| CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
| a little controversial

ɴᴏʟᴀɴ ᴍᴜʟʟᴇɴ

"Nolan." I turned around to find Maria standing in the doorpost of my trailer. "Mind if I have lunch with you?"

"It's fine," I said. Ever since my last conversation with Kylan, I'd been having lunch by myself in here. No one questioned it, really. Usually I'd be texting with Oakley, or if he wasn't available I'd talk to Ava or Keith. I didn't tell them about Kylan, though. And I didn't tell them about Oakley either. I listened to them talking about their college lives, like it helped me escape my own life. Now that I'd gotten used to this, I didn't mind it anymore.

"We haven't seen you around much."

"Yeah," I said, and nothing else. I felt like I didn't have to elaborate.

"You're talking even less than you used to."

"Sorry."

"It's nothing bad. Just a little worrisome."

"I'm fine," I said. It'd seemed like my vocabulary only consisted of four words these days. 'Yeah', 'no', 'sorry', and 'fine'.

"Did anything happen? Kylan told me it's usually just issues with your parents."

"No. I'm fine."

Maria let out a deep sigh. My answer clearly didn't satisfy her. "Can I be honest with you?" she asked. I didn't answer her question, but in most healthy cases, the answer would've been yes, so she told me anyway. "I overheard you and Kylan arguing the other day."

That made me tense up. If he found out he was definitely going to think I told her. Or even if he didn't think that, he'd say it was my fault, and he would be right as I was the one forcing him to talk.

"I didn't follow it exactly, but I heard him saying that your parents splitting up wasn't special or something. I just thought that was a fucked up thing to say."

"It's fine," I said, a little bit more relaxed as she hadn't yet mentioned hearing the word 'gay'. "He was going through something."

"Yeah, well that's not your problem. And it certainly has nothing to with what you were going through."

"It could've been worse," I said.

"You're right. It could've been," she said. "But it also could've been better. You're not an asshole for feeling things."

"I mean, my life is as perfect it can get." Maybe my parents were a little absent, but they were both alive and had never been abusive. Maybe I had some anxiety issues, but that was basically industry standard. I'd never had to struggle to survive for a day in my life. I could choose any career I wanted. On paper it sounded perfect, but then why was I still constantly complaining?

"I'm going to tell you something a little controversial," she said. "Being unhappy from time to time is human nature. Bitching on about life is normal, whether you're a millionaire's son and a nepo baby, or grew up unsure about whether you would have food on the table on a daily basis."

"That doesn't sound right."

"It doesn't. That's what makes it controversial. But I've been through it all. You can acknowledge other people go through a lot, more so than you. That's good. But that doesn't mean that your problems don't exist."

"You don't think I'm stuck up for complaining at all?"

She shook her head. "Definitely not."

She pulled out a paper bag. "Almost forgot. They should still be warm," she said, pulling out a hamburger and shoving the leftover one in the bag towards me on the table. "I almost burnt myself getting these."

"Thank you," I said. We started eating in silence, and for the first time, I felt comfortable on this set.

"Doing anything special today?"

I would be finishing early today, so I had plans with Oakley. We would watch a movie at my place, and this time I would actually bake as he was craving cookies. And I felt like baking anyway.

"Just have plans with a friend," I said, taking a bite from the burger. It had cooled down a lot, but it wasn't cold yet. "You?"

"Oh, I just work all day," she said, but before I could apologize, she questioned me further. "So what will you be doing?"

Despite her being nice to me, I didn't feel like telling her I was going to watch a movie and bake cookies with a friend I have this embarrassing crush on. We weren't quite that close yet.

"Did someone ask you to interview me?" I asked, laughing it off.

She looked up from the napkin she had placed on her lap, burger still in her mouth.

"Sorry," she said with her mouth still full, covering it with her curled up finger like an elementary school teacher. "I feel like we barely know each other. I thought maybe acting in love would be easier if we were friends, at least."

Oakley hadn't been prodding as much when we first met. He was always the one sharing first. Maybe that was what made me so comfortable around him.

"I don't usually befriend the press."

She smiled. "Right. For your information, this is my first lead. I've never been in a production this large."

"You haven't?" She seemed like a really experienced actor. She didn't lack any confidence and everything she did felt extremely natural.

"Nope. Making friends at school is a lot different from making them out here."

"Yeah, I know."

"That's why I came to you. You've been in a similar situation before. Just flipped."

"I guess you're right."

We both had another bite of our burgers at the same time, so a long pause in our conversation followed.

She was about to say something right before her phone rang.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this," she said. I expected her to leave the trailer to take it, but she didn't. She stood in the dead center of it.

"Hey, it's me. I'm at Nolan's trailer."

I awkwardly waited for the conversation to end, grabbing my phone to not seem like I was eavesdropping.

My texts had been pretty dry today. My friends hadn't called me and Oakley hadn't texted me.

You:
Are you guys alive?

My message reached both Ava and Keith, but I didn't get an immediate response, which to especially Ava meant she was actually busy doing something. So I went back and looked at my text history with Oakley. He was usually the one to text first. Maybe it was my turn now.

You:
Hey, my place at three?

I didn't get an immediate response from him either, but I knew he was currently in band rehearsals.

"I'm sorry for that. It was just Mylo asking me where I was. Do you mind if he joins?"

"No, of course," I said, even though I most definitely did mind. I didn't get the feeling he liked me very much. Before Maria could call me out on my obvious lie, the door opened loudly.

"Hey," he said. There was no smile on his face, no hint of emotion, actually.

"What happened?" Maria asked. "Did you just come in?"

"Yeah, couldn't sleep last night and you're the only person I can talk to."

I sensed I wasn't supposed to be here.

"Do you need me to leave?"

"Yes,"

"No," they said at the same time. "No, don't be rude, Mylo. It's his trailer."

"Please?" he asked, looking at her. Something must've been going on I wasn't aware of, so I just got up.

"I'll let you two talk," I said, making sure I closed the door behind me as I left.

| AUTHOR'S NOTE

Maria us like the emotional support person lol