|And you're taught to cry into your pillow, but I survived

|Song: Alive, Sia

|||

Lisa's P.O.V.

'We need to go.' Brenda said. 'There's no way they didn't hear his screaming. Come on.'

I took a deep breath and wiped my tears away. Thomas gave me a glare but I smiled at him. We couldn't get distracted with any more worries. 'Brenda is right. We should go,' I whispered.

Thomas nodded, took my hand and walked after Brenda.
I glared at the brown haired girl. She seemed totally unaffected by the fact my eyes just turned red and I killed someone. There was something strange about this girl. She was too brave, too careless and...fake. She was trying so hard to get on our good side. I frowned while staring at her, feeling suddenly uncomfortable.

What was it...

Thomas his voice took me out of my thoughts. 'Brenda, please no more of this,' he said.
'What do you mean?' She asked.
'I want daylight. I don't care what it takes. I want daylight. Now.'

I was glad Thomas finally said what I'd been thinking all along. Even Brenda didn't argue. She guided us through several twists and turns and soon enough we found a long iron ladder leading up towards the city.
The disgusting noises of the Cranks lingered in the distance. Giggles, shouts and coughing. A shiver went down my spine, I was totally ready to get out of here.
Moving the round manhole cover took a lot of pushing but finally it moved and we climbed out of the Underneath.
The sky had the dark gray colour of twilight. We were surrounded by huge tall buildings in every direction. Broken windows, garbage all over the street, several dead bodies lying around and a smell of dust and rot.
I coughed a few times but the smell had already settled in my lungs.

Brenda slowly turned in a cicle. 'Okay the mountains should be down that street.' She pointed down the street but I wasn't so sure. The tall buildings covered our view completely.

'You sure?' Thomas asked.
'Yeah, come on.'

And we set off down the long and lonely street. I kept on scanning my surroundings, hoping to see any sign of the Gladers being here. And every now and then I threw a quick glare over my shoulder. Scared the Cranks had followed us out here. But luckily that wasn't the case.

We travelled until dark, avoiding contact with anyone, not that there were many living people to have contact with.
An occasional scream sounded in the distance or sounds of things crashing inside the buildings. Slowly, though, I was getting used to it.
Just before the sun disappeared behind the tall buildings we turned around a corner and came into full view of the city's edge.
I breathed with relief, we made it. Then I frowned and looked around. Where was the others? My gaze turned to the mountains. They were everything but beautiful. No snowcapped beauties, just dry and rocky.

I sighed.
Nothing here would ever be easy.

'Should we go the rest of the way?' Thomas asked.
Brenda was busy looking for a place to hide. 'Tempting, but no,' she answered. 'First off, it's too dangerous running around here at night. Second, even if we made it, there'd be no place to cover ourselves unless we run all the way into the mountains. Which I don't think we can do.'
I put my hands on my hips. 'Then what do you suggest we do?' I asked, annoyence sounded through my voice. She could at least come up with a plan if everything we thought of was so stupid.

'Follow me,' Brenda said with a roll of her eyes.
Thomas and I shared a glare. As much as we both wanted to find the others, we also knew Brenda was right. It wasn't safe here.
So I sighed and followed her, with Thomas right behind me.

We found an alley that ended in a large wall. At first I thought it was a terrible idea to sleep here, because there was only one way out. But Brenda convinced me otherwise, Cranks would have no reason to go into an alley that didn't lead anywhere. Plus there were several old, rusted trucks in which we could hide. We ended up in a big, white truck. The seats were tattered but they were soft and the cab was big. Thomas sat behind the wheel and Brenda was next to him. I didn't mind, that way I had the two seats in the back all for myself.

Outside the darkness grew complete and the distant sound of Cranks came through the broken window.
I reached for my gun in my belt. A relieved sigh left my lips when I felt it was still there.
But when the distant screams of the Cranks grew I winced, remembering what happened back in the tunnels. I saw myself punching the monster. Over and over again.
'Hey, are you okay?' Thomas whispered.
I opened my eyes and realised I was crying. Again.

