WARNING: SUPER DUOER MEGA ULTRA LONG!  also pointless... Highly recommend to skip this chapter...

Seriously I don't lie...

Its about to be almost 3000 words......

Okay well....

I warned ya...

So I can't update this book anymore till I get into NCT Dream...

I mean I can...

But then i wanna keep my word o-o

So I am just gonna write... It will be like a dairy I guess...?

9/26/17 2:30 am

Dear dairy,

Okay no that just sounds eh...

I CANT SLEEP!  I am in deep feels mood...

I blame BTS... And now I am really scared they may become my fav!

But I still have more songs to hear from them especially rap ones sooo doesn't fully count...

But gahhh I picked my bias... I really have... He's messing me up cuz he has two sides!  That's why I like him... He seems like this cool cold guy but then on the inside he's a sweetheart!  He's also a savage... And he raps super fast too o.o

This is why I need to stop and get into the dreamies!  Like I said Monday I would start researching them but nope!!!  :( I couldn't help myself but be on Vlive....

Anyways that's besides the point.. Why I can't really fall asleep is somewhere along the lines of I am thinking puzzle pieces...

Like I really wanna cry now after I've come to conclusions...

So it kinda started like this, 

I thought of how long I've been on wattpad... Tbh I can't remember... 3 years I think...?

And then how far I've grown...

Like 1 year ur a newbie?  2 year I honestly did write a lot...wattpad was super fun!  Now I am pretty sure I am going into my 3 year...

And it's scaring me.. Like I am having this " I fear tomorrow " feel again...

Cuz now I don't write as much! Like I wanna say my writing skills have died!  Down the drain!

And i wanna write!  Believe me!  I do!

But I am brain dead...

Like at this point,  I got 4 ideas for new books...?  I have 1 in drafts I'll never finsh even though the idea runs throughout my head everyday cuz I really really like the idea?  I am just lazy to actually write it...? 

But right now I have so many other books actually published... I can't seem to update any of them though!  So then I wanna call them complete... But they aren't...

I get so easily side tracked...

So this has brought me to the feels but then it's also how the ppl around me have changed as well...

Like everyone has their own unique fandom!!

I wanna give u examples and lists,  I've got like three running in my head.

But I'd rather not point anyone out...

But everyone has changed.

I mean I can't expect nothing to change cuz everything changes during time! 

But like I feel I am stuck behind...

So the puzzle pieces....
Everyone has their own unique fandom puzzle.

My fandom...?  Mario I guess... ? I don't really have a fandom... Cuz wouldn't a fandom be something ur super into?  I am into Mario but super into it?  I know all the games and stuff...? Nope...

So then why I am crazy...?

I take a puzzle piece from everyone...

Then I try to make my own unique puzzle...

But how can I create a puzzle if all my pieces are from a different puzzle?

So then i kinda have this crazy bag of random puzzle pieces....

Thats who i am!

I dont have a fandom...so i try to get into other ppl fandoms...

I just wanna be a part of something like everyone else...

I hope one day I find something I am super into not many are into...

But for now I just collect puzzle pieces...

I am the piece collector... o.o

Gah... I should just try harder to fall asleep!  : /

Here I leave y'all with this song that's stuck in my head that's really giving me the feels...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvBNoSjlKG0

That...

Okai bai...

Hopefully tomorrow I get into NCT so I can do that crazy 127 chapter...

I dunno why I want to or brought myself to make such a chapter that I've challenged myself to not write anything else but i have...

No turning back now! 

Ah yes... I am also debating between making a book called Cherish You where an OC I shall call Cherry tries to become a star and falls in love with Bae from EXO....

But then there's Izzy spell book...

The OC middle school book...

And then one I've had in drafts for the longest is Izzy and Liz switch places....

I NEED TO STOP COMING UP WITH NEW BOOKS!!!

I should just quit drawing...

Oh I forgot...

I've also had ideas on creating an RP book...?

I love comments and replying... So an rp book would be perfect!

But then um... How does one create an OC Book...?  O.O

So then I've kinda scratched that idea out....

Why can't I be like Suga and be a genius...? : /

Alright now I should reallyyyy go try to fall asleep now -.-

I am thinking I should work on fixing my sleep schedule...
( did it for like a day,  then gave up the following xD)

Like go to bed early and wake up early..?

But question is how early! Cuz I don't wanna wake up when everyone else does!  Then they will question me as to why I am up so early!  : /

Like I dunno something ya gotta know about me is that I like to work alone sometimes... Or more in the sense I like doing things from the heart!

Like my mom knows this;  she doesn't tell me to clean the house.

She knows I have these days when j am more crazy then normal!  So I'll put on some jams and clean the whole house!!

Then I have days... Very few... I wanna murder everyone!  Like dont even talk to me,  I don't wanna do anything day!

