| CHAPTER TWELVE
| fifteen ex-girlfriends

ɴᴏʟᴀɴ ᴍᴜʟʟᴇɴ

Oakley and I were spending more time together than I thought we would. He actually asked me to hang out every free spot he could find in our schedules, and despite being tired after having a shit tonne of photo sessions, interviews, and meetings, I had this terrible habit where I couldn't say no to people I considered friendly. Because why would I say no to someone simply trying to be kind to me?

Today was one of those perfect examples. I had my chemistry read, and it went fine. In fact, both the director and casting director seemed content with our performance, and the intimacy coordinator said we'd be easy to work with. And I was pretty happy with Maria too, as she conveyed a lot of dedication, yet kept it professional.

"Hey, you're friends with Kylan, right?" Maria asked as we were both walking towards our cars in the parking lot. I stopped dead in my tracks, and she turned around, apparently not noticing how I'd completely stiffened up at her question. Instead, she just stood there, waiting for me to give her an answer.

"Not exactly friends," I told her. "But we know each other." I slowly continued walking, and once I caught up to her, she did too.

"Well, he asked me to ask you out for a little cast bonding dinner."

And this was where I should've said no. But Maria had been friendly, which meant 'no' wasn't in my vocabulary.

"Sure," I said instead with a tight-lipped smile. I knew I was going to regret this later. "When is it?"

"Tuesday at seven. You know that fancy restaurant oddly close to that cemetery?"

"The Diamond Palate?"

"I'm pretty sure, yeah. You think you'll make it?" She stopped at a dark blue, somewhat basic Toyota, which I assumed was hers as she pulled her keys out of her purse.

"Of course," I told her, regretting it immediately. But I needed to at least stay consistent. "You'll be there too?"

She nodded and smiled. "Yeah. I'll be there."

And the day came way too soon. Because before I knew it, it was Tuesday, and by some miracle, my mom hadn't scheduled anything else in for me at seven. I didn't have a reason not to go.

"But if you don't want to go, why are you there?" Ava asked me. I had called her in a panic, still sitting in the parking lot five minutes early. I didn't know who else was in the cast, but I'd assumed some of the people waving at me from their cars were some of them.

"Because I couldn't say no," I told her. And it would be weird. Kylan and I were supposedly friends. We weren't, but for whatever twisted reason of his, he decided to tell Maria we were. I hadn't even known he was cast before she told me.

"Well, why wouldn't you want to go in the first place? It sounds fun."

"Because," I said, trying to come up with a quick lie. But I couldn't come up with one fast enough, so I ended up keeping the story vague. "Someone I don't like will be there."

"And there will be lots of people you will like. Stop being a baby and get in there," she said forcefully. If she were here, she would've probably pushed me out of my car by force.

"Fine," I said, resting my head on my steering wheel. If I didn't want to be the center of attention, I probably shouldn't be late. "I'll talk to you later, alright?"

"Let me know how it went," she said. "Bye!"

"Bye," I said, and then I turned off my car. I closed my eyes for just a few seconds before opening the door, making my way towards the restaurant with large, gold-colored lettering above the tall glass doors.

Upon entering, I realized that despite being on time, I must've been the last one to get here. As everyone was looking at me and smiling as though they'd been waiting. Of course, the last one to notice me was the notorious Kylan Madden himself. Notorious to me, at least.

"You made it," he said with a smile. Feigned friendliness was dripping from his voice, and I couldn't look at him for any longer than half a second before my eyes landed on Maria, who was the only other person I somewhat knew here.

"Yeah, I made it," I mumbled, running a hand through my hair as it was irritating my face.

"Now that our stars are here, we can finally get to feasting," one guy said. I didn't know him. I'd never seen him in my life, but he didn't seem too stuck up.

A waiter led the way towards our table. It wasn't too big, as only the main cast was here. There were about eight of us.

The guy I immediately assumed was supposed to be my best friend in the movie. Some passages of the book—which I read over the past week—described him as very tall and dark, with buzzed hair. Although the guy walking next to me wasn't much taller than me, he was still generally tall, a lot more muscular than I'd envisioned the character, and didn't have a buzzed head, even his real personality seemed to be the same energy as Dacre in the books.

