loki said with an assuring smile and a gentle squeeze of my hand. "I meant... there are few people I would trust to do something like this."

The way he looked at me, all I could do was give his hand a gentle squeeze in return.

****
After our lovely walk in the park, when we returned to the facility and his quarters, it was decided that the best thing to keep our energy at optimum was to rest.

On Loki's large bed, we laid down to take a nap.

It had been such a good afternoon for us and I was feeling quite content. I was also feeling grateful that Loki had made this request of me. Closing my eyes, I offered a silent prayer before drifting off...

This guy beside me? I treasure him immensely. Thank you for his presence in my life. I know this is a busy time, but I'd appreciate it if you could please watch over and protect him when life gets difficult. And help me continue to be a better friend to him...

It was then I heard (or thought I heard?) Loki softly mumble something. It sounded like, "lee camota," but I couldn't be sure - but at that point I fell asleep.

****

It was time to get dressed and go to the seudah hamafseket.

Putting on a white blouse, blue knee-length skirt and black soft rubber flats, the last thing to do was my hair. I contemplated whether to put it up in a ponytail or leave it down.

While I contemplated this, a thought I hadn't considered entered my mind.

I was going to meet a group of people of my religion. Something I hadn't done in several years. Something I actually had deliberately avoided because of past experiences.

The idea of it began to cause me some anxiety... and trepidation.

Taking a few deep breaths, I tried to calm myself - but it wasn't working.

Then I felt Loki's hand on my shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he asked, upon seeing my worried expression.

"I'm a little... nervous about meeting those attendees for the meal..."

"Why?"

"It's... hard to explain," I replied.

"We still have some time before we have to be at the cafeteria," Loki said, taking my hand. "Come on, we can talk about this on the couch." Once we sat down, Loki gave me a sympathetic smile, "what could possibly shake the calm of my clever girl?"

"Loki, remember what I told you earlier, how I became jaded from my religion? Well my experiences at parochial school, coupled with how I was raised... It wasn't long before I developed an aversion to my own kind. I made a point to stay away from people and events for my mental health. I... did make an attempt years later and went on a blind date with a Jewish guy. Y'know, just to test the waters. I tried to give it a chance, I really did. But sadly, he turned out to be just what I grew up with in parochial school." I took a deep breath, then added, "yes, I'm Jewish and I practice on my own terms. But I've been away so long..."

"You are worried about being judged by the others, no longer feeling like you... belong?"

I nodded, "yes. I couldn't bear being treated like that all over again."

"Beverlee, listen to me," Loki cupped my cheek. "These people are professionals. I may not know all of them, but the ones I have met are quite civil. I promise you they will treat you with respect." His hand dropped from my cheek to take my hand, "I have learned that becoming an agent of SHIELD takes a special talent and commitment. These agents can be assigned to all kinds of different places, sometimes not knowing if they'll ever return home. With that in mind, it is possible some of them may share the same history as you." Loki pushed a lock of hair behind my ear, "as you said, this occasion is about forgiveness and making a better connection with the Almighty. For such an important time, it would not be prudent for them to act... unbecoming."

Loki was blessed with a silver tongue, but I believed what he just said to me was straight from the heart. My anxiety and trepidation began to dissipate.

"Come here," I said, giving him a warm smile.

I gave him the biggest hug I could.

For years I had harboured the idea that I was an outcast or some kind of renegade to my religion. Then in minutes, Loki had turned it around giving me a better perspective.

"Thank you," I whispered (which was not just for Loki's sake).

As his arms reached around me in kind, he whispered, "Beverlee, I now realize that I am desperately in need of your help."

"With what?"

"Of all the languages I know, I'm pretty rusty with my Hebrew. I will need you to guide me during the service."

"Don't worry, the books should be in both English and Hebrew. But if there's something you don't understand, just let me know and of course, I'll guide you."

With an expression of gratitude, Loki took the elastic hair tie from my hand and carefully put my hair up into a ponytail.
****

When we arrived at the cafeteria, some of the tables and chairs had been arranged in a corner and there was a plastic A-Frame Sign with a paper attached to it with the words "Pre-Fast Meal / Seudah Hamafseket."

There were people already there, some of them partaking of the foods that were on the table, others sitting and talking amongst themselves while they ate.