I guess you can say I am responsible.  I know what I gotta do...

Like I have this thing where I question,  " if I don't do this... Then who will...?  "

Like if we all don't team up and try to change the world then nothing is gonna change!!!

So I am pretty thought full in the sense if I don't cook food,  who will?  My mom!  No one else obvi!

So I feel bad she comes home tired sometimes to cook?  So I help out!

But um.... I am still learning... So you're gonna find me cooking when it comes from my heart... And um... I am alone... No one watching me to judge...

Like when I help my mom cook I end up giving up and letting her do it.  Cuz I can't. I get nervous and start messing up!

So if I make a sleep schedule..  I don't want anyone at home to really find out... Like no one really knows I stay up late... They're all asleep xD

So then I don't want anyone to know about my sleeping problems...

That's another thing,  I hate worring ppl!

Like most of the time... Unless ur a bestie... You will find me saying I am okay... When I am not!

If ur a bestie then I am gonna tell ya it's not and hope ya help cheer me up... In most cases it works out...

That's why I never write much sad stuff here... Or deep stuff... Cuz I want everyone to think of me as a happy bubbly witch!  : D

...I hate being the only one awake when everyone asleep and then I hear ppl move to get comfortable.. Or I hear them snore.... Gahhhh this is why it's best to be asleep!!!!

Anyways I quickly wrote soooo many deep stuff and I am at 1000 words.... Geez and then if that chapter isn't up soon I am gonna keep writing in this chapter everyday like a diary...

This so gonna be long... I deeply apologize but also appreciate it if you read it all! : )

Alright I am gonna clearly stop now to not make this longer and try super hard to go to bed!  3 am now... Come on...

~ Jinxy

9/26/17 7:47 am

KAI WAS GOING LIVE LIKE 17 MIN AGO!!!  -.-

So then it was 7:30? Shoot I woke up my brother at that time.... Poor thing he woke up late...

But gahhhh I should of checked my phone!!!!  * cries *

Oh well I wouldn't understand either way.. But I really wanna see one of them live!!!

It's weird though... The count thingy says I've seen them live 3 times..?

So that's odd... I don't remember seeing EXO live once... And since their the first and my fav I really want!!!

Like Kai go live again!  Come back!!! " :(

Welp I am just gonna wait till it has subs to watch it....

I wonder what he said o.o

I need to get into NCT Dream but I am glued to BTS at the moment... Maybe today I'll look into that group...

Well I am gonna go try to sleep again!  See y'all~

~Jinxy

9/27/17 12:49

Dear Diary,

So um... I didn't really check wattpad today o-o
I MADE CUPCAKES!!!  : D

I was actually gonna tell you all that early... But nope!  I always be on wattapd at midnight!!  Ughh I need help...

Like I was gonna do a sleep schedule and stick to it but I failed when I didn't even start!!!  : /

And my excuse is my BTS bias.... Cuz seriously this guy is messing me up so much then Bae o-o idk what's with him... He has this cold bad boy Aurora but then when ya know him he's so sweet and his smile is the best thing ever!!!  He needs to smile more!,!  And I just watched a video of him crying and now I wanna cry o-o

Also question,  cf ft a my okay ignore that that was me trying to get a bug off my screen... And then it came up to my face!  -.-

I HATE BUGSSSS!!! ...

Sorry... So my question is,  why do my bias end up dressing as a girl once?  Cuz Bae did in a music video... And then I find Suga dressed up as one too... I dunno why but I found it...

I honestly wander too much into YouTube I find such things o-o

I NEED TO STOP AND GET INTO NCT DREAM!!  * cries *

I am gonna go brush my teeth and go to bed...

~ Jinxy

9/27/17 2:18 pm

HAIII WATTY!!!  so I am actually on in the after noon!!!  I don't really know... I think I am gonna go watch EXO Next Door...( Wifi didn't let me so I watched BTS....-.- ) It's been a while that I have xD  don't really have much to report... It's raining!  Like finallyyy~

Alright I'll be back tonight probably!  I also need to write a warning at the top saying this is long.... Ehhh later!  : )

~Jinxy

Dear Diary, 

Gahh this is so long!  Izzy should just rip all these pages out!!! Gahhhh!!  ...AYO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!!  : D

Sorry... That was Dope...

I need help... I found out what my condition is! 

So I tell my friend how I've gone wayyy too deep into YouTube finding out everything about BTS...

And she tells me I am addicted..

Which yes. Yes I am!

But I realized this is normal...

Same happened with EXO!  Abby introduced me to it and I fell in love,  and got addicted.

I remember I didn't wanna let it go but I also did wanted to move on to another band...

