Penn was afraid to look up and see if their faces were full dread at the idea she might want to stay in their pack. It was hard to imagine, no matter how sweet Troy was and how charming the elders had been, that they really wanted a rogue around when all when all was said and done.

Instead, of meeting their eyes she quietly offered, "I wasn't thinking of staying or anything. In fact," she said with a little more conviction, "I was just thinking it's about time I left. But, if you think Codax is still a threat to the pups, I thought could stick close to your border for a while. Just until, until things with Codax blow over."

Lofgren, the quiet and contemplative one among the elders, as well as the youngest of them, cleared his throat to speak. All eyes were on him as he asked, "Isn't it time?"

Both Penn and Troy looked around at the others with curiosity.

Ruuni smiled.

"Yes, Lofgren I believe it is."

"Time for what?" Troy asked smiling. He and Penn shared a look.

"We, the elders," Ruuni said in her most auspicious voice, "using the authority bestowed upon us by the pack, would like to extend a sincere and heartfelt invitation to you, Penn, to become our newest Orthos member."

Ruuni finished with a brilliantly warm smile and the other elders, Lind, Nys, Nordin, Arvid and Lofgren all exchanged happy glances with each other while nodding their heads in agreement.

Lofgren, showing more enthusiasm than anyone had ever seen from him, grinned and added,  "We have been discussing it for a week now, and believe you would be a welcome addition to the Orthos family." He smiled reassuringly at the young she-wolf saying sympathetically, "We know it'll be an adjustment given that you've been so long without a pack, but we do hope you will consider our offer and adopt us as your new family."

Penn let out a nervous laugh and then looked up at Troy. She was searching his face to see if the elders were joking. Was he going to laugh at the request? Was he going to brush it off as nonsense? Was he going to list all the reasons why a pack should never take in a rogue wolf, no matter the pull of the strange and wonderful feelings that were developing between that wolf and the Alpha of the pack?

Troy was a little surprised that the elders had not discussed this with him in private but, since he and they were of the same mind, he was entirely delighted. And, he felt that somehow, it was better for Penn to hear the request from the elders and not from himself. If he had asked her, he worried she'd think he was just asking her out of his own self interest since he was clearly falling hard and fast for her. Given though that the elders who broached the topic, he hoped Penn could read how genuine the request was.  

Looking down at her pale blue eyes, which were full of doubt, he tried to encourage her with the warmest smile as he spoke to the elders replying, "I think it is a wise decision and as Alpha of Orthos, I would gladly accept Penn into our pack." To Penn he said, "I can't imagine Orthos without you."

Searching her face he saw that she was anxious. He frowned a little as he reached for her hands under the table. He took a hold of them and petted them gently being mindful of her injuries.

"What do you think Penn? Would you like to become a member of Orthos?"

Penn swallowed hard against the panic that was trying to creep up her throat and cut off her windpipe. All the ease and comfort she had felt just moments ago with the elders and with Troy in particular was gone in a single breath. Her mind was filled with nasty flashbacks to her old pack, to her hateful Alpha, to her expulsion. She shuddered with an explosion of deep, raw emotions.

Looking away from Troy's concerned eyes, she let her attention be drawn to the shapes and forms of the children she could see playing outside in the failing light of the early evening as she tried to get a grip on the maelstrom of emotions that were crashing violently into each other inside her. Could she cope with pack life? Could she do it all again? What if the pack didn't take to her? What if she was as much an outsider here as she'd been in her original pack? What if Troy and the elders grew tired of her peculiarities and cast her off like her old Alpha did?

Penn felt a wave of panic rising quickly and effortlessly in her. She tried to concentrate on the children who were carefree here and settling in very well despite all the trauma. But, she wondered, if she stayed, would she ruin that for them? Would the pack accept them warmly if she were with them? Or would her presence in their lives lead to their ostracization within the pack? She felt physically ill at the thought of ruining their future life here at Orthos.

Penn was smart enough to know that just because Troy and elders liked her didn't mean the pack as a whole would accept her. Especially, after she'd killed one of their own. Penn hadn't forgotten Second Beta Arn. Could the Orthos members overlook that? Or would they always see her as a rogue and a murderer?

The panic wasn't subsiding. Penn just couldn't get a handle on her wild emotions at all and that made the panicky feeling worse. Her stomach churned uncomfortably causing her to feel nauseated, while an invisible pressure in her chest seemed to weigh down on her lungs and prevent her from taking any deep breaths. Her forehead and palms broke out into a cold sweat and there was a rushing sound in her ears that blocked out the sound of Troy's voice as he called her name with grave concern.

