"LOVE is the beginning and end of everything"

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Zulai:

As I walked leisurely along the street, I couldn't stop admiring the morning sun as it compasses the sky in its full glory.

I was enjoying my peaceful walk when I found myself thinking about how I am going to be able to be okey with the fact that balarabe is going to be my new suitor and maybe my future husband.

Before you know it, the news about our supposed match making has spread like wild fire And I haven't even said yes yet.

Balarabe seemed okey with the whole thing, I am the one making a big deal out of it.

When I finally decided to let them know what I think, I declined the proposal and it came with consequences plus everyone has something to say.

More than half of my relatives were pissed at me and the other half are in different to whatever decision I have made because I am the one that is making a life time choice.

Over time, Balarabe developed strong feelings for me. He officially asked for permission to start courting me, And it was granted to him.

He is relentless in his efforts to winning my heart, He has always been a patient and relentless taskmaster

He is always being nice to me and always there for me even after the rejection. His kindness knows no bound and his understanding has no limit. It's pretty impressive for a man of his statue, a man every woman would kill to have.

He never got angry when I say rude things or leave him waiting for me for hours. I wanted him to fight with me so that I can get a valid reason for breaking up with him, but he gave me none. He was as calm and nice as always. I felt sorry for him, much more than I wanted to admit

Deep inside me, I know that I do not hate Balarabe. I am just afraid to fall in love again, and I am stuck between "I don't wanna feel that type of hurt again" and "i wanna feel that type of love again"

"Zuli babe" A voice called out

I jolted out of my day dream when I heard that familiar voice, There is only one person that calls me that. I remembered the way I get goosebumps all over my body whenever he calls my name.

It's the boy with the million dollar smile "Ayuba"

He has always been that one person that knows the different shades of me.

He lightened up my mood immediately, I've always had a soft spot for Ayuba. Maybe it's the way he talks, his wicked boyish smile and his perspective on life. Or The way he treats everything like a joke and the way he makes me laugh even on my dark days.

Ayuba is the boy whose eyes showed me that the past, present and future were all the same thing.

For once, I want to talk again, just like old times. But first, I would like to know why he decided to ruin our beautiful friendship.

We started out as friends, then we became best friends and then Ayuba wanted more. He wanted to be more than just friends because he has fallen head over heels for me. Even though I am a lot older than him, he did not just care.

I told him he's too young, and that I only see him as a brother and a friend, which is not a lie. We better keep it that way, for Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend like him. I specifically told him

After all, what is love? it's happiness they tell me. But love doesn't bring and never has brought happiness. On the contrary, it's a constant state of anxiety, a battlefield, it's sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we're doing the right thing. Real love is composed of ecstasy and agony. I'd rather keep Ayuba as a friend than a lover.

Ayuba didn't take it well, he was mad at me.

"What is a friend? He asked me

"A single soul dwelling in two bodies" he answered himself while I remained silent, maintaining my decision.

He ran back home, after soaking his shirt with tears. He emptied a bottle of kerosene in his stomach in a desperate attempt to take his own life. His mother found him laying on the floor half dead.

Ayuba fell in love at the time when his young tender heart was not ready to bear the burden of love and its consequences

Thankfully, Ayuba's life was saved. But after that incident, his mother sent him away to a boys boarding school and she never let him say goodbye to me because she thought of me as her mortal enemy and a bad influence to Ayuba.

Here he is, standing before me after a year or so, It all seem like a dream. I wanted to say something, maybe tell him how much I've missed him, but I couldn't find my words. I just stood there staring at him, filled with a mixture of emotions.

"Put a smile on that face, Zulai. You're unique, Easily as unique as I am." He said, breaking the silence.

"Two freaks in a pod, eh?" His head tilted, amused.

"Wouldn't have it any other way" I said

When I looked into his eyes, I see the way he's always searching. How much he hates anything fake or phony. How he's acting older than his years, but still playful, like a little boy. How he's always looking into people, or wondering what they see when they look back at him. His eyes, It's all in the eyes.

"Did you really want to die?" I asked him

"No one commits suicide because they want to die." He answered

"Then why did you do it?" I asked

"Because I wanted to stop the pain" he replied

"You're a selfish person" I said while tears flooded my delicate eyes

And he suddenly knew that if he had killed himself, i would also die. Maybe not immediately, maybe not with the same blinding rush of pain, but it would happen. I wouldn't be able to live for very long without a heart.

"Do you know that People have been whispering, saying all sorts of things about you" I told him

"Let them think what they like, I do not care. I didn't mean to drown myself, I meant to swim till I sank. And that's not the same thing. He said

"Why is it seen as insane when a fighter, under an attack that will inevitable lead to his death, chooses to take his own life first?" He asked

"I knew the answer, but I couldn't dare say it to his face"

"I cared about you, you know" I said, looking down at my feet.

"Sure you cared, just not enough" he replied, with a sad face

"I never meant to hurt you or anybody else, so please forgive me, Just try. And Find yourself a better friend" I said

"You know I can never find a better friend, but I'll try. And I'm so sorry for disappointing you. He said

"Good, apology accepted" I said, with a wide smile on my face

"How are you? Like sincerely" he asked

"I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine, but I'm here." I said

"Is there something wrong with that?" I asked

"Absolutely not" he replied

"Gosh I have missed you, I missed having you around. I missed the way we took pleasure in small things, even as greater things crumbled. We could not control the world we were in, we could not walk away from things or people or moments that hurt, but we both took joy in the things that made us foolishly happy". Ayuba said, with a hint of regret in his voice.

"I do miss those days too" I said and we laughed to that.

I was really starting to enjoy myself and our little reunion with Ayuba when Talatu our maid came looking for me, she said something terrible has happened.

We quickly said our goodbyes and I hurried back home.

When we reached home, I recieved the terrible news of my cousin's demise. He is balarabe's brother, the brother that's been living abroad and has sworn never to return to his homeland.

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