I lay by the fire, playing with my necklaces. My fingernails trace the feathers and grooves on the mockingjay, sighing as I watch it shine in the flickering light. My other necklace, a bone Thor hammer rests beside it, the etching of protective runes raised above the rough scratches of the inner bones.

Peeta is asleep across from me, his face twitching slightly in his sleep. He looks so peaceful, less troubled than he might be in the waking world. All the angry faces and judging of the snowflake bedding the queen.

I hate it. He has proven his worth ten times over. He is an amazing, instinctual soldier. His metal work is excelling above Thresh's and is both decorative and functional. His eagle headed pomals with their skull crusher beaks are the new signature of my army.

He has excelled every expectation and still faces scrutiny. It hurts me that after everything he has done for us, people like Gale and his closest allies still act like he is useless.

They don't see what I see.

I sit up and pull my blanket around myself. I feel the necklaces fall back into my chest and I grip them together. Looking across the fire, I watch as he sleeps. He looks so peaceful, so safe in this dangerous place.

I pull my knees up and rest my chin on them, clutching them to my chest. A year runs down my cheek and I take in a breath, looking up at the sky.

The gods have been silent, no signs or dreams to Tigris on a next move. The snows have started to fall and while we have food for now thanks to Peeta's suggestion, the hungry weeks are coming, where none of us will have food save for pine needles and moss.

I am a lost, stupid girl who has no business being a leader. This is my third winter as such and each time, I have to watch as my people starve, freeze in the bitter cold, and be picked off by Capital insurgents on fruitless hunting missions.

I turn my face away from the sky and cry into the fur of my blanket, praying my sobs don't disturb my tent mate. It has been so long since I have allowed these kinds of silly, self putting tears to leave my eyes and do not want to be viewed in such a pathetic state.

I feel movement beside me and glance up as Peeta sits down next to me. I quickly wipe away my tears and he just smiles at me, paying no mind to my pitiful state. I try to look down but he tips my chin up to look at him.

"What is it that has you up at this hour?" He asks and I just blink at him.

"I couldn't sleep," I whisper, looking back at the flames and moving .

"Is there anything I can do to help?" He asks. I sigh, shaking my head.

"Unless you have the power to end winter," I say. "And make the herds come back and the plants flurish, I'm pretty sure you are shit out of luck in helping ease my troubles this night."

"Winter is not as peaceful as you made it seem, huh," he says and I shake my head.

"No, it is peaceful and beautiful," I say. "Just not for the one who is responsible for feeding and clothing the people of the shadow district I am trying to lead here." Peeta looks at our fire and sighs, shaking his head.

"I think that the hardships of winter are far too heavy for one woman to bear alone," he says, glancing at me. "Do your council have any input?" I shake my head, not daring to look at him.

"They only have ideas on a war that has been at a stalemate for months and will stay that way through winter," I say. "Even Tigris has seen no sign from the gods to even suggest what direction we might need to go."

"So you feel stuck?" Peeta says. I nod and his arm slides around me. I feel tense for a moment before I let out a deep breath and lean against his shoulder. "Quite a lot of pressure to be on those shoulders of yours, huh?"

"Any ideas?" I ask. He looks at me and rubs a small circle in my ribs.

"You really think you want my input?" He says and I nod.

"You did well with thoughts of the food stores," I say. "I need those kinds of ideas." He makes a face and studies the fire a while before nodding.

"I can draw up some plans," He says. "Some things that worked for when the rails were frozen and supply trains couldn't come. Preserving in jars and different meats with spices." I smile at him and he just squeezes my hip. "I know it really isn't my place, but I will make a plan to feed our people, Katniss." I look at him and lean over, kissing his cheek. 

"I know you will," I say. "I have never had any doubt that you being here could only bring good things." He blinks at me and I feel his hand come up, resting against my neck . His thumb rubs against my cheek and he leans down a little, kissing my temple. 

The wind blows hard outside and the sides of the tent rattle. I pull my pelt closer around me and shelter in the warmth of Peeta's side. My head still rests on his shoulder, feeling just a little bit of the weight on my shoulders seem to lighten. I shiver a a little and he chuckles, pulling me just that little bit closer. I rest my head on his shoulder, feeling so comfortable and safe with him. Like everything really isn't as bad as it may seem.

I've felt like that a lot the longer I have spent time with him.

"Can I ask you something?" He whispers and I look at him. His eyes are kind of sad, but I feel nothing but a fluttering in my stomach. "Or at least tell you something?"

"What is it?" I ask and he sighs holding onto me just a little bit tighter. 

"You told me today that I would be free to seek out others, as long as I didn't do it here," He says, sounding a little nervous. I move away from him and start to get up. He grabs my arm and looks at me. "Katniss, I want to tell you why I was so against the suggestion. Please, just listen." I look at hims and sigh, pulling my blanket closer around me as I kneel back on my bed.

"You already told me it was because it wasn't worth it with someone you felt nothing or little for," I say. "Are you saying you were lying to me?" Peeta shakes his head, looking at the fire, acting as though he can't meet my eyes. 

