Chapter 41: Get Back Up

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Song: "Get Back Up" by TobyMac

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I woke up close to dinner time, the second day in a row that I'd slept the day away. I could tell Harry was cooking something and my stomach growled again, almost to the point of nausea. I threw on my bathrobe and wandered out to the kitchen. "Smells good," I said faintly.

"Oh, hey sweetie, sit down," he came over and led me to the table. "I'm making chicken noodle soup. That's the best cure for sickness, right?" He said. I could tell he was on edge. Nothing was resolved between us, but he was concerned for me and I was starving.

"It smells wonderful," I told him. "But I honestly feel just a little nauseous. We bought saltines, right?" He hummed a yes and brought me the box of crackers and a glass of juice. I opened the crackers and annihilated half a sleeve before he even looked at me again.

"Do you feel better now?" He teased, noticing the mess of crumbs in front of me.

"Shut up," I mumbled, but my small smile told him I was kidding. I watched him as he added herbs to the soup, humming a soft tune while he worked. How could I be so angry at someone and so hurt, but yet still love him so much? "We should talk," I said softly.

He turned to face me and said, "Of course we should. When you're ready. Your mum is coming after dinner to spend the night because I wasn't sure if you still wanted your space. From me, I mean." He glanced up at me but I just gave him a tepid smile. "She said she's free for the weekend if you need her here or if you want to go back home with her. I have something planned for tonight, but I'll be ready to talk when you're up for it, okay? Maybe if you're feeling better tomorrow?"

"Sure," I said, happy that we weren't yelling at each other.

The chicken soup was a hit, along with more crackers. If I wasn't careful, I'd be outgrowing my favorite jeans with all this heartache and sickness business. That part didn't make sense to me - if I had a stomach bug, I surely wouldn't have an appetite, but if I had influenza, I'd likely have a fever and cold symptoms, right? In any case, something was off and the soup was the perfect remedy.

Mom arrived shortly after dinner with my things, as well as a bag packed for herself. Harry got ready to leave quickly and pulled me aside before he left. "Do you want me to stay away? For the night? Or the weekend? I can just get a hotel room or-"

"No," I said, waving him off. "Just come back here. We'll talk soon."

He looked relieved and nodded warmly, although I knew he still wanted more assurance that I wasn't going to end things between us. "I love you, you know," he said.

"I love you, too," I said and he kissed my forehead before he left.

Mom had brought more ice cream and we cuddled up together on the couch. She knew me so well. And seriously, as soon as I got my energy back, I was going to need to take a run, even if I despised exercise of any kind. Except yoga, but something told me yoga wasn't going to burn off all this junk food.

"You want to know what's weird?" I mused.

"What's that?" Mom asked, mouth full of Death by Chocolate.

"I didn't have any dreams about Cathryn here at my place until Harry moved in. Before that, I only dreamt about her at Harry's house."

"Hmmm," she said, seeming to mull over my question. "You know, I've heard of spirits being attached to objects. Sounds kind of kooky, right? But maybe there's something spiritual about this locket."

"Okay, now that sounds crazy," I laughed, scooping more chocolate ice cream into my own mouth.

"Well, it's not something they teach in Sunday school," she laughed. "But seriously, I'm sure there are things that go on in the spiritual realm that we don't understand."

"So, if there is any truth to that idea, does that mean Cathryn's just going to hang around and give us input on our lives once in a while?" I started laughing at the thought and Mom did, too.

Then she shocked the living daylights out of me by saying, "What if she watches you having sex?!"

"Mother!" I squealed and gawked at her in disbelief.

"What?" She shrugged. "I'm not stupid, Regan. I know you love each other. Besides he's hot."

I screamed even louder. "Mom! Oh my god!" I covered my face with my hands.

She dissolved into a fit of laughter. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to embarrass you."

"Sheesh," I giggled. "What has gotten into you?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "Just hanging out with my girl. Trying to make you feel better. Having some laughs."

"At my expense," I reminded her with a giggle.

After ice cream and a good amount of laughter, I was ready to sleep again. I felt a good bit better, physically and emotionally, and I hoped that the following morning, I would be able to get up and go to work. When Harry climbed into bed much later, I awoke enough to know he was there but that he didn't move to hold me. My memory flashed to him begging me not to let this be the end when I walked out on him. The look in his eyes was heartbreaking, and my heart felt like it would break merely at the memory. I hadn't planned on coming back here so soon but here I was and I hated being at odds with him.

I knew I deserved an explanation and I didn't want to be fooled into trusting him over and over again if he was just going to jerk me around. Somewhere deep inside, I believed that it wasn't his intention to hurt me; I just hoped I wasn't being naive about the whole thing. Without a another thought, I moved over to him and snuggled into his side. I whispered, "Even though we still have a lot to talk about, I want us to work things out."

