Alright I know slow updates...but to make up for it is a long ass chapter...thank you to ShooqJanahi for giving me the idea of letters. And my bae Sheryl to constantly reminding me to update.

Here is to all those who read till here. Enjoy a sob fest and a beginning to healing.

Vote and I demand comments for every paragraph....byeeeeeeee

Oh it's my bday btw....forgot about it...and here you have a cryfest and happy chapter

As she saw him depart. She knew she wouldn't be able to get his time. He hates any serious discussion in his library. It was his sanctuary. So she decided to look into her walk in closet to 're arrange whatever that needed.

After sometime she got bored. And left it's premises. And thought to surf the internet. As she was engrossed in an article her phone rang and she balanced the lemon juice glass and the mouse and the laptop and her cell phone. Know what would happen she pushed further and dropped the juice glass.

"Aaarrrghhhh fucking pig's asswipe! ", she hissed.

As she put the saved items aside and bent down to pick the glass. As she found the glass. She found something odd. Otherwise in an empty under the bed space. There lay what looked like an old shoe box. Her first thought was...a memory.

Years ago when they were in their honeymoon period she would slide either the empty food tray or her laptop or a bag of chip or shoes under the bed to be removed next day. Hamdan had this weird OCD as she called it that he would always want the space under bed empty.

She chuckled at the thought because he when a 4 year old once crawled a scorpion under his bed. And he accidentally stomped it as he jumped off the bed. Crushing and killing it instantly. He had nightmares of the scorpion turning into a giant and attacking him.

She proceeded to examine the box. It was a light blue shoe box... it had handwriting scrawled as Aairah's wedding shoes on it. Her mind got curious and her heart began to pick it's pace. Maybe she had pushed it back there and forgot about it. But the handwriting was Hamdan's as she described it like crawling worms and he would defend it by saying that it's a busy man's handwriting. And she would often retort back by saying handwriting  show a person's personality and his...was trash.

She chuckled but it got caught in her throat as she realised this was the box that carried her wedding shoes. She felt something prick in her eyes as she with a hesitant hand pried the stuffed box open. Envelopes...

Plain white envelopes filled to the brim. The top one had 'Month 85' written. She picked it up nervously.

Before she could open it, she decided to go through from the beginning.

Trembling she opened the first one.

Hey Aairah,
You might be wondering. It's strange I am writing a letter to you just after our early meetings. Or that I will be sending you this letter. Or even strange writing one. We barely know each other. But it was delightful meeting you. Don't take offence, hadn't it been for the lift getting stuck and you slapping me 'accidentally' I would have forgotten you. Please don't think I'm creepy but I did find you interesting to be friends with. But there was another reason ... I am in love with someone and you might be frowning and wondering why I am even telling you this. But it's important for you to realise this.

My father has ordered me to how shall I say this without sounding like a blithering creepy messed up idiot. Well I'll stop now... he ordered me to marry you. I don't know why. He might have his reasons. But our family has only had associations strictly with Emiratis and by far only our middle eastern allies. And you are not even in any of that.

Please don't think I mean any offence. I thought my father had gone mad. Out of millions of women, why you? I've been researching and looking through documents and to the point of even bribing his close team into letting me know his reasons.

I still can't figure out.

P.s I had fun playing a boring game with you.

Aairah chuckled and immediately stopped, realizing he has been writing to her much before they even got married. He had intended to give these to her. Then why hadn't he? Maybe after the whole 'not-my-baby' or 'You slept with my brother' debacle it stopped.

She sighed and picked another paper. From the envelope she pulled another paper.

'Hey Aairah,
I really had fun with you during Christmas going to the old age home and the orphanage. It was enlightening and I got to see a different to you. Not that I judged you before haha. I realised you really didn't care I was the prince. It was nice.

