...Blub...

...Blub...

...Blub... Blub....

...Blub...Blub...Blub...

Eyes open to find himself sinking. He couldn't move his body. He couldn't breathe. He tried his hardest to move something, to move anything.

But he couldn't.

*gasp*

A man walked out of a building, adjusting his gloves.

Simon: Well...

He looks up at the red sky.

Simon; This ain't good.

He woke up a while ago. He was pretty sure that this was the afterlife, but he still had a thousand more questions. Like, was it hell? Purgatory? Something else? All questions for later. He started walking down the street. Judging from the corpses lying around, he would need a way to defend himself. Right after he thought that, a body fell down in front of him, followed by an imp jumping out and repeatedly stabbing the person.

Simon: here.

He grabs the man's wrist.

Man: hey-

Simon changed the way he was holding the knife.

Simon: Try that.

The guy stabbed the man on the floor.

Man: wow that's way better! Thanks dude!

Simon: no problem. Do you know anywhere I can get weapons from?

Man: oh, if you're looking for quality, there's a place called "Elephant Poison" a few blocks ahead that sells basically any and everything used to kill a person. But cheapness? Just about any alleyway or dumpster.

Simon: ok, thanks!

Man: no problem!

He continues stabbing the man on the ground. Simon steps around them and continues walking. Taking the mans advice, he decided to check the dumpster. After passing a few, he found an old dagger that he decided to carry with him.

Simon(thinking): I'm gonna need something better eventually. Also an explanation on what this place even is.

He thought to himself. His eyes trail upwards and he saw a building quite a while away.

Sinon:... hmm... looks good enough.

He shrugged and started walking towards it. After several minutes of walking and evading corpses and car crashes, he had reached the front door of the hotel.

Simon: eh. Let's hope I don't instantly die upon entering this building.

He knocks on the door before pulling his cloak over his body to hide his weapon. There was a crashing sound followed by the door flying open.

Charlie: Oh my god, oh my god, HELLO!!!! Are you here for rehabilitation!?

Simon(thinking): Huh. Well, sounds good to me.

Simon: yes.

Charlie: Yes! Come in! Come in!!!

She practically dragged Simon inside. The inside was well furnished. He noticed a girl looking at him from across the room.

Charlie: Welcome to the Happy Hotel! It's super duper nice having you!!! I'm Charlie Morningstar!

Simon: Umm, I'm Simon Paris. Sorry but, I like, just arrived in this... realm. This is Hell. Right?

Charlie: umm, y-yes?

Simon: thought so. So, you do rehabilitation, like sending people to heaven?

Charlie: yeah!

Simon: alright. Then I'm staying. So what to I have to do to get heaven?

Charlie: Well, we teach you to be a better person-

Angel: Oh. They don't know yet.

Charlie: Angel! Ehe. W-We haven't successfully rehabilitated anyone yet. But we will soon!

Simon: ah. Well I'd rather be here than out there.

Angel: That's why I'm here.

Vaggie: Angel, shut up.

The girl walks up to Simon holding a spear at her side.

Vaggie: Listen here. This isn't an open house. If you're here, you're gonna participate in the rehabilitation. Got it?

Simon: Well if has a chance of getting me into heaven, what have I got to lose?

Vaggie:... hm.

Charlie: This, is Vaggie. My girlfriend. And over there is Angel Dust! So! I'll get you settled with a room. Then, we can-

???: My my, do we actually have a customer?~

Simon glanced up and saw a tall woman up on the balcony.

Charlie: Oh, uh, yes! That's Alisa. Um, Yes! We do have a customer.

Alisa: Oh good! Things were getting boring around here! I almost thought we would be stuck with our current band of misfits forever!

She says, teleporting in front of Simon in a puff of smoke.

Alisa: You seem new here? In Hell, I mean. Right?

Simon: Yeah. Why?

Alisa: Oh no reason, just curious. Anywho, allow me to show our new guest to his room! I'm sure you have things to do today. Right Charlie?

Charlie:... oh! Right I gotta go take my dad's place in his meeting! Please show him to a room... I-I gotta go!

She ran out the door.

Alisa: Right then. Come with me little plague doctor!~

She sings. Simon decides to ignore the chaotic nature of the group and just follows the tall woman up the stairs. She opens a door for him, revealing a basic looking room he went inside, happy to just have a place to rest easy without the risk of being blown up or stabbed. He walks inside and the door shut behind him. He turns back and saw the tall deer demon in front of the door.

Alisa: You... are a special one, aren't you?~

She asks, tilting her head to one side.

Simon:... elaborate...

Alisa: Your power is abnormally high for a sinner. I can tell just by looking at you... Sinners only get stronger the more sinful activities they partake in... so. Mind letting me know exactly what you're trying to repent for?~

Her smile grew abnormally large.

Simon:... nothing.

She narrowed her eyes.

Alisa: Riiiiight... well then, I best be on my way! Please make yourself at home!

She teleports away in a poof of smoke.

Simon:...

He sat down on the bed, still clutching his rusty knife.

Simon:.., Why the hell am I even here?