Every instinct of preservation told Penn to get up and run - to leave this place, to get as far away from pack life as possible. Hadn't she felt caged since the moment she entered the Orthos territory? Hadn't she longed to run free and be out from constant scrutiny? What made her think she was even ready for pack life? Yes, a part of her longed to be with the children, maybe even with Troy, but, at the same time, wasn't she desperate to leave the pack house and find solitude in the forest she could see just beyond the manicured grounds?

Shutting her eyes tight, she tried to breath her way through the panic.  But, when Troy touched her shoulders gently, it was too much. She threw his hand off with a snarl and jumped to her feet putting several feet between her and him.

The truth was, Penn could hardly wrap her mind around her own feelings about the pups, the pack, and Troy, and was in no position to accept Troy's tenderness and growing affection. His love was enticing, but it was also terrifying. And, as the panic grew in her, Penn just wanted to be free of all these strange complicated feelings that confused her and challenged her beyond what she was able to handle. 

"Penn?" Troy entreated.

He felt startled by her response to the elder's request and his own touch. It didn't take a genius to see she was drawing away from him. When her eyes met his again, they were like they'd been in the beginning - unreadable. He felt a painful stab his chest and tears came to his eyes as he slowly got up from the table in an effort to reach out to her again.

"You don't have to say yes," Troy began to say. He could feel himself getting choked up with emotion. "There's no pressure Penn," he continue softly while trying to smile through the jagged pain he felt in his heart. "No one here wants to pressure you. You can take all the time you want to think about it."

He didn't want to panic, but that cool and indifferent look in her beautiful eyes was alarming. Not taking his eyes off of her, he put out both his hands in a placating, submissive manner and added, "You can stay with us as long as you want, Penn. You can take all the time you need to think about it. No one is going to run you off."

Penn glanced at the doors leading to the stone patio - to freedom. She didn't want to stay, did she? Hadn't she only remained in human form and paced the floors of the pack house these past few weeks for the sake of the children? Deep down, she longed for her wolf form. She dreamed of running wild through the woods every night. She was desperate for the freedom of her old life, wasn't she?

The strange look in her eyes terrified Troy. Was he losing all the ground he'd gained over the last few days with her? What was happening with her? What was she thinking? How could he reach her? Reason with her?

The look in her face and the rigid, unapproachable body language, bothered him more than if she'd just laughed and said 'No thanks. Pack life isn't for me.'  Rejecting pack life was one thing. He could understand it. After what she'd been through, he could see her not wanting to risk it again. But, this sudden withdrawal from him, this return to her old self right before his eyes was killing him. 

Troy called her name one more time in the hopes of snapping her out of whatever trance she'd just fallen into. Her name came out like a mournful plea on his lips and in that moment he saw a flash of emotion cross her face. It was a bewildered kind of fear. But, it was gone with her next breath and replaced by the cool, calculating, mistrustful expression, which had been characteristic of her until just recently. 

In that brief moment Troy understood. He saw what he had failed to see or was unwilling to recognize before that moment. Penn was a deeply wounded wolf. Though physically the strongest alpha female he had ever met, psychologically she was a mess. Rejection from her pack and the subsequent years of isolation hadn't made her a stronger, better version of herself. It had only produced a survivor. Penn had survived her ordeal, but she hadn't healed from it.

It was unrealistic of anyone to think she could just jump back into pack life after what she'd been through. It could take her years to recover from the trauma of her experiences and even then there was no guarantee. Troy wiped at new tears that slid through his lashes and down his cheeks. His heart broke for her.

Crouching down on his haunches, he folded his arms over his knees and rested his right cheek on them while he looked up at Penn. He gave her a soft smile and exhaled slowly, letting his body relax into a submissive, non-threatening position. He was the alpha of the pack and he had the power to set the mood in the room. If he was tense she would be too, but, if he could relax, she could too.

Troy was prepared to do anything to de-escalate her anxiety and bring her back to a place where she could talk openly with him. Humbling himself before her like this was nothing. After all, he felt in his inner most being that she and he were bound by a deep fate, which neither of them had yet fully realized. This could not be the end for them.

