"Auria?" The voice sounds so far away, yet so close. "Auria?"

My heart starts to beat faster. In years I hadn't so much hope as I have now. "Mom?" I mumble. I would love to scream that I'm here, that I love, that I miss her, but my voice isn't cooperating. I start to wonder if there was even any sound that left my lips, since I don't get answer back. "Mom." It feels like a scream. I try to open my eyes, but my muscles aren't moving forward.

"She doesn't hear us."

I feel tears welling up. My whole life I've been afraid of ending up alone and I have this feeling that that moment is awfully close. Maybe it even already started. Maybe this is the moment where my biggest nightmare becomes reality. I squeeze my eyes shut even tighter and force the single tears back to the enormous ocean of sadness, helplessness and frustration that are always hidden behind my smile. I am to tired for anxiety and to strong for sadness right now. But how long will it take before I break? How long will it take before I overflow?

Someone dabs my burning cheeks with a cold, wet towel. If I break, will that towel be just as soaked by my tears.

Stop it! Deep inside a little flame starts to burn. A little flame, feeding with hope and combativeness. No more self-pity. You want to get out of here? Then do something!

I blink with my eyes against the bright sunlight shining into the room of the infirmary. Normally, the warmth of the sun rays does me good, but now they seem to burn me alive. I grab the wet towel and place it in my neck.

When my eyes are used to the light, I see that my mother isn't here at all. It was Mrs. Milligan who had softly spoken my name. How could I confuse her with my mother? How could I mistake the headmistress' shrill voice with the soft, warm voice of my mom?

Mrs. Milligan puts a fake smile on her face. As a child, I fell for it so many times. Now I'm too old to mistake that forced smile with sincerity. "Auria, you're awake." The slightly chubby woman gets up from the plastic chair and walks towards me. For a while, I look at the varicose vein on her calf. When I realize I'm staring, I force myself to look at her eyes. Those are neutral. Of course. Why did I expect to see a little bit love or pity in her eyes? "You had a little accident."

A little accident? "No, you are lying!" I already regret speaking those words as soon as I hear how childish it sounds.

"No, I'm not, Auria. You became a victim of a demon."

"No, I didn't. My soul almost slipped away and when I managed to get it back into my body, it almost felt alienated." And Mr. Schmidt didn't make any effort to help me... I swallow those words. Teachers will always have each others back. Mrs. Milligan isn't interested in hearing my side of the story.

"That's because a demon took over your body during the time you were gone. It's nothing you can do about it, Auria. You did an amazingly good job."

I look at her in surprise. "I did?" Mrs. Milligan rarely gives compliments. In the nine years I've lived here, I received exactly zero.

The headmistress nods. Her glasses slide down to the tip of her nose, but she makes no effort to put them back on. "We don't see this often. Do you know what that means, Auria? That means you are a Chosen One."

My heart takes a leap and I'm with my head in the clouds. "Does that mean I will be standing on the list with the Selected next time?"

"No." With that simple word she knocks the cloud out from under my feet. "That means you'll receive separate training from now on. You're special. Auria Hope. You're not a normal Soul Searcher who entangles her soul with a Lost Soul. You are someone who entangles her soul with that of demons in order to destroy their black, poisoned soul. You will play an important role in eradicating the evil."

"I don't want to fight demons," I say. With my elbows I push myself up. I look at her, terrified. "That sounds dangerous."

"Without the right training it is indeed dangerous. That's why we can't start soon enough." Mrs. Milligan walks toward the door. In the door opening she stands still. "I give you a week to get used to your new situation. Next week we're going to start with the training."

"But..." Before I've found the right words, the headmistress already disappeared. I let myself fall back onto the mattress with a thud. I don't want to be special! I want to be normal. I take a deep breath. Doesn't is always work that way? People who are normal want to be special and people who are special want to be normal. It's a curse that only can be lifted by accepting yourself. And that is exactly what I am going to do, but I need more time, more time than the week Mrs. Milligan just gave me.

A few hours later, I walk through the halls of the top floor of the Periculum. Here, the bodies of the Selected are kept for ten years. So are the bodies of mom and dad. It's a grim idea. The hall looks like a mortarium and that's one of the many reasons why I don't like to come here, but I have to see my parents, even though there is no presence within them. It is the last time I'll ever see them. Tomorrow I turn seventeen and the ten years will be over. I can think of some gifts that I'd rather get on my birthday...

Mom and Dad both entangled their soul with a Lost Soul around the same time. I was seven years old back then. My parents were on the list of the Selected for a very long time already, but they were forced to stay at the Periculum since it was to dangerous for soul entanglement because of the presence of the many demons at the time. The souls of Soul Searchers who tried to entangle were cruelly destroyed, one after another. The Elite then imposed a temporary stop on the soul entanglement. That seems terrible to me. Then you are finally on the list with the Selected and then it's forbidden to entangle your soul.

During that time, Mom and Dad fell in love with each other. They had a child: me. When I was two years old, the Elite gave permission to take up the soul entanglement again. My parents then applied for a postponement so that they could raise me. They wanted to wait until my thirteenth, but the Elite gave them a postponement for only five years, so until I was seven. I remember how hard I cried when the day came they both would disappear out of my life forever. I've screamed and begged, but the life of a Soul Searcher is hard. I definitely learned that in the meantime. Our needs are secondary to the needs of the Lost Soul. Once we entangled ourselves with a Lost Soul, we are expected to give up all our own interests and concerns. It's something we've been taught from an early age: don't have any hobbies, you'll only make things more difficult to yourself once you have to entangle your soul.