When you read this, I hope it wouldn't matter then. But I am pursuing you because it is an order. I am sorry foe you to experiencing my sudden intrusion to your workplace and insisting and pestering you to say yes for a date with me. Which I'm glad you smartly pulled in your 2 friends in. To be honest I was very nervous as to what you would think of me. Strangely.

Thank you for dropping me to my residence. And I really wish Mia will recover soon.

Mia...I miss you so much. She would have been around little Mohammed's age. She would have loved going to school. She would have so many friends.

If, may Allah forbid... if she doesn't. Then pray for an easy death and she receives the highest place in jannah.

I'm sure she is there. I hope you don't miss us Mia.

So after you left me. I did as you made me realise we do have a choice. That night I slept with Sheikha. I will fight for her like you said and we won't be in this mess anymore.

Ugh...the name Sheikha then didn't cause her pain. It made her then feel pity for her as she was losing the man she so called loved to a complete  stranger. And all now she wanted to do was strangle the pig into an unrecognizable carcass.

Thank you for understanding and thank you even more... for being my friend.

A wave of sadness spread across her body as she put those papers back in the envelope which had some more letters. She switched to another envelope. And pulled out a paper.

Dearest Aairah,
You told me about the darkness you have in you... I don't see it. And I don't care. And I want you to know I am far more darker than that.

People like you...or you shouldn't be involved with someone like me or my family. Your family is just too innocent and haven't sinned. Unlike mine. And this is stranger for me to tell you. Although I do still love Sheikha and we broke up because of my father's order and to pursue you. I have a strange pull towards you. Like we are to be together in some way. Need not be romantic , but in a more stronger connection. Its tough to pin out.

But that night when you left. I thought it would be our last. And I could just shut my feelings for you as a friend. I failed miserably and it felt like some thing was pulled from my chest and it hurt.

Aairah felt like some weight was being lifted and put down again on her chest. How she wished she had found these before.

You came to my life so fast and made and impact in a very simple way. I felt that maybe we could be friends, but when you left it didn't feel anything like what it feels if friends parted.  It felt wrong to end things like that. And I love talking to you.

She smiled slightly. Remembering difficult it was for him to speak of his feelings. She stopped and picked another set of letters.

It's disgusting isn't it...to be in love with someone for so long yet have a strong pull towards another and feel the first love fade away. I feel terrible for being a liar. It feels like I am playing with Sheikha.

This letter stopped there. And she hated seeing Sheikha's name in it. But she pulled herself back to senses. It was the past. He had lingering  feelings for Sheikha even after they got married.

I promised to marry her Aairah. And now because of father ordering me...I...I have to marry you and I have no choice. But you are on constant rejection mode...haha. it is normal to freak out at this. Don't feel sorry. But you are so kind and forgiving that it is so easy to love you. People are lucky to have you in their lives. I hope we remain friends.

She smiled a sorrowful one. As much as she was glad it happened. It still caused her pain but not as much. All she wanted to do was hug and console him then. And if it weren't for her being his supposed bride, she would also smack him in the head and forced him to choose one who would be right for him and not be confused. Of course I am perfect for him. She chuckled at herself for self gloating. "Okay let's see the next one."

'My dear Shortstuff ,
I think i will call you that. I do  it know how to apologise although I'm known to be good with words. I lose my sense of it when I'm with you.

Aairah chuckled and blushed

Crazy isn't it.

I'm sorry that in anger I did somethings to hurt you in that boat. I am so sorry. I feel horrible. You have no idea how guilty I feel. I shouldn't have done that. I just got irritated  that you wanted to runaway from a sensible conversation.

With that being said, what happened that night...you might not want to read it...but I remember that night so well. No matter how old I get, it has been etched into my memory.

Aairah was taken back to the night years ago where she confessed her feelings to him knowing his response wasn't the same.

You stood there with just a pair of dark green pj shorts. Your hair in front of you, bare back facing me. The scars on your back ripped me apart. You were oblivious to my presence and as I moved a little more you froze and turned around. Both your arms covering her naked breasts. I couldn't look at them because my eyes were focused on her face. All I wanted to do was hold you close and hug you and let you know I didn't care. But I knew it was better to step in caution of a wounded tigeress.

