Simon "Livepool"
Powers: Maximum Charisma

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"Alright, let's do this one last time."

A comic book falls onto the table displaying our protagonist.

"Yeah, that's right. I don't give a shit if this isn't a Spider-Man book I'm doing the intro thingy from spider-verse!"

The comic book flips open

"The name's Simon Still. I'm just your average guy. Only real difference is that I'm irresistible to women. Cool, right? Wrong! Because guess what? It may be fun at first, in school you get any girl you want."

It shows a young Simon surrounded by equally young school girls.

"However, when you find yourself in that situation all the time even when you just want to do basic things in peace such as: Walk in the hall, study, sleep, use the bathroom. And the whole time you have to deal with a swarm of girls, it starts to get old. fast."

Simon is seen doing all those things while girls surround him.

"So, be me, unable to graduate due to being harassed by a swarm of hormonal teenagers. So what do I do? I drop out. I move cities, I stay inside all day and try to stay as hidden as possible."

Simon sits at a computer, working from home.

"If I do have to go out, stay away from large groups, mostly stick around places populated by guys and be as fast as I can."

Simon runs through a city, being careful not to get caught just so he can get a single can of soda.

"That is until one day, I have an epiphany. I say: huh. Well if I'm gonna be cursed into this shithole. I might as well just fucking kill myself! Might as well go out doing some heroic shit! So then I got this suit, went out and was instantly crowded by girls again. I went back inside and began to rethink things."

Simon left his house, got surrounded and instantly went back in.

"So I went out the back door, got to my local Walmart, bought a ton of weapons (guess where I'm living right now)."

Simon purchased a ton of weapons, the female clerk not bothering to charge him or check his ID.

"Then, I sit around, wait for a crime to happen, go in guns blazing and somehow survive. Turns out killing people is not only really easy, but fucking fun!"

Simon says, covered in blood.

"So now, I kill bad people. You can pay me if you want, I don't care. If I die along the way then so be it!"

Simon kills a bunch of people in different places.

"So yeah, that's me. I'm the guy looking to die. A suicidal assassin, if you will."

He says making finget guns

"Hah! Idiot you spelled Finger wrong!"

Shut up I'm writing this on an IPhone 6.

"Be less poor the idiot."

Simon punches himself in the face.

"Hey! Fuck you man!"

Fuck you.

"Fuck you!"

Whatever. Can we finish this now?

"Sure thing Vixy Vixy Vixen! Let's get to the violence in movies and sex on tv!"