That's also why there are high penalties for complaining about a school subject that you don't like, such as being grounded for a month, being forced to work intensively on that school subject for two weeks in your spare time and worst of all: being excluded from the next selection. If you are hating on a school subject you are not ready for soul entanglement, as Mrs. Milligan would say. You're supposed to be adapting to the interests of the Lost Soul you are entwined with and until then, you should enjoy everything equally.

Before we were thirteen, we were allowed to do some fun things sometimes, but not after that. Having a hobby is something for kids, just like playing with dolls or building something with blocks. As soon as Soul Searchers become thirteen, they are expected to grow up.

So when Mrs. Milligan caught me with a brush and a bottle of paint in my hand when I was thirteen, she kicked and burned all the canvases I'd made so far. Since then there has been a constant void that I can't seem to fill. The desire to be allowed to entangle with a Lost Soul therefore only increased. I hope I can fill the void with that.

"Auria Hope?" The low voice of one of the guards brings me back to the here and now. I turn around. I look at the man, who is wearing a blue jeans and a white blouse, in surprise. To be honest, I'd expected the guards to be dressed all in black wearing sunglasses and an in-ear to communicate with each other over a long distance.

"Yes, that's me."

"I understood you came here to visit your parents?" His voice sounds a lot friendlier than the voices of the teachers a few floors below. Would I end up just like him? Like a security guard? I'm getting nauseous at that thought. I want to operate outside the Periculum. Would that be allowed by the Elite? "Hello?"

"Yes, that's right." I quickly add an awkward apology. Ever since I woke up in the infirmary, my mind has been off. It's hard for me to process everything the headmistress has said. I instantly went from being the worst student to being one of the Chosen Ones with an important task. It feels so unreal.

"And what are the names of your parents?"

"Stefan and Janine Hope." Somehow it feels weird to say their names out loud again after so many years. On the other side, it's a relieve, like I thereby confirm their existence. They are still here. They aren't dead. They're just not here anymore. They no longer live in their own bodies.

"Follow me."

With every step we're coming closer, I start to doubt more. Is this the right thing to do? After I heard the incredible news from Mrs. Milligan, it seemed to be a good idea to go see my parents just one more time, before they would disappear out of my life for good. It seemed nice to share the good news woth them, even though they wouldn't be able to hear me. They would never know what their daughter had achieved. Achieved... Is that the right word for this? In the end, I was born as a Chosen One. I couldn't just work really hard for it. Maybe I'm not as great as Mrs. Milligan wanted me to believe. I've just been lucky.

"Auria!"

I look up startled. The face of the previously friendly man now looks angry. "You have to be on the alert, in order to entry this room. This is a beloved place for demons to attack us. If you see anything unusual, you have to be able to report that to us immediately and you can't do that if your mind is somewhere else."

I bow my head. Ashamed, I look at the ground. See? I'm not that great at all. "I'm sorry, sir," I say in a low voice.

"Good." The man draws out a thick bunch of keys. So many keys... Are there even that many doors in the Periculum? What could all those keys be for? Stop, Auria! Focus, I tell myself. The man opens the door. "You have fifteen minutes."

A little unaccustomed, I go inside. This room looks very different from the class rooms at the other floors. Here, both the ceiling and the walls are made of glass, allowing a lot of light to enter the room. It gives a cozy atmosphere and it almost makes me forget what is waiting for me here. My throat tightens as I walk closer to the bed at the end of the room. I stare at the blue sky. There is no sign of last night's summer storm. I look in front of me again and there they are, in the bed, still wearing the exact same clothes as when I last saw them. Even before that evening, daddy would entangle his soul with the Lost Soul of a newborn boy, who had a congenital heart defect that would immediately kill him without the help of my Dad's soul. The next day, Mom intertwined her soul with an eight-year-old girl who had an acute liver inflammation.

I look at my parents. They lie hand in hand. It looks like they're asleep. Somehow I'd expected their skin to be grey. "It's actually pretty weird, huh?" I say a little unaccustomed to their bodies. "This is a beloved place for demons and still they have chosen to make the ceiling of glass. Or would they do that so they can see the demons coming?" My voice sounds low and scratchy. I kneel next to the bed and decide to continue in a whisper. "Today something weird has happened while practicing the Adoption. I fought off a demon." I laugh. "Yes, me. I still can't believe it either. Starting next week I will receive special training to learn to fight the demons. I'll learn how to kill them." I'm shocked at how terrible that word sounds. "Kill," I murmur. I let the letters roll over my lips one by one and taste the sounds with my tongue. It tastes bitter. I don't want to be a murderer. "Even though it's all new and scary, I'm really looking forward to it. My chances of finally getting out of here have never been this big. And maybe..." The hopeful flame flares up inside me. "Just maybe, if we're lucky, we'll meet by chance. And I know that you aren't allowed to say something to me if that happens, because you can't let your needs and interests intertwine with the needs and interests of the Lost Soul, but I will recognize you." There are tears in my eyes. Would I actually be able to recognize them? How can I recognize them if they're not allowed to come to the foreground? "I'll sense you." I turn up my nose, sniffling. "And maybe the three of us can finally be together again." I sob and let the tears flow down my cheeks. I've bottled them up long enough. "Together. And together we can become happy. And I will protect you from the demons and you will protect me from loneliness. We will never be alone again, we will be together forever. Together we are strong."

I let myself fall down against the bed and hide my face in my mother's dress. And the answer is yes: that dress gets as soaked by my tears as the towel got soaked by the cold water.