{Note :- This chapter is basically going to explain what happened in the later half of the previous chapter from Lan Zhan's POV. And the repercussions of his actions.

The next chapter will resume where 'Not like this'  left off.

This chapter starts when Lan Zhan asks Wei Ying to sit next to him.
To avoid confusion I will start from there.}

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"Wei Ying, come." Hanguang Jun gestures to the spot on the bed next to where he is sitting and says "Sit."

Wei Ying gives a small smile and sits next to his friend.

Hanguang Jun turns to face him and says, "Wei Ying... " but before he can continue, from the corner of his eyes he can see something moving behind the bed's headboard he shifts his eyes to look...but before he can make sure exactly what it is that caught his eye Wei Ying calls his name, "Lan Zhan, what is it?"
Lan Zhan eyes turn to look at Wei Ying's face.

Lan Zhan's vision goes dark.
He can only hear voices.... Voices of women screaming , children crying and men laughing.
He starts running towards the sounds blindly. He is panting now. He summons Bichen but the 'Dust Avoider' doesn't come to him.
He stops running. The screams stop abruptly.
He feels someone pull on his robes.
It's a small boy..The small boy calls his name 'Hanguang Jun..save me Hanguang Jun'.
Lan Zhan knows this voice, It's A Yuan.
He bends down and tries to feel the child's face in the dark.
He touches the boy's brow and his cheek.
"A Yuan... It that you?" Lan Zhan asks the boy.
But before he can get a reply the screams pearce his ears again. He tries to cover his ears to block the sounds but he can still hear them loud and clear.
He realizes that he can't feel A Yuan's presence any more.
"A Yuan....where are you." Lan Zhan screams.
He can't recognize A Yuan's voice amongst the screaming voices.
He starts running again.
The screams stop again.
"Lan Zhan... save me Lan Zhan. He is hurting me."
Lan Zhan knows this voice. It's Wei Ying.
"Wei Ying ...where are you?" Lan Zhan shouts in the dark.
Suddenly he feels a presence right in front on him.
He lifts his hand to touch what ever it is that is in front of him.
His hand lands on a face.
"Lan Zhan...you found me." the voice whispers softly.
"Wei Ying is that you?" Lan Zhan says as his hands travel to Wei Ying's lips. He traces them, first the upper bow shaped one and then the lower one... It's soft and full.
Lan Zhan smiles.
The screaming starts again. He doesn't want to lose Wei Ying so he holds his hands.
But someone is trying to pull him away.
He puts his hands on Wei Ying's waist and pulls him close.
"I won't loses you again Wei Ying." Lan Zhan shouts over the voices and tightens his hold on his friend.
He holds Wei Ying tightly in his embrace.

The voices stop again. And Wei Ying disappears from Lan Zhan's embrace.

Lan Zhan's heart fills with remorse and he falls to the floor crying, "Wei Ying... Come back....Wei Ying... Don't leave me here alone. Wei Ying..."

Lan Zhan's attention goes to a bright ray of light being emitted at some distance. He runs towards it. The light becomes clearer and clearer.
The light is blue and it's brightness stings Lan Zhan's eyes but he can't look away.
He stops running when he reaches close to it.
He touches it. The light emits a strong push force.. ..and suddenly he is falling.
He bracers himself for the impact from the fall.

Lan Zhan opens his eyes.
The scene before him sends shock waves through his very soul.
He is straddling Wei Ying's hips and his left hand is pinning Wei Ying's hands over his head;  Wei Ying's eyes are tightly shut and tears are making their way down them, his neck has imprints of fingers. 'My fingers...', Lan Zhan's mind supplies.
Lan Zhan's eyes travel lower to see Wei Ying's robes are open ; that his right hand is sprawled across Wei Ying's chest. Even the belt on Wei Ying's trousers are almost undone...

But what really breaks him is the fact he is pressing his hardness between Wei Ying's legs.

With a jerk he immediately gets off from Wei Ying's body and stands shaking in front of the bed. He opens the palm of his right hand, the same hand that had been touching his friend inappropriately just seconds ago... and within it lies his headband.
'The most sacred possession of his Clan.'
He doesn't know what he did, but he knows he did something unforgivable yet again. Only this time it looked and felt worse. Wei Ying was genuinely scared...no... He was terrified and he was crying.
'What have I done?' Lan Zhan asks himself.
He approaches the bed again and loosely covers his friend's exposed body making sure not to touch him. He ties the almost undone strings holding Wei Ying's trousers.
Lan Zhan notices as Wei Ying flinches as if terrified of even this simple gesture.
Lan Zhan steps away from the bed once more.
'How could I have done this? What happened? Why don't I remember doing it.' he thinks as he sits on the floor devastated.

He doesn't cry. Tears can't absolve him of his sins.

He very mechanically ties the 'Lan' Headband back on his forehead.

Without looking up he whispers, "I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me Wei Ying."

Lan Zhan silently reaches for Bichen. He picks it up.
And looks at it.
'You have served me well till now old friend, and for that I am grateful.' he thinks as he unsheathes it and continues, 'Now I need you to serve me one last time.'
He puts Bichen to his throat .
He closes his eyes and whispers, "Sorry... Wei Ying."

{Note:- Sorry guys I know it's a cliffhanger... again... But I didn't want to include it with the next chapter. The next chapter will be the usual length.
Also no one dies... OK that's a lie obviously...people die but I am not heartless enough to kill my boys.
On another note romance will start soon enough.
Thank you for reading.
Comments and votes are appreciated.
Have a nice day.}