You turned away from me, "Please leave." You whispered and let your curtain of hair concele your back. 

"Please leave, please, they are ugly, I'm ugly." You whimpered .i saw your eyes clamped  shut  but the tears managed to escape that tight barrier.

I touched your back. you  shivered as my heart and fingers traced the whip scars across your back and i gave in to the temptation lightly kissing your scars. You flinched but not in pain. And it was the most beautiful feeling ever.

Aairah indeed shivered at the new emotions growing within her. Sadness too began to make it's place in her heart. As she soon began to hate herself for thinking so wrong about him. Something familiar pricked in her eyes and she clenched it shut to stop from growing.

i pulled you closer to my chest. A storm brew inside of me and i still cant understand what it was and i just wanted to melt in you and I knew so did you.

She indeed felt it too, even now. And she closed her eyes to even remotely experience it. And her eyes shot open at how real it felt. 'Stop being horny Aairah!'. She scolded herself. 'I am not!!!' She mentally yelled back at her consciou

When I looked at you through the mirror you were nervous sad and terrified. You saw something in me that scared you. I kissed your neck and the sight was incredibly beautiful. As i felt your head back resting on my shoulder and gasping. I pulled you tighter and closer to me savouring your body the light beach salty scent your body gave away. It was as if my mouth had a mind of its own i trailed kisses down her neck along her shoulder and in between those kisses kept saying, " you are beautiful, every part of you is beautiful." And i meant every word of it. You moaned pretty loud but as much as I fought it in me. I pushed the desire to go ahead.

I asked you wether you trusted me? Your face said it all. You were so beautiful then. Even in that pain there was serenity. Something i wanted ...needed. my fingers followed the whip scars and the bullet wounds across your chest. I felt the haunting your body bore . You gasped at my touch and it stirred something unthinkable in me for you. Some thing I fought when it came to you yet knew the inevitability our paths would merge into one.

I just want you to know that You are most beautiful girl I've seen in my entire existence. I love these scars. They show your strength. You are strong, kind and  oh so beautiful. You have no idea what I want to do to you, I want to ravish you show how beautiful you are, I want to make love to you. And I really meant it not for the sake of it. And for the first time I wasn't confused.

You  were shocked. But I respect you for your strength, for your courage, for your forgiveness, for your clear as water like honesty but mostly maybe solely for your kindness. And I just want you to have you with the love and respect you deserve like any girl but more indeed.

I didn't expect you to reciprocate it by a kiss.

You pushed me over the edge where i couldn't control his urges any more. We were at a point where controlling ourselves was pointless and senseless and disastrous. And going with it would be equally disastrous. I pulled back. I had to... a second longer would have me end up having you in every way I want possible. And sometimes it isn't nice. And I don't want you to feel it even a fraction of it.

Aairah now realised how difficult can it be for a man in a situation like this especially Hamdan in a situation like this where he did have feelings for the other person.

I will take that back...it wasn't difficult Aairah...it was the easiest, because it is so easy to love you. And I wouldn't want you to be marred in bad memories.

Aairah gasped at the word love...here she was thinking he wouldn't get over Sheikha at all and was going with Aairah at inevitability of their marriage. He had begun to fall in love with her. Aairah's heart thumped against her chest as tears began to make their way into her eyes again.

She was taken back to what happened after, and it was this that made her realise he was the one. The only one.

She sat on the bed as he fixed her ankle. Where she suddenly became aware of her nakedness. And he pulled the blanket closer and tighter around her body.

He looked at her, "as much I want you right now....I won't do anything." He said softly.

After the tending was done with her feet. He moved closer to her and gently kissed her forehead, "do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" He asked.

She could never really understand him, how he found her beautiful but she trusted him so she believed what he said.

