*Trigger warning: ED*

32 | SKIN AND BONE

and they say if you stare into the abyss
the abyss stares back into you
so tell me does it work with my own reflection?

with every wrinkle and scar and abnormality
looking back at me, into me
every tear and hair misplaced
every piece of flesh too fleshy,
out of place or lacking

the skin on my bones don't feel like home
but they are the most beautiful part of my body

they say you look fine
but every synonym sounds like a dirty word
bloated means gargantuan and healthy
means not skinny enough
so i scratch and i claw
all the way up to my throat

beckoning

beckoning

come out & make me feel beautiful

after the first retch
it'll be okay
it'll be easier
it's always been like this
it always burns the first time
you already know this
you keep your mouthwash
by the sink for this reason
wash your face before you start
don't wipe the water off your cheeks
let it remain so the tears mix in
you can tell yourself it's just water

it's okay
it's okay
it'll be okay
it'll be over soon enough and you'll feel
beautiful again

you won't be disgusted anymore
not when you step on a scale

or stare into the abyss

there is no abyss to look into
if you are no longer there

only skin

only nails

only bones

only void