We arrive at the parent and tot swim on Saturday about five minutes before it officially starts, and we stand outside the bathrooms for a moment, staring at the signs. We can either branch off into men and women or venture into the genderless family suite. At home, I go into the women's area without question. The few times I tried the family area, I found the array of two-parent units vaguely depressing.

"Family?" Ash asks, glancing at me. "Keep us all together?"

"Sure." My heart kicks even though it's ridiculous. We're not a family, and we will never be, but as I walk in and see other couples with their kids, I can't help a swell of triumph. To them, I appear just the same. To top it off, my pretend partner happens to be very, very attractive. The looks of envy from the other men and women in the locker room are something I'll pocket for the long years to come on my own. For now, I've got him—even if our situation is nothing like they perceive it.

When I catch one woman staring openly, I suppress my grin. Yes, he is hot, and he is very good with children. An impossible and improbable combination, and somehow, I've scored it—in a nanny.

For the millionth time, it's inconceivable that Chloe's mother is not in the picture.

Ash takes Chloe into one of the smaller change cubicles, and when Joey tries to go with him, I have to pick him up and carry him into a separate one with me.

Ash is waiting outside with Chloe by the time I wrangle Joey into his swim shorts and armbands. I'm so distracted by Joey that I almost forget to be nervous about Ash seeing me in a bathing suit. Then I step out of the cubicle with Joey's fingers clasped in one hand and our towels under my arm, and Ash turns to look at us.

His expression is impossible to read, but his gaze travels the length of me before reaching my eyes again.

"All set?" he asks.

"Yeah," I say, and I sound breathless to my ears. Ash Galvin shirtless should not inspire this fluttery feeling low in my belly. It's a naked chest. They're all over TV and magazines, and I could do a search on my phone right now and see millions of them. 

When we exit the changeroom, there's a blast of warm, chlorine air, and we make our way to the smaller pool toward the rear of the deck that has a wide ramp and several families already playing in the jet sprays and bouncing around in the water.

I try not to think about how many babies and children have likely peed or who knows what else in there. That's why the chlorine is there—for all those little messes. Still, the thought always causes a moment of hesitation before I slide my foot into the warm water and follow Ash down the ramp. He's got no hesitation, and as such, Joey has left my side to take Ash's free hand.

Ash glances at me over his shoulder. "It's actually quite warm."

Don't think of the pee. Don't think of the pee. Don't mention the pee.

"Yes." I plaster a fake smile on my face hoping it looks less strained than it feels. The truth is that the nanny or my sister often took Joey to the pool. Being in a bathing suit in a communal cesspool is not my idea of fun. The few times I have been, though, it's been clear how much Joey loves it. There's nothing I won't live through if it makes my boy smile.

"Mommy, watch!" Joey says before he climbs to the top of a set of stairs and jumps off, submerging himself before popping up to the surface with the help of his armbands.

Chloe laughs and claps, and she makes the sign for more. Within the last few weeks, Joey has gone from being completely annoyed by Chloe to delighting in her attention.

"Again?" Joey asks her slyly. "Joey, again?"

She keeps doing the more sign over and over while Joey climbs the stairs again. This time when he jumps in, some of the water splashes Chloe's face, and she sputters, flailing around before Ash runs his big hand down her face, clearing the drops. She gazes up at her dad for a beat, seemingly unsure, and when he grins, her toothy grin follows.

"Has she been swimming before?" I ask from beside Ash while Joey goes up the stairs and jumps off over and over. Thankfully, the pool isn't too crowded, and the fact that we've claimed a section of the wide stairs doesn't seem to bother anyone.

"No," Ash says. "We haven't gotten up to much. Chloe was a bit too little. Then, no time or no money."

After I suggested a variety of activities this past week, every night when I came home either Joey or Ash would regale me with tales of their adventures. The house is an absolute mess, which I intend to rectify tomorrow when Ash is at football, but they had such a fun week that I would have felt like a complete jerk for complaining.

He did get my clothes dropped off at the laundry service in Bedford and picked up. While it wasn't cheap, all of my clothes are the most pristine they've been since I arrived in the country. When I unwrapped them, I breathed a literal sigh of relief.