Once we got closer to the designated area, those people now seemed to be staring at us with various expressions.

Loki always knew how to make an entrance...

But one person who seemed to recognize Loki stood up and looked at us more amiably.

"Loki?" the man asked, walking over to us. "It's nice to see you, but... this is a private gathering."

"Yes, I know," Loki said, his voice calm. "We were invited."

"Invited?" the man sounded surprised. "But you're not..."

"Jewish?" Loki finished for him. "No I'm not, but my dear friend Beverlee is."

Now there was an expression of surprise on the man's face as he looked at me, "this... is Beverlee?"

"Yes, I am," I said, extending my hand. "Pleased to meet you...?"

"Syd, Syd Arenberg," the man said, shaking my hand. "My apologies, Beverlee. Your name is known to us, but many had thought you imaginary." Arenberg looked up at my friend, "no disrespect."

"None taken," Loki said, then looked at me.

Almost in unison we said with an annoyed yet amused sigh, "Thor."

Loki turned back to Arenberg, "Beverlee and I have become quite keen in learning about each other's culture and heritage," Loki explained. "For quite some time she has not been able to properly partake in this occasion... So when I saw the notice on the bulletin board, I felt, pardon the pun, it was a sign."

"I see," Arenberg nodded in understanding. "Then you are both welcome. Please help yourself to some food, then join us at our table."

"We do not wish to disrupt or intrude," Loki said in a gentle tone, making a subtle head gesture at the eyes that were watching us. "We can easily find another place to sit."

"What is this, parochial school?" Arenberg chuckled. "Loki, the others are most likely surprised as I was to see you here. Come on, the God of Mischief making an appearance for the Day of Atonement? Unheard of - we might as well be seeing flying monkeys next. But on the other hand, for me I consider this a good sign." Arenberg looked at me with a warm and assuring smile, "it would be a pleasure for you both to sit with us."

"Thank you," I said (my words not just for Arenberg's sake).

"Yes, thank you, Syd," Loki said, then took my hand as Arenberg took his leave. "Beverlee, if I'm not mistaken, I believe those are bagels and lox on that table. Shall we?"

The expression on his face - the toothy grin, the glint in his eye, all for the sake of lox and bagels? I was eager to know that story. But for now, it could wait. Loki's wise words and now this beautiful acceptance of us from Arenberg - it was totally unexpected. Marvelling over these experiences, I felt braver to deal with whatever would happen next.

Although some fear still lingered, once we sat down at the table (Loki being the gentleman, pulled out a chair for me, seating himself after I had) that was immediately put to rest. Talking with Syd Arenberg and his colleagues/friends was a mutual pleasure. 

"Syd told us you're Beverlee," one of the men at the table said. "We've seen you around, but never realized who you were. Always thought you were a visiting relative of Coulson, Lowenstein or one of the Initiative."

"Really?" I said, unsure of the meaning behind the words. "Why would you think that?"

"It was what we would notice," another man spoke up, "you'd show up in the cafeteria and they would simply... well, light up. And it was genuine as I saw your faces. It made my day less grueling when I got a chance to see all of you talking and having a good time - like a... rare close-knit family."

"That's very sweet for you to say," I smiled, then surreptitiously placed a hand on Loki's leg, turning to look at him with deep affection. "But you have to know, if not for this guy, I would never have met them... or you."

Loki shrugged with a smile, "and while that is also sweet to say, Beverlee, I cannot take all the credit for that."

Now it was my turn to shrug and smile. I lifted my cup of tea and clinked it with Loki's, "here's to wrong turns making it right."

"Wrong turns?" Arenberg asked. "How do you mean?"

We soon all started discussing the aspects of what Loki had mentioned earlier to me, and how the Almighty might or not be involved. I hadn't had discussions like this since I was a youth in that parochial school with the occasional chat with our local Rabbi at Sabbath Kiddushes [lunches].

In fact, one of the foods on the table reminded me of those Kiddushes - the egg salad. Served in a glass bowl, with paprika on top. I had helped myself to some for old times sake.

During our discussion, I learned the two men who had complimented me were Agents Greenberg and Levinson, the ones who had organized the event to be held in room thirty-six. Time just flew by as we all discussed several other topics, including what to expect from the upcoming evening service.