"I have something for you. " He picked up the mug and handed it over to her.
She looked down at its contents.
And he noticed the childlike excitement in her eyes. Oh how his heart filled with love for her. He couldn't understand what this feeling was. But Right now he wanted to see her enjoy the drink.

"How is it?" He asked. "I tried to make it like how you do, I know its not that gr-"

"It's wonderful." She cut him off. He made it for her by himself. Her happiness knew no bound. She felt like it was a dream. "You're wonderful." She gave the other half of the drink to knowing well he himself didn't have anything to eat or drink.

He smiled at her, but he knew "you deserve better, someone better than me."

Her smile changed into a frown and incident from couple of minutes ago began to scare her. She burst into tears and she hugged him wrapping the blanket around them both. He hugged her back tightly not wanting to let go. He buried his face onto the crook of her neck and took deep breaths.

"I thought I lost you....what would I do without you!?" She said in between sobs. " Please don't ever leave me again, i...I would die."

She felt something wet on the crook of her neck"I won't, but you deserve more and someone better than me. You know this stubbornness is a past of me, getting back at someone is a part of me. I thought it would never happen with you, but I did it anyway... And you don't deserve that." He said looking down holding her soft gentle ,but scarred hands.

"We will work it out. I love you and I want you and I don't care what you say we will work this out." She says. She was tired and sleepy  but she wanted to assure Hamdan she won't go anywhere and they would work this together.

"What if it doesn't?" He asked her. Looking into her eyes.

She smiled and cupped his face gently, "we will. Together." And she kissed his forehead.

"You should rest now." He said to still contemplating wether to agree with her or not.

"Could you stay with me, if you don't mind at least till I fall asleep?" She asked him.

They both lay in bed her back pressed against his chest and his arm around her waist. She rested her her head on his other arm, while he played with her hair.

"You don't have to be scared Hamdan. We will work it out..." Her voice lowered indicating she was falling asleep. " I love you....even if you don't...even if you don't want to say it. Even if you are confused. I will love you for both of us....till you feel the want to say...even if I have to wait till we are old."

Hamdan had tears in his eyes which he let flow. "Why did you come to this boat? When you are scared of water."

Her voice in a whisper, "For you."

As her eyes shut close, she heard him say something but she was too sleepy.

'You were so innocent, pure and beautiful then. You still are to me. And I guess you didn't hear me say that I love you too because next day you pretended like nothing happened. Hahaha. We were both stupid though.'

A single tear escaped her eye and made it's way down. And she quickly began to read the rest. Some were short and some were long. Some were funny. Some were romantic. But till how much she read had drama. Not the kind anyone would like.

'I load this letter with much love and fondness for you who is my one and only adorable wife. I wish your day be enlightened with the brightest sun forever and may its rays tell you that I am at all times there for you. My loving wife Aairah, you raise my soul every time I think of you. You are my sunrise and the shining star!'

And another one

'I knew from the moment that I first met you that I wanted you in my life. Your eyes and beaming smile made you irresistible to me. I loved all of the many long phone conversations, fun dates, standing by the car before going home, concerts, and experiences we had while we were dating. I always felt like I had won a huge prize to be able to be by your side at every occasion. Every place we went was better because you were with me. I admire your unquenchable spirit. I still love the feel of your kiss. I still love the bond of your hug. I still love the relaxation of your massage. Thank you for loving me for who I am and treating me like a King.'
I love you.

When the smile on your face is by the one you love. That moment becomes unforgettable . This was one such moment.

'Nothing can beat the feelings I have when we are together. Knowing you are there with me and that we can overcome anything together is a great feeling. You make me feel so much better when you’re around. I want to feel that for the rest of my days. I hope you feel the same.'
I love you.

"Of course I do you idiot.", she whispered to herself as happy tears fell down her cheeks slowly.

'I hate to leave you. I know sometimes it’s necessary but I want to spend time with you. I don’t like leaving and going off without you. I want you by my side, holding my hand and dominating the world side by side.
I love you.'
Your loving and lonely husband.