There were also two girls whom I'd assumed were Kaelin's best friends, Maggie and Everly. They were twins, both with long dark hair and olive-toned skin, but with one being a little taller than the other, and maybe a little more muscles than the other.

The little girl who played Kaelin's sister was a little more obvious. She was the only child there, accompanied by a boy whom I thought was her actual brother, as they both shared dark brown eyes and dark wavy hair, along with a very pale complexion.

"Hi! I'm Adela!" the little girl said, sitting down across from me. "And that's Sawyer. Sawyer, say hi!"

Sawyer waved at me with an annoyed expression, making it clear he wasn't in the mood to babysit.

"Have fun with her," he told Kylan who was seated next to her, before walking towards the opposite end of the table.

"I saw you in Christmas Constellations! That's my favorite Christmas movie!" she told him. That was the first movie he'd ever been in, so he smiled.

"Yeah, those good old days," he said. "You'll look back at this movie with the exact same feelings."

I almost gagged at his fake friendliness, but I kept to myself. I didn't want to start anything.

The waiter started taking our drink orders and then left us, which Kylan saw as the perfect opportunity to draw all attention to him.

"So I thought it would be nice to get to know each other. Nolan, we already know each other. Would you like to start?"

I glared at him, and maybe I didn't hide it very well, because an awkward silence followed.

"I don't have much to say," I mumbled, grabbing the napkin from the table and using it to distract myself.

"Come on, it's not that hard," he said. I ripped part of the paper off. "Let's start with your name, age, first project, last project? Ideal project, even?"

"Can't you just start?" Maria suggested.

Kylan coughed. "Of course. I'm Kylan Madden, I'm twenty-one. I play Christopher, Kaelin's older brother. My first project was Christmas Constellations," he said, glancing at little Adela, who was grinning, revealing a missing front tooth. "And my last project was Set in Stone."

"I'm Mylo, and this is boring as shit," he said. "We need more interesting information, my guy. Like, what's the dumbest shit you've ever done while high. Or drunk. Or..." his gaze lingered on Adela. "Or during recess?"

"I'm homeschooled," the girl said.

"Shit. Sorry," Mylo apologized. "Truth or Dare, but only with truths."

"So that would just be questions?" one of the twins asked.

"You know there's a difference between regular questions and Truth or Dare questions, Aaliyah."

"She's Aaliyah," she said, pointing at her sister next to her who just waved. "I'm Ayesha."

"I'm sorry, Ayesha," he said. "But Truth or Dare questions are more interesting. Let's not get stuck on the semantics and just do it?"

"Sounds cool," Kylan said.

"Okay. We're starting with you again, Madden." Mylo cracked his fingers and narrowed his eyes, looking at Kylan challengingly. "What's your biggest fear?"

This would be interesting.

Kylan's eye twitched slightly, his expression serious as he answered. "Heights," he said.

"Such a good question, yet you still managed to find a boring answer," Mylo replied, the rest of the table erupting in a small fit of laughter. Though I could tell by the daggers Kylan was sending Mylo's way that he was aggravated, and hiding it behind the upturned corners of his lips.

"Adela," Kylan started with his question. "What's your biggest secret?"

"That... uhm," she looked up at the ceiling, thinking about it deeply. "I once secretly sneaked in Sawyer's room and hid a little mouse in his closet because I wanted to keep him safe and my closet was too small, but then it ate holes in his clothes."

"You little bitch you are."

"Mom said you can't call me that anymore."

"Well, Mom's not here. I'm telling her you planted that mouse there."

"I'm telling her you called me a little bitch!"

The conversation was over when the waiter came back, trying to keep a straight face, trying to take our orders. I hadn't even decided yet, so I went with whatever Maria ordered, as it was easy for me to say I wanted the same. She ordered seafood, which I was totally fine with.

I had zoned out and forgotten about the game until it was my turn, and Maria reminded me as she went last. Only now had it registered.

"Oh, sorry. Zoned out. What was the question?"

"I'm bad at coming up with questions," she said, laughing it off. "Mylo, you could help, right?"