So um now I am kinda into BTS and I can't let it go....and I really wanna move on too o-o

How do I move on?  I get a friend to help me... But then the process will just repeat.... SO THEN I AM SCREWED LIVING THE HUSTLE LIFEEEE... I gotta make it fire baby.... Sorry I had to... O-o please send help...

Well I mean I am starting to get depressed at life...like I need a new job... And start looking at college cuz ugh this life at home is boring!  And even if all this music makes me happy I still gotta do something... Seriously I am all worried on the inside but on the outside I am like FIIIREEEEEEEEEE!!!!  : D

I gotta stop this addiction... But if there's nothing else to do in life then YouTube... Seriously I've gone too deep into YouTube all my home suggestions are funny cute moments of my bias... And then I've kinda seen all of them o-o

I NEED TO GET INTO NCT DREAM AND LET BTS GO!!!  -.-

Like I think I've made this long enough so I am just gonna go put We Young on the chapter and call it a day and post this long one...

After of course I put a  warning that this is super long.... 😅

I am questioning how long I've been gone now.. Cuz I think Abby finished her book and has a new book out... Cuz my notifications gave me this book titled " the smol red heads book of randomness " I believe it was what it was.... And there is only one smol read head I know!  And that's Abby!  : D

That reminds me,  in case I don't personally ask Abby.  I might as well write the question here in case she sees it!  I doubt it though... This is long!  Who gonna read all this!  O-O

But how did Abby get into K pop?

Cuz if anyone ask me I shall say it's one of my Berry besties, the smol read head Abby!!! : D

Like my brothers asked me who introduced me to it and if I had her number... I am guessing they wanted to question as to why?!... They think I need a psychologist... I probably do... O-O

Oh well I don't wanna turn back!  : D

So lately I've created like 5 OCs to become a girl group that's more like a boy group called LUV....? O-o maybe I'll just end up putting Cherry into that and then the whole plot of that will become the book Cherish You... If I ever do decide to write it... Cuz I've got like too many ideas but I don't feel like updating any other books : / I should give up as a writer.. I mean I've barley been on wattpad too!

Like now I am forcing myself to write in this book...

All I wanna do in life now is just watch YouTube...

This is why I am worried...

Next week I gotta start my search on a new job... And college....

What's more scary is that my b day coming up!  Meaning I'll be older! Which means I should stop watching YouTube and get down to business right?!?!

* sigh * struggles of age... I never really act like the oldest!  I wish I was the youngest : / I act like the youngest too...

BTW it soooo doesn't help my other step brother is taller!  Cuz we all believed he was older! But I am older by a month! His b day in December!  Funny how it's after my blood brothers b day.... But anyways I wish I was like him... He goes to college and has a car and can drive... If I knew how to drive and had me a car... Shoot! I'd be taking over the world!  But I am kinda stuck at home... So then I be on YouTube all day....

Like I can tell you straight up,  after I catch up to my not if actions or something I am going on YouTube! I've got like 3 radio shows of BTS to watch and then the 3 times they where on After School Club too!

Okay I gotta stop writing!!!  AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I am not writing anymore!  Nope I quit!  I am done!  Baiii~

~ Jinxy

Shroom I am a horrible friend for forgetting Abby was on Vacation....

And then I think Mitty updated I wonder how she is...

I wonder how Potato is too.... O-O

I am a bad friend...:(

* blinks * So once ya get me on wattoad,  I can't leave wattoad...?

I can't even spell watty today...

CAUGHT IN A LIIIEEEE~

Sorry I relate too much to that song...

And spotify now wants to hit the feels cuz ya put Lie and now Awake!  -.- I should go put EXO instead...

Hey question,  have ya ever put shuffle,  but then you been listening too long you can guess the next song? 

Like I do shuffle but I guess I don't have like 100 songs so then the shuffled list REPEATS!  and I remember listening to a song and then another after that one so I find it odd it played one after another.

BUT ITS MY FAITH~

MAYBE,  I,  I,  CAN NEVER FLY ~

maybe I should mix my BTS playlist with my EXO one... O-o then it would really bea Fire Monster...?  Dope Fire Monster? I am trying to think of EXO songs and I am struggling omg o-o I mean I have some but then putting them together with a BTS song I am struggling... O-o

Fire was written by my bias... He's a genius 😍

Oh hold on maybe gif will work! A friend sent me some!!!

Oh these are the videos I need to watch....

I bring this back cuz Lay is back xD

That's odd I can't find it... Hmmm... Guess it doesn't work... Darrrnnnn...

I think maybe I should delete some of this but then again this is the crazy book so why not a super long chapte?

I am thinking of tittling the next book The Crazy Monster and have EXO as the background o-o cuz the song Monster was the first EXO song I can remember and loved so it's my fav...

I still haven't done the warning at the top... Ughh I should update this book...

MUST. STOP....