Here is the time we parted...and it grew so much between us. It created more space for chaos and conflicts. She thought o herself.

'I can’t help but smile to myself when I think of all the fun we have. It doesn’t matter if we are at home or on the road. You have the ability to bring a smile on my face no matter what the situation is. You are an incredibly smart and funny woman. Thank you for being my wife
Your Husband

"Your welcome dear husband.", she replied with a chuckle.

'My darling beloved Habibti,
Sometimes I really wished we never met. Nor did you meet my father. Things would be different. You would marry someone normal with less drama baggage. Your innocence and kidneys would have been preserved till you die.

And I get this strange feeling that it will break when you will be with me. If I had to give my life away just to not let this happen...I would. I havent said this to ypu because you would kill me.And I still pray. Life with me is difficult. I didn't want you in my life like this. But I wanted you close.

As you make me feel less restrained, less fake, less alone everyday. It's the worse kind of life which I want to keep you far away from.
Your loving and lonely husband.

'I loathe being away from you. I understand we have duties and work and such but being away from you all this time is so difficult. Not being able to see you, hold you or kiss you when I want is a terrible thing. I miss being together. 
I love you. 
Love,
Your lonely hubby

She hated 3 people after this letter Sheikha, Rashid and herself. So much that this created so much lies and hate between each other. "I hate all of you so much...I hate you ...I hate you!",She let it out loud.

Tears poured down like no other after this letter.

'It’s been too long since I’ve crawled into bed with you. I miss climbing in and sliding under the sheets, kissing your sweet lips and rubbing your back until I fall asleep. I miss the comfort of knowing you’re sleeping next to me. I miss it terribly. I love you. 
Love,
Your lonely Husband'

By the end of this there was waterfall. "I love you , I love you too. I love you Hamdan....please don't be lonely. I am here with you. I will always be here. I'm so sorry.", she cried further.

And such one letter hit her hard in the chest.

'Why?'

Just one word. It felt so painful. She could feel the betrayal he faces by the ones he loved and that clouded his senses. And his love for her. It just vanished.

There were 4 more letters with only that one damned word. Then the other one stopped her heart

'Why did you forgive me? Why couldn't you just kill me then? Why Aairah.... when I deserved every bit of it? Why did you forgive me.? We lost our children because of me! They died the minute I denied them! They died! They died because of me! I am the monster that killed them!

If Hamdan could see the bouts of hysterical cries she began to sob. All would have been forgotten. Aairah leaned against the side of the bed, her head getting heavy from all the crying
She continued the letter.

' I wish i died along with them and you. But Allah is punishing me for the gift he gave I couldn't value. Allah is punishing me with a life of guilt and loneliness.
Love, your pathetic heartless prince.

More letters poured of his guilt. Letters and letters fell aside as she saw he writhed in pain and guilt for years and years. It had become to painfull  for her to read. It had shown the silent suffering he bore for his country and for her.

She finally understood what his duties entailed and how it was quickly pulling him stealthily to his demise. And how Aairah was the one who gave him peace, the unconditional love sometimes even his parents didn't give. He described her arms to be a safe haven for him.

He hated himself for hurting her . Hated himself for letting his duties and family destroy everything she held dear.

'My dear Aairah,
I don't even know after tonight if I have that right. I am so disgusted with myself to touch you so lecherous and lasciviously. I realised too late that i am the monster i warned you of.  I am the monster ypu have to finish.'

"No Hamdan I forgave you for that. I pushed you too far. Please don't.....", her sobs grew a notch louder.

She pushed the letters aside where he also had mentioned that she didn't love him anymore. She was too tired to move on to the final letter. After a while she regained her strength or What was left it.

'My dear love,

Today I want to let you know that people love you not because of what you have done for them in the past but they do for who you are. Here is something I want you to read for yourself. To make you believe.

