Ayda

*Three Years Later*

I sat there nervously waiting patiently in the doctor's office. Josh and I have been trying to have a baby for about two years now and I could get pregnant twice, but unfortunately, I lost both of them.

This is my third time trying, Josh and I really need this. I need this.

Things have been tough lately: Josh's parents were terribly killed in a car accident a year after we got married. Ever since then, he hasn't been the same. He's been super depressed and basically spends his time drinking himself away and blaming himself for it because he hadn't seen them in so long, being so busy with work and our newlywed life, time just got away from him. 

I've countlessly tried to do everything I could to support him, I've tried getting him to talk to someone, taking him out somewhere, or just being there for him. Regardless, he didn't even budge, and it seems like all we ever do is argue now. 

I hoped starting a family would bring us closer, but if this didn't work out, then I didn't know what else I can do. I just want my husband back. I miss the way we used to be. 

I feel so empty inside and in the midst of my grieving over our lost children, I still needed to be a wife and take care of things.

"Hi, Ayda." Dr. Carter greeted, walking in with her clipboard in hand.

"Hello. I appreciate you for getting me in on such a short notice." I said genuinely. 

"It's no problem at all, glad we could fit you in here." She gave a polite smile, then asked, "So, I have gone over your information and I understand you have been trying to conceive now, correct?" 

"Yes, correct." I answer.

"Okay, great. Thank you for verifying that for me."

I nodded in response to her.

Dr. Carter took a look at the papers she had clipped to her board. Once she went through them she proceeded to speak.

"So we have run some tests and I do have some results for you. I understand that you have conceived twice before and both times weren't successful, which I am very sorry for." She said apologetically.

"That's good. I'm happy to hear there are some results and thank you for your condolences."

"Of course, my dear. According to my results, unfortunately we have found that you have a blockage within your fallopian tubes and there's a very slim-to-none possibility that you will be able to conceive." Dr. Carter announced, furrowing her brows sympathetically.

In this moment, I felt like the wind had been knocked right out of my chest and that there was a thousand knives in my heart. I fought hard to hold back the fresh, hot tears that dared to spill.

I cleared my throat, then took a deep breath and exhaled before asking, "Is there anything we can do? There must be some sort of surgery." I Plead, my voice breaking. 

Dr. Carter sighed deeply, her face softened. "There is surgery we could perform, but you have a lot of scar tissue that is blocking your fallopian tubes, so it'll be almost impossible to unblock them without harming you in the process."

All the hope I had was lost once again. Being told I could never have children was the worst news of my life. I feel like I've failed as a wife, but also failed my husband.

How could I tell Josh? He'd be devastated. I thought to myself.

"Thank you for your time. If it's alright, may I be excused?"

"Of course, I understand how painful this may be for you and I sincerely give you my compassion and I wish you the best of luck, dear." She told me.

"Thank you so much." I said softly as I got up, wiping away the few tears that ran down my face, then gathered up my things and left.

********

I cried hard in Lexa's arms as we sat on her couch in her loft. She held me tight, running her fingers through my chocolate mid-length, soft and deep curls as she consoled me.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here." She soothed.

I was so grateful for Lexa — she has been my best friend since grade school. There's never a time she hasn't been there for me.

I sniffled, letting out a whimper.

"Thank you so much for being here, I couldn't go home and face Josh, not yet." I said.

"I'm going to always be here hun, no matter what. We are family, hell you're stuck with me." She replied, letting out a small chuckle after.

I cracked a small smile in response to her.

"You know you're going to have to tell Josh." She told me seriously.

"I know, but I can't. I don't know how with him being the way he is right now."

"I understand hun, but he deserves to know." Said, Lexa.

"Yeah ..." I whispered softly.

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