"Chloe's grandparents talked about getting a paddling pool for their back garden."

I'm surprised at the door he's cracked open, and I swish my hands around in the pool for a moment while I consider whether it's truly an opening or a slip of the tongue. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

"Do you see them at all?" I try to keep my tone neutral. Just because I couldn't imagine not having my parents involved doesn't mean I can't comprehend that other people's parents could be toxic influences.

He's seen me on video chats enough with my parents that he'll already know how tight I am with them. Likely he overheard the first time my sister caught a glimpse of him on camera and screamed that I'd hired a hot nanny. She was not subtle, and I sprinted, beet red, upstairs to my room to the sound of Gwen's cackling laughter.

"No," Ash says, and he doesn't elaborate.

Joey has now decided that jumping off the side of the pool is actually more fun than the stairs, and we've waded through the water to stand in front of him while he jumps, swims to the stairs, and jumps again. Ash sinks into the water so his shoulders are under, and reluctantly, I do the same.

There is probably a child somewhere in this wading pool peeing even as we speak.

"I've seen how close you are to your family. It's nice." He shields Chloe's face when Joey transitions to a cannonball in an attempt to get us all wet. Since he's so little, the splash doesn't go far, but it sets Joey and Chloe off on a giggle fest.

"You have a really great group of friends."

"It's good for me, yeah." He swishes Chloe around in the water, and neither of us mentions the deeper family connection his daughter is missing. "Would you want to watch the footie with me and Joey later? If you're not working..."

Saturday afternoons have become the Joey and Ash show on the couch. The two of them are either shouting at the TV or talking in low voices while Ash explains something that's happened. Afterwards, if it's not raining, they go out to the lawn and try some of the fancy footwork or goal scoring techniques.

Even though I've never been into organized sports, having him ask me is a bit like being invited to a secret club, and I'm tempted to say yes. If Joey gets really into soccer, it might be useful information.

"I know absolutely nothing," I say.

"That's perfect," Ash says. "Neither does your son." A hint of a smile tugs at the edges of his lips. "You can learn together—see who catches onto the offside rule the fastest."

"Will there be a test? I've never been much for competitive sports, but competitive academics? Totally different story."

"Competitive academics? I reckon you'd be a star at a pub quiz."

"Now you're talking my language," I say.

Joey is climbing out of the pool again when a bigger boy gives him a shove on deck, sending Joey to his knees with a brief cry.

"Oi!" Ash calls to the bigger boy as we both wade over to Joey who is back on his feet with a trembling chin. "What you doin'?" 

"Momma," Joey says, and he steps off the edge of the pool into my arms. I cradle him close, and breathe him in. Whenever he wants me like this, I'm always reminded of how someday he won't, and it hurts my heart a little. As long as the days and nights can sometimes be, I'm always conscious of how finite they are as well. We will not always be like this, and I embrace whatever I can.

Ash wades over to the bigger boy's mother who seems frazzled by her child who doesn't appear to be listening to her. Whatever exchange they have causes a scowl to cross Ash's face, and then he's stepping out of the pool with Chloe still in his arms. He crouches in front of the older boy, and the child's eyes go wide.

Ash is a big man—broad and muscular—the kind who could use his size for intimidation if he wanted to. Instead, he's on the boy's level to make eye contact, and he's having, what looks like, a strongly worded chat about his behavior.

When Ash rises to his full height again, the boy stares up at him, and Ash gestures for him to return to his mother. He does without protest and the mother offers him a grateful smile. While he makes his way back to me, the mother's gaze tracks him until he reaches me, and then she flushes when she realizes I've caught her.

"I'll watch soccer with you both later," I say. "You can teach me everything you know." Although it might not be wise to encourage more closeness between us because he's my employee, I can't deny the deeper part of me that wants this connection. Craves it, even.

"You'll love it." Ash grins, and the dimple appears.

I'm afraid I might end up loving it all a little too much. Much like Joey's childhood, what's between me and Ash also has an end date. No harm in soaking this in too.

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