Impatiently I wiped my tears away. 'Yeah,' I sobbed, it didn't sound convincing.

'You did the right thing,' Brenda whispered. 'Otherwise he would've killed us.'

I wanted to believe her, so badly, but just the thought that I lost control made me so afraid. There was no way I could protect my friends like this. If I couldn't learn to control myself I would end up killing someone, other than a Crank, and then I would never forgive myself.

'I know,' I finally responded. 'But I just wished I had more control.'

Brenda shifted in her seat so she could look at me. 'Control?' She asked. I shot Thomas a glare and he nodded. He trusted her. And that should be enough for me.
Thomas lead us out of the Maze, he used to work for Wicked but turned his back on them just to help a bunch of guys he barely knew. If Thomas trusted her, then so could I, because I trusted Thomas.

So I took a deep breath and started telling her about how Wicked could control me and make me kill every living thing. I could control it and push them away as long as my adrenaline didn't get too high.
Brenda was a great listener, so was Thomas. And while talking I started to realise how nice it was to finally open up to someone.
When I was done talking it was quiet for a couple of seconds, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

'You must really hate Wicked,' Brenda finally whispered.

'You have no idea,' I answered her.

Thomas sighed. 'Our lifes suck.'

Brenda reached out and took his hand. I tried to ignore it. 'Mine does too. Shucks big-time. But I'm glad I'm with you.'
I didn't know if she was talking to Thomas or to me as well. So I didn't respond.
'I'm glad too, being alone would suck even worse,' Thomas replied.

'They killed my dad,' Brenda suddenly said. The shift in conversation was so sudden that I sat up from my lying position. Thomas had a frown on his face.
'What?' I asked.

Brenda nodded slowly. 'Wicked. He tried to stop them from taking me, screamed like a lunatic as he attacked them with...I think it was a wooden rolling spin.' Tears glistened in her eyes. I reached out and put my hand on her shoulder, surprising myself. 'You're serious?' Thomas whispered.
'Yeah I saw it happen. Saw the life go out of him before he even hit the floor,' Brenda whispered.
'Oh man.' I could feel Thomas searching for words.
'I'm sorry.' I finished for him. 'We lost a lot of friends as well,' I said as Chuck, Gally and Alby flashed before my eyes.
'We watched them die,' Thomas whispered.
I gave both of them a slight smile. 'Guess we have at least that in common.'
Brenda gave me a little smile back and Thomas nodded at me.
'Plus we all have the Flare,' I added, knowing it was what they both had been thinking about.
'We can't give up,' Thomas said determined. 'We'll make it to the safe haven, get the cure.'
'False hope,' Brenda said. 'Guess that's better than no hope at all.'
I saw her squeezing Thomas hand and he squeezed back. I sighed and took my hand of her shoulder. 'Let's just get some sleep.'

They both nodded and we got comfortable in our seats.

After what must be like half an hour I was still awake. The bloody and deformed Crank still visible before my eyes. As I listened to the silence I knew Brenda had fallen asleep, as I could hear her breath becoming steady.

'Hey Lisa,' Thomas suddenly whispered.
'Mmm?' I answered, sleep pulling at me.
'You should know...' He doubted for a second.
'What?' I whispered, encouraging him.
'I do still trust you.' He finished.
I fell silent for a couple of minutes and was glad the darkness hid my tears. I had turned into a shuck baby that couldn't stop crying. I almost laughed, though, as I thought of what Minho would say if he was here.
I wiped my tears away and then realised how great it was to have people who believed in you. At least he hadn't lost faith in me. Maybe there was still hope for me.

'Thanks,' I finally whispered with a hoarse voice.

I could almost hear the smile appearing on his face. Then I turned on my other side and impossibly, fell asleep.