He responded by enveloping me with his arms and even his legs, squeezing tightly and kissing my forehead.

When I woke up to my alarm Friday morning, I assessed my physical state. I still felt tired, although maybe not quite as exhausted as I had been. Perhaps the mystery illness was coming to an end. But apparently I stood up too quickly because as soon as I did, I felt a wave of dizziness, following by another bout of nausea. I made it to the bathroom just in time.

Harry was behind me as I finished throwing up. When I stood up to wash my face and rinse my mouth, he looked at me sadly. "Still sick, huh?"

"Yeah," I grumbled. "What the hell? I never get sick like this."

"You're run down and things have been stressful on and off between us. Plus, it's just the season for cold and flu."

I walked back to the bedroom and sat dejectedly on the edge of the bed. "I hate missing so much work," I whined.

"I know, but you need to rest. Do you want me to get you some breakfast or do you just want to sleep some more?"

"I guess I'll take advantage of the sleep for now. I should call Gabby first, though."

"Do what you need to do," he said, stroking my hair as I pulled the covers over me again. "I'll see you when you wake up."

"Thanks, Harry."

"You're welcome, my sweet."

I called Gabby and left a voicemail on her phone. Then I fell back to sleep quite easily, but this time, my sleep was deep and torturous. I kept dreaming about Cathryn talking to me, but I couldn't quite understand what she was saying, and try as I might, I just couldn't force myself to open my eyes and wake up so I could listen properly. The cycle repeated itself over and over again until I was sure I had slept the entire day away once again. Finally, some of Cathryn's words were comprehensible, but still muddled in between.

"I'm so glad he found you, Regan."

"Take care of him for me."

"Good-bye."

Even though I wished I could carry on a normal conversation with her, sleep held me hostage, never quite allowing me to rise to the surface. At last, I was startled fully awake by her placing her hand on my shoulder and saying, "Forgive him." My eyes flew open and found my mother sitting next to me on the bed with her hand on my arm.

"Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to scare you," she soothed.

"Did you wake me up?" I asked, still feeling disoriented, certain that I'd heard Cathryn's voice.

"I just wanted to tell you that Harry made some breakfast if you're hungry."

"Did you see anyone else in here?" I asked.

"No," she shook her head.

"I thought...oh, it's stupid."

"We've been over this," Mom said gently. "Nothing is stupid. Did you dream about her again?"

"I must have been in a really deep sleep. I kept hearing her say things to me, but I couldn't wake up enough to talk to her or even listen."

"You were sleeping pretty soundly," she said. "Maybe you have a fever?" She placed her hand on my forehead but she shook her head indicating that I wasn't warm.

"Who knows? Whatever is making me sick is playing weird games with my whole body."

"What did she say?" Mom asked.

"She said good-bye and then she told me to forgive him."

"Well, she's been right so far, hasn't she?" She remarked, and it was funny because she said it as naturally as if she'd been talking about my sister who was very much alive and well, and not about a deceased person.

"Yeah, I guess so," I smiled. I told Mom that I would get up in a few minutes but that she and Harry could go ahead and eat. I tried to wake myself up a little more before sitting up again, having learned my lesson from earlier. While I laid there, I thought about what my mom had said about people's spirits being attached to treasured objects. The dreams would make sense if that was the case. And then I had another crazy thought, but I was too curious now to stop questioning.

I opened my phone and typed into the search engine: Can a deceased person's spirit make you sick? I felt stupid even asking Google and vowed to erase my search history as soon as I had an answer, but at this point, I might believe just about anything. I could almost be convinced there was a connection since I'd been feeling ill almost the whole time since Harry moved in.

There were so many hits on my search, I couldn't even decide which one to open first. Finally, I decided on a blog from by a person who seemed fairly knowledgeable about such things and sure enough, there were all kinds of illnesses associated with a "spirit who is attached to this world." The top ones listed were lethargy, feeling exhausted, being exceptionally moody or irritable, nausea and vomiting. "Bingo," I mumbled to myself. Other things I read indicated that a spirit does not have to be malevolent for the person to feel physical symptoms; sometimes it's the mere presence of a spiritual being that is overwhelming.

Even reading the post and trying to give it some credence felt weird, but I filed it away as something to consider if my flu symptoms didn't clear up over the weekend. Another part of me wanted to smack myself over the head for being so gullible. I wasn't sure how Harry would take it if I said, "Now you have to get rid of that necklace because Cathryn's ghost is making me sick."

I got up and put on one of Harry's sweatshirts because of the chill in the apartment. I found Mom and Harry eating scrambled eggs and steak. I couldn't believe how good it smelled, and it tasted even better yet. Strangely, while I'd been feeling nauseous and fatigued, I still had an appetite for greasy things like this. It didn't make much sense, but I didn't care since steak and eggs went down really well.