And then... it was time to go to room thirty-six and begin 'day one' of Yom Kippur services. Taking our leave from the cafeteria, something then occurred to me that I hadn't before considered.

Although we weren't going to pray in the non-denominational chapel, I began to worry about the setup of seating. Would there be partitions (also known as mechitzot)? The synagogue I used to attend had them. If there were, Loki and I would not be able to sit together, and that would be problematic for both of us...

I need not have worried. When we entered room thirty-six, it was set up in the style of Reform, which meant no partitions - women and men could sit together.

Raising my eyes, I offered a silent thanks.

Atop a long table were stacks of Mahazors (prayer books), several bags of tallit (prayer shawls for men, but in these modern times women also wore them), kippot (head coverings mainly for men, but women also wore them, asides from wigs/sheitels, hats, scarfs or lace doilies), and a box of bobby pins (for the kippot).

Loki and I took what we needed and were about to go find seats, but then I noticed something else on the table.

It brought a knowing smile to my lips. It wouldn't be a high holiday without seeing 'Yom Kippur Appeal' handbills: asking members and visitors to make pledges of financial support that are crucial to the stability of the establishment/group. (Kind of like how PBS asks for support from their viewers.)

During this occasion, it was a mitzvah / good deed to donate to charity. Through Loki, I had been made aware of this 'appeal' earlier. Knowing I was able to afford it, before leaving Loki's quarters, I had made a donation via my smartphone.

We sat somewhere in the middle of the seating area, then took a moment to observe what had been set up in front of us. They had put together a bimah (pulpit) using a portable stage with two sets of steps, one on each side. On that stage were some chairs, two lecterns, a couple of small tables that each had a laptop, and something I had never seen before - a portable Aron Kodesh, an ark to hold Torah scrolls.

I was nothing short of impressed with this arrangement.

"How do I use this?" Loki asked me, holding up the tallit bag. Luckily Arenberg and his colleagues were sitting behind us.

"Loki, come with us, we're going to do this as a group before the Rabbi arrives. We'll show you how."

Carefully putting his Mahazor down on the chair, he extracted the prayer shawl from the soft velvet bag and walked off with the others. Watching from afar, I could see them demonstrating to my friend what he needed to do. Then I noticed a point where he had a broad smile on his face.

After a few minutes, Loki walked back to me. Now properly wearing his tallit he sat down looking very pleased with himself. Leaning in close he whispered, "do you know what the top part of this garment is called? The atarah... the crown!"

We both smiled at each other and I put my hand on his.

"And it suits you quite well," I whispered back, admiring how he looked. There was something about Loki wearing a kippah and a tallit that made him look very appealing.

[ARTWORK:  LokiZeShiva - and the FIRST time I've seen ANYONE draw Loki with a Kippah!  Shared with permission.]   

All of a sudden some music began to play. Asides from the congregants, I hadn't noticed two musicians set up on the stage. One was playing a keyboard, the other a cello. They sounded beautiful.

Arenberg informed us the music was to let us know the service would begin in a few minutes. In that time, Loki helped me with the bobby pins to make sure my kippah wouldn't fall off and then he effortlessly did his own.

When the music stopped, Arenberg walked onto the stage. Standing at one of the lecterns he welcomed us all to the service then introduced the Rabbi. Asides from the usual credentials one would hear about such an individual like the books they've written and the places they've been, we also learned this Rabbi had officiated over quite a few services at this facility.

"So without further ado, here he is, Rabbi Yitzhak Yamin!"

The Rabbi took the stage. His beard was the first thing we noticed - very white and quite long but well kept. It make him look like an older man, but seeing those eyes that twinkled seemed like he wasn't as old as we might think.

He took a moment to look over his "congregation" then began to speak:

"Yom Kippur is the holiest and most solemn day of the Jewish year. The Torah refers to Yom Kippur as Shabbat Shabbaton, "a Sabbath of complete rest," while the Talmud denotes Yom Kippur simply as Yoma, "the day." It is played out with the great human drama of reckoning and accountability, errors and misdeeds and – ultimately – forgiveness and making amends for past reconciliation.

The ultimate truth and meaning of Yom Kippur lies in recognition of human imperfection and in our willingness to change. Teshuvah literally means "return" and is the word used to describe the concept of repentance in Judaism. Only by atoning for our sins can we restore balance to our relationship with God and our fellow human beings.