The tension in the room heightened though as the children spilled in through the door. First their playful voices filled up the entire cafeteria but then just as quickly the place went silent. Cassidy and Jackson exchanged a worried look. They both recognized this Penn. This stiff, closed-off, tense version was the same Penn they'd seen when they first entered Orthos territory and encountered a frosty Master At Arms.  What had the elders done or said to make her return to her old self?

Jackson squeezed Cassidy's hand and whispered, "Go to her."

Cassidy gave him a nod and in the next moment she bounded across the cafeteria floor and threw herself at Penn. Penn stumbled back a bit as Cassidy's arms wrapped tightly around her.

Cassidy looked up at the older wolf and asked in a whisper, "What's wrong?"

The genuine love and concern in the young woman's face broke through the panic in Penn's mind. For the first time since the elders spoke about becoming a member of the pack, Penn breathed a full, deep breath. As she exhaled she felt some of the tension leave her body and her muscles relax a fraction.

"I can't do this," she told Cassidy honestly. "I've gotta leave."

The pups were now crowded around Penn and they heard her sad confession. They whined softly and looked to their new alpha for help. He was still crouched down half way between the table and Penn.

"I know I promised," Penn whispered to Cassidy. "I know I said I'd stay until you were all settled into your new families but ... but, I just can't," she confessed in a voice that was hardly audible because it was so choked with emotion.

Cassidy burst into tears, buried her face in Penn's shoulder and held onto her more tightly than ever before. The other pups, on hearing Cassidy cry, began to cry too. The cafeteria filled with their mournful whimperings.

This went on for several minutes before Penn removed Cassidy's arm from around her and firmly pushed the girl away. She frowned at Cassidy and the pups. In response they wiped their eyes and noses on their sleeves all the while looking at Penn with mournful eyes. She smiled lovingly at them in return, but the smile didn't cheer them. They had enough instincts to know when someone was saying goodbye and the last person on earth they wanted to see exit their lives was surely going to disappear that very night. They could feel it.

"You don't have to do this," Cassidy pleaded as she and the others watched Penn strip down to her skin.

The children began to cry all over again as they watched her morph, without another word, into her fur. They parted to let her pass and watched with wide, wounded eyes as she trotted toward the patio doors. The elders rose and came to comfort the children. Troy rose as well. He slowly followed Penn to the door.

He smiled at her through his own glassy eyes before crouching down to her level beside the door that he had yet to open.

"This isn't goodbye Penn," he told her softly. "You .. you have an open invitation to come and go from Orthos territory as you please," he choked out with difficulty given how emotional he felt at the moment.

He reached out and took her white head with the grey-black stripe down her nose, into his hands. He was relieved when she did not growl in protest. He petted the fur on her face very gently as he got his first really close look at her wolf form. She was beautiful. She had come to Orthos territory underweight and scruffy looking. She was leaving with a shiny thick coat that had filled out in all the right places. Troy brushed his hands over her coat and smiled sadly at her.

She let out a little bark and he knew she wanted to get going. He gave her a nod and stood to his feet. But, before opening the door he looked back at the pups and the elders. The children were still crying.

"Please come back to us Penn?" he asked her as he pushed the door open.

Penn didn't spare him or the children another look. Instead, she dashed off into the growing darkness and disappeared entirely from sight as she entered the surrounding woods. It had been weeks since she stretched her legs like this. Weeks since she moved this fast and this effortlessly. Weeks since she'd been in the woods where she felt most at home, most at ease. Weeks since she'd been free - free in her fur, free to run, free to explore the woods, free from pack life, free from scrutiny, free from obligation, just plain free.

She ran for miles in the dark and killed every little creature she encountered until she was full from eating wild game and exhausted from running in unknown terrain. By the middle of the night the desperation and desire for freedom that had driven her away from the Orthos pack had subsided. A feeling of contentment washed over her as she sniffed out a secure place to lay her head. Finding a suitable, hidden alcove in the mountain side, she lay down to sleep.

As her body cooled and the cold night air settled in around her she sighed with relief. This quiet and this solitude was what she'd been unknowingly yearning for since the day the pups had come into her care two months earlier. She stretched leisurely and then curled back up. Pack life was not for her. She marvelled now, on the edge of sleep, that she'd survived so long at Orthos without going stir crazy before now.

An image of Cassidy's pleading eyes appeared in her mind just before sleep took over and Penn felt unsettled by that look. She admitted she would miss the girl, but refused to think more about it as she drifted off to sleep.