"Yeah, of course. Nolan, my guy. You're a very handsome man. How many people have you been with?"

That wasn't too bad of a question.

"Probably like..."

"Wait," Maria asked. "Like dating? Or?"

"Both," Mylo said with a shrug.

"Oh. Well... I don't know exactly. Probably around fifteen?"

I didn't know that was a lot until silence settled over the table.

"What? Is that... a lot?" It could've actually been more, considering I couldn't remember half the parties I'd been to. It made me a little nervous now that I'd told a bunch of strangers.

"I mean, maybe not," Mylo said. "But it's just unexpected."

"I thought you'd be a long-time partner kind of person," Kylan said. Of course he had something to say.

"It's not that bad," one of the twins said, though I couldn't remember which one. "My ex's was in the fifties and he wasn't much older than you."

"Well, first of all, that's a ridiculous amount. And once again," Mylo said, "not bad, but unexpected."

"I would've guessed maybe three," the other twin said.

"Ayesha, shut up. He's uncomfortable."

"Wait, was your ex-boyfriend fifty or a kid like Nolan?" Adela asked, all confused. Ayesha laughed at her.

"He had fifty ex-girlfriends, but he was Nolan's age," she said, making the conversation a little more kid-friendly.

"Oh. And Nolan had fifteen ex-girlfriends?"

Kylan laughed. Of course he would.

"Something like that," I said, answering her question.

•••

When we were finished, we all said our goodbyes, though I made sure to deliberately avoid Kylan. He didn't care though, as he ran after me before I could get to my car.

"What?"

"You didn't say goodbye."

"I know. Do you mind?" I asked, trying to grab the door handle of my car. He blocked me from doing so, though.

"Fifteen? I thought you were still in the closet."

"I am. Can you let me go home now?"

"How are you in the closet when you fucked fifteen dudes?"

"It's none of your business."

"Except it is."

"How? I broke up with you, remember? We haven't spoken in three years."

"We were never together."

I rolled my eyes. Not this again.

"More reason for you not to care. I'm trying to get home, alright? Can you just move?" I tried gently pushing him away, but he didn't move.

"I was supposed to be the only one to know, remember? I'm trying to protect you."

"Protect me from what?"

"Promise me you won't tell anyone else, please."

I crossed my arms, sending he wouldn't get out of my way until he got what he wanted. "Why would you care?"

"I've always cared. I know I didn't always show it in the right ways, but I did care."

"If I promise you not to tell anyone else, will you let me go home?"

He nodded, smiling at me like we were friends.

"Then I promise you I won't tell anyone else." I wasn't planning on coming out to anyone anytime soon anyway.

He stepped out of my way, giving me some space to get to my car. But before I could grab the handle of my car, he got a hold of my wrist, and in a reflex I looked up at him.

"We're good, right? Water under the bridge?"

"We don't have to be friends," I told him honestly. I had no interest in trying to keep up with him.

"Of course not," he said. "But you don't have to hate me either. We were kids, but now we've both grown up."

"If I'm not a kid anymore, then neither were you," I said. I wasn't going to let him think this was something to be brushed over.

"I was going through a lot, Nolan," he said, his voice trembling as he talked, but his face didn't match his tone. He didn't want to come off as emotional. He liked things to be described in a matter of fact kind of way, but this time, his voice had already given him away. "I'm sorry that you felt taken advantage of, but you are lucky it was just me. My family literally relied on my stupid little career to survive. I was too young for all that responsibility."

"But—"

"But you were hurt. I know. I once liked someone who didn't like me back. It wasn't the end of the world. I thought you would've grown up enough to see that now."

I didn't know why everything he said made me so angry, but I'd come to the point where my breathing had become heavy, and my face had grown red hot as every muscle in my body tensed up.

"Hey, if you ever need to talk, I'm here, alright? Keeping all that anger inside isn't helpful," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. "It's nice we're working together again."

I didn't even acknowledge anything he said anymore. I only continued on to get to my car, and Kylan finally let go of me.

"Get home safely," he said, before shutting the door for me.

I hated him, but I couldn't remember why. The feeling hadn't left though. It was still there, and I didn't want it to go away.