Colter POV

"Grief never ends... But it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith... It is the price of love."

Have you ever fucked up so bad? Well, I have twice and it was with a very important woman in my life. She was my wife. The first time was when I started to pull away from her after our daughter, Peta died.

I was consumed in my grief. Every day I avoided her and every night I would sleep in a different room. I just couldn't be around her as she reminded me too much of our daughter. Peta looked so much like her mother. From the moment I held my beautiful girl my life felt complete.

When she passed away. I just couldn't manage with all the pain that I felt like I had to shut down. When I did that I pushed my wife away. I didn't mean to do that though. She was one of the important things in my life besides my daughter.

If I could turn back time and take back what I did to Lexi I would. Since I can't do that I'll have to settle with her being a part of my life as a secretary. I just hope someday she will forgive me and we get to move on together.

What I want is to hold my Ex-Wife in my arms and tell her how sorry I am for what I did. Will she forgive? Only time will tell.

The second time I fucked up was when I cheated on her (I think?) Does kissing count as cheating? If it does. Yes, I cheated on her. But, it didn't go any further than that.

I was working late at the office and one of the clients entered the room with her top four blouse buttons opened. I lick my suddenly dried lips.

The client steps forward and she sits on my lap. She moves her hand up my shirt. She starts kissing my neck.

What the hell am I doing? I have a wife at home.

I grab her arm. "Stop! I don't want to do this anymore." I point to the door. "Please, leave."

After she leaves I shut off my computer and I grab my car keys. I shut my office and make my way to the car. I climb into my car and drive home.

When I get home I see my beautiful wife at the sink. She doesn't see me as I'm hiding behind a wall. She's not smiling. I see tears fall down her beautiful face.

I step out of my hiding place and enter the house.

I have to let her go. She deserves to be with someone better than the man I have become. It's better if I hurt her. My love for her won't ever disappear.

I enter the house.

She looks up from the sink and she gives me a small smile. "Hey,"

I walk over to her, knowing that she's going to see the lipstick on my lips and collar. Then I say the cruellest words to her. "I don't love you anymore, Lexi. You need to forget that we were ever married and together. I have." I pick up the overnight bag I hid under the table and I walk out the door.

I spent the night in my office.

The following day I went home to see that Lexi took all her clothes and she left the wedding ring on the bedside table with a note.

Dear Colter,
          Even though you're grieving the loss of your child you didn't need to be such a prick about it. When you get this note I won't be in the Country. I have lawyers drawing up divorce papers. I intend to forget everything I had with you. But, our daughter's memory is one of the things I won't.

I hate you,

Lexi

P.S. No one will ever tell you where I am.

I spent that night crying for the loss of my wife and daughter.

There's a knock on my door. "Come in."

The door opens and Lexi steps inside. She places a coffee and a croissant on the table for me. "Good morning, Colter."

I smile. "Do you want to join me?"

She shakes her head. "I have a lot of things I need to do today, Colter. You've left me a whole heap of work that needs to be done by Christmas. Q left me some things as well."

I cross my arms. "Show me what my brother left you with. I bet it's not important." I follow her out of the room. We enter her office and she pulls out a thick folder. I take it from her. "That's a lot of work from my brother. I don't know why he didn't do this himself."

Lexi sits behind her desk. "He told me that I'm quicker at typing and that I can make sense of the things on the papers. I'll have to sit down with him after Christmas and go through all this stuff."

I look at her desk. "Do you have the numbers of the backup secretaries?"

She looks at me. "Yes, I do. Do you want me to call them?"

I nod. "Tell them I have two days of work for them. I want to make your workload lighter. Can you join me in my office now? I want to talk to you, Lexi."

"I'll be with you soon, Colter. I'll give those girls a call before I join you."

I exit the room and make my way to my office. I sit behind my desk and look at the picture of Lexi, Peta and me. It brings a smile to my face.

Lexi enters the room and she sits across from me. She crosses her legs. "Colter, what do you want?"

I lean across the table. "I want to apologise for the way I acted after we lost our daughter. I also want to apologise for the night I kicked you out of the house."

Lexi rises and she shouts. "WHY DID YOU DO IT, COLTER?"

I run my hand through my hair and I look into her brown eyes that are beginning to tear. I rise and move toward her. I pull her into my arms and hug her. "I don't know, Lexi. I was too caught up in my grief and then when the opportunity with another woman came up I kind of took it."

She pulls away from me. "What do you mean I kind of took it?"

"I let one of my past clients kiss me. That was all she did. I couldn't go through with doing anything else." I look at the table. "The woman I've been seen with is gay and she's been using me as her beard. Since your back, she's been trying to find someone else to help her out. You're the only woman I've been with since you left, Lexi."

She sits on the chair. She has tears falling down her face. She looks at me. "Colter, I don't know if I can keep doing this with you. Can I go home? I need to think about the things you told me."

I nod. "Take tomorrow off and I'll see you at the Christmas party tomorrow."

She rises and hugs me. "Thanks, Colter." She exits my office.

I watch her pick up her things and leave the office.

I hope she comes to the Christmas party tomorrow.