I know you might enjoy many things — books, games, clothes.

But I’m very selfish. I want to give you something that will stay with you for more than a few months or years. I want to give you a gift that might remind you of me.

If I could give you just one thing, I’d want it to be a simple truth that took me many years to learn. If you learn it now, it may enrich your life in hundreds of ways. And it may prevent you from facing many problems that have hurt people who have never learned it.

The truth is simply this:

No one owes you anything.

How could such a simple statement be important? It may not seem so, but understanding it can bless your entire life. No one owes you anything.
It means that no one else is living for you, my child. Because no one is you. Each person is living for himself; his own happiness is all he can ever personally feel.

When you realize that no one owes you happiness or anything else, you’ll be freed from expecting what isn’t likely to be. It means no one has to love you. If someone loves you, it’s because there’s something special about you that gives him happiness. Find out what that something special is and try to make it stronger in you, so that you’ll be loved even more.

When people do things for you, it’s because they want to — because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything.No one has to like you. If your friends want to be with you, it’s not out of duty. Find out what makes others happy so they’ll want to be near you.

No one has to respect you. Some people may even be unkind to you. But once you realize that people don’t have to be good to you, and may not be good to you, you’ll learn to avoid those who would harm you. For you don’t owe them anything either.

No one owes you anything.

You owe it to yourself to be the best person possible. Because if you are, others will want to be with you, want to provide you with the things you want in exchange for what you’re giving to them.

Some people will choose not to be with you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. When that happens, look elsewhere for the relationships you want. Don’t make someone else’s problem your problem.

Once you learn that you must earn the love and respect of others, you’ll never expect the impossible and you won’t be disappointed. Others don’t have to share their property with you, nor their feelings or thoughts. If they do, it’s because you’ve earned these things. And you have every reason to be proud of the love you receive, your friends’ respect, the property you’ve earned. But don’t ever take them for granted. If you do, you could lose them. They’re not yours by right; you must always earn them.

 A gret burden was lifted from my shoulders the day I realized that no one owes me anything. For so long as I’d thought there were things I was entitled to, I’d been wearing myself out — physically and emotionally — trying to collect them.

No one owes me moral conduct, respect, friendship, love, courtesy, or intelligence. And once I recognized that, all my relationships became far more satisfying. I’ve focused on being with people who wantto do the things I want them to do.

That understanding has served me well with friends, business associates, lovers, sales prospects, and strangers. It constantly reminds me that I can get what I want only if I can enter the other person’s world. I must try to understand how he thinks, what he believes to be important, what he wants. Only then can I appeal to someone in ways that will bring me what I want.

And only then can I tell whether I really want to be involved with someone. And I can save the important relationships for those with whom I have the most in common.

It’s not easy to sum up in a few words what has taken me years to learn. But maybe if you re-read this gift each Christmas, the meaning will become a little clearer every year.

I hope so, for I want more than anything else for you to understand this simple truth that can set you free: 

no one owes you anything. But I want you to know something else. Today I found out. I finally did. My life is over. You are good as gone and uncle Saeed never loved me. And I am good as dead.

Aairah remained in that state for quite sometime. In a dazed state. The pain had become numb. She no longer felt the pain as it finally overtook her. She didn't have the strength to get up and run to him and fall in his arms. She pushed the box in. And struggled to get up on the bed as she succumbed to fatigue and darkness.

It was time for dinner and everyone had been waiting for Aairah. Cecilia had made the dinner according to what Hamdan had instructed her to do so. It was 8:30 and way past the dinner time. He asked Saheim, Fahad and aunt Yasmine to begin dinner which they refused to eat as they wanted to eat as a family. He went upstairs and freaked the door open.

To his horror he found Aairah sprawled on the floor in a heap. But what he didn't failed to notice.

Was a very familiar paper in her hand.

Which letters you liked....

Do tell me about the final letter on advising Aairah.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqAe88AjD2Q