"I would never lie to you, Katniss," He says. "I just, I really have been avoiding the truth for a while now. I didn't want to ruin this stay in purgatory we have been in." He sighs, looking into the flames and shaking his head. "I didn't want to give it up if things went south when I told you what I thought. But that isn't fair to you." I reach my hand out and gently touch his shoulder. 

"What is it?" I ask and he shakes his head. 

"Do you remember what we spoke about my first night here?" He asks, still looking at the flames. "After we came back to the fire?" 

"I do," I say quietly, starting to maybe understand the direction he is trying to lead. My fingers rest on the bare skin of his arm and I can feel his nervous pulse under them. I run my finger over the slight raise of a scar and he looks at my hand.

"Do you still feel that way?" He asks. I blink at him, feeling butterflies in my stomach. I let out a breath with a lot of embarrassment and a nervous laugh kind of let out with it. "Do you still wonder what could have been, had we gotten out together, or at least known one another was alive all this time?" I nod, running my fingers slowly down his arm. They stop at his wrist, running my thumb over the leather band he still has tied there, having not taken it off since I tied it there. 

"Yes," I admit. "A lot more than I honestly thought I would." He looks at me, a small smile on his face. 

"So have I," He admits. "And I know you want no business with those kinds of things, especially in the middle of war and winter coming." He looks at my hand as I rest it on his wrist and sighs. "But if you would let me, I would like to formally court you." I look at our hands resting next to one another and take a deep breath.

"So you finally asked, huh?" I say and He shakes his head, moving his hand away. My fingers kind of hover in the air and he brings his hands to his face in frustration.

"Look, I know I'm just a merchant's son," He says. "I'm no warrior. My weapons are nice, but obviously no one is in a race to get them. I can barely ride a horse. I am most comfortable painting the shields in the shop and molding pomals and handles. But I," He pulls his hands away and looks at me, his eyes looking watery and desperate. "I lost you once, Katniss. I've been in love with you for most of my life and I really, really don't want to give you up again. It may be selfish and stupid, but I don't want to lose you again Katniss. I don't want to mourn what we could have all over again if you feel even a little bit the same as I am right now." 

I rest my hand softly on the pelt bed and take a deep breath. I pull my blanket back around me and my right hand rests over the two necklaces on my chest. One, the family crest of the man I'm sitting beside, that became my symbol and my drive for leading these people. The second, the Hammer of Thor, which he wield in my nightmares to protect me. 

Clutching onto the hammer, I look up at him.

"You could just as easily lose me on the battlefield," I say quietly and he just looks at me.

"I would die myself before I would allow you to be taken from me in battle," He says and I inch closer to him, feeling my heart clench. I know he really means those words, as terrifying as it is. But we are soldiers in a war, and that could mean death could honestly come tomorrow for either of us. 

I close my eyes and lean my forehead against his. My heart is beating so heavily and I can tell his own is doing the same. My hand reaches forward and grips onto his hand again. It is soft and warm despite it's roughness as he grips mine back and I nod against his head.

"I know you would," I say quietly. "That is what scares me the most." I open my eyes and look at him. He blinks at me and I reach behind my neck, grabbing onto the braided cord of the hammer and pulling it over my head. he watches as I gather it up in my hand, gripping it in my fist. "Give me your hand." Slowly, he holds out his hand and I place the pendent there, taking his fingers and closing them over the piece of bone. My fist grips over his and I nod.

"What is this?" He asks and I sigh. I look up at him and shake my head. 

"I carved this hammer from the shoulder of the first stag I killed, under the guidance of my mentor," I say. "If you insist on this, on fighting by my side, let this protect you." Peeta looks up at me and leans into me. 

The kiss is sweet and gentle. I never quite imagined or pictured before what my first kiss would feel like. I feel his arm come around me and hook around my neck and I hold onto his arm back I pull away, laughing a little and leaning my head back against his.

"I'm guessing that this little gift is an agreement?" He says and I nod.

"I will allow you to court me," I whisper. "Just don't be a fool about this. You are the only real friend I truly seem to have." Peeta chuckles and pulls away. He looks at the pendent in his hand and lets the cord go, just holding the bone. I grip onto the cord and slip it over his head and he lets go of the bone. 

"You terrified me," He chuckles and I let my blanket fall a little loose against my shoulders. "You terrify me, Katniss Everdeen." I glance at my pillow, making me realize how tired I am, having spent half the night brooding and crying. "What is it? Having doubts already?"

"I'm not that indecisive," I say, yawning. "I'm just tired." 

"Then go to sleep," he chuckles. I sigh and fall back on my bed. He just sits there next to me for a bit and I kick him in the side. "What was that for?"

"Get over here and keep me warm," I say and he smirks, carefully laying down beside me. 

"Is this why you agreed?" He asks. "Because it's winter and you need someone to keep you warm?" I chuckle as he lays his arm over me and I grip onto it.

"It's a pretty big reason," I joke and he smirst against my cheek. I lean into his chest and sigh.

"Well, I'm not gonna lie," He whispers. "Sleeping next to you is a pretty good perk." He kisses my neck and I groan, holding tight to his hand over my heart. "Now go to sleep. We will do our best tomorrow morning." 

I takae a deep breath and close my eyes, slowly falling to sleep in my one true friend's arms.