In the days that follow, I see very little of my friends besides Elz and Luk who visit each day to check on Ila and me. I also don't see much of Ila, and I use my injury as an excuse for not visiting her. In all reality, I just can't face what I've done to her. Instead, I stay in the hospital bed with a needle in my arm. Every once in a while, a nurse walks me through the medical center, and I gain strength. By the end of the week, I can walk on my own with a pair of crutches, but all I want is to get out of this sterile building and join my friends. In the long stretches between nurse visits, I'm left to lie in bed and think about my mistakes or try to sleep. Every time I fall asleep, I still see Laird and Betta and all the others whose deaths I caused, so sleep is no more restful than waking. No matter whether I sleep or wake, I'm haunted by what I've done, and without Luk or Elz or Orrick here, I have to fight off these demons and ghosts on my own.

The doctor promises that I'll be released soon to join my friends in their dormitory, and that's the only thing that gets me through the long minutes that form uncountable days.

I force myself to emerge from torturous thoughts when the white curtain pulls back and Luk peers in. Our conversations have been tense ever since he told me Father Paul is his father. I don't know how to talk to him anymore with so many secrets between us. He gives me a hesitant smile, a dimple appearing under his beard, and for a second I just want to forget about all of our differences. I just want him to kiss me and tell me it's going to be alright, but he won't lie to me. I don't think I would believe him even if he did.

"Hey, Ren," Luk says. The plastic rungs of the curtain squeak against the metal bar as he pulls it shut, and the ever present gray-clad soldiers wink out of view. "Can I come in?"

I pull myself into a sitting position, wincing as my swollen leg shifts. "Be my guest."

Luk perches on the bed next to me, careful not to bump my black and blue leg. He looks at my hand where it lies white and lifeless beside me and I wonder if he'll take it, but he doesn't. "So, I have some good news."

"Is that even possible?" I try to grin at him, but my face just contorts into a grimace.

He gives me a dim smile, a distant echo of months ago when we rolled in the snow and kissed for the first time. "I talked to the doctor and...and, uh, Father Paul, and they've agreed you're healthy enough to be released if you stay on some pills to fight infection. How's that sound?"

I perk up, my eyes widening. "Are you serious? Yes, please, get me out of here. I can't stand it in here."

"Missed me that much?" he teases and then seems to regret his words.

We can't joke like this anymore and pretend that we're the stupid kids who fell for each other so long ago. His mouth puckers in a frown and he looks away, unaware of just how close to the truth his words were.

"So I can stay with you and Orrick and Elz and everybody else?" I ask eagerly, leaning towards him. My hand brushes his, but I pull it away at the stinging touch.

"Yep, you've officially been released."

I lean my head back for a moment and release a sigh. Maybe my guilty thoughts and omnipresent nightmares will fade when I'm no longer alone in this hostile, sterile hospital all alone.

"Thank you," I say, looking at Luk again. His eyes have some of that familiar warmth that I'm used to. Despite all of his secrets, I can't turn off my feelings for him just like he can't stop caring about me because of what I did. "And Ila?"

Luk breaks my gaze at once, the warm moment instantly cooled. "She's staying here. They want to monitor her, and they're giving her medication so she sleeps a lot and isn't confused all the time. She-"

"Luk, do you--"

We speak at the same time and then pause, staring at each other. Luk has pulled away from me, his back straight and his jaw tensed.

"What?" he asks. "Do I what?"

I regret my hasty words, but they're half out now, so I can't stop. "Do you think we'll ever--do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?" I bite my lip as soon as the words escape so hard I taste the blood.

This is the question I've wanted to ask him ever since I made that decision. Is there even a chance that he'll forgive me? I know Luk will always care about me and protect me as much as he can, but if there's no hope for the two of us, I don't want to hold onto him anymore.

His gaze catches mine, his eyes that searing blue that told me he should not be overlooked. I know he'll be honest with me even if I'd rather hear a lie. "I...I don't know, Ren." He finally touches me, taking my cold hand and holding it between both of his. "Can you forgive me for everything I haven't told you?"

I squeeze my eyes shut; this distance between us isn't just because of what I did. This distance is secrets and lies and pain and tragedy, and every day it swells larger.

"I don't know," I answer.

Silence encompasses us for a moment and I forget that we're here in a Domus hospital instead of hiding in an abandoned stairwell in the Civilization or holding each other in my room. How I wish I could go back to those moments now before we destroyed ourselves.

The curtain screeches open and we both start when a guard peers in, his face blank. "Father Paul is expecting you," he says.

"We're coming," Luk says.

"Father Paul?" I ask, the secrets rushing back between us.

Luk nods, bowing his head. "We're meeting with him now. Ren, I have something to ask you. You--you know all the ingredients for the cure, right?"

"Yes."

"You're the only one who can save Ila and all the other kids, but I need you...I have to ask you something. We're going to meet with Paul, and he's going to try to get you turn over the information."
I nod; I've considered this. I knew I couldn't use my injury and hypothermia as an excuse to keep the information to myself forever, but I can't just turn it over to Father Paul. I don't trust him, and my memory of the antidote ingredients is the only thing keeping us safe in Domus.