Mom left after I assured her that I would be all right and Harry promised to look after me. I wanted to talk to him without anyone else around. After we said good-bye, Harry echoed my thoughts. "I guess we need to talk."

"Exactly."

I curled up on the sofa facing him and he spit it right out. "I gave the necklace back."

I gasped, "When?"

"Last night. After your mom got here. That's where I went."

Maybe that explained why I couldn't really connect with her in my dream this morning. And why she said good-bye.

"How do you feel about that?" I asked.

"Good, I think." He nodded eagerly but it sounded like he was still talking himself into it. "Mr. Metler threatened to call the cops."

"He did?!" I asked, letting my mouth drop open although, to be honest, it didn't surprise me all that much.

"Yeah, but Mrs. Metler talked him down since I was actually bringing the necklace back. I told them I found it in our keepsake box. I didn't exactly say when. I didn't want to come right out and lie but I also didn't want them to know the truth." He looked down at his fingers, one thumb running over the tiny cross tattoo on his other hand. "Is that bad?"

"You brought it back," I said, placing my hand on top of both of his. "I think that's what matters most. I just hope you're not too upset."

"It was strange because holding on to it made me feel so close to her. But when I finally let it go, I felt peaceful and I knew I didn't need that piece of her to keep me strong. I'll always have her in my heart," he said. "And now I have you."

"The truth is, Harry, that you don't need anyone to make you strong. You already had that strength inside of you. Maybe we just helped you find it," I said. "But in case there's any lingering doubt, of course you still have me. Cathryn and I worked it out and I think we're all good."

"What?" He laughed, looking at me like I was actually a little crazy this time.

"She said good-bye this morning when I went back to sleep. It was a little fuzzy but that's probably because you brought the necklace back."

He crinkled his brow and looked very confused.

"I know it's stupid, but Mom and I talked about it last night and I looked up some things online, too. The spirit of a deceased person can remain attached to a particularly meaningful object. This might be way out in left field, but maybe you felt like she was so close because her spirit actually was close to you while you had that locket." He nodded, now listening as if nothing I was saying was out of the ordinary. "And that would explain why I only dreamt about her at your house. Until you moved her and brought the necklace with you."

"Wow, that actually makes sense, doesn't it?" He laughed shyly. "I mean, if we really believe such things."

"Don't we?" I challenged, tilting my head to the side.

He shrugged and grinned passively. "Maybe we do."

"Maybe?" I felt like there was still something he wasn't telling me.

"Fine," he said, smiling shyly. "I saw her in a dream, too. The night you went to your parents' house." Then came the tears. "She told me she loved me and that she loved you, too. She wanted me to know she was happy with the way I was moving on." A stifled sob came, but it was accompanied by happier tears. Relieved tears.

I moved to Harry and held him like I'd never held him before. "I'm glad you saw her, Harry." If it was possible for us to be closer to each other than ever before, then we were. "The last thing she told me was that I should forgive you."

"Really?" He asked. "Thank god for that. But I want you to know the reason I didn't tell you the truth about the locket."

"Okay."

"I knew that, ever since we admitted our feelings to each other, you had been battling this feeling of being second-best, and that was never the case. I never wanted you to be Cathryn 2.0." I giggled at that. "Of course I'll always miss her, but I wasn't just looking for a replacement. In fact, I wasn't looking for anyone at all. I never expected to fall in love again. Until I met you." I listened carefully, enjoying the hum of his voice that I could hear through his chest. "I was so torn about giving the necklace back, but I didn't want you to think I kept it because I loved her more than you, or that I wasn't over her enough to move forward with you. I'm sorry. It was stupid, I know."

I let his words sink in. It was very true that I'd been intimidated by the thought of her for much of our relationship, and I still struggled from time to time. "No, Harry," I said, squeezing him. "It's not stupid. That was actually very thoughtful. I completely understand why you kept it from me. I also thought that maybe you just wanted something that was only between you and her, and I wondered if I was being selfish to want to know everything."

"I don't think you're selfish. Besides, what really matters is in my heart for her and no one will ever understand that completely. Just like they'll never understand what I have in my heart for you and the love we share."

"Sooo, can I see what else is in the box?" I asked, smiling up at him with a cheesy grin.

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Another update - I couldn't help myself <3 Hope you enjoyed it.

OH, by the way, if you ever come to the Lansing area, you absolutely have to try Quality Dairy's Death By Chocolate ice cream. No other chocolate ice cream in the world comes close! That's what Regan & her mom were eating although they don't have QD stores in Detroit that I'm aware of. Guess her mom made a special trip to Lansing just to get some, lol

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