Yom Kippur is a time to reflect within ourselves and to be honest with each other. Being honest brings unity and Shalom where everyone can work together and enrich each other's lives..." 

Soon after that, a few other men and women, including agents Greenberg and Levinson - took the bimah/stage with Rabbi Yamin. With a flourish, the Rabbi introduced the ensemble of people who would have a role in conducting the service. I didn't catch all their names but it was refreshing to see women up there, representing BOTH choir and clergy.

It was time for Kol Nidre: A declaration recited before the beginning of the evening service on every Yom Kippur. This proactively annuls any personal or religious oaths or prohibitions made upon oneself to God for the next year, so as to preemptively avoid the sin of breaking vows made to God which cannot be or are not upheld.

We were told what page to turn in our books, then asked to stand.

The Ark was opened and two people took out two Torah scrolls. They took their places - on each side of the cantor and recited in Hebrew and then English:

"By the authority of the Court on High and by authority of the court down here, by the permission of One Who Is Everywhere and by the permission of this congregation, we hold it lawful to pray with sinners."

The cantor chanted the passage beginning with the words Kol Nidre with its touching melodic phrases, and, in varying intensities for a total of three iterations (lest a latecomer not hear them).

We all recited: "May all the people of Israel be forgiven, including all the strangers who live in their midst, for all the people are in fault."

The Rabbi spoke: "O pardon the iniquities of this people, according to Thy abundant mercy, just as Thou forgave this people ever since they left Egypt."

Then the Rabbi and (We of) the congregation said together three times: "The Lord said, 'I pardon them according to your words."

After that, the Torah scrolls were put back in the Ark, and the customary evening service began.

As expected, there was much sitting and standing, but I no longer was bothered by it like when I was younger. There was now an eagerness within me to listen to these divine words, seek forgiveness - and make a better connection with the Almighty.

It also didn't hurt that there was an entertaining choir and the occasional comedic banter between the Rabbi and the Cantor that enhanced the experience.

But there was something about this service that was also becoming abundantly clear to me. Following the words in the book, my thoughts would drift to Loki, especially when we got to the sections of confessions and prayers for forgiveness. I could see a few to which I could relate, but then I realized that many of these could have also related to my friend.

However, I noticed this book, which was specially published for the facility, had inserted 'clarifications' accompanying the liturgy to help with understanding the meanings of certain sections.

Prayer books could be such dry reading at the best of times, and these clarifications made this book much less so.

 I just hoped Loki was paying attention to them.

If anything, I did not want him to be affected with guilt. This ritual wasn't supposed to do that - it was only to 'wake us up' so we can right our wrongs.

During one of the 'sitting periods,' I touched his hand to silently ask if he was all right. His answer was a gentle squeeze. Turning to look at him I could see he was already looking at me. A small grateful smile and nod were enough for me to know that he was fine.

Although I had been away from services like these for years, getting back into the swing of things wasn't too difficult. I began to feel nostalgia about the days when I used to enjoy going to synagogue. When I was still of the age to be standing on the men's side of the partition and following along in the prayers with my father.

Before I got older and everything went sideways.

Now, with Loki beside me, we participated in this service with an enthusiasm that I hadn't felt for some time, if at all.

Roughly three hours later, the service was over for the evening.

Arenberg and his group of colleagues bid us farewell till tomorrow morning for the next day of services.

"It's best if the two of you make it an early night," Arenberg suggested. "You're going to need your energy for the long haul tomorrow."

Both of us nodding, Loki asked, "Umm, the tallit...is there a special way to take it off?"

Arenberg smiled, "here, let me." He carefully took the tallit off of Loki's shoulders and properly folded it. Loki handed him the velvet bag it came in and Arenberg inserted it inside, "you might as well take it with you. You can return at the end of services." Arenberg then turned to me, "for someone who's been away for a while, it looked to me like you made a seamless transition."

"Thank you," I said, blushing. "But... please don't think about recruiting me to become a member."

"You say that now," Arenberg chuckled. "Don't worry, that will always be your choice. We're simply happy to have you join us for the occasion. But if you ever change your mind, let us know and we can talk."

"I appreciate that," I said.

With that, Arenberg and his colleagues left the area and we could see the 'ensemble' from the pulpit were packing up for the night.