"Before you agree to give him the information," Luk says, "please, make him promise to save Ila first."

I expected Luk to tell me to use the information to barter for our lives, but of course he thinks only of his daughter. Our priorities have always been different. "Okay," I agree, knowing I can't refuse him or Ila anything with the guilt I carry. "But I'm also making it a condition that we can stay here until we...we figure out what's next."

Luk nods, his shoulders sagging. "Fine. I think he'll agree to our terms."

"Even though you're his...even though it's you?" I ask.

"Especially because it's me," Luk says. "I think he wants to make up for kicking me and Ila out of Domus. I'll tell him our conditions and hope that he has at least a little remorse."

I nod, and Luk rises. He leans down to pick up my crutches, the muscles in his back and shoulders flexing, and holds them out to me. I swing my legs over the side and reach for the crutches, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from crying out.

I refuse Luk's offer of help and limp towards the door. I can't accept his help because I won't get any stronger if I rely on others. For the first time in a week, I leave the hospital. Harsh sunlight pierces the glass dome and blinds me so much that I have to stop for a moment, but a Domus guard pushes me forward and I stumble. The guards lead us to the exit where we go through the purification process. Luk's movements are mechanical as he strips out of his clothes and lets the nozzle spray him clean. He's had to undergo this procedure every time he visits me and Ila, but I still feel like an object as I strip myself of my clothes and await the misty spray.

When I stare at my half-naked body in the mirror, I don't look as gaunt and emaciated as I did when we first arrived in Domus. My right thigh isn't swollen twice as large as my left and the purple bruises are starting to fade. The cleaning solution sprays from the nozzle, washing away the germs and sterile hospital stench, and I limp as fast as I can towards the relative freedom in the outer dome.

As I leave the purification room and start to dress in my orange jumpsuit, a familiar blonde head at us from outside the medical dome. Audra's smile takes up half of her face and she stands on tiptoes and waves at us.

"She's still around?" I murmur under my breath and Luk laughs.

"I'm afraid so. I think this is Paul's way of punishing me. Audra and I went to school together and she always liked me."

I turn to Luk, surprised. I sometimes forget that Luk has a history before he came to the Civilization. He has roots here in Domus that I know nothing about. "Hey, she's cute."

"Ha ha," Luk says, but he smiles a little.

"Luk, Renna!" Audra exclaims when the Domus door slides open and the guards, Luk, and I enter the outer dome. "Goodness, we're running late. Your--" She stops, her eyes widening before she finishes the sentence. "Err, Father Paul is anxiously awaiting you. Your companions are already there."

"He can wait," Luk says, voice suddenly icy.

Audra leads us towards the Head, the main building of the Domus government. The building is hidden beneath a complex multilayered dome, no doubt a security provision to protect their elite government. Despite the almost sweltering warmth of the outer dome, an icy chill goes down my back. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to face Luk's father again.

"Are we just meeting Father Paul?" I ask, and though I meant the question for Luk, Audra spins around and walks backward.

"Oh, the whole Patriarchy will be there!" she exclaims.

"The Patriarchy?" I ask, turning towards Luk.

Luk sighs. "Domus has some...old-fashioned beliefs about the roles of the genders. The Patriarchy is the government, a committee of men who govern Domus."

"Old-fashioned beliefs?" I ask, my lips curling.

"Domus respects traditional beliefs that men are best fitted for leadership while women are suited for childcare and agriculture," Audra says as if reciting from a guidebook.

I remember something the Curator told me once about how men were allowed to elect their leaders, but women weren't allowed to vote. Has Domus reverted to the antediluvian beliefs of our ancient predecessors?

"Basically, Domus oppresses women by making sure most opportunities are only available for men," Luk explains, his voice sharp.

I think about what I've seen so far--besides Audra and Luk's mom, Mother Greer, I've seen few women besides the nurses who do all of the menial labor in the hospital. In the Civilization, women and men were complete equals, and I never even thought about one gender being better than the others until the Curator told me about our ancestors. As I'm quickly learning, Domus has just as many flaws as my old home.

"What about your mom?" I ask Luk. "Isn't she some famous neurologist?"

He stops and glares at me. "Greer is not my mother."

I stare at him in shock; for all of Domus's focus on whole families, what happened to his mother? How did Mother Greer take her place? I noticed she was young, but I had no idea his father remarried.

"What? But I thought--"

"Not now," Luk says, glancing at Audra who walks ahead of us and can hear every word of our conversation.

I nod curtly, but I have so many questions. Is Luk's mother still alive? If she's not, what happened to her and how did his father manage to marry Greer so quickly? It explains why she's so much younger than him, and why Luk seems to hate her so much. I have no time to consider anything else as I draw in a sharp breath of the warm air and approach the steps into the Head.

As tumultuous as our stay in Domus has been, our continued safety depends on the cure Hayl and I have yet to recreate. When we walk in the Head to face Father Paul and the Patriarchy, we have the chance to save Ila and hundreds of children and earn ourselves a temporary safe haven. I will use my memory which I pray is still in tact to decide the fate of hundreds and the fate of my closest friends.

Audra opens the door and Luk and I walk in to face his father.