I don't know what it was, but I didn't want to leave this 'sanctuary' just yet, even though we would be spending several hours here tomorrow. When I communicated this to Loki, he wasn't bothered in the least. It made me happy he understood how this was all new (again) to me and didn't want to interfere with anything that would take away from my experience. Not only was it sweet for him to do this, but as the curious person he was, it also gave him a rare opportunity to see another side of me.

Sitting back down in our chairs, we took another look at the portable bimah.

"You all right?" Loki asked. "After being away for so long and getting the opportunity to participate again... well that's got to be affecting."

"It is," I replied. "And I am... it's hard to explain, but I feel..." I had trouble finding the right word, "I feel kind of...different."

It was then, we heard a voice behind us, "then that's good. We should not be the same person the day after Yom Kippur that we were the day before Yom Kippur. We should be moving ahead, raising our lives to a higher level."

We turned to see it was... Rabbi Yamin.

"I forgot my tallit bag on the bimah," he said, smiling at us. "I haven't seen you two before, are you SHIELD agents?"

"Not agents, per se," Loki replied. "But we do work for SHIELD."

"Sorry to eavesdrop," Yamin said, "but am I to understand it's been a long time since you've been to Yom Kippur services?"

"That you did, Rabbi," I replied. "I haven't been to a synagogue in years." I looked at Loki with affection, "if it wasn't for this guy, I wouldn't be here."

"I... I only wanted to make sure she was inscribed," Loki said with a sheepish shrug.

"Well then let me affirm for both your sakes," Yamin said, "your attendance is a mitzvah. This evening, occasionally I would look in your direction and I was impressed to see how focused you were on the services, and how you helped each other out."

We both said thank you almost simultaneously.

"The service was lovely," I smiled. "It was... worth waiting years to have this experience again."

"Do you think it would be enough to bring you back to attending regular services?" the Rabbi asked.

"Oh, I don't know about that," I replied in a polite and thoughtful tone. "It's something I would have to consider."

"And you?" Yamin asked Loki.

"No," Loki replied. "I am simply here for her sake and to learn about the occasion."

Oddly enough, I wasn't shocked by Loki's bold reply. I was proud of his blatant honesty and had wished I could have said the same.

But it appeared Loki's words didn't shock the Rabbi either.

"I see," Yamin nodded with a calm expression. "And perhaps it's for the best, we wouldn't want to have a conflict of interest," then gave Loki a wink.

Loki looked perplexed for a moment. Then after a beat, he smirked, "you know who I am."

"I do," Yamin nodded. "I've never met an... alien before, let alone one who would daven [pray] during Yom Kippur."

"Well, sinning is not exclusive to humans, Rabbi," Loki said quietly. "Do you think the Almighty could forgive someone like me?"

"I believe you've answered your own question," Yamin said. "We're all communally responsible for creating the environment where a person may be led to some kind of sinful behaviour. In some way we are all responsible for one another."

Loki and I turned to look at each other with astonishment.

Talk about a revelation! He had just explained our pasts in a nutshell...

Turning back to face Rabbi Yamin, Loki said, "thank you, Rabbi, that answer was quite... enlightening."

"For both of us," I added, now taking Loki's hand.

"My pleasure," Yamin said. "You'll be back tomorrow?"

"You bet," I said. "Good Yuntif, Rabbi."

"Good Yuntif, you two."

****
Back in Loki's quarters, I was glad to shed my "nice clothes" and put on my pajamas.

Loki simply changed into his in the usual magical manner.

Looking at the time, it seemed too early to go to bed, but we found Arenberg was right. We needed to conserve our energy to be ready for morning services that would begin at 9:30 am.

Entering Loki's bedroom, I pulled a blanket off the bed and grabbed a pillow.

With a curious expression on his face, Loki asked, "what are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm going to go sleep on the couch."

"What... Why?"

He walked up to me, his expression now one of concern. Placing his hands on my shoulders, he spoke softly, "did I do something wrong?"

"Not at all," I assured him. "It's just that on Yom Kippur, engaging in... familiarity in the bedroom is frowned upon. In fact, I'm to be treated as unclean, as if I was having my period."

"You can't be serious?!" Loki said with a hint of a whine in his voice. "I was looking forward to this part of the evening... I had hoped we'd be able to... talk more."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I don't like it any better than you. Consider it another type of 'fasting' for the occasion. Another type of suffering... for us to understand each other better."

"Beverlee, this isn't you... I understand why you believe you have to do this, but... I think you're more caught up in the moment than anything else. Events like these usually bring about that kind of behaviour."

"So you're saying I should deny who I am?"

"Not at all, but after everything you've experienced, how it led to you making changes in your life... you're not being true to yourself." With a look of resignation, Loki said quietly, "if this is what you want to do, then I will abide by your wishes." Then with puppy dog eyes he added, "but... if you need me, you know where I'll be."

I gave him a small smile, touched his arm, then left the bedroom to make my way over to the couch.

As I approached it, I stopped.

How Loki had looked at me and what he had said struck something in my mind.

Why it did took a few moments to sort out.

Frankly, I didn't want to sleep on the couch, but these rules for Yom Kippur...

These rules...!

These same RULES that prevented my parents from helping me when I got that job delivering papers... I was now acting just like them!

This was the reason why I decided to "practice on my own terms."

Everything Loki had said to me was right!

Immediately I turned around and walked back into the bedroom.

Loki was reading a book. Upon my entrance, he closed the book and put it aside on the nightstand.

He watched me closely as I dropped the pillow and blanket back onto the bed. I then climbed onto the mattress and sat before him.

Looking into his eyes, I said with remorse, "I'm so sorry... I took another wrong path."

"Was it a wrong path? Or was it simply a twist or turn to find your way?" Loki said quietly, now looking at me with a warm smile.

I smiled back at him and soon we found ourselves holding each other in a warm embrace.

"You were right, I did get caught up in all this..." I whispered into his chest. "thanks for reminding me who I am."

"My pleasure, clever girl. Do you still want to attend services for tomorrow?"

"Yes. We've come this far, so let's finish what we started. At least now I have a better perspective on all this." I soon found myself chuckling, "I just hope the Almighty understands."

"What's not to understand?" Loki asked, releasing the hug a bit so we could look at each other. "You are a good person, Beverlee. By now the Almighty is aware of this."

"Perhaps... but I was considering something else. There was a passage about not serving other gods... to turn away from the Almighty, would cause them to get angry and close up the sky, in turn, causing the earth to no longer yield and eventually perish."

"Oh, I don't think the Almighty has to worry about that with you," Loki said matter-of-factly. A thoughtful expression now on his face, he continued, "I am what I am, but know this. One of the things I truly treasure about our relationship is that you don't treat me as such... although... the kindness you bestow upon me... is divine."

His words brought a feeling of utter happiness within me and a broad smile to my face. In reply to his sweet and profound compliment, I leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.

"And just in case you still have any concerns..." Loki said. "I'm sure the Almighty must know about Thor?"

We both chuckled.

Once we both got comfortable under the covers, before my eyes closed in slumber I made one final silent prayer:

"Are you there God? It's me, Beverlee. I know you've been with me throughout this day. Thank you... thanks an awful lot."
****

'God will put you in the right place. Even if you don't know it at the time.' - Broadchurch (2013) 

_________________

Roll credits!
Refreshing point of view with this tune.
[WARNING - NSFW and there is a lot of profanity!]

https://youtu.be/Zxc20saM8DA

From the film "Dogma." [1999] Sung by Canadian Alanis Morissette who also portrayed The Almighty in the film.

https://youtu.be/7rGa4zxgl_w

Those who wish to learn more about Yom Kippur: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yom_Kippur

May those who observe, have an easy fast.

The title was inspired by two episodes of Kung Fu: The Legend Continues.

Rabbi's opening speech is an excerpt from President Twyla Sable in 2014. 

"We should not be the same person the day after Yom Kippur that we were the day before Yom Kippur. We should be moving ahead, raising our lives to a higher level." – Rabbi Marc D. Angel

"We're all communally responsible for creating the environment where a person may be led to some kind of sinful behaviour. In some way we are all responsible for one another."
- Taken from the podcast  https://will.illinois.edu/21stshow/story/yom-kippur-what-can-non-jews-learn-from-it

Tip of the hat to "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret" a novel by Judy Blume. 

This denotes the new addition to the vignette begins:
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[Addition made to story on Oct 11, 2021]

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